BRM Review the 3/24/2011 Impact (are they trying to suck?)

[Big Red Machine]

MR. ANDERSON & PROFESSOR SEGMENT- STUPID WASTE OF TIME! This wasn't that funny, and made very little sense. Why the hell would this professor come all the way from Green Bay to Orlando? Because a student he didn't like asked him to? Not likely.

HOGAN & BISCHOFF COME OUT- Just when I thought this couldn't get any worse, it added two terrible promos and complete and total lack of logic and knowledge to the aforementioned stupidity.
There are a few areas where kayfabe and reality are one and the same. One of these is all things having to do with "TNA iMPACT" the TV show, and the ways in which it relates to its network. Things like commercial sponsorships, timelsot, and ratings. Why is the network so concerned with ratings all of a sudden? And why are they exerting so much control?
Why would the network care about one grown man attacking another grown man who had been one of his teachers about fifteen years ago and consider THAT to be being a bad role model, but not be at all concerned about the actions of the other wrestlers on the show? Guys jump each other from behind and attack security guards and authority figures!

How the hell did Dixie Carter sign Anderson's rematch contract. She has not had any legal authority in TNA since early October! Anderson was champion in January and February!
And if it was signed by Dixie Carter and Dixie did have some sort of Authority until March 3rd (as Tenay would later indicate is the case)... then it should still be legally binding (meaning that Hogan can't just ignore it)! A change of ownership doesn't automatically invalidate a contract signed with the previous owners! Between this stupidity and the whole thing with the "Judge in Texas" (which they had to keep pointing out), it is clear that no one in TNA knows a damn thing about case law in the United States!

RVD COMES OUT- After TWENTY painfully bad minutes, RVD manages to salvage some of this with a great promo.
For those of you wondering, I have no problem with RVD mentioning Russo's name as someone who works for TNA. It is just like the few times that Gabe was mentioned in ROH. It was clear that he was someone who works behind the scenes for the company and has some kayfabe authority that the wrestlers know about, but the fans don't. That doesn't break kayfabe in any way.

THEN STING COMES OUT- and we devolve into stupidity again. In the ten minutes since the match has been made, the network decided that they wanted to change it... so rather than call Hogan and Bischoff (you know... the guys who kayfabe run the show), they just call the talent and tell them about the change? Really?

MICKIE JAMES vs. TARA- 2.5/10. Really good for a THREE MINUTE MATCH!

Did we really need to see THE ENTIRE replay of Pope torturing Okada? We only needed a few seconds of it to understand what was going on. We want to watch THIS week's Impact, not last week's!

Penzer says "Okada," but Taz and Tenay keep saying "Okato" someone is messing up... which just shows you how dumb this gimmick is.
POPE vs. OKATO- 4/10. Pope took off some of his pads and hit Okato with those. WHY? They are padded. Hence the names: PADS! Wouldn't it hurt him a lot more to... I don't know... PUNCH HIM?
YET AGAIN, Okato gets an ass-kicking from Pope, and Joe shows up too late. For at like the fifth time in two months! The bookers in TNA have NO creativity AT ALL. They did this with the Knockouts brawling in the back, too. Don't show us THE SAME EXACT SEGMENT EVERY F*CKING WEEK!

RVD & HOGAN BACKSTAGE- Dumb and pointless. EVERYONE knows that Hogan was lying to RVD- Rob included!- because his statement to RVD DIRECTLY CONTRADICTS what was said in the opening segment, which Rob was obviously paying attention to, because he heard Anderson's comments about him.

FLAIR'S CHALLENGE TO FORTUNE- Matt Hardy's promo made no sense. What road was he going to stop them from going down? Bubba's wasn't much better. "The four of us vs. the three of you"- um... Bubba? There are only three of you. You, Matt, & Flair.
And why the hell was Abyss hiding under the ring? If it was intended to be an ambush, why did he wait so damn long to come out and make the save for Matt, Bubba, & Flair?

ABYSS PROMO- Did Crimson get retconned out while I wasn't paying attention or something? He was the one who took Abyss out, not Fortune!

HERNANDEZ PROMO- Obviously Hernandez hasn't done his research. The majority of the American population is white, not hispanic. "Numbers don't lie," Sarita said. Which makes everyone in this group look like morons. And if you are "taking our women" why is it that there are no white women with you, only Mexicans (kayfabe Mexicans, anyway).
And really, TNA? A RACE ANGLE? All that you can think to do with the (kayfabe) Mexicans is a RACE ANGLE? And you REALLY had them say the words "we are the superior race"? You'd think that "the network" would have a problem with this, making Hogan and Bischoff come down to tell them off... but no. Because consistency doesn't exist in TNA, because the bookers are MORONS!
And the new guys is named "Anarchy"? WHY? IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
Oh. And if there is one thing that could have made this angle come off any worse, it was Taz following up Sarita's comments by saying "I don't know what she said... but it sounded hot!"

STREET FIGHT: Matt Morgan & Devon vs. Hernandez & Anarchia (w/Sarita & Rosita)- 3/10. Crappy, with the exception of the Angelina-Winter-Velvet stuff. Anarchia gets the win on Devon with a brass knuckles shot. If he had the brass knuckles with him, and was anticipating a street fight... why didn't he put them on before? Yes, Anarchia should have gone over Devon, but he should have done so CLEANLY!

INK INC. vs. CRIMSON & SCOTT STEINER- 4.25/10. Too short.
FINALLY Crimson returns to TV! They made him look so important with this whole "They" sh*t... then don't have him on TV for a month and a half? WTF?

#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE (w/Sting as Special Guest Enforcer): RVD vs. Mr. Anderson- 6/10
Would have been good (not acceptable as a main event, but would have been given a "No Rating") if they didn't do this in such a horribly stupid way. On whose authority did the timekeeper ring the bell for the DQ? It certainly wasn't Sting's, since he was too busy fighting with Anderson. I loved the way Anderson took RVD out... but I have to sympathize with Anderson here. STING SHOULD HAVE BEEN COUNTING RVD OUT!

RVD has a kayfabe concussion. Or, knowing Russo, maybe amnesia.

Sting says that he doesn't know who rung the bell. Wild guess here: how about the timekeeper... you know... THE GUY WHOSE JOB IT IS TO RING THE BELL? Maybe it was him?

Wow. It's like they are trying to suck on purpose. This was even worse than Raw this week!

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- "Ever since the verdict was announced on March the 3rd, Hulk Hogan- the legal victory over TNA President Dixie Carter in the courtroom- Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff; they have had the power. Immortal is in charge here in TNA."
Will there ever be a week where Tenay DOESN'T say this? Anyone watching this moronic show has clearly been watching it before... and anyone new would easily figure out from the context in a few seconds that these two men have authority on this show.

2. Taz- "Speaking of the Whole F'N Show... here comes the whole F'N TNA Champ, the Stinger"- Really? The "whole F'N TNA Champ?" As opposed to what? Sting without his right leg?

3. Tenay- "The network loves ratings"- Obviously not, or they would have kicked Impact off a long time ago. *ZING!*

4. Tenay- "It's Mike Tenay and Taz welcoming you to Impact"- I would be fine with this quote, were it not already MORE THAN TWENTY MINUTES INTO THE SHOW!

5. Taz thinks that it is not okay for Joe and Okada to document Pope's fraud and expose it to people. So Taz according to Taz, if you see a crime being committed, you shouldn't tell anyone.

6. Tenay talks up Steiner's tag team accomplishments, and asks if there is possibly anyone better for Crimson to team with in a tag team match. Going by Tenay's logic, both Devon and Bubba would have been better choices because they won more tag team tiles than Steiner. Once again, Tenay tries to be witty and winds up being an idiot.

7. Taz- "I think that Anderson should be feeling lucky that he didn't get disqualified for doing a Mic Check into the ringpost." Why? It's not illegal. What IS illegal, though, is the low blow he gave RVD right before that. Why didn't Taz mention that?

[Lynas]

A owernship change of ownership doens't automatically invalidate a contract signed with the previous owners!

This! They used this angle in the past when Hogan & Bischoff first arrived. Bischoff went up to Flair and said "I don't like you, but you signed a contract before we arrived & there's nothing we can do about it, so we're stuck with you."

So why can they do something about this contract? Fuck you TNA.

[yourcrapsweak]

My theory is this. If you're watching the show for the first time and you have no pevious knowledge of what angles are going on, you should be able to catch up while watching ONE show with little to no confusion. If it's impossible to explain or catch people up in one show, then YOU PROBABLY SHOULDN'T BE DOING IT.

[Big Red Machine]

More stupidity which was just pointed out to me: They stripped Abyss of the TV Title last week, only to ahve him return to TV this week? WTF?

[Lynas]

More stupidity which was just pointed out to me: They stripped Abyss of the TV Title last week, only to ahve him return to TV this week? WTF?

Because they're idiots.

and in taping terms... that means they stripped him, and he returned the next day to tapings. Which is even more ridiculous.

[badnewzxl]

Pope didn't take off pads; that was his boot he hit Okato with. I really liked the brutality Pope was showing in that match. And that was JB doing the ring announcing again; Taz said his name when he corrected him (but I feel ya; I'm still not sure what the guys name is....)

And you're dead on about the main event, although I like how they're continuing the RVD/Anderson/Sting thing. They all have a legit gripe about the belt and I think their match at Lockdown will be good.

The worst thing that's going on in TNA is that AJ is "injured" not too long after being out with an ACTUAL injury. I know he'll come back to be the fourth member for Fortune in Lethal Lockdown, but they could use him during the build up.

[Big Red Machine]

Pope didn't take off pads; that was his boot he hit Okato with.

No. They were pads on his knees. I watched this multitple times while trying to figure out what the hell they were.


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