BRM Reviews the 7/14/2011 Impact (surprise... FAIL!)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Utter sh*t. If my hatred for this segment hadn’t filled me with the sadistic desire to take a crap all over the rest of this show, I’d have shut my TV off when Sting brought the Insane Clown Posse as reinforcements.

I absolutely despise segments like these. Did Immortal REALLY hire eye candy and all get dressed up in tuxedos JUST so they could come out and cut a promo? Does this seem ridiculous to anyone else?

And WTF? When Sting disappeared, he apparently took the green carpet that was in the ring with him… despite the fact that everyone in Immortal was standing on it.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: The Pope vs. Samoa Joe vs. Bobby Roode- 6.25/10

IMMORTAL BACKSTAGE- if you want to do a serious segment, a great way to kill it is to have two morons walk into the room shaking maracas and putting sombreros on everyone’s head.

DEVON & POPE SEGMENT- Bad. Devon was good in his criticism of Pope, but for his own part, he seemed like an overbearing and dictatorial parent.

AUSTIN ARIES vs. SHANNON MOORE- 4.75/10 (good for less than 5 minutes). I think that this was bad booking, though. Aries wins a contract… and then the first thing that they do is have him need to cheat to beat someone? It just makes us ask “does he really belong in the company? ”

DURING THIS SHOW, EVIL CLOWNS WITH BASEBALL BATS BEAT UP THE TOP HEELS- enough said.

MADISON RAYNE vs. TARA- DUD, ruined by stupidity. Would it be too much to ask to just have a wrestling match with a clean finish? I think we all saw the damn spider coming a mile away, too.
Also, this was a major grudge match that has been building for months! This should have been mentioned at some point during this show aside from right before it happened!

KURT ANGLE PROMO- pretty good.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: The British Invasion vs. Mexican America- 4/10 A pin after a normal ELBOW DROP?! Really?

BUBBA & GUNNER BACKSTAGE- good. Gunner is being a man, while Bubba is being a pussy. This will all help turn Gunner face (I hope).

THE GUY WHO PINNED THE WORLD CHAMPION A FEW WEEKS AGO GETS BEATEN UP BY A GROUP OF CLOWNS- well... at least someone is benefiting from this.

THE CLOWN REVEAL- oh. It was Fortune. Not only was that obvious, but I don’t think that anybody cared. And even after this, Tenay still referred to them as “the evil clowns” rather than as “Fortune.”

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Mr. Anderson(c) vs. Sting- 5/10. I REALLY liked this match (it was at about a 6.5/10 and still going strong)… until the dumb overbooking bullsh*t that completely killed it! Why did the babyface have to cheat in a fair fight? And why do all of this stupidity, anyway? It was obvious who the clowns were, and it was especially obvious who the last one was once the other four were revealed.

So, on this ultra-hyped Impact, what did TNA give us: Multiple dumb segments, a few instances of bad booking, three extremely obvious “surprises,” one dud, one pretty good match (the opener)… and ZERO clean finishes. This episode of Impact just proves that last week being good was a complete and total fluke.

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “Evil Clowns up in the rafters”-If they are helping Sting, then they aren’t evil, because Sting is the babyface. And as an aside, NO ANNOUNCER SHOULD EVER HAVE TO SAY THIS PHRASE AT A WRESTLING SHOW (aside from in CHIKARA). If they do, then something has gone horribly, HORRIBLY wrong with your booking.

2. Both Taz and Tenay once again undersell Bobby Roode’s finisher.

[Sassafras]

Until recently, I had REALLY been pulling for TNA/Impact Wrestling/whatever they're called this week...but it's getting ridiculous. Just as it took A LOT for me to give up on WWE, it's taken a lot for me to give up on TNA, as well. However, I find myself at that point. I kinda make myself angry, lately. I mean, I rave about how ROH is the best wrestling in the world, and the last real major American promotion there is, and I always end up sounding like a fanboy. Ya know what makes me even more angry? That SmackDown has CONSISTENTLY had better WRESTLING (on a NON-wrestling program) than Impact for the last several months! F*cking hell! How difficult is it to fire Vince Russo and Hulk Hogan and hire Paul Heyman and turn the company around?! Take the creative power back from Dixie Carter, who knows NOTHING about the business and therefore only gets behind names that she's vaguely familiar with, and give us the motherf*cking ALTERNATIVE to WWE! Ya know, the reason ANYONE ever got behind your product IN THE FIRST PLACE! You say "Wrestling Matters Here"...then f*cking give us more than 15 or 20 minutes of wrestling on a 2-hour show! Stop letting Russo water down the art of professional wrestling with his soap opera twists and turns, and give us some substance. It's PRO F*CKING WRESTLING! Writing these segments, no matter how good they may be (which they aren't), is NEVER going to win you an Emmy! Stop trying! Give us the wrestling back...

Sincerely,
A mark

[Robert Randall]

BRM, I said the same thing about the Immortal segment :ymapplause:

[badnewzxl]

Gotta totally agree with you on this one BRM. This was the show they had been hyping up for three weeks? It blew chunks AND dicks!

The Tara & Rayne match was a huge letdown; they pretty much only had this match to reintroduce that dumbass spider (that Tara doesn't need AT ALL. It does NOTHING for her but give her a stupid gimmick).

The Clown shit was straight SHIT! Dumb as hell. Every bit of it.

I like that they had Aries cheat to win; the TNA crowd doesn't know this A Double, just Austin Starr. But I wish they didn't have him cheat against a chump like Shannon Moore (esp since Aries was kicking Moore's ass for most of the match anyway).

the Tag match was an absolute waste of time. There's no way you're gonna convince me that MA are viable challengers to the tag titles. Too bad they'll def win the belts at Hardcore Justice.

And the world title match was sloppy as hell; then made absolutely stupid by having Angle get involved. Terrible idea. I'm REALLY hating what they've done to Anderson.

[KILLdozer]

boy how ridiculous sting has become,,,not to mention it certainly wasnt time for anderson to lose the title

[kiel297]

You would absolutely think that right at the same time that WWE is producing some of the absolute best TV it has done in fucking years, that TNA would step their game up just a little bit!

CHRIST ON A FUCKING BIKE.

[Shogun Rua]

And WTF? When Sting disappeared, he apparently took the green carpet that was in the ring with him… despite the fact that everyone in Immortal was standing on it.

That's pretty funny. If he's a Joker rip off, that's what the Joker would do. He can kind of pull it off too. )

[Rabid619]

That's pretty funny. If he's a Joker rip off, that's what the Joker would do. He can kind of pull it off too. )

I would have rather seen the disappearing pencil trick. :p

[KILLdozer]

so whats next? indy woman to play Harly quinn?? surely,,got to be coming very soon then the way things are goin

[Rabid619]

so whats next? indy woman to play Harly quinn?? surely,,got to be coming very soon then the way things are goin

They're basically ripping off the Joker from the Dark Knight which means that they probably wouldnt do Harley Quinn. If they do, the best person would be Daffney.

[KILLdozer]

so whats next? indy woman to play Harly quinn?? surely,,got to be coming very soon then the way things are goin

They're basically ripping off the Joker from the Dark Knight which means that they probably wouldnt do Harley Quinn. If they do, the best person would be Daffney.

shes not comin back though..

[Robert Randall]

so whats next? indy woman to play Harly quinn?? surely,,got to be coming very soon then the way things are goin

They're basically ripping off the Joker from the Dark Knight which means that they probably wouldnt do Harley Quinn. If they do, the best person would be Daffney.

shes not comin back though..

he's saying she would be the best for that role IF they use a Harley Quinn character, but it's doubtful since they are using a Dark Knight themed Joker for Sting

[KILLdozer]

[
They're basically ripping off the Joker from the Dark Knight which means that they probably wouldnt do Harley Quinn. If they do, the best person would be Daffney.

shes not comin back though..[/quote]

he's saying she would be the best for that role IF they use a Harley Quinn character, but it's doubtful since they are using a Dark Knight themed Joker for Sting[/quote]

dude i know exactly what hes sayin

[Robert Randall]

dude i know exactly what hes sayin

but yet you come out and say "shes not comin back tho"

noone ever said she was

[Rabid619]

shes not comin back though..

EVERYONE knows that. What i'm saying is that they're using the Dark Knight Joker so they wouldnt be using Harley Quinn at all.....

[badnewzxl]

shes not comin back though..

EVERYONE knows that. What i'm saying is that they're using the Dark Knight Joker so they wouldnt be using Harley Quinn at all.....

exactly

[Serujuunin]

That's pretty funny. If he's a Joker rip off, that's what the Joker would do. He can kind of pull it off too. )

I would have rather seen the disappearing pencil trick. :p

SEXIEST. TRICK. EVER.

[WrestlingJoker]

That's pretty funny. If he's a Joker rip off, that's what the Joker would do. He can kind of pull it off too. )

I would have rather seen the disappearing pencil trick. :p

Did someone say "disappearing pencil trick"?

[kiel297]

Side note that Seru will appreciate:

Heath Ledger was hot even when in Joker make-up.

[Serujuunin]

Side note that Seru will appreciate:

Heath Ledger was hot even when in Joker make-up.

YES.

YES x A MILLION.