BRM Reviews the 9/15/2011 Impact (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Crap. This didn’t do anything at all, and Flair’s promos nowadays are just damn bad. All he does is shout random catchphrases. Sting wasn’t much better, but at least he was bearable. At least they kept it short.

MEXICAN AMERICA vs. DEVON, POPE, TARA & TESSMACHER- 3.5/10. This wasn’t good at all. We got the same damn sequence with the babyface knocking the heel down, then Sarita and Rosita distracting him so the heel in the ring could get up and hit him from behind TWICE, then it just devolved into your standard Mexican America match (which really just involves Sarita and Rostia distracting the babyfaces). Devon and Pope blocking the low blows looked too impossible to not be choreographed, which bothered me a lot. Then Tara and Assmacher (whoops, Freudian slip there) hit two spots on Sarita and Rosita, which is apparently enough to put them down for the count.

KAREN & TRACI BACKSTAGE- I have no idea why they are doing this angle AT ALL. If they are short on cash, WHY HIRE TRACI for an angle that will do nothing but take up screen-time?

KNOCKOUTS ANNOUNCEMENT- If Karen made such a big deal about Traci getting all of the Knockouts… why is Winter not here? Also, Mickie James needs to not have that stupid little dog on camera. It makes her look like Paris Hilton.

FORTUNE’S BOBBY ROODE LOVE-FEST- Good (minus Kaz’s awful gaffe). Daniels’ douchebaggery towards AJ was good, but, after viewing this segment, I think it would have been best to not have Daniels snub AJ’s handshake two weeks ago.
KURT ANGLE SHOWS UP- this was good, if viewed by itself. But when you remember Kurt’s promo from the Impact after his heel turn at Hardcore Justice (that he wanted to stick it to Dixie by injuring all of the “young” stars), then this doesn’t make much sense. It would have made a lot more sense for Kurt to book Bobby Roode in matches against guys like Abyss or Joe or Rob Terry, who would try to injure him (and Kurt and/or Immortal could attack him after the match).

KURT & BISCHOFF BACKSTAGE- pointless. This is just Bischoff telling us things that we already figured out for ourselves DURING THE SEGMENT. At least it was short, though.

QUEEN’S QUALIFIER MATCH: Velvet Sky vs. Angelina Love (w/Winter)- 4/10. I would have given it a bit more if not for the stupid finish. The only thing this can possibly lead to is Angelina turning on Winter… but if they are some sort of time-travelling lesbian lovers who have shared a connection through past lives across the ages or whatever… then a little miscommunication like that shouldn’t lead to a turn.

AJ & JEFF BACKSTAGE- the tone of this segment was good, but Jeff Hardy “almost killed” TNA by showing up to the main event of one PPV too high to wrestle? That’s a little extreme, don’t you think? RVD, Hogan, Sting, Flair, AJ, Angle, Jarrett, Morgan, Joe, Anderson, Matt Hardy? NONE of your “stars” other than Jeff Hardy have any drawing power? Was Jeff really THAT big a part of your income? B.S. And don’t start up about PPV buys going down, because those have been sh*tty for TNA for a LONG time.

HOGAN, FLAIR, & STING BACKSTAGE- the Hogan & Flair part wasn’t bad (transparent, but not bad). But Sting showing up just killed it. THERE ARE TWO OF YOU… AND ONE OF HIM. You have a match against him tonight which you not only have incentive to win (you will never have to deal with Sting again), but you also have incentive not to lose (so Hogan doesn’t have to face Sting)… JUST BEAT HIM UP RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!

CRIMSON INTERVIEW- Eh

SUBMISSION MATCH: Samoa Joe vs. Matt Morgan- 4.5/10. The one sided stip led to no suspense at all, and Morgan tapping to a hold that wasn’t Joe’s finisher didn’t help. It would have been MUCH better to have Joe but Morgan in the Coquina Clutch and have Morgan pass out in it, thus making Morgan look tough while still having Joe win and look strong.

ANGLE & KAZ BACKSTAGE- eh.

JEFF & DEVON BACKSTAGE- Good. Nice to see someone showing some support for Jeff, just to contrast AJ.

BOBBY ROODE vs. KAZARIAN- 6/10

BULLY RAY & JERRY LYNN PROMO- GREAT!

RIC FLAIR vs. STING- 4.75/10 (which is better than I thought it would be). More typical, stupid Russo overbooking. I don’t understand how Hebner didn’t see the low blow by Flair. Why the hell did Hebner not call for a DQ when A WHOLE BUNCH OF GUYS RAN INTO THE RING? And if Immortal wants Sting to lose… why would they interfere so blatantly, risking a DQ?
And then the finish. I absolutely HATED Sting kicking out after the brass knuckles shot, and I LOATHED him doing the Superman comeback after it. Brass knucks are just not something that you do that with.

Overall, this week’s Impact SUCKED HARD.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay “It was Bobby Roode who excelled in the Bound For Glory Series. As a result, he is aligned for the absolute biggest match of his career when he challenges Kurt Angle for the World Heavyweight Championship.” GRR… “to excel” means to do well at something. Bobby Roode didn’t just “excel”… he WON the Bound For Glory Series. And he is getting his title shot as a result of WINNING the Bound For Glory Series. Not just for excelling! Just say “WIN,” Tenay, not only is it more factually correct, but it just SOUNDS BETTER! And he isn’t “aligned” for the Title shot. That would mean that he and the title shot are friends. He EARNED the title shot. He EARNED THE TITLE SHOT BY WINNING THE TOURNAMENT!” How is that Tenay can now use all of these “big” words, regardless of whether or not they either sound good or make sense… but a few minutes ago when Mexican America was on TV, he could not form a single sentence to describe them or their actions that did not include the words “United,” “cohesive,” or “familia?”

2. Tenay (during the Morgan-Joe match) “referee right in the middle of the action, there” Did you not just see Joe GRAB THE REFEREE BY THE COLLAR AND DRAG HIMBETWEEN HIMSELF AND MORGAN? A heel just BLATANTLY CHEATED AND PUT HIS HANDS ON AN OFFICIAL!! YOUR JOB IS TO CALL IT!! TO BE OUTRAGED AT IT!

[Rabid619]

I'm quite sure i heard this correctly but during the the main event, Tenay said AND i quote "It's like Sting's fighting with his career on the line."

[NWK]

I realized that every match but one (Kaz/Roode) had a dirty finish. If you have talented guys like Morgan and Samoa Joe, why would you not let them just put on a solid 10 minute wrestling match? Wouldn't that be more entertaining and more appealing to the audience if you let them wrestle instead of having a guy like Samoa Joe s**t all over his own talent by cheating?

[Rabid619]

I realized that every match but one (Kaz/Roode) had a dirty finish. If you have talented guys like Morgan and Samoa Joe, why would you not let them just put on a solid 10 minute wrestling match? Wouldn't that be more entertaining and more appealing to the audience if you let them wrestle instead of having a guy like Samoa Joe s**t all over his own talent by cheating?

Russo loves to put in dirty finishes & swerves because it's over booked as sh*t. Why do you think that a heel RARELY wins cleanly in TNA? Russo tries to get people to believe heels can only win by cheating.

[Big Red Machine]

I realized that every match but one (Kaz/Roode) had a dirty finish. If you have talented guys like Morgan and Samoa Joe, why would you not let them just put on a solid 10 minute wrestling match? Wouldn't that be more entertaining and more appealing to the audience if you let them wrestle instead of having a guy like Samoa Joe s**t all over his own talent by cheating?

Russo loves to put in dirty finishes & swerves because it's over booked as sh*t. Why do you think that a heel RARELY wins cleanly in TNA? Russo tries to get people to believe heels can only win by cheating.

Not only that, but Russo loves dirty finishes using obnoxiously stupid things like spraying something in someone's eyes, or a chain, rather than something simple and traditional like a chairshot.

[kiel297]

I realized that every match but one (Kaz/Roode) had a dirty finish. If you have talented guys like Morgan and Samoa Joe, why would you not let them just put on a solid 10 minute wrestling match? Wouldn't that be more entertaining and more appealing to the audience if you let them wrestle instead of having a guy like Samoa Joe s**t all over his own talent by cheating?

Russo loves to put in dirty finishes & swerves because it's over booked as sh*t. Why do you think that a heel RARELY wins cleanly in TNA? Russo tries to get people to believe heels can only win by cheating.

Not only that, but Russo loves dirty finishes using obnoxiously stupid things like spraying something in someone's eyes, or a chain, rather than something simple and traditional like a chairshot.

Welcome to the Attitude era.

[badnewzxl]

I realized that every match but one (Kaz/Roode) had a dirty finish. If you have talented guys like Morgan and Samoa Joe, why would you not let them just put on a solid 10 minute wrestling match? Wouldn't that be more entertaining and more appealing to the audience if you let them wrestle instead of having a guy like Samoa Joe s**t all over his own talent by cheating?

BC HE'SS A HEEL AND REALLY WANTED TO AVENGE HIS LOSS FROM SUNDAY! They're pushing Joe as a bad guy; so of course he's gonna cheat. Plus, Morgan is one of the top faces in the company; it'd hurt him a lot to lose cleanly to someone they haven't put much stock in for a while.

And the idea that he can only make you submit with the choke is silly; HE'S THE SAMOAN SUBMISSION MACHINE! He should be able to make you tap to ANYTHING.

You guys want him to win cleanly all the time, but only with a finisher? On the review of No Surrender you complained that one finisher shouldn't have been enough to beat Joe.

[Big Red Machine]

Not only that, but Russo loves dirty finishes using obnoxiously stupid things like spraying something in someone's eyes, or a chain, rather than something simple and traditional like a chairshot.

Welcome to the Attitude era.

In the Attitude Era, NO ONE kicked out of Regal's Power of the Punch.