TNA Destination X 2007
TNA Destination X 2007 (3/11/2007)- Orlando, FL
OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE- FAN-F*CKING-TASTIC!
If there is one thing TNA has consistently done better than anyone else in wrestling, it is these opening video packages.
GHETTO BRAWL: Team 3-D vs. LAX (w/Konnan)- 5.75/10
As you might remember, last month's PPV opened with these two teams having a non-title "Little Italy Street Fight" in which they gussied up the ring with some cafe tables and some stripper cages. The match happened because LAX had attacked someone close to Team 3-D (Bubba's uncle or cousin or something) This month, they are opening the show with a non-title "Ghetto Brawl" for which they have gussied up the ring with some graffiti-covered metal siding and some spray-painted trashcans. The match is happening because LAX attacked someone close to Team 3-D (their trainer, Johnny Rodz). In other words, this feud has gone absolutely nowhere in the past month.
The one change between this month's match and last month's match is that in a Ghetto Brawl you can win not only by pinfall, but also by putting your opponent through a table. That's right: LAX's match can be won via table, but not the Dudley's.
Before the match, all four competitors each grab a trashcan… but instead of using the trashcans as weapons to hit their hated enemies with, they all throw the trashcans into the middle of the ring and decide to fight with their fists instead.
They brawl a bunch and use weapons and it is your standard plunder match. Team 3-D set a table up, but then a whole bunch of bandana-wearing Hispanic guys show up and beat them down until Johnny Rodz comes out and makes the save. Homicide and Hernandez beat Rodz up, then the other Latinos joined in, too. Then a bunch of black guys came out and started fighting with the Latinos. Tenay identified these men as "Devon's brothers from Brooklyn." I don't know if he meant brothers literally or metaphorically, but I assume it must be the latter, considering that I think we would have heard about it at some point if Devon was one of fourteen siblings (and they must be "Devon's brothers" because it's not like Brother Ray could possibly have any black friends or anything).
So the race war going on in the ring sorts itself out (it actually got a pretty good pop) until we are back down to just LAX and 3-D. The Dudleys got as nearfall on the 3-D but Machete pulled the ref out of the ring. Then the Latino Nation and Devon's non-Dudley/metaphorical brothers made their way back to the ring and Bubba did a big dive onto all of them, which was cool.
Devon was about to put Homicide through a table but, Alex Shelley randomly decided to come out and distract him, allowing Cide to hit a low blow. Shelley then hit Devon with his camcorder (which got cheers for some reason) and put him through a table with a Frog Splash. Then Cide pinned Devon for the win.
RHINO PROMO- decent. It was kind of odd having the babyface be afraid of heights, but Rhino did a good job of coming off as a brave man doing something he doesn't want to do in pursuit of revenge on a man who had wronged him.
DOUBLE BULL-ROPE MATCH: James Storm & Jackie Moore vs. Petey Williams & Gail Kim- 6.5/10
Tenay reminds us that Storm cheated to knock Gail out for the finish of last month’s PPV match. I don't remember that ever being mentioned on the PPV. The match itself started out with a LOT of shine, but Storm and Jackie are such great heels that you can't help but absolutely love seeing them get their asses handed to them by the babyfaces.
Tenay tries to sell us that being attached to the bull-rope made James Storm's Eye of the Storm (whirly bird) more dangerous somehow.
James Storm signaled for the Canadian Destroyer. That got tons of heat. When Petey actually set up for it, Jackie hit him with a low blow, then Storm gave him a superkick for the win.
SCOTT STEINER PROMO- classic Scott Steiner. "My offense is impeccable, my defense is indefensible." Oh Scott, what would we do without you? He also claims to have slept with Kurt Angle's wife, which is a lot less funny nowadays.
Then Christian shows up and tries to recruit Steiner to help him tonight. Steiner says he won't and walks away. Christian then says that he has an idea, and tells Leticia to come with him.
CROSSFACE CHICKENWING MATCH: Austin Starr vs. Senshi- 6.5/10
You could only win this match using the Crossface Chickenwing, and despite this restriction, they did a great job here. They worked over each other's shoulders and had some great teases of the move early on. Starr locks it in first, but Senshi gets to the ropes. The ref doesn't see, though, so Bob Backlund points it out to him. This leads to Senshi locking the hold in and Starr tapping.
After the match, Backlund offers Senshi a handshake, but Starr hits Senshi from behind, shoving him into Backlund. Starr then locks Backlund in the Crossface Chickenwing!
JB INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- good promo by AJ
VKM vs. THE HEARTBREAKERS (w/Christy Hemme)- 3.25/10
So in her crusade to prove that "women have a place in the in-ring action" Christy has to go out and get men to fight her battles for her? Good job proving your point there, Christy. You keep this up, and you might wind up getting the Nineteenth Amendment repealed.
Kip James spouts off some unoriginal sexist drivel (I mean come on! At least make it clever!) then Christy calls him out for being unoriginal. Then she introduces the Heartbreakers and no one in the arena cares. The Heartbreakers put their bling down on the announce table… and Don West just picks it up and puts it on!
The Heartbreakers got chants of "you're both gay!" (because that was their indy gimmick), then they got chants of "JOBBERS!" because that was their role in WWE.
Tenay comments on how the Heartbreakers might be illegally oiled up to prevent BG and Kip from getting a good grip on them. Then Christy interferes, tripping Kip up. So the male chauvinist pigs are the babyfaces. What kind of ass-backwards sh*t is this?!
VKM completely outclass the Heartbreakers and make them look like total chumps. Christy sneaks in to give Kip a low blow… but clever Kip is wearing a cup, so it doesn't affect him. Then he pulls the cup off, grabs Christy by the hair, and rubs it (the cup, not her hair) right in Christy's face. The crowd pops. Then Lance Hoyt comes out and Kip gives Christy a spanking before handing her off for Hoyt to carry away. The announces respond to this act of sexual abuse by dismissing it as "a little spank on the butt."
Once the silly little woman has been removed from ringside, they have a standard tag team match with the Heartbreakers double teaming Kip via various cheating tactics until Kip makes a hot tag and VKM win. VKM and Hoyt celebrate, while Christy comes out to the ring with a riding crop to yell at the Heartbreakers. She doesn't actually hit them with the riding crop or anything, though. I guess Raven got mad and called gimmick infringement.
CHRISTIAN, LETICIA, & ABYSS BACKSTAGE- Christian drags Leticia to Abyss, who is sitting in the prison yard cage from last month. He talks about some conversation he and Abyss had on Impact about family. He tries to guilt Abyss into helping him by giving him an autographed picture, then reminding Abyss that he never revealed his secret. Then he makes up a lie about Joe saying he wanted to beat up Abyss, so Abyss agrees to help Christian out.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Chris Sabin(c) vs. Jerry Lynn- 6.25/10
At one point about five minutes in, a whole bunch of fans all suddenly turned to the corner of the arena and started cheering for something. I have no idea what it was or what happened. The announcers never even acknowledged it, so I assume it wasn't intended to be part of the show, but you never know with Russo booking.
They have a good match until the finish, which saw Christopher Daniels show up wearing a Sting mask and distract the ref, allowing Sabin to hit a low blow and get the win. Then Daniels attacked Sabin before taking off his Sting mask, revealing that he now has a beard and some weird ugly tattoo-type deal around his eye. If you are wondering why Daniels cost Lynn the title, your guess is as good as mine.
CORNETTE, JB, & CHRISTY BACKSTAGE- First JB is interviewing Corntte, who hypes up some big announcement he will have on Impact concerning Lockdown. Then Christy shows up and declares that VKM hasn't seen the last of her. She decides to be overly sensual with the riding crop, rubbing it on Cornette's chest, while JB just stares at her rack. She walks off, declaring that she still has some tricks up her sleeve. Cornette shouts after her that if she doesn't like her job, she can be his secretary and asks "do you take dictation," because I guess no one in this angle is supposed to be likable in any way.
ELEVATION X MATCH: Rhino vs. AJ Styles- 5.75/10
Probably the best scaffold match of all time. They made very good use of the steel truss structure and the power spot was great, but these things are legitimately scary to watch, so if I never see another one in my life, I will be very happy with that. We then got a video package for Angle vs. Steiner, and when we came back, we still saw medical personal attending to AJ. That was a great touch.
KURT ANGLE PROMO- awesome!
KURT ANGLE vs. SCOTT STEINER- 5.5/10
You know how you can tell from the beginning that a match has something special? Well with this match, you could kind of tell from the beginning that it was missing something. They went through the motions of what would have been a good match, but it just didn't feel like a good match. Things just kind of… happened. This was KURT ANGLE vs. SCOTT STEINER! FIRST TIME EVER! It should have been awesome, but it only went eleven minutes and had a terrible-looking finish.
Angle went for a sunset flip powerbomb, but Steiner held on to the ropes, and Kurt eventually pulled him down into a sunset flip for the pin. The way it was executed, though, it looked like Kurt was supposed to do a sunset flip powerbomb and Steiner decided at the last minute that he didn't want to take the bump, so he held on to the ropes, then told Kurt to just roll him up out of it, resulting in an awkward roll-up where Steiner didn't even try to kick out.
LAST RITES MATCH: Abyss vs. Sting- 2/10
Last month, as you might remember, these two had a Prison Yard Match, in which they gussied up the ringside area with siren lights and fences and you won by forcing your opponent into a small cell and closing the door. This month, they are having a Last Rites match, in which have gussied up the ringside area with tombstones and candelabras and in which the only way to win is forcing your opponent into a casket. Is it just me, or are they having the same match?
Oh. Well. Apparently the difference is that in this match, you have to call for the "Death Bed" (Yes, that is what they called it) to be lowered from the ceiling before you could put your opponent onto it. I swear to G-d that I am not making any of this up.
So they brawled for a bit, then Abyss busted Sting open pretty badly by hitting him with one of the candelabras. Then he called for the "Death Bed" to be lowered… and the lights changed to that pale graveyard blue and a this f*cking contraption straight out of Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory lowers down from the ceiling with the casket on it and you cannot help but groan at how horribly corny this is.
Abyss puts Sting in the casket, but Sting fights back and makes his big comeback. He put a tombstone on Abyss's head and then hit it with the baseball bat (which wouldn't hurt anywhere near as much as just hitting Abyss with either the tombstone or the bat)… and then the tombstone shattered, destroying any illusion that this thing wasn't a prop.
Sting gets Abyss in the casket but Abyss fights out and gives Sting a chokeslam onto the lid of the casket, caving it in, which actually looked really cool. They set up some highspot where Abyss got knocked off the top rope and through another tombstone, then Sting put him in the casket and closed the lid for the win. Then they started to raise the "Death Bed" up to the rafters and once again, you cannot help but think "HOW CORNY IS THIS BULLSH*T?"
I think the crowd said it best: "FIRE RUSSO!" *clap*clap* *clap*clap*clap*
CHRISTIAN PROMO- IDIOTIC SEGMENT!
So Christian cuts a promo. Does he talk about how he is going to beat Joe tonight and keep the title? Nope. He whines about how Steiner and Tomko are being so ungrateful to him because they don't want to be part of his stable anymore.
Then a translator walks in, followed by the Great Muta. Christian gives Muta some backhanded complements and tries to get him to help tonight, but Muta gets angry and sprays his green mist onto the wall. Having Muta on the show was great… but they used him in such a horribly ineffective way that there was no point to it at all! Why not do a segment where Storm makes fun of Harris for being blinded, so then Muta comes out and gives Storm the mist. That would have gotten a huge pop, actually gotten Muta IN A TNA RING, and would have fit in with an on-going angle.
NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Christian Cage(c) vs. Samoa Joe- 6.5/10
They had some dancers come out for Joe's entrance before his music started playing. I don't know if this was Joe's legit family or not, but it was a nice little thing to do and helped to put over the possibility of Joe winning the belt.
They started off well, and we even got an awesome spot where Joe gave Christian an STJoe on the floor, but then they started to brawl all through the crowd for no reason, for WAY too long, while the ref just followed them and yelled at them to get back in the ring rather than counting them out. Then Tenay puts the referee over for this arbitrary to decision to not enforce the rules.
Christian gets the advantage, they do stuff and trade finishers, then, when Joe has the advantage, Christian tries to walk out of the match. Why is this a problem? Earlier in the match the ref didn't call for a count-out simply because he didn't feel like it, so why can't he just let Joe go chase Christian down?
Anyway, a bunch of completely random midcard babyfaces come out and force Christian back down to the ring. They couldn't have had Muta do this? That would have at least justified the segment they just did. Instead they give the job to the f*cking X-Division.
So they throw Christian back in… and for some reason the referee left the ring, so when Joe gets the pin, he has to scramble back into the ring to make the count, which gives Christian enough time to recover and kick out. Then, on the very next spot, they do a ref bump. Why not just do the ref bump BEFORE CHRISTIAN TRIES TO WALK OUT, so that the X-Division guys putting their hands on a competitor isn't something the ref should be calling for a DQ on and so that they can have Joe get a visual pin on Christian without relying on the referee being out of position for NO REASON?
Christian counters a Joe tope attempt with a chair shot and gets a visual pinfall, but there was no ref. Then Joe hits Christian with the Muscle Buster and the ref makes the count (slowly, though, because he is selling) and Christian kicks out. Joe goes for the Coquina Clutch, but Christian hits a low blow. Joe manages to get the Coquina Clutch again, but Christian flips over and gets his feet on the ropes, turning it into a pin, which the ref counted (not seeing the illegal leverage). The actual finishing spot itself was done PERFECTLY, but there was so much other crap in there that it made it hard to enjoy.
Nothing on this show was even close to PPV quality. There was dumb overbooking and the three main matches were not what they should have been. To make matters worse, the a lot of the card was just rematches from last month. Yes, some of the matches had different stipulations, but it still felt like things weren't going anywhere. Just a bad show from TNA.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay talks up how eye-raking is a great strategy. I guess "the professor" doesn't know that eye raking is ILLEGAL.
BONUS MATCHES:
FIVE WAY LADDER MATCH FOR AN X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Senshi vs. Austin Starr vs. Jerry Lynn- 4/10
This went four minutes. Starr and Senshi brawled while Lethal and Dutt double-teamed Lynn all match. Starr disrespected Bob Backlund after the match, so Backlund put him the Crossface Chickenwing.
GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD FROM IMPACT- 4.5/10
The stuff with Tomko and Steiner was well done, but everything else was just eh.
SPECIAL BONUS STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTE:
They left the commercials intact, which really bothers me. If your cameras are running and you have the footage, there is no reason to not put the complete match on here. Anyway, to ensure that we didn’t miss anything important during the Gauntlet for the Gold, Mike Tenay informed us that if any elimination occurred during the break, they would be able to show them to us when the show returned because â€"video tape machines are rolling.â€
â€"CAMERAS,†Mike. THEY’RE MOTHERF*CKING CAMERAS! You’ve been in the TV business for at least thirteen years at this point. How the f*ck could you possibly refer to them as â€"video tape machines?â€
OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE- FAN-F*CKING-TASTIC!
If there is one thing TNA has consistently done better than anyone else in wrestling, it is these opening video packages.
GHETTO BRAWL: Team 3-D vs. LAX (w/Konnan)- 5.75/10
As you might remember, last month's PPV opened with these two teams having a non-title "Little Italy Street Fight" in which they gussied up the ring with some cafe tables and some stripper cages. The match happened because LAX had attacked someone close to Team 3-D (Bubba's uncle or cousin or something) This month, they are opening the show with a non-title "Ghetto Brawl" for which they have gussied up the ring with some graffiti-covered metal siding and some spray-painted trashcans. The match is happening because LAX attacked someone close to Team 3-D (their trainer, Johnny Rodz). In other words, this feud has gone absolutely nowhere in the past month.
The one change between this month's match and last month's match is that in a Ghetto Brawl you can win not only by pinfall, but also by putting your opponent through a table. That's right: LAX's match can be won via table, but not the Dudley's.
Before the match, all four competitors each grab a trashcan… but instead of using the trashcans as weapons to hit their hated enemies with, they all throw the trashcans into the middle of the ring and decide to fight with their fists instead.
They brawl a bunch and use weapons and it is your standard plunder match. Team 3-D set a table up, but then a whole bunch of bandana-wearing Hispanic guys show up and beat them down until Johnny Rodz comes out and makes the save. Homicide and Hernandez beat Rodz up, then the other Latinos joined in, too. Then a bunch of black guys came out and started fighting with the Latinos. Tenay identified these men as "Devon's brothers from Brooklyn." I don't know if he meant brothers literally or metaphorically, but I assume it must be the latter, considering that I think we would have heard about it at some point if Devon was one of fourteen siblings (and they must be "Devon's brothers" because it's not like Brother Ray could possibly have any black friends or anything).
So the race war going on in the ring sorts itself out (it actually got a pretty good pop) until we are back down to just LAX and 3-D. The Dudleys got as nearfall on the 3-D but Machete pulled the ref out of the ring. Then the Latino Nation and Devon's non-Dudley/metaphorical brothers made their way back to the ring and Bubba did a big dive onto all of them, which was cool.
Devon was about to put Homicide through a table but, Alex Shelley randomly decided to come out and distract him, allowing Cide to hit a low blow. Shelley then hit Devon with his camcorder (which got cheers for some reason) and put him through a table with a Frog Splash. Then Cide pinned Devon for the win.
RHINO PROMO- decent. It was kind of odd having the babyface be afraid of heights, but Rhino did a good job of coming off as a brave man doing something he doesn't want to do in pursuit of revenge on a man who had wronged him.
DOUBLE BULL-ROPE MATCH: James Storm & Jackie Moore vs. Petey Williams & Gail Kim- 6.5/10
Tenay reminds us that Storm cheated to knock Gail out for the finish of last month’s PPV match. I don't remember that ever being mentioned on the PPV. The match itself started out with a LOT of shine, but Storm and Jackie are such great heels that you can't help but absolutely love seeing them get their asses handed to them by the babyfaces.
Tenay tries to sell us that being attached to the bull-rope made James Storm's Eye of the Storm (whirly bird) more dangerous somehow.
James Storm signaled for the Canadian Destroyer. That got tons of heat. When Petey actually set up for it, Jackie hit him with a low blow, then Storm gave him a superkick for the win.
SCOTT STEINER PROMO- classic Scott Steiner. "My offense is impeccable, my defense is indefensible." Oh Scott, what would we do without you? He also claims to have slept with Kurt Angle's wife, which is a lot less funny nowadays.
Then Christian shows up and tries to recruit Steiner to help him tonight. Steiner says he won't and walks away. Christian then says that he has an idea, and tells Leticia to come with him.
CROSSFACE CHICKENWING MATCH: Austin Starr vs. Senshi- 6.5/10
You could only win this match using the Crossface Chickenwing, and despite this restriction, they did a great job here. They worked over each other's shoulders and had some great teases of the move early on. Starr locks it in first, but Senshi gets to the ropes. The ref doesn't see, though, so Bob Backlund points it out to him. This leads to Senshi locking the hold in and Starr tapping.
After the match, Backlund offers Senshi a handshake, but Starr hits Senshi from behind, shoving him into Backlund. Starr then locks Backlund in the Crossface Chickenwing!
JB INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- good promo by AJ
VKM vs. THE HEARTBREAKERS (w/Christy Hemme)- 3.25/10
So in her crusade to prove that "women have a place in the in-ring action" Christy has to go out and get men to fight her battles for her? Good job proving your point there, Christy. You keep this up, and you might wind up getting the Nineteenth Amendment repealed.
Kip James spouts off some unoriginal sexist drivel (I mean come on! At least make it clever!) then Christy calls him out for being unoriginal. Then she introduces the Heartbreakers and no one in the arena cares. The Heartbreakers put their bling down on the announce table… and Don West just picks it up and puts it on!
The Heartbreakers got chants of "you're both gay!" (because that was their indy gimmick), then they got chants of "JOBBERS!" because that was their role in WWE.
Tenay comments on how the Heartbreakers might be illegally oiled up to prevent BG and Kip from getting a good grip on them. Then Christy interferes, tripping Kip up. So the male chauvinist pigs are the babyfaces. What kind of ass-backwards sh*t is this?!
VKM completely outclass the Heartbreakers and make them look like total chumps. Christy sneaks in to give Kip a low blow… but clever Kip is wearing a cup, so it doesn't affect him. Then he pulls the cup off, grabs Christy by the hair, and rubs it (the cup, not her hair) right in Christy's face. The crowd pops. Then Lance Hoyt comes out and Kip gives Christy a spanking before handing her off for Hoyt to carry away. The announces respond to this act of sexual abuse by dismissing it as "a little spank on the butt."
Once the silly little woman has been removed from ringside, they have a standard tag team match with the Heartbreakers double teaming Kip via various cheating tactics until Kip makes a hot tag and VKM win. VKM and Hoyt celebrate, while Christy comes out to the ring with a riding crop to yell at the Heartbreakers. She doesn't actually hit them with the riding crop or anything, though. I guess Raven got mad and called gimmick infringement.
CHRISTIAN, LETICIA, & ABYSS BACKSTAGE- Christian drags Leticia to Abyss, who is sitting in the prison yard cage from last month. He talks about some conversation he and Abyss had on Impact about family. He tries to guilt Abyss into helping him by giving him an autographed picture, then reminding Abyss that he never revealed his secret. Then he makes up a lie about Joe saying he wanted to beat up Abyss, so Abyss agrees to help Christian out.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Chris Sabin(c) vs. Jerry Lynn- 6.25/10
At one point about five minutes in, a whole bunch of fans all suddenly turned to the corner of the arena and started cheering for something. I have no idea what it was or what happened. The announcers never even acknowledged it, so I assume it wasn't intended to be part of the show, but you never know with Russo booking.
They have a good match until the finish, which saw Christopher Daniels show up wearing a Sting mask and distract the ref, allowing Sabin to hit a low blow and get the win. Then Daniels attacked Sabin before taking off his Sting mask, revealing that he now has a beard and some weird ugly tattoo-type deal around his eye. If you are wondering why Daniels cost Lynn the title, your guess is as good as mine.
CORNETTE, JB, & CHRISTY BACKSTAGE- First JB is interviewing Corntte, who hypes up some big announcement he will have on Impact concerning Lockdown. Then Christy shows up and declares that VKM hasn't seen the last of her. She decides to be overly sensual with the riding crop, rubbing it on Cornette's chest, while JB just stares at her rack. She walks off, declaring that she still has some tricks up her sleeve. Cornette shouts after her that if she doesn't like her job, she can be his secretary and asks "do you take dictation," because I guess no one in this angle is supposed to be likable in any way.
ELEVATION X MATCH: Rhino vs. AJ Styles- 5.75/10
Probably the best scaffold match of all time. They made very good use of the steel truss structure and the power spot was great, but these things are legitimately scary to watch, so if I never see another one in my life, I will be very happy with that. We then got a video package for Angle vs. Steiner, and when we came back, we still saw medical personal attending to AJ. That was a great touch.
KURT ANGLE PROMO- awesome!
KURT ANGLE vs. SCOTT STEINER- 5.5/10
You know how you can tell from the beginning that a match has something special? Well with this match, you could kind of tell from the beginning that it was missing something. They went through the motions of what would have been a good match, but it just didn't feel like a good match. Things just kind of… happened. This was KURT ANGLE vs. SCOTT STEINER! FIRST TIME EVER! It should have been awesome, but it only went eleven minutes and had a terrible-looking finish.
Angle went for a sunset flip powerbomb, but Steiner held on to the ropes, and Kurt eventually pulled him down into a sunset flip for the pin. The way it was executed, though, it looked like Kurt was supposed to do a sunset flip powerbomb and Steiner decided at the last minute that he didn't want to take the bump, so he held on to the ropes, then told Kurt to just roll him up out of it, resulting in an awkward roll-up where Steiner didn't even try to kick out.
LAST RITES MATCH: Abyss vs. Sting- 2/10
Last month, as you might remember, these two had a Prison Yard Match, in which they gussied up the ringside area with siren lights and fences and you won by forcing your opponent into a small cell and closing the door. This month, they are having a Last Rites match, in which have gussied up the ringside area with tombstones and candelabras and in which the only way to win is forcing your opponent into a casket. Is it just me, or are they having the same match?
Oh. Well. Apparently the difference is that in this match, you have to call for the "Death Bed" (Yes, that is what they called it) to be lowered from the ceiling before you could put your opponent onto it. I swear to G-d that I am not making any of this up.
So they brawled for a bit, then Abyss busted Sting open pretty badly by hitting him with one of the candelabras. Then he called for the "Death Bed" to be lowered… and the lights changed to that pale graveyard blue and a this f*cking contraption straight out of Dr. Frankenstein's laboratory lowers down from the ceiling with the casket on it and you cannot help but groan at how horribly corny this is.
Abyss puts Sting in the casket, but Sting fights back and makes his big comeback. He put a tombstone on Abyss's head and then hit it with the baseball bat (which wouldn't hurt anywhere near as much as just hitting Abyss with either the tombstone or the bat)… and then the tombstone shattered, destroying any illusion that this thing wasn't a prop.
Sting gets Abyss in the casket but Abyss fights out and gives Sting a chokeslam onto the lid of the casket, caving it in, which actually looked really cool. They set up some highspot where Abyss got knocked off the top rope and through another tombstone, then Sting put him in the casket and closed the lid for the win. Then they started to raise the "Death Bed" up to the rafters and once again, you cannot help but think "HOW CORNY IS THIS BULLSH*T?"
I think the crowd said it best: "FIRE RUSSO!" *clap*clap* *clap*clap*clap*
CHRISTIAN PROMO- IDIOTIC SEGMENT!
So Christian cuts a promo. Does he talk about how he is going to beat Joe tonight and keep the title? Nope. He whines about how Steiner and Tomko are being so ungrateful to him because they don't want to be part of his stable anymore.
Then a translator walks in, followed by the Great Muta. Christian gives Muta some backhanded complements and tries to get him to help tonight, but Muta gets angry and sprays his green mist onto the wall. Having Muta on the show was great… but they used him in such a horribly ineffective way that there was no point to it at all! Why not do a segment where Storm makes fun of Harris for being blinded, so then Muta comes out and gives Storm the mist. That would have gotten a huge pop, actually gotten Muta IN A TNA RING, and would have fit in with an on-going angle.
NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Christian Cage(c) vs. Samoa Joe- 6.5/10
They had some dancers come out for Joe's entrance before his music started playing. I don't know if this was Joe's legit family or not, but it was a nice little thing to do and helped to put over the possibility of Joe winning the belt.
They started off well, and we even got an awesome spot where Joe gave Christian an STJoe on the floor, but then they started to brawl all through the crowd for no reason, for WAY too long, while the ref just followed them and yelled at them to get back in the ring rather than counting them out. Then Tenay puts the referee over for this arbitrary to decision to not enforce the rules.
Christian gets the advantage, they do stuff and trade finishers, then, when Joe has the advantage, Christian tries to walk out of the match. Why is this a problem? Earlier in the match the ref didn't call for a count-out simply because he didn't feel like it, so why can't he just let Joe go chase Christian down?
Anyway, a bunch of completely random midcard babyfaces come out and force Christian back down to the ring. They couldn't have had Muta do this? That would have at least justified the segment they just did. Instead they give the job to the f*cking X-Division.
So they throw Christian back in… and for some reason the referee left the ring, so when Joe gets the pin, he has to scramble back into the ring to make the count, which gives Christian enough time to recover and kick out. Then, on the very next spot, they do a ref bump. Why not just do the ref bump BEFORE CHRISTIAN TRIES TO WALK OUT, so that the X-Division guys putting their hands on a competitor isn't something the ref should be calling for a DQ on and so that they can have Joe get a visual pin on Christian without relying on the referee being out of position for NO REASON?
Christian counters a Joe tope attempt with a chair shot and gets a visual pinfall, but there was no ref. Then Joe hits Christian with the Muscle Buster and the ref makes the count (slowly, though, because he is selling) and Christian kicks out. Joe goes for the Coquina Clutch, but Christian hits a low blow. Joe manages to get the Coquina Clutch again, but Christian flips over and gets his feet on the ropes, turning it into a pin, which the ref counted (not seeing the illegal leverage). The actual finishing spot itself was done PERFECTLY, but there was so much other crap in there that it made it hard to enjoy.
Nothing on this show was even close to PPV quality. There was dumb overbooking and the three main matches were not what they should have been. To make matters worse, the a lot of the card was just rematches from last month. Yes, some of the matches had different stipulations, but it still felt like things weren't going anywhere. Just a bad show from TNA.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay talks up how eye-raking is a great strategy. I guess "the professor" doesn't know that eye raking is ILLEGAL.
BONUS MATCHES:
FIVE WAY LADDER MATCH FOR AN X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Jay Lethal vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Senshi vs. Austin Starr vs. Jerry Lynn- 4/10
This went four minutes. Starr and Senshi brawled while Lethal and Dutt double-teamed Lynn all match. Starr disrespected Bob Backlund after the match, so Backlund put him the Crossface Chickenwing.
GAUNTLET FOR THE GOLD FROM IMPACT- 4.5/10
The stuff with Tomko and Steiner was well done, but everything else was just eh.
SPECIAL BONUS STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTE:
They left the commercials intact, which really bothers me. If your cameras are running and you have the footage, there is no reason to not put the complete match on here. Anyway, to ensure that we didn’t miss anything important during the Gauntlet for the Gold, Mike Tenay informed us that if any elimination occurred during the break, they would be able to show them to us when the show returned because â€"video tape machines are rolling.â€
â€"CAMERAS,†Mike. THEY’RE MOTHERF*CKING CAMERAS! You’ve been in the TV business for at least thirteen years at this point. How the f*ck could you possibly refer to them as â€"video tape machines?â€