BRM Reviews the 2/4/2019 Vial of Bubonic Plague Covered in Horse Manure Calling Itself Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- HORRENDOUS!
Steph is already in the ring and starts to give a speech but is immediately interrupted by Becky Lynch. I had hoped that this would stop Steph from giving her speech, but unfortunately she just started speaking again after Becky got into the ring. Steph started by introducing a recap of last week’s Ronda/Becky confrontation… one which omitted the part where Ronda threatened to murder Becky.
Steph finally remembers that Ronda Rousey broke her arm for no good reason the night after WrestleMania and says she wants to see Becky win. Steph asks Becky about her knee, and we get more of Steph narrating stuff we saw at the Royal Rumble. It’s SOOOOO grating. Even when she’s putting Becky over, every single moment that Steph is out here talking for no reason feels like she’s stealing the spotlight from Becky.
Steph’s narration only served to remind me that Becky now needs to get revenge on Nia Jax again, which I don’t think will ever come.
Steph then started talking about how Becky has refused to have her knee examined ever since the Royal Rumble. While trying to illustrate how tough Becky is, Steph brings up that time when Becky “invaded Monday Night Raw and Nia Jax exploded your face.” Steph tells Becky “I was with you in the trainer’s room” and even though her nose was broken and she was bleeding all over the place, all Becky wanted to do was fight.
Umm… excuse me?
First of all, when the SD women invaded Raw, I would assume that they all left the building right afterwards and escaped in their getaways cars. They didn’t just go backstage to catering a get a bite to eat and get checked out by the medical staff, because IT’S SUPPOSED TO BE REAL, YOU MORONS! Secondly, and more importantly, that invasion happened because Raw and SD were having matches against each other at Survivor Series and thus it was the month of the year where the two shows become hated enemies. EARLIER THAT VERY SAME SHOW I saw Steph giving speeches about how it was absolutely imperative that Raw defeat Smackdown and regain “brand supremacy” etc. etc., SO WHY THE F*CK WOULD STEPH BE IN THE TRAINER’S ROOM CHECKING ON THE ENEMY LEADER WHO JUST LED AN UNPROVOKED ASSAULT ON HER EMPLOYEES?!
Sh*t like this pisses me off SOOOOOO MUCH because it shows some combination a lack of respect for continuity, a lack of respect for the ability of the viewer to remember things that they themselves insist to us are important, a lack of respect for their own product due to poor proofreading, or a combination of the three. In this case it’s even worse because Steph didn’t tell us anything we didn’t already know about Becky, and the only new information Steph added was information that sh*ts all over kayfabe!
Steph goes on to tell Becky that she has “never seen anything like it.” Really, Steph? Because I can think of some pretty prominent situations in WWE history that are extremely comparable to Becky’s. John Cena in his I Quit Match with JBL at Judgment Day 2005, Steve Austin against Bret Hart at WrestleMania XIII, and Mick Foley in his Hell in a Cell matches with both Triple H and Undertaker immediately spring to mind, and that’s not even considering situations that are “merely” someone suffering a MAJOR injury and still continuing a match like Triple H when he blew his knee out the first time and Brock at WrestleMania XIX. Am I nitpicking now? A little bit, yes. But that’s only because I’ve been put in such a miserable mood by someone taking a giant sh*t all over kayfabe.
Steph tells Becky that she can’t let her compete unless she is cleared by the medical staff. Becky responded to this with a rather insane conspiracy theory that WWE is unhappy that she won the Royal Rumble and had some sort of “plan” for Charlotte vs. Ronda at WrestleMania, so I guess Becky thinks that the medical staff, under management’s orders, will keep her out until after WrestleMania.
Becky didn’t outright say all of this, but she did refer to herself as “the glitch in your plan” that “you didn’t count on,” so I think the inferences I made in the above paragraph are pretty fair. What Becky says here about being an unexpected “glitch” in the plan to do Ronda vs. Charlotte at Mania is the almost certainly the shoot truth. The problem, however, is that THIS SHOW IS KAYFABE so Becky just sounds like a nutjob. I also think they should have at least had Becky actually explain the idea that she is worried that the medical staff might keep her out for longer than necessary on management’s orders and ensure that she isn’t cleared for WrestleMania, which is a point that I think will be lost on some people. It doesn’t make Becky seem like any less of a conspiracy theorist, but at least it explains the whole conspiracy to the audience instead of leaving a major blank for us to fill in.
Another major flaw in Becky’s argument is the fact that the opportunity for her to enter the Royal Rumble only came about by chance, and was authorized by a company official, Fit Finlay. If management didn’t want you in the Rumble, they could have told Finlay to tell you no. You, meanwhile, had the opportunity to become Smackdown Women’s Champion that very same night, and the only reason you didn’t become the champion is because ASUKA MADE YOU TAP OUT CLEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RING!
Steph is completely correct here. It is a kayfabe liability issue (although I suppose they could have Becky sign a waiver or something, but that sets a bad precedent for other injured wrestlers who don’t want to take time off), but even more than that, Steph is right that all Becky has to do is go see the doctors and get cleared. It’s not like Becky has a title that she can be stripped of if they order her to take a month off, so what does she have to lose? WrestleMania is TWO MONTHS AWAY. Does Becky really think her knee is hurt so badly that it will require more than two months off? If she does, then it’s really hard for me to want to see her wrestle because I don’t want her to f*ck her knee up forever.
Becky repeatedly refuses to see the doctors, so Steph tells her that if she doesn’t then she’ll have to suspend her. Becky tells Steph “I won’t be responsible for what I do” if she suspends her. Your babyface, ladies and gentlemen.
The fans are all chanting for Becky to “punch her out.” Steph, being a good business executive, does not back down from doing what is best for her company, even in the face of a threat of violence from Becky and a mob of fans encouraging said violence. Steph suspends Becky, so Becky assaults her. Referees, security and road agents come out to save Steph, and Becky alternates between throwing them around and selling her knee.
Basically, our show started off with Steph sh*tting on kayfabe for absolutely no reason. This then turned into a segment where Steph acted in a completely reasonable and responsible manner for someone in her position as a company executive who doesn’t want her employee to get hurt (whether you think her motive is one of genuine concern or just to protect her own assets is irrelevant; what matters is that she is still acting responsibly), while our top babyface acted like a paranoid psychopath, and in the end, her refusal to be evaluated by a doctor got Becky into the exact same position that she would be have been in if she did see a doctor: currently barred from competing.

BECKY LYNCH IS CONFRONTED BY RONDA ROUSEY WHILE BEING ESCORTED FROM THE BUILDING- and it somehow gets worse.
When I said being “escorted from the building,” I meant it. Adam Pearce, two referees, and two security guards were walking with her. When Becky’s hated enemy who just last week threatened to kill her after a verbal confrontation showed up, Pearce and his lackeys just stayed in the background and let these two get face to face. Steph was talking about liabilities before. Did it occur to them that if Ronda just goes after Becky’s knee right now they probably have a major lawsuit on their hands if Becky wants to sue?
Ronda told Becky, “You test the limits of my professionalism every time you stand in front of me and I don’t implode your face. But I don’t. Because I’m a professional. And I have our Pay-Per-View to sell. Beating up Steph tonight: what did that do? Did that sell our Pay-Per-View? Huh?”
Okay… I’m going to have to interrupt and insert some of my own commentary in here. Are you really the best person to be giving lectures on professionalism, Ronda? Because I seem to remember you engaging in several unprovoked assaults on authority figures in less than one year with the company. Remember when you broke Steph’s arm FOR NO REASON the night after WrestleMania? Or that time you were upset with a finish so you attacked Kurt Angle and a bunch of referees? Or how about that time when Steph showed up to give you a pep talk ahead of Survivor Series and you responded by threatening to break her arm, and probably would have had Baron Corbin not come to her rescue?
And about that part about professionalism… wow. Just… wow. Ronda, you used to work for UFC, right? Well the top star in the promotion for the past few years has been a man named Connor McGregor, who is literally a walking refutation of the idea that being unprofessional doesn’t sell PPVs. And that’s MMA. This is PRO WRESTLING. When was the last time we got a PPV match where the participants didn’t brawl outside of the confines of a sanctioned match at least once before the PPV?
Hell… LOOK AT THE WOMAN STANDING IN FRONT OF YOU! The entire reason she has become this big star has been “unprofessional” behavior! How many f*cking times did she attack Charlotte during their feud (including to start it off). And her biggest moment involved her JUMPING YOU IN THE LOCKER ROOM!

Ronda continued:
“Getting yourself suspended and robbing the Women’s Evolution of our first main event at WrestleMania was unprofessional. What are you even doing here, huh? You need to stop showing up to hear the cheers for your weekly violin recital and instead stay home and rest up until WrestleMania, so that you can finally receive the beating your moping, ‘woe is me’ ass will find so many reasons to lament about.”
1. No one ever said the match would be the main event (and the “there are multiple main events” logic that WWE uses doesn’t work here because otherwise it wouldn’t be the “first” as Ronda claimed).
2. Ronda’s statement actually seems to say both that they’ve lost their match and that it’s still happening, which are contradictory positions. Unless Ronda is saying that they were supposed to be the main event at WrestleMania but will now be lower down on the card, but like with the idea of them being the main event in the first place, Ronda has no possible way of knowing that any of these decisions have been made.
3. I can’t believe WWE STILL hasn’t learned that no one gives a sh*t about the “Women’s Evolution” as this sort of collective team spirit thing that they try to push it as. You’d think that if there was one lesson they would have learned from the rise of Becky Lynch (and, to a lesser extent, Alexa Bliss!’s success by simply being a strongly-pushed act, and the corresponding downfall of Bayley due to being buried by the booking), it would be that- exactly like with the male wrestlers- people care about individual characters, and that pushing the idea of “look what we have accomplished as a group” doesn’t actually get anyone over. But apparently they still haven’t figured that out yet.
Ronda then walked away… but then came back just to call Becky a “bitch.” Becky Lynch, the violent rebel, just stood there and took it while Ronda walked away. Come the f*ck on.
Basically, this entire segment made Ronda look like a hypocrite and an asshole, and then hurt Becky’s badass image by having her just take it. I mean… if she’s willing to punch Steph for suspending her then surely she’d be willing to punch Ronda after Ronda’s rude and hypocritical tirade- especially with Ronda coming back specifically to call her a “bitch.” But instead Becky just stood there. Why? She’s already suspended so I doubt she’s worried about getting in trouble for attacking Ronda, so the only possible explanation seems to be that Becky is worried that Ronda will injure her leg more, which actually makes Becky a bully because she was willing to attack the weaker, less capable fighter Stephanie McMahon earlier tonight for a much lesser slight.


Someone held up a sign that said “my kids *HEART* Rowdy Ronda Rousey” and then named the children. This gives me several wonderful ideas for signs to troll Ronda, such as signs suggesting baby names to her, or signs proclaiming her due date on some random date in early 2020 (a bit after nine months after WrestleMania). Mean? Yes. But that’s what hypocrites like you deserve, Ronda.


RONDA ROUSEY vs. LIV MORGAN (w/the Riott Squad)- DUD!
Can I ask a question? Given Ronda’s insistence on her matches the night after a PPV being title defenses, why isn’t this one a title defense, too? If it is somehow an essential part of being a champion that you should be able to defend your title against any comer on just one day’s rest (as Ronda has insisted in promos multiple times) then shouldn’t you be defending your title when you’ve had even more rest than that?
Anyway, this match went less than ninety seconds, and the large majority of that was stalling. You could say that this should have been rated as a squash, but Ronda is already the Raw Women’s Champion and has been for almost six months. I do not need to see her squashing people at this point. Let her have a competitive match or don’t have her wrestle at all. This didn’t put Ronda over. All it did was bury Liv.
Ronda then grabbed a mic and yelled at fans for booing her, then challenged Sarah Logan to get in the ring and wrestle her. I guess this doesn’t need approval from the McMahons because everyone just assumed the match was on before there was any sort of time for us to be told that it was official.

RONDA ROUSEY vs. SARAH LOGAN (w/the Riott Squad)- DUD!
They did one spot, then Logan rolled to the outside and we went to a commercial. When we got back from the commercial Ronda had Logan in a triangle. Logan buckle-bombed Ronda out of it, then Ronda hit some hip-tosses, some vicious grounded punches, and got the win via armbar. This match went just under five minutes (bell to bell was 4:52 by my count), of which a grand total of EIGHTY SECONDS happened while Raw was actually on the air. That’s barely one-quarter of the match that we were actually able to see, and it appeared to be yet another pointless Ronda squash, so it’s yet another dud.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Ronda calls Ruby Riott out, too. Ruby considers it, hops up on the apron, then leaves. Well… at least Ruby didn’t get squashed, too.

The announcers told us that Ronda was so angry during all of this because Becky got suspended. I really don’t see why Ronda cares who she defends her title against if what she cares about is simply being the main event for the good of the Divas’/Women’s R/Evolution. Her taking out her anger on the Riott Squad here just makes her feel unbalanced. Renee Young told us all that this nutjob is her “favorite version of Ronda Rousey.” Her marriage to Dean Ambrose and excusing his crazy heel turn on Seth Rollins makes a lot more sense now.

DASHA FUENTES INTERVIEWS RUBY RIOTT- fine, I guess
Dasha asks Ruby why she would “essentially run away from Ronda.” Ruby responds by claiming that she didn’t “run away.” She is certain she could have beaten Ronda but instead chose to be with her injured friends. This was typical heel stuff, but I guess it serves to set Ruby up as a challenger.

FOUR CORNERS TAG TEAM #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: Heavy Machinery vs. The B-Team vs. The Revival vs. Lucha House Party (w/Kalisto)- 4.5/10
The ring announcer forgot to announce the #1 contendership stipulation. He also introduced Lucha House Party as a unit. Is it really that hard to just tell us which two members of the team are going to be wrestling before the match starts?
Heavy Machinery cut an in-set promo that was wacky. This is now their third match on the main roster, which is also somehow their second #1 contendership match. Because nothing says “prestigious titles” like not having to do a single thing to get booked in a #1 contendership match.
By now you’re probably thinking the following: didn’t they just do a four-way match involving Heavy Machinery to determine #1 contenders to the tag titles last week on Smackdown? Pal… you don’t even know the half of it.
Heavy Machinery entered first, then Lucha House Party, and then we went to a commercial. When we got back from the commercial break, we saw…

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS SASHA BANKS & BAYLEY- WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO ME?!
Yes, that’s right. Just like on Smackdown, after they pitched to a commercial in the middle of the entrances for the four-way tag team #1 contenderhsip match, when we came back from the commercial, instead of showing us the entrances they showed us two women backstage so that an announcer could interview them. I just do not understand why they insist on doing this sh*t. Could this interview really not wait? From a kayfabe point of view, why did they schedule this interview for right now instead of at a point during the show where it would flow more naturally and wouldn’t be interrupting anything? And it’s not even like Charly was right there with them when we got back from the commercial. Instead we got Sasha and Bayley chatting for a few seconds with a camera randomly on them and then Charly came up to them and said “excuse me” before asking her question.
Said question was whether their recent “devastating” losses to Ronda Rousey will affect them psychologically in tonight’s Elimination Chamber qualifier. Bayley said that they would not because this is a tag team match, not a singles match.
Sasha, deciding that this whole situation wasn’t annoying me enough, decided to insistently add that the WWE Women’s Tag Team Titles are “a dream that the women of WWE willed into existence.” What? No you didn’t! It was a bunch of stupid fans who don’t understand what makes a championship in pro wrestling successful who brought their stupid signs week after week that did that. And even if you pulling for them backstage is the shoot truth, it doesn’t matter because we never saw it on TV (maybe they mentioned it in that embarrassing “open forum” they had on two months ago, but they never brought it up after that until Vince randomly told us we’d be getting them at the end of December).
Then Alicia Fox & Nikki Cross showed up to cut a promo on them to turn this into a full-blown hype segment for the Elimination Chamber qualifier later tonight. Nikki Cross talked a lot about “chaos” and said things that could theoretically have more meaning behind them, but the fact that they have immediately teamed her up with their resident crazy-woman Alicia Fox gives me no hope that they actually do. They probably just told Nikki to “say something crazy, and make sure you repeat ‘nobody wanted to play with Nikki’ several times.”

So yeah. They copied what they did on Smackdown. Actually, it’s even worse than that. You might remember that the match on SD was an elimination match. This one wasn’t, but Cole kept referring to the match on SD as a “Four Corners Match” just like this one was and talked about how Heavy Machinery’s experience in it might give them an edge, so really what seems to have happened was that they tried to copy what they did on Smackdown but somehow managed to screw up.

The match was a bunch of stuff happening. The Caterpillar got a big pop, but just in case anyone thinks this means Heavy Machinery have any sort of productive future on the main roster, you should know that Renee Young gave them Vince’s verbal kiss of death by calling them “fun to watch.” Also, they did a Bushwhackers spot.
The Revival got the win. I should be excited about this, but this will be their fourth tag team title shot since mid-December, and they are literally THE ONLY TEAM ROODE & GABLE HAVE EVER DEFENDED THEIR TITLES AGAINST.

During this match the announcers reminded us that Heavy Machinery and the other recent call-ups were allowed to be on both Raw and SD because “the McMahon family is still trying to figure out which brands fits them best.” That might be a bit of paraphrasing, but the “fit them best” part was definitely a direct quote. I’m not even sure what this means in kayfabe. Also, the fact that they haven’t figured this out despite announcing these call-ups a month and a half ago (even longer in Lars Sullivan’s case) is utterly ridiculous at this point. Even if we accept the idea that in order to figure this out the McMahons need to see them interact with various people from the different brands it still makes the McMahons look pretty negligent, as Heavy Machinery and Nikki Cross are the only ones they have booked to actually do anything. We’ve only ever seen EC III hanging out backstage, and Lacey Evans’ only appearances have either been hanging out backstage or her coming out on her own at the end of A Moment of Bliss two weeks ago.

KURT ANGLE MAKES AN ANNOUNCEMENT ABOUT HIS FUTURE- meh segment
He starts to give a speech but gets interrupted by Baron Corbin. While Kurt’s speech was pretty boring, Corbin’s was even more boring, so this was not an upgrade. Kurt eventually challenged Corbin to fight him right now. Kurt’s bravado is commendable, but the fact that he is challenging someone who beat him in less than four minutes makes it a lot less cool and intimidating than it should be.
Drew McIntyre came out and cut a promo on Kurt that was much better than the one Corbin was cutting. He and Corbin went to the ring intending to end Kurt’s career but Braun Strowman came out to even things up. Does anyone else remember when Dolph Ziggler made that big return at the Royal Rumble and confronted Drew McIntyre and then hasn’t been on TV since? He, being someone who Drew also claimed to have put out, would have made a lot more sense here, but we got Braun instead because the exact same feuds must drag on forever and ever and ever. The babyfaces quickly won the brawl and sent the heels running. Michael Cole tells us that “we’ll never know if Kurt Angle came out here to- well- retire.” Why not? Why can’t Kurt just finish his speech right now?

HAWKINS & RYDER BACKSTAGE- Hawkins thinks he is the reason that they weren’t in the #1 contendership match. Ryder tells him not to worry about it but Hawkins feels bad. Hawkins is not wrong. Ryder points out that his name was misspelled on the chyron last week even though he has been in the company for thirteen years. They both acknowledge that they are big f*cking losers but vow to do better. And who knows? Maybe they will do better and cease being losers this time. You know what they say: the 23rd time’s the charm.

WOMEN’S TAG TEAM TITLE ELIMINATION CHAMBER QUALIFIER: Alicia Fox & Nikki Cross vs. Sasha Banks & Bayley- 1.5/10
Fox & Cross attacked Sasha & Bayley from behind during their entrance. So yeah. They’ve turned Nikki Cross heel. Still think they have any idea how to utilize her well?
After that vicious beating, we got back from a commercial break… and Bayley is already in total control of the match, even with Sasha Banks still not on the apron. In fact, Bayley basically beat both Fox and Cross up all by herself for several minutes. Then she got hit by Fox’s finisher and kicked out.
That turned out to be the cut-off spot to set up the heat, by which point Sasha was already up on the apron, so this vicious pre-match assault had pretty much no effect. Sasha pulled Bayley out of the way during a key moment on the outside, and Bayley rolled Fox up soon after for the pin. Sasha never even needed to tag in, and it’s entirely possible that the segment of the match saw Bayley dominating the two heels by herself was just as long (if not longer) than the entire heat.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS APOLLO CREWS- About something Apollo is doing? Of course not! It’s about Kurt Angle wrestling tonight (with Strowman, against Corbin & Drew). Crews put Kurt over and told us that Kurt won a gold medal with a broken freakin’ neck.
Strangely, Charly was never shown on screen during this. Two people who were shown on screen, however, were Drake Maverick and Rezar, who happened to be walking by. Maverick insisted that Kurt had no chance tonight, which led to Crews saying mean things. Rezar was going to respond with violence but Drake Maverick talked him down.

JEFF JARRETT AND ROAD DOGG ARE ON MY TV IN 2019 FOR SOME REASON- And Vince wonders why the ratings keep going down.
Corey Graves claimed that “for the first time in almost twenty years, we are being graced with the presence of Double J.” HE WAS ON THE SHOW LAST F*CKING WEEK! MICHAEL COLE JUST SHOWED ME FOOTAGE OF IT! They start singing. WHY?!
Eventually The Drifter showed up. He’s STILL getting cheered. He says both of them and their song “haven’t aged well” and threw out several other insults, at both the old farts in the ring and the fans in the crowd. They still do his catchphrase with them. Jeff Jarrett starts quoting Razor Ramon. Then they start fighting so we get...

“THE DRIFTER” ELIAS SAMPSON vs. JEFF JARRETT (w/Road Dogg)- 0.25/10
The announcers kept telling me how old Jeff Jarrett was. Then Elias beat up Jeff Jarrett despite the constant interference of Jarrett’s friend Road Dogg.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Road Dogg attacked Elias from behind after Elias finished wrestling a match which he won cleanly. Then, also from behind, Jeff Jarrett, who just lost to Elias totally cleanly, hit him with a guitar. The fans booed this… and undoubtedly there are a bunch of people backstage right now who can’t figure out why the fans are doing so.

NATTIE & DANA BROOKE BACKSTAGE- bad
Dana apologizes to Nattie for screwing up in their tag team match last week, and excuses her rude pre-match comments as just pumping herself up. Nattie completely ignored her, even when Dana was screaming, saying she would go to the McMahons and get them booked against each other next week to “PROVE THAT I BELONG HERE!” After Dana left, it was revealed that Nattie had those fancy wireless earbuds in. I guess the idea is that Nattie didn’t hear Dana, but with the volume Dana was yelling at by the end, in order for Nattie to not hear her, Nattie would have had to be listening to whatever she’s listening to on a level high enough to do real damage to her ability to hear.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS FINN BALOR- great
She notes that Balor is still injured from his encounters with Brock and Lashley last week and asks him at what point he should put his health before his pride. Balor cut a great promo explaining why he is wrestling hurt this week.

BOBBY LASHLEY & LIO RUSH PROMO- Lio just said stuff. Lashley actually cut a good promo saying that Balor didn’t deserve a title shot against him because Balor couldn’t beat Brock and Lashley is certain he can beat Brock. He says that Balor needs to “fight someone your own size” and so declares that instead of an IC Title match against him, Balor must face Lio Rush instead. The McMahons apparently had no problem with this, as the announcers all took this announcement as having concrete authority.

FINN BALOR vs. LIO RUSH (w/Bobby Lashley)- 4/10
Lashley attacked Balor before the bell, giving Rush a huge advantage. He also interfered during the match, right in front of the referee, but the referee didn’t call for a DQ and instead just ejected Lashley from ringside. Despite all of this, Balor still beat Rush, so Lio has now been totally buried, and Cole trying to give him credibility by calling him a “great Cruiserweight from 205 Live” buries the entire Cruiserweight division along with him.

POST-MATCH STUFF- Lashley came out to attack Balor after the match but Balor escaped up the ramp. Mere seconds after he went backstage, Paige came out to plug Fighting With My Family. There is no way Lashley and Rush were even out of the ring while she was doing this. This was awkward.

A MOMENT OF BLISS WITH SPECIAL GUEST EC III- bad
So even though she’s been cleared to wrestle, Alexa is still doing her talk show? WHY?
Hey, look. Ethan finally gets to do something of consequence on TV a whole month after being called up. Alexa apparently has the hots for Ethan. I don’t like EC III anymore.
A penis joke was made. Alexa also thinks Ethan is “young” at the ripe young age of THIRTY-FIVE (thirty-six in a month). Alexa claims that Ethan has “been playing hard to get, bouncing between Raw and Smackdown,” and asks him which brand he is going to choose. This completely flies in the face of what the storyline with the call-ups has been, which, as Cole reminded us earlier, is that the McMahons get to choose which brand to put them on. Is proofreading your final product to make sure it doesn’t contradict itself really that f*cking hard?
Before Ethan gets actually speak on the main roster, he is interrupted by Nia Jax & Tamina because Nia wants to brag about her week. For those of you who were wondering, Alexa is a babyface and Nia is a heel in this segment. Or maybe they’re both heels, as Alexa was acting quite superficial in her effusive praise of EC III. If you’re unhappy with any of that, just give it five minutes and I’m sure it will change.
Nia falsely claims to have “broke boundaries” by entering the men’s Royal Rumble. She is not even close to the first woman to do so. Hell, she’s not even the first woman to do so while weighing over 200lbs. Then again, she is the first woman to do so when her being allowed to do so made absolutely zero sense, so I guess that’s worth celebrating if you’re the kind of person who considers lowering the bar an accomplishment. This is extremely boring. Alexa’s facials making fun of Nia were entertaining, but then Alexa blamed her team’s loss last week on Mickie James, so she’s back to being a heel.
Dean Ambrose eventually came out to interrupt Nia, who responded by to this by saying “How dare you interrupt my interrupt.” At this point Alexa turned to look at Nia with a look that very clearly said “do you actually think you sound witty and/or cool when you say that?”
This whole time, Ethan is just sitting there, holding his microphone, seemingly not giving a sh*t that his big interview has been interrupted. Way to show that ambition Vince loves so much, pal.
Dean claims that Nia has a crush on him and that she is “confused by your feelings.” Dean was very entertaining. He then turned to Ethan and said “who is this? Who are you?” Time for EC III to finally talk, right?
WRONG!
Alexa answers for him, telling Dean “that’s EC III.” Ethan goes to say something, but Dean slaps the microphone out of his hands. So Ethan’s gimmick is that he never gets to talk? And Vince thinks this gimmick will help him get over… why?
Ethan just sat there with a dumb look on his face. He continued to keep the dumb look on his face and keep his arm extended as if he was still holding the microphone while standing up. Basically, he looks like a clown. Dean started to ask questions, then kept pulling the microphone away from him every time he tried to answer, so now he’s letting people treat him like a clown, too. Wow. He signed with the wrong promotion. Instead of Raw or Smackdown, he should be trying to wind up in AEW. I hear they like clowns there. Particularly of the “space” variety.
The standout among Dean’s questions was “where are EC I and II?” I laughed my ass off. Also, I can totally see the wheels turning in Mike Quackenbush’s head, and I will lend my whole-hearted support to his idea. The moment Ethan is released from WWE, Quack MUST contact him so that EC I, EC II, & EC III can be a team for King of Trios.
Another of Dean’s questions was “why do you hang around backstage like some kind of mute Chippendale’s dancer instead of getting in that ring?” Is Dean a babyface here? Because he really feels like he’s a babyface right now. In fact, he might be the only babyface out here. Nia and Tamina are definitely heels, Alexa seems to switch back and forth each time she’s off camera so I think that makes her a heel at this exact moment, and Ethan is a heel due to his general air of douchebaggy-ness, plus him allowing himself to be made to look like an inconsequential loser by everyone who comes along.
Dean offers Ethan the microphone again, but this time Ethan just punches him in the face, then heads to the ring. We went to a commercial and when we came back we were about ready to start…

DEAN AMBROSE vs. EC III- 1/10
They went two and a half minutes. Ethan’s attempt to sell his shoulder was comically bad. So much so that even Ethan himself had trouble not laughing. Dean controlled most of the match, got Ethan rolled him up via jackknife and won. The announcers put pinning a former WWE Champion in your first main roster match over as a big deal, which it is, but they’ve already killed Ethan for me by taking away his greatest strength, which are his promos, and making him look like a mute clown.

CHARLY CARUSO INTERVIEWS KURT ANGLE- not good
Kurt didn’t even answer Charly’s question. What he did say was that “Braun Strowman has never met a port-a-potty, limousine, ambulance, or a disrespectful Superstar™ he didn’t want to destroy. I’m just glad he’s on my team.” Yes, he actually said this.
Also, Braun Strowman showed up. He was fine until someone decided that he had to use Kurt’s catchphrase.

MOJO RAWLEY YELLS AT HIMSELF IN THE MIRROR AGAIN- great!
Yes, really. Mojo actually comes across as dangerous now.

DREW MCINTYRE & BARON CORBIN vs. KURT ANGLE & BRAUN STROWMAN- 5.25/10
This was a rushed match that seemed like it was starting to get good, and then immediately ended when Braun Strowman got disqualified for illegally entering the ring to attack the other team’s legal competitor. Because that’s not something we see a million times a week. For those keeping score at home, this was also our second straight week of this feud contributing a DQ in the main event. Post-match fighting happened. The heels were going to slam Kurt onto the steps but Braun made the save and chokeslammed each heel onto the steps. If you were going to have the babyfaces stand tall in the end anyway then why not just have them win?

This was just an UTTERLY WRETCHED show from WWE. I called last week’s show “horrid” but this was several orders of magnitude worse. This has to be one of the worst episodes of Raw of all time, right? For crying out loud, THE BEST THING ON THIS SHOW WAS MOJO RAWLEY YELLING AT HIMSELF IN A MIRROR! This was like watching 2016 Impact. The roster has a lot of talent, but the people booking it don’t seem to have a single iota of brains between the whole group of them.

[NWK2000]

Haha holy crap. Did you get possessed by Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

(This isn't to negate anything in your review by the way it's still a good one.. It just sounds alarmingly like AVGN)

[KILLdozer]

Haha holy crap. Did you get possessed by Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

(This isn't to negate anything in your review by the way it's still a good one.. It just sounds alarmingly like AVGN)

The "anger" is too much to even bother with trying to read through it all at times...

That's why you need to lift weights BRM! All of that unresolved stewing rage that comes out like this!

*I'm more than welcome to do my own angerless review if I can manage it*

[XIV]

I haven't watched a RAW so full of plotholes and bullshit in a very long time. Can't knock this review, it's 100% accurate. The Becky thing was fucking stupid. I dislike Ronda more and more each week, having her play on the whole "getting boo'd" thing didn't do anything for her because she just came across as genuinely bitter as Ronda the person and not Ronda the character.

Dean Ambrose is right to leave, fair play to him doing all their horseshit. (although putting over Ethan is the one thing he should actually be doing).

There was a lot of shit in this show. Alot.

[Big Red Machine]

Haha holy crap. Did you get possessed by Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

(This isn't to negate anything in your review by the way it's still a good one.. It just sounds alarmingly like AVGN)

I don't know who this Angry Video Game Nerd is, but he/she rants like this, I would like to hope that he/she is related to me in some way.

[Big Red Machine]

Dean Ambrose is right to leave, fair play to him doing all their horseshit. (although putting over Ethan is the one thing he should actually be doing).

I don't even think he put Ethan over that much, as all Ethan really got to do was throw punches, Dean controlled most of the match, the match went 2:36, and Ethan won by flash pin. And I'm certain that the issue wasn't Dean pulling seniority or something to go into business for himself. I'm pretty certain they had the match their agent told them to have. If Creative wanted Ethan to go over with his finisher they could have booked that, but they didn't.

[NWK2000]

Haha holy crap. Did you get possessed by Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

(This isn't to negate anything in your review by the way it's still a good one.. It just sounds alarmingly like AVGN)

I don't know who this Angry Video Game Nerd is, but he/she rants like this, I would like to hope that he/she is related to me in some way.

I find it hard to believe you haven't heard of AVGN. Dude's been doing online video game reviews since 2006. Basically the whole hyperbolic review style you see on Youtube is the form he invented. He's like the Inoki of online game critiquing.

[Big Red Machine]

Haha holy crap. Did you get possessed by Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

(This isn't to negate anything in your review by the way it's still a good one.. It just sounds alarmingly like AVGN)

I don't know who this Angry Video Game Nerd is, but he/she rants like this, I would like to hope that he/she is related to me in some way.

I find it hard to believe you haven't heard of AVGN. Dude's been doing online video game reviews since 2006. Basically the whole hyperbolic review style you see on Youtube is the form he invented. He's like the Inoki of online game critiquing.

I'm not a big video game player, really. I play Halo 3, the original StarCraft, and when my computer could still support it, I played Civ III. That's really been it. I'm much more of a board game guy.

[cero2k]

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

[NWK2000]

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

I don't disagree with your point, but they did that with Punk, and looked how it turned out for them long term.

[XIV]

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

I don't disagree with your point, but they did that with Punk, and looked how it turned out for them long term.

He got so disgruntled that he quit wrestling alltogether?

[Big Red Machine]

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

I don't think they buried him here at all. He controlled the entire match and lost via roll-up after making Nia and Ethan both look like idiots on the mic.

[cero2k]

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

I don't think they buried him here at all. He controlled the entire match and lost via roll-up after making Nia and Ethan both look like idiots on the mic.

he cut a stupid promo, literally one of the reasons he's leaving.
ECIII also looked like a wimp out there, Alexa looked stupid, everyone looked stupid, it doesn't make Ambrose look 'better'

[Big Red Machine]

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

I don't think they buried him here at all. He controlled the entire match and lost via roll-up after making Nia and Ethan both look like idiots on the mic.

he cut a stupid promo, literally one of the reasons he's leaving.
ECIII also looked like a wimp out there, Alexa looked stupid, everyone looked stupid, it doesn't make Ambrose look 'better'

Stupid or not, he looked better than everyone else in the segment, so I don't think it's fair to call it a burial.

[cero2k]

Stupid or not, he looked better than everyone else in the segment, so I don't think it's fair to call it a burial.

then don't call it a burial. a slightly less smelly shit is still shit at the end of the day

[Big Red Machine]

Stupid or not, he looked better than everyone else in the segment, so I don't think it's fair to call it a burial.

then don't call it a burial. a slightly less smelly shit is still shit at the end of the day

I'm not saying the segment was in any way good, but I don't think it's fair to say that Dean was in any way hurt by it (especially when you compare it to what he was doing while feuding with Seth a few months ago), and unless you're also alleging complete and total negligence (which is, admittedly, always a possibility with WWE), I don't think their intention here was to write a segment that hurt Dean.

[Bob-O]

Haha holy crap. Did you get possessed by Angry Video Game Nerd or something?

(This isn't to negate anything in your review by the way it's still a good one.. It just sounds alarmingly like AVGN)

I don't know who this Angry Video Game Nerd is, but he/she rants like this, I would like to hope that he/she is related to me in some way.

It's possible...

it's crazy that knowing that Dean is leaving due to not liking how he is used, WWE still goes and has him do shit stuff. not saying give him a push, but at least give him a reason to believe that if he comes back he'll be happier. it's like WWE has accepted defeat that he's going to ROH or AEW and wants to bury him for them

I don't disagree with your point, but they did that with Punk, and looked how it turned out for them long term.

He got so disgruntled that he quit wrestling alltogether?

I'll agree to that.

They met (almost) all of Punk's demands, changed the direction of the product to suit his needs, really bent over backwards for him - for him to quit and have several events completely derailed by CM Punk chants, the podcast where he aired all his dirty laundry... I still remember Punk fondly, but I can see where WWE is coming from. "If I'm not everything I say that I am, if I'm not Main Event Material for Wrestlemania, then I want you to FIRE me." Huh?

Dean wants to be less "kid-friendly", which is fine, but I think WWE knows it'll get super over and it's not the direction they want to go right now. They're not looking to change the model to suit the needs of one performer again. "Playing nice" here, they keep the fans at bay, and they're not burning a bridge to that Shield reunion down the road.

The segment was horrendous (realistically, I feel like whoever wrote that should be out of their job),if anyone was buried it was Ethan, but the match was fine. He snuck a win off a top guy, making that match competitive puts a little more weight on EC3 than I think they're willing to give him before assigning him to a roster. If ANYONE on the roster could go toe to toe with Dean Ambrose on the mic, it's EC3 and they completely avoided it. They let Dean run him down with no rebuttal, and don't think I've seen that since The Rock. I'm sure this whole thing looked better on paper.

[cero2k]

I don't think their intention here was to write a segment that hurt Dean.

that was never my point either, my original point is that knowing he's leaving because the segments suck, they keep giving him segments that suck

[Big Red Machine]

I don't think their intention here was to write a segment that hurt Dean.

that was never my point either, my original point is that knowing he's leaving because the segments suck, they keep giving him segments that suck

And I'm saying that I don't think they think these segments suck. I think they think these segments are good for everyone involved.

[KILLdozer]

I'm just now starting RAW...and my initial thought is...I'll Just say this...

Why is THIS what they feel the need to do and feel that people wanna see Becky do? It's not needed and really doesn't make a difference much in the bigger grander scheme...because let's face it...they'll GO CRAZY for ANYTHING Becky does or just Becky in general at this point.