BRM Reviews the 5/26 Impact (we pretend wrestling mattters)

[Big Red Machine]

For the first time in WAY too long, Impact starts off WITH A MATCH!

STREET FIGHT: AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels vs. Bully Ray & Tommy Dreamer- 5/10 Too short

SCORPION SITDOWN- MORONIC! Anderson didn’t check that Disco would cooperate with him before SPENDING THE MONEY TO FLY HIM ACROSS THE COUNTRY? We certainly didn’t need a segment to tell us that Sting is a legend, and deserves respect, and Anderson doesn’t get any heat from beating up an obnoxious nobody.

EY & GUNNER SEGMENT- Good. EY is allowed to break kayfabe by using words like over because he is kayfabe insane.

VELVET-ODB SEGMENT- I have to agree with Velvet here. ODB saying that Velvet got her fired is such a ridiculous conclusion to leap to. And to say that Velvet slept her way to the top is just asinine because that would imply that Velvet has BEEN TO THE TOP. She has barely even had a SHOT at the Knockouts’ Title.
My favorite part of this silliness was ODB making fun of Velvet for having (supposedly) fake breasts. This coming from ODB, who had to rush a finish for a match because ONE OF HER IMPLANTS BURST! That is the sort of hypocritical silliness that… well… sadly enough, that I expect from Impact nowadays.

Has this company learned NOTHING? RVD vs. Angle should be a PPV MAIN EVENT! F*CKING SLAMMIVERSARY IS IN TWO WEEKS! This match should be ON PPV, where it can actually MAKE YOU MONEY!

BISCHOFF & BEER MONEY BACKSTAGE- Good. It established that the tag team titles might be stripped from Beer Money, and Bischoff making fun of James Storm was hilarious. And Bischoff does what James Storm can’t: Use Storm’s catchphrase in a way that makes sense.

MATT MORGAN vs. JEFF JARRETT (w/Karen Jarrett)- 4/10.

FOLEY, HOGAN, & BISCHOFF- Bischoff finally brings up the fact that The Network has nothing to do with PPV. Hey, Bischoff: If you knew this already… WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN LETTING THEM MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT PPV?! Foley’s rationale for why they are allowed to is weak, especially considering that this is TNA: a company which started and grew on PPV alone, without any TV. That was the whole experiment!
Kendrick then comes out and cuts a promo that makes no sense. He thinks it is unfair for Hogan to make Foley compete in an X-Division Title match against Abyss because Foley isn’t accustomed to an X-Division style? I’m pretty sure Abyss isn’t either. About as sure as I am that any match between Foley and Abyss will not be an X-Division style match.

MICKIE JAMES vs. WINTER (w/Angelina Love)- 3.75/10 Didn’t like the aftermath, either.

ABYSS PROMO- GREAT. I have no idea who attacked him, though (edit: apparently it was Kaz).

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Abyss(c) vs. Brian Kendrick- 4.75/10. ABYSS should not need to rely on the referee being in a bad position to beat ANYONE, never mind someone as small as Kendrick.

TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Gunner(c) vs. Eric Young- DUD! Dumb, and everyone saw it coming a mile away.

KURT ANGLE vs. ROB VAN DAM- 6.75/10. Just misses the necessary 7/10 for a main event.

Overall, this episode of Impact wasn’t very good. TNA continues to suffer from believing their own hype, and assuming that their fans are dumb enough to believe it, too. You can’t just say “wrestling matters” and it will matter all of a sudden. You have to do something to SHOW US that it matters. TNA has not done that yet. They are giving us the same four minute matches they always have. The main event wasn’t even ten minutes long!


Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Taz- “Anderson; he hoodwinked everybody last week, especially the Stinger.” Yeah, I don’t think ANYONE was fooled by Anderson last week. I mean, aside from Taz and Tenay.

2. Tenay should not be referring to Jeff Jarrett as “Big Daddy Jeff.”

3. Tenay says that the match at Slammiversary, which is for bragging rights, a TNA World Title shot, and Kurt’s Gold Medal, is the “most high-stakes of their series”- Ummm… what about the match for CUSTODY OF THEIR KIDS?!

4. Tenay (in response to Jarrett asking how Tenay could possibly cheer for someone who was trying to injure Karen, a mother of five)- “What are you talking about? We all thought that Chyna’s appearance at Sacrifice was the final factor in eliminating Karen Jarrett”- WHAT THE HELL KIND OF AN ANSWER IS THIS? Look at this answer in relation to Jarrett’s question: Tenay is basically saying “well, it’s okay because we thought it would injure her enough to completely get rid of her.” WTF? So if she were injured enough that she couldn’t show up to Impact, she would still be physically able to take care of five children on her own? That is moronic.

[KILLdozer]

For the first time in WAY too long, Impact starts off WITH A MATCH!


MICKIE JAMES vs. WINTER (w/Angelina Love)- 3.75/10 Didn’t like the aftermath, though.

yea,what happened to no emotion,i see what they tried to do with angelina freaking out cuz mickie hurt winter,,but angelina has never showed those kinds of warm caring feelings for winter that would be neccesary for her to freak out over this,if anything youd think winter would react like this when someone hurts angelina

[badnewzxl]

For the first time in WAY too long, Impact starts off WITH A MATCH!

STREET FIGHT: AJ Styles & Christopher Daniels vs. Bully Ray & Tommy Dreamer- 5/10 Too short

SCORPION SITDOWN- MORONIC! Anderson didn’t check that Disco would cooperate with him before SPENDING THE MONEY TO FLY HIM ACROSS THE COUNTRY? We certainly didn’t need a segment to tell us that Sting is a legend, and deserves respect, and Anderson doesn’t any heat from beating up an obnoxious nobody.

EY & GUNNER SEGMENT- Good. EY is allowed to break kayfabe by using words like over because he is kayfabe insane.

VELVET-ODB SEGMENT- I have to agree with Velvet here. ODB saying that Velvet got her fired is such a ridiculous conclusion to leap to. And to say that Velvet slept her way to the top is just asinine because that would imply that Velvet has BEEN TO THE TOP. She has barely even had a SHOT at the Knockouts’ Title.
My favorite part of this silliness was ODB making fun of Velvet for having (supposedly) fake breasts. This coming from ODB, who had to rush a finish for a match because ONE OF HER IPLANTS BURST! That is the sort of hypocritical silliness that… well… sadly enough, that I expect from Impact nowadays.

Has this company learned NOTHING? RVD vs. Angle should be a PPV MAIN EVENT! F*CKING SLAMMIVERSARY IS IN TWO WEEKS! This match should be ON PPV, where it can actually MAKE YOU MONEY!

BISCHOFF & BEER MONEY- Good. It established that the tag team titles might be stripped from Beer Money, and Bischoff making fun of James Storm was hilarious. And Bischoff does what James Storm can’t: Use Storm’s catchphrase in a way that makes sense.

MATT MORGAN vs. JEFF JARRETT (w/Karen Angle)- 4/10.

FOLEY, HOGAN & BISCHOFF- Bischoff finally brings up the fact that The Network has nothing to do with PPV. Hey, Bischoff: If you knew this already… WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN LETTING THEM MAKE DECISIONS ABOUT PPV?! Foley’s rationale for why they are allowed to is weak, especially considering that this is TNA: a company which started and grew on PPV alone, without any TV. That was the whole experiment!
Kendrick then comes out and cuts a promo that makes no sense. He thinks it is unfair for Hogan to make Foley compete in an X-Division Title match against Abyss because Foley isn’t accustomed to an X-Division style? I’m pretty sure Abyss isn’t either. About as sure as I am that any match between Foley and Abyss will not be an X-Division style match.

MICKIE JAMES vs. WINTER (w/Angelina Love)- 3.75/10 Didn’t like the aftermath, though.

ABYSS PROMO- GREAT. I have no idea who attacked him, though (edit: apparently it was Kaz).

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Abyss(c) vs. Brian Kendrick- 4.75/10. ABYSS should not need to rely on the referee being in a bad position to beat ANYONE, never mind someone as small as Kendrick.

TNA TV TITLE MATCH: Gunner(c) vs. Eric Young- DUD! Dumb, and everyone saw it coming a mile away.

KURT ANGLE vs. ROB VAN DAM- 6.75/10. Just misses the necessary 7/10 for a main event.

Overall, this episode of Impact wasn’t very good. TNA continues to suffer from believing their own hype, and assuming that their fans are dumb enough to believe it, too. You can’t just say “wrestling matters” and it will matter all of a sudden. You have to do something to SHOW US that it matters. TNA has not done that yet. They are giving us the same four minute matches they always have. The main event wasn’t even ten minutes long!

I have to actually agree with most of what you said here, but there are a few things I disagree with you on:

1. I liked the Scorpion Sitdown. Anderson prolly knew Disco wouldn't come if he told him before hand he'd just be burying Sting; but maybe if he put him on the spot Disco would just follow Anderson's lead (exactly what an asshole would do: not let their guest know what they were getting in to before the party!). I'm really liking Anderson's Sting impersonation too; very subtle, but very good and funny. Lastly, I may be the only person who LOVES Disco Inferno, so I was pretty hyped about this, lol.

2. The things you called ODB out on are things that are TOTALLY part of her character; she's always made hypocritical claims about the other KOs (remember the interview before the KO's Battle Royal at BFG when the crowned the first KO's champ? Claiming she's a woman, but she doesn't know what Angelina is? And she CONSTANTLY calls the other KO's whores and what not.) She just has a TOTALLY different concept of how a lady is spose to be. Velvet IS the top KO, despite never winning the title; notice how she is featured in major storylines even more than Mickie. And of course ODB blames Velvet for her being released; in ODB's mind, a girl like Velvet would DEF do something like that to her. Real ppl don't sit down and contemplate the facts as though they're gonna write a thesis on the incident; they react on their prejudices.

3. I get your point about TNA starting with only PPV's, but Hogan & Bischof wouldn't have brought that up bc those two would never give a damn about a company who only has mainstream PPV exposure and no TV (look at how they view ROH). To Hogan & Bischof, TV is everything (DEF more important than those shitty PPV's they've been crapping out this year), so Foley's statement did more to shut them up than make a great point. I agree with you though, and I think that this has been the problem with TNA since they went to SPIKE: they don't appreciate the things that catapulted them where they are, instead they constantly (and most times wrongfully) act as though they know what will make them a bigger company.

4. Agree about the Abyss match also, but I think it was obvious after his lil post match promo that Abyss knew he didn't HAVE to cheat to win; but the influence of Immortal made the option a good one for him. I have to disagree with you about Abyss not being accustomed to X Division style matches; he's been with the company since the beginning and has fought countless X Division stars (most notably, AJ STYLES, a ridiculous amount of times).

5. I liked the EY thing; def not a dud. EY just outsmarted Gunner, I say that's good stuff!

6. I would have given that match at least a 7....if Karen & Jeff weren't doing commentary!

[cero2k]

3. Tenay says that the match at Slammiversary, which is for bragging rights, a TNA World Title shot, and Kurt’s Gold Medal, is the “most high-stakes of their series”- Ummm… what about the match for CUSTODY OF THEIR KIDS?!

custody smushtody, screw the kids, there's a title shot in the line!!!

[womenwrestlerfan]

I thought it was pretty good, but I'm no fan of ODB, but she does have a point about Velvet Skye though and it's a good thing that I watch IMPACT on TR3s' to hear Spanish Commentary b/c I'd rather listen to someone other than Mike Tenay

[Rabid619]

I'd rather listen to someone other than Mike Tenay

We may not agree on many things but i agree with you here. He's an idiot.....

[womenwrestlerfan]

I'd rather listen to someone other than Mike Tenay

We may not agree on many things but i agree with you here. He's an idiot.....

Same here, I'd rather bring back Tony Schiavone or someone else, anyone but Don West and/or Mark Madden

[Big Red Machine]

I'd rather listen to someone other than Mike Tenay

We may not agree on many things but i agree with you here. He's an idiot.....

Same here, I'd rather bring back Tony Schiavone or someone else, anyone but Don West and/or Mark Madden

Why does everyone hate on Don West so much? I enjoyed him a lot once he turned heel.

[womenwrestlerfan]

Why does everyone hate on Don West so much? I enjoyed him a lot once he turned heel.

He's still God Awful and he's the Mark Madden of TNA

When I watched the last 2 PPV's with him as heel (Victory Road and Hard Justice) I muted my TV the whole time so I won't have to here his Big Fat Mouth (just like I do Michael Cole when he was heel)

Doesn't feel good to have a Remote Control in your hand?

[Rabid619]

Why does everyone hate on Don West so much? I enjoyed him a lot once he turned heel.

He was part of what drew me into TNA. Not as much as the wrestling but him on commentary wasnt bad. He was unique for me at that time, still is kind of.

[Shogun Rua]

Do you think Tenay just comes up with things to say on the spot? That would explain why he sounds like an idiot most of the time.

[Big Red Machine]

Do you think Tenay just comes up with things to say on the spot? That would explain why he sounds like an idiot most of the time.

I assume that he does. Being totally scripted as an announcer would be terrible. It would take the emotion out of everything. If I were an announcer, I would stay as spoiler-free as possible. I would want to be in the dark about everything.


Either way, though, that is no excuse for sounding like an idiot. Plenty of other announcers manage to do it without sounding like morons (Lawler, Leonny Leonard, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Kevin Kelly, etc.). Tenay himself managed to do it in WCW.

[womenwrestlerfan]

Do you think Tenay just comes up with things to say on the spot? That would explain why he sounds like an idiot most of the time.

I assume that he does. Being totally scripted as an announcer would be terrible. It would take the emotion out of everything. If I were an announcer, I would stay as spoiler-free as possible. I would want to be in the dark about everything.


Either way, though, that is no excuse for sounding like an idiot. Plenty of other announcers manage to do it without sounding like morons (Lawler, Leonny Leonard, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Kevin Kelly, etc.). Tenay himself managed to do it in WCW.

Well to each our own, but NO ONE can TOP Gordon Solie (not even Michael Cole)

I think TNA needs NEW Announcers, IMO

I'll post that in another topic

[badnewzxl]

Do you think Tenay just comes up with things to say on the spot? That would explain why he sounds like an idiot most of the time.

I assume that he does. Being totally scripted as an announcer would be terrible. It would take the emotion out of everything. If I were an announcer, I would stay as spoiler-free as possible. I would want to be in the dark about everything.


Either way, though, that is no excuse for sounding like an idiot. Plenty of other announcers manage to do it without sounding like morons (Lawler, Leonny Leonard, Michael Cole, Josh Matthews, Kevin Kelly, etc.). Tenay himself managed to do it in WCW.

I don't know; I'm sure we've all seen the botchomania that shows Tenay & West yelling as though gripped by the action, while they're heads are down reading from their script! =)) =))