BRM Reviews the 3/25/2023 Rampage (very bad)

[Big Red Machine]

AEW TNT TITLE MATCH: Will Hobbs(c) (w/Q.T.Marshall, Aaron Solo, & Harley Cameron) vs. Penta el 0M (w/Alex Abrahantes)- 5.25/10
Can someone please point out to Tony Schiavone that when he talks about how much he hates guys like Q.T. Marshall and MJF because they cheat, he only makes himself look like more of an asshole because he ignores Jamie Hayter and Britt Baker doing the same thing? Thanks.
At ringside, we got close-ups of Q.T. and of the blonde with exposed cleavage, but none of Aaron Solow.
I love that now that Hobbs’ push has kicked into gear, he can’t win clean. Some push.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- forced
The heels menaced Abrahantes, just to show us that they’re mean. Rey Fenix came out with a hammer to make the save. Where did he get a hammer that quickly? Was he just walking around with one?
Excalibur said that the hammer was “harkening back to his Death Triangle days.” Is Death Triangle not a thing anymore? When did they break up?

RECAP OF THE ELITE AND ADAM PAGE MATCH FROM THIS WEDNESDAY’S DYNAMITE- Does AEW really not understand the difference between “this Wednesday” and “last Wednesday?”
No follow-up at all on Kenny and Callis. Instead, they hyped up Kenny Omega defending the IWGP US Title against Jeff Cobb by showing us a promo Kenny cut challenging Cobb after winning the title. Unfortunately, their graphic got the date of the show wrong, and claimed Omega made the challenge before he ever won the belt that he was holding while cutting this promo. Oops.

RICKY STARKS CALLS OUT JUICE ROBINSON- terrible
He calls Juice Robinson out to fight. Why did he come out there in this street clothes if that was what he was going to do?
The man that Starks demanded come out here and fight him came out onto the stage… and instead of going to fight him, Ricky let him talk. Juice walked down to ringside, but then turned and walked back up the ramp. Ricky grabbed him and rolled him into the ring. Juice escaped out the other side of the ring… and Ricky just gave up trying to chase after him. Juice kept talking, continuing to sound like a goof the whole way. He’s not going to fight Ricky tonight or next week, because both shows are in Missouri, and he hates Missouri for no reason. Every time Juice is on TV, it makes me less of Tony Khan for hiring him. It must be so nice to have tens of thousands of dollars you can just piss away like that.

TEAM TNA COMPLAIN ABOUT OFFICIATING IN AEW- snore
And, of course, this ended with Sonjay Dutt laughing like a cartoon villain for no reason. I never want to see him again.

JAKE HAGER vs. BRODY KING (w/Julia Hart)- 6/10
It has been almost a year since Julia Hart turned heel, and that turn has yet to serve a narrative purpose in any storyline. Just saying.
Anna Jay made her return from being off of TV for several months with no explanation or even acknowledgement of her absence. She attacked Julia Hart from behind. Brodie won anyway. Everyone here is a heel and the House of Black have no real motive here, so I don’t understand what I’m supposed to care about.

SHANE STRICKLAND PROMO- good
He talked about brining in a new henchman to take out Keith Lee because Lee took out his previous henchmen. He had someone who I assume is a celebrity musical guest with him. This feud has lost a lot of steam lately, which is a real shame.

TAYA VALKYRIE vs. LEILA GREY (w/Mark Sterling & Jade Cargill)- squash

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- snore
Sterling got into the ring so that his clown ass could get beaten up, too.

VIDEO PACKAGE TO BUILD UP THE MAIN EVENT- meh

THE KINGDOM (w/Maria Kanellis-Bennett) vs. THE ACCLAIMED (w/Billy Gunn)- 4/10
The moment they said that 2.0 would be on commentary, I muted my TV.
Of course they had to get in a spot where Billy Gunn got to take Bennett out with a clothesline. Because that’s who we’re trying to get over here. The old has-been. The Acclaimed got Maria removed from ringside. The referee also so Billy throw Bennett back into the ring, but didn’t call for a DQ because caring about the rules is for promotions that understand that the premise of pro wrestling is that it’s real.
This was basically the Kingdom being made to look like losers, and now we’re supposed to care about their feud with Top Flight.


This was another bad episode of Rampage. I wish I hadn’t wasted my time with it.