BRM Reviews the 7/9/2012 Raw (embarrassingly bad)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- GREAT... but the anonymous GM really kills things. And why the hell is the GM still anonymous? Is he/she still scared of Nexus?

When AJ said that she would walk out of the building with her future husband, I got his hilarious visual in my head of AJ drugging Punk, then showing up on Smackdown with a video of herself and a clearly drugged CM Punk going through a Vegas drive-through chapel, a la Triple H and Steph.

JACK SWAGGER vs. SHEAMUS- DUD! Jack Swagger should not be getting squashed by an injured Sheamus. Del Rio's promo wasn't bad, but it (like this whole segment) was totally unnecessary. A much better way to hype the World Heavyweight Title match for the PPV would have just been to have Sheamus cut a promo saying that he is injured but he will fight through it, etc. This would address the injury situation, not give us the sort, generic Del Rio promo, and not make Swagger look like a jobber

RYDER & SANTINO BACKSTAGE- pretty good. At least we might finally get a pay-off for the anonymous GM. Unfortunately, this seems like an idea that was thrown together at the last minute, so I am certain it will be disappointing and make no sense.

TYSON KIDD & CHRISTIAN vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER & TENSAI (w/Vickie Guerrero & Sakamoto)- DUD!
Now Christian gets squashed, too? WTF? He lasted less than a minute! This was really just an excuse to have Tensai assault Kidd after the match. The reason I am giving this match a dud rather than rating it as a segment (as I normally would in cases like this) is because it made a big name like Christian look horrible. If they wanted to have Tensai assault Tyson Kidd, just do another roll-up finish to show that Kidd beating Tensai wasn't a fluke and to make him look strong going into MITB.

DREW MCINTYRE vs. BRODUS CLAY (w/the Funkadactyls)- another Brodus Clay squash. Boring.

We are now thirty-five minutes into the (approximately) ninety-five minutes of non-commerical air time that Raw gets, and we have had just over TWO AND A HALF minutes of wrestling. This is completely unacceptable. This is actually worse than Russo on his worst day,

CHRIS JERICHO & THE BIG SHOW BACKSTAGE- very good

JOHN CENA PROMO- good

JOHN CENA & KANE vs. CHRIS JERICHO & THE BIG SHOW- DUD!
This was going perfectly fine until the bell rang and the match ended for no reason. Then Big Show started beating Kane and Jericho down with ladders until Cena used a ladder to take out Big Show. Having Cena (or anyone but Big Show) standing tall at the end of this segment was a huge mistake. The build to all of this has been "how can anyone possibly stop the Big Show?" Well, now we have answer, so there is less intrigue going into the PPV match. The match will work much better with Cena, Kane, and Jericho all coming in looking like massive underdogs.

EVE TORRES & CM PUNK BACKSTAGE- good

MITB QUALIFYING MATCH: Sin Cara vs. Heath Slater- 1/10
Well... that was short. Slater is a jobber, so I won't give it a dud, but he got in too much offense for it to be a squash.

HEATH SLATER vs. BOB BACKLUND- exactly what you were expecting.
Is it just me, or was Backlund's pop pitifully small. Then they give him "YOU'VE STILL GOT IT!" chants before he ever actually does anything. The crowd should be ashamed of themselves.

MICHAEL COLE vs. JERRY LAWLER & THE REVELATION OF THE ANONYMOUS GM- F*CKING HORRENDOUS!
First of all, this was an entirely pointless waste of time... and not just this segment, but every segment tonight with Santino looking for the GM, the segment that set it up, and time taken up by Cole trying to appeal to the fans not to vote for it. Second, I am certain that Hornswoggle has interacted with the computer at some point, so Hornswoggle was obviously not the anonymous GM from 2010-2011, which is what we all (theoretically, anyway- definitely not in practice)-care about.

DANIEL BRYAN & EVE TORRES vs. CM PUNK & AJ- good segment, (aside from AJ's exit), but this absolutely should not have been the main event. I would have had this in the middle of the show and had AJ storm out of the arena angrily after slapping both men, as I think that someone being so angry that they leave in the middle of the show is a big deal.
I would have put the MITB-hyping tag match as main event, given it an actual finish, and had Big Show standing tall in the end.

Overall, this episode of Raw was UTTER SH*T. This just embarrassingly bad. I can't possibly believe that anyone who was involved in this show in any way (and that includes the crowd) aside from the AJ-Dragon-Punk angle could possibly be anything but ashamed of this episode. Probably the worst wrestling show all year.

[cero2k]

When AJ said that she would walk out of the building with her future husband, I got his hilarious visual in my head of AJ drugging Punk, then showing up on Smackdown with a video of herself and a clearly drugged CM Punk going through a Vegas drive-through chapel, a la Triple H and Steph.

that would be better than what we have been getting.

[badnewzxl]

VERY strange go-home Raw. I wasn't too off-put by it tho. I thought I missed something in the tag match but I guess not. They really DID just call the match for no reason!

[Big Red Machine]

VERY strange go-home Raw. I wasn't too off-put by it tho. I thought I missed something in the tag match but I guess not. They really DID just call the match for no reason!

I went back and watched it three times just to make sure that my sound wasn't off and that the ref hadn't counted three but I only heard two.

As far as being a go-home show, I was debating with myself whether it was worse than that horrible Smackdown go-home show from before Elimination Chamber and I came to the conclusion that, while this was certainly the worse wrestling, it was actually a better go-home show than that one was. They did a decently good job of hyping up the matches and getting over the important things (not that there are many matches to get over and two of them are MITB, so that is an easy concept to get over, but they still got the concepts over).

[yourcrapsweak]

I'm finally getting to watching this, and the first segment is HILARIOUS. AJ is brilliant and Punk is brilliant. Oh my god I'm howling.

[Big Red Machine]

I'm finally getting to watching this, and the first segment is HILARIOUS. AJ is brilliant and Punk is brilliant. Oh my god I'm howling.

The problem is... it all goes downhill from there.

[cero2k]

I'm finally getting to watching this, and the first segment is HILARIOUS. AJ is brilliant and Punk is brilliant. Oh my god I'm howling.

STOP NOW BEFORE YOU REGRET IT!!!

[badnewzxl]

VERY strange go-home Raw. I wasn't too off-put by it tho. I thought I missed something in the tag match but I guess not. They really DID just call the match for no reason!

I went back and watched it three times just to make sure that my sound wasn't off and that the ref hadn't counted three but I only heard two.

As far as being a go-home show, I was debating with myself whether it was worse than that horrible Smackdown go-home show from before Elimination Chamber and I came to the conclusion that, while this was certainly the worse wrestling, it was actually a better go-home show than that one was. They did a decently good job of hyping up the matches and getting over the important things (not that there are many matches to get over and two of them are MITB, so that is an easy concept to get over, but they still got the concepts over).

you're right about that. In a way, THIS is how a go-home show SHOULD be.

I'm still pissed that they put Sin Cara in the MITB match instead of Alex Riley, Zack Ryder, or Brodus Clay; all of whom are more over than Cara....

[Rabid619]

When i saw it, i think the ref called for the bell because Big Show pulled Cena out of the ring during the count. But i'm not 100% certain since thats happened thousands of times and the bell hasn't been called. If thats why they rang the bell then they should be hitting themselves in the head with it. I watched maybe 10 minutes of this show i wasn't impressed.

[badnewzxl]

When i saw it, i think the ref called for the bell because Big Show pulled Cena out of the ring during the count. But i'm not 100% certain since thats happened thousands of times and the bell hasn't been called. If thats why they rang the bell then they should be hitting themselves in the head with it. I watched maybe 10 minutes of this show i wasn't impressed.

that's exactly why they called for the bell, and it makes NO sense, lol. Since when do you DQ a guy for saving his PARTNER from being pinned??!!

Furthermore, Cena's promo before the match was exactly the type I HATE from him and HHH. Let's go out and waste five minutes telling ppl stuff they already know; something that could be said in just one sentence, but they drag it out for minutes. This is why I hate to see the both of them with a mic; it's like story time or something and they spin the same exact tale with NO progression. So Cena, you're gonna win MITB and/or keep Show from winning; we know this. Why waste three minutes of time that SHOULD have gone to the match you had, the match that seemed to end abruptly and for absolutely no reason?