BRM Reviews the 10/20/2011 Impact (POST-PPV CRAP!)

[Big Red Machine]

STING PROMO- Sting says that 18 months ago, he made a vow that he would “get the company back in the hands of its rightful owner, Dixie Carter”, and that he “would get the real Hulk Hogan to come home.” Umm… Stinger, 18 months ago, Dixie still owned the company and Hogan was a babyface. You only started to try to get Dixie back in power 7 months ago, and only started trying to turn Hogan babyface four months ago. In fact, of that 18 months period you mention, you spent most of it either running around saying “DECEPTION!” and attacking nice, good babyfaces like RVD and Joe, or sitting on your ass at home. And the day that you actually showed up to start trying to get the company back in Dixie’s hands… was the same day that a court of law (with a judge who was a personal friend of Dixie’s) decided that the rightful owners of the company were, in fact Hogan & Bischoff.

Once you get past that first thing, though, this speech became even worse: Sting says that he knew there would be a time when Hogan would do the right thing not for himself (Sting “because my body was definitely in jeopardy at the hands of Immortal”), but that he would do “the right thing for the wrestlers in the back, and doing the right thing for wrestling fans like you that supported him for thirty years”- all nice and good… until you ACTUALLY WATCH THE PPV! If the “right thing” in question was to do what is best for TNA (something that would benefit both the wrestlers and the fans), which, in Sting’s mind was get Immortal out of power and give the company back to Dixie… then Hogan DIDN’T DO ANY OF THAT! He turned babyface AFTER HE LOST THE MATCH! He fought his hardest to do EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE! By the time that Hogan turned babyface, that goal had already been accomplished! So the only person that Hogan actually helped is THE ONE PERSON WHOM STING SAID HE DIDN’T CARE ABOUT HOGAN HELPING… STING HIMSELF!

Then Hogan comes out and cuts a ridiculously insincere sounding promo, that, when coupled with what I have stated above sounds even more like Hogan covering his own ass, because he decided to switch sides once he knew that his side lost!

Then Sting tells us about how he tried to explain things to Dixie, and plays it off as if she either wouldn’t believe him or was too stupid to understand, when, in reality, the fault lies with Sting because HE NEVER ACTUALLY SAID ANYTHING! He never said “don’t listen to Hogan and Bischoff. They are trying to manipulate you." He just shouted “DECEPTION!” over and over again! And, of course, Dixie apologizes… but not in a way that makes any sense at all. Instead, she apologizes by saying “I promise you, I will not make that same mistake again. Because my place is not here in the ring; My place- my role in this company- is making sure it is the best that it can be.” But Dixie’s mistake HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING IN THE RING, either as a competitor or as an authority figure carrying out kayfabe business on the show! Her mistake came from being a moron and NOT READING SOMETHING BEFORE SHE SIGNED IT!

But every cloud has a silver lining, which, in this case, is TNA using Sting in the role they should have been using him in: As a Foley-esque babyface commissioner, who will, if there is an extreme need for it (say, once or twice a year, at most) step into the ring for a match.

It sure was nice of Dixie, Kurt, & James Storm to just stand around waiting for the commercial to end before they stared talking.

Kurt comes out and claims that his contract with Bobby said that there would only be one match… while it makes kayfabe sense that Hogan & Bischoff would have put that clause in there and Bobby couldn’t do anything about it. It also does a pretty good job of creating a reason for Storm vs. Angle (although their non-finish from a few weeks ago should have been brought up, too).

IMMORTAL CHALLENGES HOGAN TO A MATCH- groan.

TNA KNOCKOUTS’ TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Tara & Miss Tessmacher(c) vs. Winter & Angelina Love- 3.75/10. Nothing wrong with it, but nothing good to say either.

JEFF JARRETT & JEFF HARDY SEGMENT- THE SAME DAMN THING WE GOT AT THE PPV! So why are you wasting our time with it again (or, alternatively, why did you waste our time and money with it on PPV)? This segment (especially ending with the cheap shot by Jarrett) was a great way to do this segment… so much show that it shouldn’t have been on the PPV.

ROBBIE E & ERIC YOUNG- Roobie E. was funny, EY was okay… but I am scared to death they ACTUALLY WILL bring in this Jersey Shore guy that EY was talking about.

GUNNER vs. ABYSS- no rating. Okay segment. Okay pre-match promo by Gunner. I get what they are trying to do here, but I wouldn’t have put Gunner in this spot. He is someone they should build up. He shouldn’t be running away. Bully Ray would have worked much better here.

GUNNER TALKS TO IMMORTAL BACKSTAGE- good segment.

VELVET SKY STUFF- Good, but what was the point of the backstage interview? All she did was say the things that she was about to go out to the ring to say. It is fine for Velvet to tell us how much she appreciates us... but it is better to have her not get the chance to say it because Karen decides to interrupt her and be a giant jackass instead, taking us from a high to a low, pissing us off. I also don’t understand why Sting is letting Karen stand there and abuse her power and denigrate the babyfaces.

Damn. I really don’t want to see a feud between Velvet Sky and Madis-WHOA! IT’S GAIL KIM!

HULK HOGAN- ERIC BISCHOFF CONFRONTATION- How the hell did HOGAN corrupt Bischoff’s son? The kid turned babyface BEFORE Hogan did! Bischoff should be pissed off at Sting for that.

BOBBY ROODE GIVES JAMES STORM A PEP-TALK- AWESOME!

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Kurt Angle(c) vs. James Storm- 2/10!!!!!!!!! WTF? ONE SUPER-KICK! I understand what they are going for, but it would have worked a lot better in a much longer match with Kurt dominating throughout, and Storm getting some offense in, but not much, then have Storm put Kurt down with an out of nowhere Superkick around the 20 minute mark. Now, though, it just makes Kurt look bad, and it pisses fans off. People paid for the PPV, were all hyped up to see Roode win the title, and got a great 15+ minute match with a screwy finish… but then we get a title change in two minutes on the very next TV show for free?! WTF?!

STUFF WITH STORM & ROODE- Good.

Overall, this episode of Impact sucked. It was riddled with plot-holes, sh*t that doesn’t makes sense, and had a TWO MINUTE WORLD TITLE CHANGE ON FREE TV… THE VERY NEXT SHOW AFTER A PPV?! None of the matches went 5 minutes, either. If “wrestling matters,” I am still waiting for TNA to show it to me.

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “The Dixie Carter-Sting reunion is right after this; on Impact Wrestling!”- Reunion? Really? Are you telling me that Dixie hasn’t been in contact with Sting this whole time that he was trying to get “her” company back for her?

2. Tenay- “Winter & Angelina, they have the bizarre relationship.” JUST SAY IT! Stop with all of this abstract bullsh*t. If you are going to imply (through the backstage segments that they have done) that their gimmick is that they are some sort of reincarnated lesbian vampires… JUST SAY IT!

[Shogun Rua]

This is the show that got the most viewers in the history of TNA? Oh hell. Now they'll have an excuse when they put on crappy shows with almost no wrestling.

"@HulkHogan-Lol at Internet haterz, so what if there was ten minutes of wrestling, remember that one time we got 2 million viewers with 7 minutes? Marks. -HH"

I could still bear to watch this show if only they still had the six sided ring.