BRM Reviews the 4/26/2023 Dynamite (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

AEW INTERNATIONAL TITLE MATCH: Orange Cassidy(c) vs. Bandido- 7/10
Yet another person gets a shot at this title without doing sh*t to earn it. Shockingly, the undeserving random challenger of the week does not win the title.
Bandido has a whole new look. He definitely looks more like a bandit. The announcers tired to pretend that there was some kind of story here where Bandido had gone to train with Skayde to learn how to counter OC’s moves. This might have worked if not for the following flaws:
1. Excalibur undermined the story by saying that while guys like the Lucha Bros and Claudio had learned directly from Skayde, OC had just learned things “through osmosis.” In other words, he learned them second-hand, so learning from Skayde is basically like learning from any other luchador, because Skayde has no real insight into whatever variations of things OC or the people he learned from might have made or picked up.
2. This sort of story can maybe work if you have Bandido lose to OC with some fancy lucha move like the Mouse Trap, and then Bandido builds himself back up for another match with OC and goes to train with Skayde in preparation for that match. What AEW has done is thrown this match out here randomly and told us that Bandido trained with a guy most viewers have probably never heard of before who can maybe help him. Pro wrestling is storytelling art. SHOW; DON’T TELL.
3. The match was not built around the idea that Bandido had the counters to OC’s fancy lucha stuff. He kicked out of the Mouse Trap. So what? This was felt like every other Orange Cassidy match, not like a match with a different story than usual.
Orange Cassidy gave Bandido sunglasses. I really hope this doesn’t mean that Bandido is joining the Goof Patrol.

Excalibur plugged both the #1 contendership match and Jade Cargill’s long-awaited title defense against Taya Valkyrie, but he didn’t say that either of those was the main event. If the main event isn’t one of the title matches and isn’t the #1 contendership match, what could it be? Some kind of crazy dream match like Danielson vs. Ospreay? Or a Danielson vs. Omega rematch? Cole vs. Jericho, coming off of last week’s big angle??

Instead of All In, they’re now calling the Wembley show All In London, so I guess we’re getting another All In elsewhere, too.

RENEE PAQUETTE INTERVIEWS ADAM COLE- good
There was an audio problem so we couldn’t hear Renee’s question, but Cole cut a promo saying that he would call Jericho out tonight to answer for his crimes, and that if Jericho didn’t come out, Cole would come find him.

RENEE PAQUETTE INTERVIEWS ORANGE CASSIDY- bad
AS Cole left, OC showed up and took over the interview. Bandido is still with him… and Bandido is now officially a goof.

RENEE PAQUETTE INTERVIEWS DARBY ALLIN & JACK PERRY-mostly bad
Basically, this was an attempt at damage control after the stuff they said about each other last week. They agreed that they both “went a little too far last week. This does not do anywhere bear enough for me, because either they made those things up, which really reflects badly on them, even if they both agree to bury the hatchet, or they told the truth, which- especially in the case of what Jungle Boy said about Darby- still changes my perception of who they are for the negative, because whether they agree to put it behind them or not, this negative truth has still been revealed.
The good part here was the acting, which felt very human, as did Darby’s ask for help… although one wonders why Darby’s can’t get his best buddy Sting to watch his back if he is so worried about interference. Then they ruined it at the end by having Darby follow up on this nice burying of the hatchet by immediately saying something antagonizing (“if it was you and me, I would have beaten you again”) , potentially undoing the goodwill they had just created with each other.

JEFF JARRETT vs. DAX HARWOOD- 6/10
Jeff Jarrett and his group come out… and then referees run out and tell Jay Lethal, Sonjay Dutt and Satnam Singh that they have to go to the back.
1. These guys cheat every single week, but only this time and one other time were they preemptively ejected from ringside, and it’s not even like they did anything heinous the week before.
2. When was this decision made? The referees were clearly right there at Gorilla. Why didn’t they tell these guys that BEFORE they came out? This is people acting illogically just so the preemptive ejection can be done in a place the crowd can see it. You could accomplish the same goal of informing the crowd but avoid the logical problem by doing the much simpler thing and just having them being barred from ringside announced by the ring announcer when he introduces the match.
3. If you don’t want these guys to cheat, how about taking that guitar away from Jeff, too?

Despite being barred from ringside, Sonjay Dutt came back out. Where were those referees to stop him? Or Cash, for that matter? And, of course, the referee of the match saw him… and didn’t disqualify Jarrett, so what was the point of barring those guys from ringside in the first place?
So poor Dax is left to chase Sonjay around ringside, and runs right into a Stroke for the pin. Oh my G-d. If you want the heels to cheat to win, just have everyone at ringside from the beginning and have them cheat. Instead AEW does it in the most convoluted way possible which introduces several logical issues and makes the promotion look toothless. This is digging your own plot-holes specifically so that you can jump into them like that’s the goal.
Jeff celebrated with one half of the tag titles, so I guess we’re building up to a tag title shot for the guys who lost at the previous PPV.

AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT FORM TONY KHAN- Remember that months’-long Owen Hart Tournament that they did last year where the winners each got a trophy and that was it and it was basically never relevant again? Well, they’re bringing it back.

ARIEL LEVY vs. WARDLOW (w/Arn Anderson)- bad segment
Earlier tonight they plugged that Wardlow would talk, but apparently he’s having a match instead. What if he gets hurt and can’t talk afterwards?
This was a squash by a guy who doesn’t need to squash people and he’s coming off like a heel by beating on a guy who is already dead.

ARN ANDERSON’S PROMO FOR WARDLOW INTERRUPTED BY CHRISTIAN CAGE & LUCHASAURUS- bad
Arn started to cut a promo that I found very heelish. “Sometimes you’ll have to gouge someone’s eye out” is what a heel says. A babyface might do those things in an extreme circumstance, but a babyface does not calmly talk about doing such things.
Christian and Luchasarus came out… and we just cut to the next segment.

RENEE PAQUETTE INTERVIEWS SAMMY GUEVARA- terrible
MJF also showed up. These two made a deal for Sammy to throw a world title match in exchange for money… and no one in AEW management has done anything about it. Now they’re BRAGGING about fixing a match. Meanwhile, the guy in charge of the company is cheerfully telling us about this big tournament he’s doing that wouldn’t matter one damn lick to anyone if didn’t have the name of someone who tragically passed away and whose widow refused to allow WWE to profit off the name in the intervening years attached to it.
They were total clowns, and Renee was just standing there smiling, too. YAY! A fixed match! That will surely get people to buy the PPV.

RJ CITY WAS ON SCREEN AND OPENED HIS F*CKING MOUTH- Jon Moxley ran in and attacked him, turning babyface, but then turned back heel by not stomping his jaw into powder.

JON MOXLEY PROMO- snore
He says that they have “some scars to leave” tonight. I hope about eighty of them are on RJ City.
Anyway, I really don’t care about the BCC running around and attacking people. They’ve been doing it for a month now, and they still haven’t given us any reason that these guys have turned heel other than that Danielson thinks that all non-BBC people are “amateurs,” and we haven’t gotten any explanation for why Danielson suddenly thinks this, so we really haven’t gotten any kind of explanation for anything.

WINNER FACES MJF FOR THE AEW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE AT DOUBLE OR NOTHING 2023: Sammy Guevara vs. Tay Melo- 7.25/10
MJF joined the commentary team for this match. Tony Schiavone told him “I have never heard of anyone manipulating the system like you have.” YOU WERE THE LEAD ANNOUNCER ON NITRO, YOU DIP-SHIT!
Whether or not MJF “manipulated the system” became a protected discussion, so let’s dive into that, shall we?
In AEW, there really is no system. There is nothing like the ROH Pick 6 or CHIKARA’s point system or ROH’s “Contender’s Circle” or something similar that Gabe probably did in EVOLVE at some point. The point is that there is no system that qualifies you for a title shot. Theoretically AEW has rankings, but they haven’t been mentioned in forever, and even when they were supposedly important, you’d see wrestlers who weren’t even ranked getting title shots before the top-ranked wrestler in the division, or even people who were ranked number one wanting a title shot and having to wait months for it (Nyla Rose, and one other case that I can’t remember off the top of my head). That means that AEW’s “system” is Tony Khan.
And that’s not just me inferring things. You can’t tell me that maybe it’s not Tony because there is a championship committee or something. Both in this story and in the MJF vs. Danielson story, they were clear that it was Tony Khan who had negotiated with MJF to set things up. Tony is also supposedly the guy in charge of things. If he wanted to kick Sammy out of the tournament for agreeing to lie down for MJF, he could do it. If MJF is “manipulating the system,” it is only because Tony Khan has allowed that to occur through his own stupidity and/or apathy. And if the idea is that MJF is using leverage provided by his contract to manipulate the system, that’s still Tony’s fault to agreeing to the contract in the first place. Because in kayfabe, he really didn’t need MJF. Were we supposed to believe that the promotion was failing over the summer without MJF around? Of course not.

Oh yeah. The match. They did some spots. It was cool. One of said spots was Sammy putting Darby through a table right in front of the referee. This was not a DQ. Then we got the finish, which see Tay Conti and MJF help Sammy win via Eddie Guerrero DQ victory. This is a promotion where the referees ignore the rules all the time. IN THIS VERY MATCH, JUST A MINUTE AGO, we saw the referee ignore Sammy putting Darby through a table… and now the referee is calling for a DQ for something he didn’t even see?


POST-MATCH SEGMENT- bad The heels beat Darby down until Jungle Boy made the save with a chair. Darby rightfully pointed out that Jungle Boy didn’t have his back. If he did, he would have been out at ringside, the moment MJF got up. MJF cut a promo on Darby and Jungle Boy.
Tony Schiavone then got up and said that Tony Khan has decreed that next week there will be a singles match between Darby and Jungle Boy to determine the real #1 contender because Sammy has been stripped of his title shot for accepting a bribe and planning to throw a match.
JUST KIDDING! That would make sense. Instead, Tony has decreed that there will be a tag team match next week, and if Darby and Jungle Boy beat MJF and Sammy, they will also be in the title match at the PPV. Obviously, we’re heading to a four-way… but instead of just giving all of the guys a bunch of wins and then announcing a four-way, Tony Khan thought it would be best to book a convoluted storyline that makes himself and the company look like idiots for doing things in a ridiculous and unfair way, and for turning a blind eye to ONE WRESTLER BRIBING ANOTHER TO TAKE A DIVE IN A WORLD TITLE MATCH.
The heels left, and Darby and Jungle Boy shook hands.

MJF PROMO- awesome… until the dumb sh*t with Sammy Guevara at the end
MJFcut a great angry promo. Then he went to his car (with Sammy following) and Sammy- still dressed in his gear, and without his bags- thought he was going to leave with MJF. Even if he wanted to go strategize with MJF, why would he leave his gear at the building? To get Sammy away, MJF told an obvious lie about the car being full. This was done purely to create dissension between the heels, thus lowering the odds against the babyfaces before the big match. This whole thing has been 2014 TNA-level bullsh*t.

ADAM COLE CALLS OUT CHRIS JERICHO- okay segment
Coel cut a great promo. Jericho eventually showed up on the KhanTron saying that he wouldn’t do it, but he sent his goons instead (minus Sammy Guevara). Orange Cassidy and Bandido came out to make the save. That’s random. Keith Lee would have made more sense.
The heels still had the numbers advantage, but then a mysterious video began to play. Eventually it was revealed that this was for Roderick Strong, who only then ran out to help. It’s not like this took thirty seconds or anything, but it was long enough that it was completely ridiculous for Roddy not to have made it out sooner. This is all spontaneous, right? So the production guy had to see Roddy coming and then cue his music, and unless we assume that the sound guy sits a ridiculous distance away from Gorilla, it seemed ridiculous that he could see a sprinting Roderick, cue up his music, and then it would take that long into the video for Roddy to make it out onto the stage (and the fact that Roddy didn’t come out until right after his name was revealed on the KhanTron made it look even hokier).
While Roddy was cleaning house, the announcers were telling us about he and Coel have been such good friends for so long… and yet when Cole got up, he and Roddy had this big tense stare-down, like Cole couldn’t believe that Roddy wouldn’t help him. Is it really that hard to smarten your announcers up?
Roddy and Cole hugged. Bandido and OC didn’t stay to celebrate with them.

Okay… so when are we getting Roderick Strong vs. Darby Allin?

QTV- bad
Hobbs showed up to throttle Q.T. Marshall. Hobbs is upset because things were going well for him when he was “following the book,” but now aren’t going well. If the idea is that he stopped following the Book of Hobbs when he aligned with Q.T., then his statement holds no water, because he wasn’t a champion before he aligned with Q.T., and he’s not a champion now, either.
He ordered Q.T. to “fix it,” meaning that Q.T. Marshall will remain on TV.

AEW TBS TITLE MATCH IN WHICH TAYA CANNOT USE ROAD TO VALHALLA: Jade Cargill(c) (w/Leila Grey & Mark Sterling) vs. Taya Valkyrie- 6/10
Justin Roberts forgot to announce the stipulation. Also, why would Taya agree to this stipulation in the first place.
I popped huge when Jade went to skin the cat for no reason other than to show off, putting herself into a vulnerable position… and Taya just walked over and kicked her.
The match was going quite well until the finish, which saw Taya go for Road to Valhalla anyway, but then realize she had to give the hold up, so she just let Jade down, then immediately got rolled up and pinned.
After the match, Taya attacked the heels, then went to attack referee Aubrey Edwards, but the rest of the pack of referees came out and saved Aubrey.
Here is the problem with this whole thing: The question I have been asking is “why would Taya agree to these stipulations?” If the answer is because that’s the only way Jade would agree to give her a title shot, then where can this finish lead? A rematch with the same rules, which is essentially a waste of everyone’s time, because why should we as fans think the outcome will be any different? You have to give us a reason, like Taya coming up with a new finisher… except that the stips are the same, so why didn’t Taya just do that this time?
If the answer is that Tony Khan will suddenly start caring about tings and announce that Taya deserves a title shot without Jade being able to force unfair stipulations onto the match, then 1) Tony Khan looks bad for not paying attention already, and more importantly, 2) all we’ve done here is weaken Taya’s case because she just lost cleanly, according to rules that she herself agreed to.

BRITT BAKER & JAMIE HAYTER PROMO- very good
Britt has a shiner. Hayter’s arm is in a sling. Apparently she was injured during last week’s match, which is why she didn’t make the save for Britt. You have to establish this sort of thig before the big segment happens, otherwise it feels like damage control (although I am grateful that they did at least say something this week, as opposed to just ignoring their plot holes like usual). They said “tough gal” kind of stuff. They’re gearing for some kind of weapons match against the Outcasts. They still fail to come across to me as babyfaces, but at least the match should be exciting.

JAY WHITE & JUICE ROBINSON VS. RICKY STARKS & SHAWN SPEARS VIDEO PACKAGE- mixed
The babyfaces were very good, Jay White was bad, and Juice was downright terrible.

Excalibur ran through the other matches for Rampage and next week’s Dynamite very quickly. They’ve already booked an eight-man tag based on the Adam Cole/JAS segment earlier, but Anna Jay attacked Julia Hart on Rampage, and Tony has booked Anna Jay against a random jobber instead of the woman she has heat with. I just don’t get it.

But once Excalibur’s run-down is done, that means the main event is coming up. So… what match was big enough to get the main event spot over two title matches (one of which has been built up for about a month) and a match to determine who will challenge for the world championship at the next PPV?...

KENNY OMEGA & KONOSUKE TAKESHITA (w/Don Callis) vs. THE BUTCHER & THE BLADE (w/Penelope Ford & Kip Sabian)- 6/10
Yeah. That’s right. A tag match with f*cking Butcher & Blade was booked to be in the main event spot over two title matches and a #1 contendership match.
Bryan Danielson came out to do commentary for this match. It was teased that he didn’t support Moxley’s attack on Christopher Danielson, but they’ve done so much stupid swerve crap that I didn’t buy it at all.
Kenny Omega & Konosuke Takeshita had a competitive, back-and-forth match against THE BUTCHER & THE BLADE.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT-
Danielson tried to convince Takeshita to join the BCC, but he flubbed his line. The rest of the BCC came out from behind and threw Takeshita out of the ring and attacked Omega. Dragon approached the ring with a screwdriver. He gave it to Moxley, who took forever to make with the stabbing, allowing the Bucks to come out to make the save. No security came out to prevent someone from getting stabbed again.
They once again grabbed Moxley and Kenny was going to stab him with the screwdriver, but on Danielson’s orders, Takeshita got in the ring and tried to convince Kenny not to stab Moxley. What does Takeshita care if the guy who just jumped him gets stabbed in the face? He should be happy.
This, of course, bought time for Claudio and YUTA to come back and save Moxley, who used his newfound freedom to shove Takeshita into Kenny. Takeshita then stood there and watched the BCC kicked the guy that he inserted himself into this feud to save from an attack by this same BCC just last week.
Dragon offered for Takeshita to join them, but apparently this offer had a four-second window, and when he didn’t answer, YUTA hit him in the nuts. Moxley then grabbed a screwdriver and stabbed Takeshita in the face several times. No security ever attempted to come out and stop any of this. So Anna Jay and Julia Hart punching each other on Rampage or MJF and Jungle Boy shoving each other a few weeks ago on Dynamite must be stopped, but guys stabbing each other in the face is something that they can just let go?

This was another terrible episode of Dynamite. The segments are constructed in a painfully forced way, and Tony Khan seems to think that goofy bullsh*t or a random flippy match is more important than establishing characters’ motivations. How are those ratings doing?