TNA Lockdown 2007

TNA Lockdown 2007 (4/15/2007)- St. Louis, MO

****ALL MATCHES CONTESTED INSIDE SIX SIDES OIF STEEL****

X-SCAPE MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Chris Sabin(c) vs. Sonjay Dutt vs. Shark Boy vs. Alex Shelley vs. �"Black Machismo” Jay Lethal (w/Kevin Nash)- 7.25/10
A major part of the story of this match was that even though it was supposed to be every man for himself, Alex Shelley and Chris Sabin decided to work together. I wonder if that will lead to anything down the line? The fans certainly went completely bonkers for it. GREAT fast-paced opener.

JB IN TEAM CAGE’S LOCKER ROOM- okay
They are already celebrating because they are certain they are going to win. Christian buries Abyss just because, and Mitchell backs Christian up. Christian then puts over his team’s unity and claims that Jeff Jarrett is secretly working for him and will infiltrate Team Cage. JB brings up the promises Christian made to his teammates (if one of them gets the pin, he will give them a shot at the NWA World Heavyweight Title). Christian blows it off. Once Christian leaves, the others all start to argue with each other.

PETEY WILLIAMS vs. BOBBY ROODE (w/Traci Brooks & Eric Young)- 5/10
The video package here was very good. In a feud full of horrible logic holes, this build-up right here was actually very good. They did a good job of creating a reason for why EY needed Petey to fight for him without EY seeming like too much of a pussy to fight his own battles.
Roode got the heat, then Traci tried to give Roode a hockey stick to use as a weapon, but EY stopped her, allowing Petey to make a small comeback. Roode cut him off and demanded that EY give him the hockey stick but EY again refused, leading to another comeback by Petey. Great stuff. If only it had stopped there.
EY then decides to give Petey the hockey stick, and when Traci tries to stop him, he just shoves her away. Hebner yells at Petey to not use the hockey stick… but Petey does anyway. Hebner does nothing about it at all. If the hockey stick was legal, why did Hebner yell at Petey to try to stop him from using it? And why did he later take it away from Petey and throw it out of the ring?
Anyway, the babyface got to use the weapon but the heel didn’t… and the babyface just got pinned clean a minute later, making him look like a huge chump.
KURT & RHINO BACKSTAGE- more GREAT built to the question of Jarrett’s true loyalty as we learn that Cornette has overturned the results of a recent match to determine who would get the man advantage in Lethal Lockdown… because Jarrett cheated in that match. The only way this would have been better would be if Christian had outright said �"Jarrett is on our team.” In the earlier interview.

CATFIGHT IN THE CAGE: Jackie Moore vs. Gail Kim- 4.5/10
Because nothing says �"we take our women’s wrestling seriously” like billing your first ever women’s steel cage match as a �"Catfight in the Cage.” Tenay felt the need to explain to us that a hair-mare was a version of a snapmare. They had some good action, then had a silly finish in which Gail, after trying to escape through the door the whole match, randomly decided (when she was already half wayu through the door) that she would rather crossbody Jackie off the top and get a pin than do what she had been trying to do all match.

JB INTERVIEWS BOB BACKLUND- Bad. He rambled and said nothing. To make matters worse, the hook for this was �"would Backlund call it down the middle?” (he had been feuding with both guys), so instead of the action, the focus was on the question of �"who would the old retired guest referee screw over?”

BOB BACKLUND IS SPECIAL REFEREE: Austin Starr vs. Senshi- 6.5/10
On commentary, Mike and Don proceeded to put over the fact that Backlund was crazy, senile, and had very little experience as a referee. So why the hell is being allowed to referee a match? Anyway, the match was going well until Starr was unhappy with a count so he got in Backlund’s face, leading to Backlund shoving him into a roll-up for the finish. Fine for what it was, but why the hell would you waste two awesome wrestlers like Austin Aries and Low Ki in this spot?

JB INTERVIEWS SAMOA JOE- he is still unhappy with Kurt. Good stuff.

BLINDFOLD MATCH: Chris Harris vs. James Storm- -5/10 (yes, a NEGATIVE five)
In a sign of things to come, the timekeeper forgot to ring the bell to start the match.
This was a HUGE grudge match four months in the making… so they decided to start off with some comedy involving one of the wrestlers mistaking the referee for his opponent. They stumbled around for two straight minutes with no idea where the other guy was. When they finally got close, they both swung wildly and missed. The crowd started to chant �"WE WANT WRESTLING!” so the wrestlers obliged… for one move. Harris did a single leg takedown, but Storm scampered away from him, so we were right back to where we started.
Now, you might say �"well that’s what happens in blindfold matches, BRM. How can you criticize them for that?” My answer is simple: Everyone knows exactly what happens in blindfold matches… so if you are having a big grudge match four months in the making, DON’T MAKE IT A BLINDFOLD MATCH no matter how well it fits the angle! The nature of blindfold matches require them to be comedy or else the fans will sh*t on it, and yet, for some reason, TNA couldn’t see this disaster coming. The fans, on the other hand, knew exactly how bad this was going to be, because the moment the match started, they chanted �"FIRE RUSSO!” This was the THIRD STRAIGHT PPV with a �"FIRE RUSSO!” chant. Vince Russo would remain the head booker of TNA for another five years.
They actually did some good crowd interaction, leading to Harris getting an advantage, then went right back to comedy with Storm swinging wildly and missing. Then Harries laid storm out with a huge punch that knocked his blindfold off. The referee went to put the hold back on, but did not even bother to tie it (as was evidenced by the long string hanging down), so there was absolutely nothing preventing this dirty despicable heel from cheating… except, apparently, the fact that he randomly decided to play fair in this match. This became painfully apparent when Storm shook his head and the blindfold came flying off. The ref made him put it back on, but once again didn’t even bother to tie it. He just made Storm spin around once or twice. WHAT THE F*CK?!
Then the �"BORING!” chants started. Then came �"end it now.” The fans just did not give a sh*t because of how much of a clusterf*ck this was. Even when Harris, the beloved babyface, hit a big move on the despicable heel he has been waiting months to get revenge on, the crowd was almost silent.
At one point they wound up fighting on the top rope (somehow) and Storm’s blindfold flew off again. Soon after that (appropriately enough while the crowd was chanting �"SOMEONE STOP THIS!”, Harris’ blindfold flew off as well, and our babyface made no effort to comply with the rules. Eventually they did a short ref bump, and now finally Storm decides to cheat and takes off his blindfold and hits the still blindfolded Harris with a superkick and gets the win… and the fans responded to the heel screwing the babyface in a grudge match for months in the making… by erupting in cheers because this sh*tfest was finally over. This was the longest nine minutes of my life. Going in, everyone knew this was a bad idea, and yet TNA went through with it anyway... and in retaliation, the universe conspired against them to make it even worse than anyone could have predicted… and TNA deserved it.

KURT & STING BACKSTAGE- very good
Kurt says that Jarrett has changed. Sting says that, after seeing Jarrett at (and after) Bound For Glory 2006, he can believe that, so he will give Jarrett the benefit of the doubt tonight… but if Jarrett screws them over, it will be bad for Jeff… and for Kurt.

CHRISTOPHER DANIELS vs. JERRY LYNN- 7/10
They actually billed this match as �"who will feel the Wrath of X?” WHAT THE F*CK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! At least the match was great.

TEAM 3-D PROMO- Brother Ray’s promo was good, but JB’s claim that they have won tag titles in every major organization other than TNA seems silly when you consider that they haven’t won titles in either All Japan, AAA, or CMLL.

KONNAN PROMO- awesome!
Apparently electrified cage matches are LAX’s signature match. Since when? Other than that, this was awesome! He even made fun of Christy’s terrible promos!

ELECTRIFIED STEEL CAGE MATCH FOR THE NWA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: LAX(c) vs. Team 3-D- DUD!
Remember all of those times when TNA claimed that they couldn’t say �"ECW” or �"WWE” or a bunch of other things because WWE wouldn’t let them? Well Tenay said �"WWE,” �"WCW,” and �"ECW” all in the same sentence, and WWE didn’t do anything about it or else TNA wouldn’t have at least bleeped it out, if not recorded new commentary.
If you are doing something like an �"electrified steel cage match,” a major component of the success or failure fo the match will depend on the special effects you use. TNA plugged a big cable into the ring (and when I say big, I mean it looked more like a heavy-duty fire hose), had the lights in the arena flicker and then go off, leaving us with the ring bathed in a pale spotlight, and played cheesy �"electricity is flowing” music that you would expect from a bad sci-fi movie. Tenay then explained to use that at different times, different levels of current would be flowing through the cage… so it was possible to hit the cage and not get electrocuted at all. After someone took the first bump into the cage, Don informed us that the door to the cage was not electrified at all, explaining why there was no electrocution going on.
Tenay constantly felt the need to specify that it was �"alternating current.” I guess TNA management are big Westinghouse fans.
Despite being backstage with them a few seconds ago, Konnan did not come out to ringside with LAX. Homicide was smart, wearing rubber gloves. The other three guys… not so smart. And I really do mean that. Hernandez brought a STEEL CHAIN to use as a weapon (I guess he doesn’t know that metal conducts electricity)… and as we later found out, he had rubber gloves in his pocket the whole time, but decided not to use them for some reason. When Cide tried to force Brother Ray’s hand into the cage, Brother Ray thought it would be a good idea to open his fist and stretch TOWARDS the electrified cage.
Hold on. Remember that thing I said about Homicide being smart? Well you can forget about that. Te took his gloves off for no reason… and wouldn’t you know it, Brother Ray forced his hand into the cage a few moments later. Cide sold it like his hand had been severely burned, but there were no effects at all.
Konnan was eventually wheeled out to ringside by one of his cronies. The crony then attacked the outside referee and took his protective gloves… then game them to the wheelchair bound Konnan. In order to get into the ring, you need to go up some steps. Konnan is in a wheel chair. How, exactly, will giving him the gloves help LAX win?
It turns out to be a moot point, though, as Hector Guerrero beats up the lackey and shoves Konnan away from ringside. Then, to ensure that there is no interference in this match… he took the key to the lock on the cage door and unlocked it. Wait… WHAT?!
Hector tries to help 3-D win by giving them a chair, but Brother Ray wants a table instead. Hernandez yells at Hector, so Hector slams the door shut on his head (yes… the babyfaces are cheating because apparently they can’t win without help from a washed-up old announcer).
They did some stuff, and then we finally built to the big spot where someone would really go into the cage and get electrocuted. The spot that would make or break this match. Hernandez picks Devon up and gives him a Border Toss into the cage… and the lights flickered rapidly and we got Hollywood Sound Effect #41: �"Someone is Being Electrocuted.” It was corny, and the people crapped on it. They booed, chanted �"BULLSH*T!” and once again chanted for TNA to �"FIRE RUSSO!” To make matters worse, we had constantly been told that if you get electrocuted, you will probably be paralyzed… and yet Decon sold this by flopping around like a fish, doing anything but being paralyzed. Then, to put the cherry on top of the sundae being served at ice cream bar at this match’s funeral, less than ninety seconds after being horribly electrocuted, Devon climbed to the top rope to hit a Doomsday Device, and was perfectly fine after that.
Of course, seeing as how this is an electrified steel cage match, they decided they needed to build up to a big table spot. So they had Hernandez set Devon up on a table. Then reach into his pocket and put on some rubber gloves and then climb to the top of the electrified cage. Hernandez did this while wearing shorts. Parts of his legs touched the cage multiple times, and the arena light even flickered, letting us know he had been electrocuted, but he didn’t sell it at all. There was a constant scattering of boos from this point on.
He then did a diving splash off the top of the cage, but Devon got out of the way. Boy! That was sure worth totally ignoring the gimmick of the match, wasn’t it?!
Devon then tossed Cide into the cage and Cide got terribly electrocuted. I think he was supposed to fall into a 3-D for the finish, but they screwed up and he wound up falling down onto Devon, basically taking Devon out. At this point they really should have just ended the match (3-D still would have gone over and you would have had the gimmick used in the finish), but instead they picked Homicide up and whipped him into the ropes… and, miraculously, Homicide, who was just horribly electrocuted, then fell about ten feet… was able to at full speed off the ropes and then back towards Brother Ray and Devon for a 3-D… so the gimmick was totally irrelevant to the finish.

This was a poor match with a lot of irrelevant crap going on, but even worse, they made very poor use of the gimmick in every single way. The story of the match didn’t feel like it was built around the danger of the electrified cage, they sold it poorly, the effects involved were horribly cheesy, and it wasn’t even used for the finish. If it weren’t for the fact that most of the match was botch-free and the HUGE pop 3-D winning the tag titles got, I would have given this a negative rating. And the saddest part is that I am absolutely certain that if this had just been a regular cage match, there guys would have put on an awesome match. Instead, we got over-booked, over-gimmicked bullsh*t.
Anyway, Team 3-D finally (as Tenay said �"fulfilling their destiny” and winning the NWA World Tag Team Titles was such an important moment that TNA almost immediately cut away from it to go to…

JB INTERVIEWS KURT ANGLE- Kurt is unhappy that JB thinks he asked Jeff Jarrett to be on his team out of desperation. He says that if Jarrett screws his team, he will have to deal with Kurt. Kurt’s promo was decent, but even if it had been awesome, it would have sounded a whole lot lamer than the seemingly very fun celebration for 3-D going on in the ring, which we could hear in the background.

LETHAL LOCKDOWN MATCH: Team Angle (Kurt Angle, Sting, Samoa Joe, Rhino, & Jeff Jarrett) vs. Team Cage (Christian Cage, Tomko, Scott Steiner, AJ Styles, & Abyss) (w/James Mitchell)- 8/10
The keeper of the key for this match was Harley Race, who they introduced as an eight-time NWA World Heavyweight Champion. The NWA themselves… (WHOSE BELTS TNA HAVE BEEN USING) only considers Harley a seven-time champion. With as little attention to their history as TNA was paying, its no wonder that the TNA pulled their belts from TNA within a month.
Steiner doing the Frankensteiner got a huge pop. If only Scotty wasn’t a heel. And you’ve got to love the way Sting just casually strolls down to ringside while all of his teammates are getting beaten down in the ring. The tower of doom spot was cool, though. Some idiot thought it was a good idea to put sparkler-sprayers on the bottom of the roof of the cage to fire off as it came down. This obscured our view of the ring, and probably wasn’t the safest thing for the wrestlers, either. AJ and Kurt decided to fight on top of the cage… and for some reason, there was a chair up there ON THE ROOF.
Those admittedly minor gripes aside, this was an awesome match. The Jeff Jarrett stuff was good (at least until the finish), they found something of Harley Race to do, and they had some great spots, and they set up for their big, crazy spots in a very organic way.
The finish, though… that was definitely not awesome. Abyss decided to pour a bunch of thumbtacks into a guitar, where they really wouldn’t hurt anyone at all. Then he randomly motioned to Jeff Jarrett for no other reason than to set up a Russo Swerve that didn’t go anywhere. The aftermath was good enough to make up for ti, though. Definitely the match of the night.

If there is one thing to take away from this PPV (and something that TNA definitely should have taken away from this PPV, but didn’t), it is this: If you give guys a simple story and just let them go out there and wrestle, talented wrestlers will put on great matches. Once you start over-complicating things with wacky gimmicks, it all falls to sh*t. This show had some great stuff but it, but in the end, the two horrible matches are much more memorable than even the awesome main event.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Don West (about the Blindfold match) �"It gives Chris Harris a chance to wrestle James Storm on even footing with only one eye.”
No it doesn’t. It forces both of them to wrestle without any eyes. It’s not an eye-patch match. It’s a blindfold match!
2. We have a special two-for-one here. Don West says that it is �"hard to image” Christopher Daniels not being a babyface. Tenay then said that �"the behavior that we have seen as of late; there’s really no explanation for it at all. He used to set an example! He used to wrestle by the book. He used to set an example for the youngster. He’d never behave like this.”
OH COME ON! He wasn’t even a babyface for a full year before this latest heel turn, and had been a heel for his entire run before that! And these two called every single one of his matches! How are we supposed give anything they say any weight when they have such painfully selective memories?

3. On a similar note to the previous one, Don said that �"the crowd, when they see Christopher Daniels, they remember the Christopher Daniels of the X-Division Championships; of the great matches between him and AJ and Joe. And now they’re seeing front and center the kind of person that Christopher Daniels is and it’s hard to accept.”
Of course, during all of those events that Don mentioned, DANIELS WAS A HEEL!

4. Tenay �"this is a side of Christopher Daniels that none of us has seen.”
See my comments to #2 and #3.


BONUS MATCHES & STUFF:

PRE-SHOW BONUS MATCH: Voodoo Kin Maifa (w/Lance Hoyt) vs. Serotonin (w/Christy Hemme & Martyr)- 1.25/10
Christy wanted to get a team that could beat VKM… so she went out and got the guys whose gimmick is that they lose all the time and then get caned for it? She’s an IDIOT!
Before the match, Tenay helpfully reminds us that this feud is about the fact Kip James doesn’t believe that women have any place in the wrestling business, but Christy thinks that they do because women are equal to men and deserve an equal opportunity. Of course, this is TNA , so it shouldn’t surprise you to learn that Christy is the heel and the sexist male chauvinists are the babyfaces.
Serotonin cheat (I know it’s a cage match, but they seemed to be following regular rules) using a weapon shot AND a low blow, but still lose in just a few minutes, with one or two sloppy-looking moves from Kip thrown in to boot.

LETICIA INTERVIEWS RHINO, JOE, AND STING-
Joe and Kurt are unhappy that Angle got Jarrett to be their fifth man without telling them. They both walk off angrily. Rhino puts over the fact that not only is Kurt’s team not united and Christian’s is, but Jarrett might well be working for Christian.

ANGLE WITH SEROTONIN & CHRISTY- good.
Christy yells at Raven because his team failed, so Raven orders Serotonin to hold Christy so she can get caned as punishment, too… but Kaz steps in and protects Christy, taking her shots instead. It would have been better if the fans hadn’t chanted for the newly-turned babyface Kaz to receive more cane shots from the heel he just turned babyface on.