#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH:
Ink Inc. vs. Beer Money - 6/10
Oh dear G-d. The first thing Tenay says annoys me. Listen, Tenay, I know that JB sucks as a ring announcer, but that doesn't mean that you have to repeat everything he says. We KNOW that it's a #1 contendership match for the tag team titles because JB just told us!
The match was solid enough.
MADISON RAYNE PROMO - Okay
FALLS COUNT ANYWHERE MATCH:
Mickie James vs. Tara - 5.5/10 (Might have been better if not for the stupidity of the finish)
Mickie doing the Delirious spot was cute, and I really liked the roll up outside in the middle of the brawl... and then this match went to hell. They fought into the Men's bathroom. That was fine... until the referee decided to walk away FOR NO REASON... at which point Madison Rayne (a WOMAN) popped out of one of the stalls IN THE MEN'S ROOM... and sprayed Mickie in the face with a fire extinguisher.
A. I can accept that Tara and Madison had a plan to bring Mickie to a designated location where Madison was lying in ambush (after all, it was Tara who dragged Mickie into the Men's room)... but why would they pick the Men's room? Wouldn't the women's bathroom have been easier, since Madison going in there would have caused a stir?
B. Why did the referee leave? This guy is just incompetent. At the last PPV, he started counting because ASSUMED that the champ's shoulders were down, then stopped because he ASSUMED that the champ had gotten his shoulder up... And now he just randomly walks out on a match?
C. And why did the ref need to not see Madison's interference? It is clear that there are no DQs here, as Madison and Tara have been hitting each other with signs all over the place.
ROBBIE E. & COOKIE INTERVIEW - Pointless. It was the same thing that we saw on Impact.
SHARK BOY! SHELL YEAH!
TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH WITH COOKIE SUSPENDED ABOVE THE RING IN A SHARK CAGE:
Robbie E.(c) vs. Jay Lethal - 4.75/10
Not exciting at all. Lethal loses by DQ when he sprays hair spray in Robbie's eyes. Why would the babyface cheat? Tenay trying to blame this on Cookie made no sense at all. This is just like Pope being mad at Bischoff because his "Congregation" sold out. TNA wants us to blame the person who enabled the wrong, rather than people who actually COMMITTED the wrong. Typical TNA logic.
After the match, Shark Boy gives Cookie the Chummer because... um...
TOMMY DREAMER PROMO - Waste of time
FIRST BLOOD MATCH:
Rhino vs. RVD - 6.5/10
This was good... and keep in mind that this is coming from a guy who thinks First Blood matches are one of the dumbest gimmick matches you can have. If you actually like this stipulation, you might like this even more than I did.
KAZARIAN PROMO - Pretty good
TNA TV TITLE MATCH:
AJ Style(c) vs. Doug Williams - 7.5/10
GENERATOION ME PROMO - Pretty good, but their catchphrase is dumb. How can you have a TEAM of TWO guys, with the catchphrase "it's all about ME?"
FULL METAL MAYHEM MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES:
Motor City Machineguns(c) vs. Generation Me - 8.25/10
This was VERY different from the average TLC match, which was cool. It was a lot less spotty, but a lot of the stuff that they did, I had never seen before.
"The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero vs. Abyss - 6.5/10
Another gimmick that I usually don't like that turned out pretty enjoyable. Pope took a back body drop onto the casket, so Abyss started working over his back. Pope mostly forgot to sell it when he was making his comeback, though. I Abyss PUNCHING THROUGH THE CASKET and then grabbing Pope's nuts to stop him from being able to close the casket was a cool and creative spot.
SAMOA JOE GETS JUMPED BY GUNNER & MURPHY - They injure Joe's leg. Jeff Jarrett claims not to know about it. Tenay makes a big stink, calling Jarrett a liar. Taz vehemently argues with him, then immediately says "yeah. I guess you're right." That was dumb. Why can't Jarrett just be a regular heel and TAKE CREDIT for his cronies jumping the babyface before the match?
Jeff Jarrett vs. Samoa Joe - 4/10
This stunk. I don't want to see worked MMA. I want to see PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING. Also, we got pretty much the same finish as the last PPV. Joe is in control, Gunner & Murphy distract him, then Jarrett wins.
NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE WITH MR. ANDERSON AS SPECIAL GUEST REFEREE:
Jeff Hardy(c) vs. Matt Morgan - 5.5/10
This was just plain unacceptable for the main event of a PPV. First of all, the reasoning for the no DQs stip was dumb. Yeah, Jeff can't get DQed... but now Immortal is free to interfere as they please! All Anderson would have to do is refuse to DQ Jeff if he does something to try and retain the belt cheaply. Also, now Jeff can attack Anderson in order to get a new referee.
This match was slow and not very exciting. Anderson refusing to count Jeff out and throwing him back in the ring was good, but slow-counting Jeff was stupid. It's a total heel move and we want our babyface to win fairly. The ref bump that took Anderson out is fine for a normal ref... but not for a wrestler.
Taz and Tenay were talking about something dumb (and certainly less import than the MAIN EVENT WORLD TITLE MATCH GOING ON IN THE RING INFRONT OF THEM), and as a result, they pretty much 98% miss Jeff going for a Swanton (you know... his finisher!) and Morgan countering it by getting the knees up.
And on that note, Jeff Hardy needs to remember what he said in HIS OWN F*CKING PROMOS! His whole heel turn is about not putting his body on the line for the fans anymore. He said that he wasn't going to do the Swanton anymore... yet he keeps doing the move!
Another disappointing PPV from TNA, mostly ruined by over-gimmicking and trying to cram too many matches onto the show. The top of the card in particular really failed to come through, and as I have documented below, the announcing was at a level where it makes you wonder what blackmail info Taz and Tenay have on the powers that be that has stopped them from being fired for being so bad at their jobs.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES
1. Taz- "With the gold comes power. That's well documented in this industry."
Yes... but how much more power can you have when you already OWN THE COMPANY?
2. Tenay said Mickie and Tara were brawling "all over Orlando, Florida"
They've BARELY EVEN LEFT THE BUILDING!
3. Taz (during the Falls Count Anywhere Match)- "Hope they don't get hit by one of those roller coasters"
The roller coasters are on TRACKS, and SUSPENDED HIGH ABOVE THE GROUND. Unless Mickie and Tara can fly, I don't see this happening.
4. First Taz says that he wasn't surprised to see Shark Boy, then says that he is. This was so stupid that even TENAY picked up on it and called him out.
5. Taz "To me a First Blood Match... it's so intriguing... it's like, you know you're gonna see somebody bleed. Because each competitor is trying to make the other bleed."
Thank you for that insight, Taz. What pearl of insight will you come out with next? Something along the lines of "a ladder match is so intriguing because... you know you are gonna see someone climb a ladder," I'll bet. How is this man still employed?
6. Tenay actually referred to this show as "Final Rez."
7. Taz and Tenay both say this, and it pisses me off: The name of Doug Williams' finisher is "Chaos Theory." Not a "Rolling Chaos Theory Suplex." Chaos Theory IS a ROLLING GERMAN SUPLEX! Calling it a "Rolling Chaos Theory Suplex" is redundant. Twice.
8. Taz (about Douglas Williams' relationship with the other members of Fortune while he was part of that stable)- "They were holding up four fingers, even though there was five of them."
Actually, most of the time that Williams was part of the group, they were holding up four fingers even though there were SIX members of the group. But G-d forbid we remember something from a whole three months ago!
9. The voiceover guy asks "who will be put six feet under, when the Pope take on Abyss, in a casket match?"
No one! It's just a Casket Match, not a Buried Alive Match.
10.A. Tenay: "I think that Jarrett has actually convinced himself... and that may be half the battle."
10.B. Taz: "That might be more than half the battle. Look at the man's confidence! Jarrett really believes it, and he's looked pretty good with his MMA skills."
This exchange is so dumb it is painful. Believing it is half the battle? I could convince myself that I can fly, but if I jump off the Empire State Building, it won't matter how much I believe it... BECAUSE I CAN'T ACTUALLY FLY! The minute Jarrett steps in there with someone who is even semi-competent (never mind freakin' Samoa Joe), he's gonna get his ass kicked.
11. Taz- "You've got to sacrifice yourself sometimes to live another day."
12. Tenay (while Morgan was pinning Hardy after the ref bump)- "We should have a new champion right here."
No we shouldn't. Because, if there was an unbiased ref, JEFF would have won the match a minute ago, when Anderson slow-counted!
13. Tenay (as Morgan signaled for a chokeslam)- "He might be able to put him away with one chokeslam. Is that what he's signaling?"
No. He's asking for Anderson's microphone. OF COURSE HE'S SIGNALING FOR A F*CKING CHOKESLAM, YOU MORON!