BRM Reviews the 4/14/2011 Impact (FIRE TAZ AND TENAY!)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Eh. It was well done, but didn’t establish much of anything new at all.

VELVET & WINTER SEGMENT- Good

IMMORTAL BACKSTAGE- once again, they hold meeting in the lockerroom with the cameraman peering in like he is trying to sneak around, but standing in a place where at least three people should easily be able to see him. Also, if “The Network” is going to insist on making all of these decisions for Impact (because they think that they know better than Hogan & Bischoff) you’d think they would make them BEFORE THE SHOW STARTS!
Hogan’s issue with “The Network” being “smartened up” doesn’t make much sense, either. He should be complaining about them encroaching on his power. If they want to say that, JUST SAY IT! Don’t use terms like “smartening them up” and phrases like “they don’t think like we do,” because THEY DON’T MAKE SENSE HERE!

CRIMSON (w/Steiner) vs. DOUG WILLIAMS (w/Magnus) vs. OJ (w/Eric Young) vs. JESSE NEAL (w/Shannon Moore)- Apparently this match was contested under Lucha Rules, but no one bothered to tell Taz & Tenay beforehand, which just makes TNA look bad- 4/10, but mostly for the stuff happening on the outside.

ABYSS TAKING OUT CRIMSON DURING THE MATCH- FINALLY they get around to this… but you would think that this would have been the FIRST thing Abyss did when he came back. Also, it really hurts this angle that they haven’t even MENTIONED Crimson taking Abyss out (DRIVING JANICE INTO HIS BACK!) in the last THREE MONTHS

BUBBA & RVD BACKSTAGE- great.

KAZARIAN vs. MATT HARDY- 6/10 I want to see what these guys can do with more time.

MADISON-TARA-MICKIE SEGMENT- FREAKING AWESOME! PERFECT! I think we have an early Promo of the Year candidate from Mickie.

KURT ANGLE, MATT MORGAN, & SAMOA JOE vs. POPE, JEFF JARRETT, & HERNANDEZ (w/Mexican America & Karen Jarrett)- 5.75/10. I thought this did a pretty good job of teasing us for Lockdown. In terms of logistics, there should have been some resentment shown on the part of Hernandez for having to team with a black man and a white man, both of whom he considers to be his genetic inferiors. Mexican America and Pope DEFINITELY SHOULD NOT HAVE POSED TOGETHER AT THE END!

JEFF JARRETT LEAVES KAREN BEHIND- dumb. What was the point of this? We already know that Jeff is a jackass. We aren’t going to feel bad for Karen because she is just as much of a jackass as Jeff is. So what was the point?

RVD, STING, HOGAN, & BISCHOFF SEGMENT- GREAT, except for Sting seeming a little naïve based on the reasoning I laid out last week for why RVD must have realized that Anderson attacked Sting. Otherwise Sting’s promo was awesome. Sting’s line at the end (“not on your time, Hogan- on mine”) made no sense, though. Sting came out to interrupt something Hogan was doing, making this Sting’s time (i.e. the time of his choosing) rather than Hogan’s. So if it is already Sting’s time, why is he waiting?

ABYSS vs. JAMES STORM- 5/10. Didn’t see that coming, but it works.

ANGLE vs. JARRETT STIP- I don’t have a problem with the stips, but I do have a problem with “the Network” controlling PPVs because the PPVs AREN’T ON THAT NETWORK!

ANGELINA & VELVET SEGMENT- good, but I really didn’t like Velvet throwing the first punch. I would have just had Angelina come out and spear her right off.

MR. ANDERSON RUNS THE GAUNTLET- 4.75/10
Murphy loses after taking only one move. Rob Terry does, too, and he doesn’t even last as long as Murphy did. If TNA wants us to believe that this guy is a threat HE CAN’T BE JOBBED OUT LIKE THIS! He is currently being treated like a 7 foot tall jobber! If you want people to take him seriously as a threat, you have to BOOK HIM LIKE ONE! We know that TNA knows how to do this, because they have managed to do it for Abyss for years! Why can’t they figure out that they need to do it with Rob Terry, too?

And the fans in the Impact Zone… Bubba gets a “You can’t wrest!e” chant?… and ROB TERRY DOESN’T? WTF?
And what the hell was the point of Bubba attacking the ref? Immortal doesn’t care about winning the match. They only care about hurting Anderson

ANDERSON vs. BUBBA POST-MATCH: eh.

PROMOS AFTER THE SHOW- All AWESOME!

Overall, this had much better wrestling than we’ve seen form TNA recently, but was still a lot more bad than good. I do think it worked pretty well as a go-home show, though.

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “Impact opens with the appearance of Immortal; the Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, & Eric Bischoff-led group that has all of the power here in TNA”- Thank you Tenay. We can see that. You are calling TV, not radio.
And I know that this isn’t Tenay’s fault, but the reason that this type of quote from him is so annoying is because he says that same thing every week… because the show almost always starts off with Immortal coming out to the ring and cutting a promo, during which they are usually interrupted by the babyfaces. Why don’t you start off with a damn match for once?

2. Tenay then goes on to tell us exactly what we saw twenty seconds ago in the opening video package (and they shouldn’t have show footage of it either, since we had just seen that same footage in the video package)

3. Taz and Tenay then go on to speculate that the reason Anderson turned on Immortal last week is because “he doesn’t do well in a group setting” “because of his personality”- I think it is fairly obvious to everyone aside from these two idiots that Anderson never had any intention of siding with Immortal, but they seem to think that he intended on siding with Immortal, but just couldn’t help himself and attacked them last week because of a personality defect. This should prove just how dumb these two are.

4. Tenay (about the 4 way match to build up to the 4 way tag match at Lockdown)- “a special 4 way match featuring one member of four established tag teams in TNA”- Considering that they have only teamed together three times, I wouldn’t call Crimson & Steiner “established.”

5. Taz- “The Side Effect really pinpoints a man’s neck” NO IT DOESN’T! IT’S A F*CKING SIT-OUT URANAGE!

6. Taz & Tenay both said that they thought that Matt shoving Hebner into the ropes when Kaz was on the top rope was accidental. That looked about as accidental as John Wilkes Booth shooting President Lincoln.

7. Tenay- “That cold-blooded style submission hold”- what the hell does that even mean? That a lizard would use the move? “Cold-blooded” isn’t a style of wrestling, it is Matt’s nickname!

8. Tenay- “Just as we were getting ready to hear from Tara, you hear the music- Hardcore Country- and here comes Mickie James. See- her arm’s in a sling.” – I don’t think there is anyone dumb enough that they needed Tenay’s exposition to explain any of this to them. Seriously. There was NOTHING here that someone watching JUST THIS SEGMENT didn’t already know. That Tara was about to speak when she was interrupted by someone else’s music, and the screen showed the name “Mickie James” before she came out, and we could see her arm in the sling. The fact that Tenay feels the need to say this is insulting to me as someone watching the show. Give your fanbase credit for having just a tiny bit of intelligence! It’s like Tenay thinks we are all as dumb as him, Taz, and the TNA Booking Committee.

9. Tenay (when Morgan has Pope goozled)- “Is he going to go chokeslam here?” No, he’s going to hit him with a powerbomb. OF COURSE HE IS GOING TO GO FOR A CHOKESLAM! How many other moves can you even hit out of that position?

10. Taz- “Pope’s getting a bird’s eye view of the submissions that Joe might bring to their match this Sunday”- A bird’s eye view is from high up and far away. Pope is in the ring with Joe, so he isn’t getting a bird’s eye view of anything.

11. Tenay- “Can you imagine; after facing Murphy, after facing Rob Terry, after facing Gunnar, Mr. Anderson now has to deal with Bully Ray”- considering that it only took Anderson a combined total of about 10 moves (and not much more than five minutes) to beat those three, the situation doesn’t seem all that desperate for him.

12. Taz- “How innovative is this? Bully Ray hanging Mr. Anderson upside and exposing his knee, to pound on it more and more and more”- tying someone in a tree of woe and attacking an injured knee? Not innovative at all. We’ve seen this thousands of times before.

[Sassafras]

I read your Impact reviews every week, and oftentimes look forward to them just as much as I look forward to the actual broadcast. But one thing that I CAN say for TNA is that, in my own contoversial opinion, they're better than the WWE.

[Rabid619]

But one thing that I CAN say for TNA is that, in my own contoversial opinion, they're better than the WWE.

How so? Im curious....

[Chris Everlast]

Sassafrass hates WWE for no particular reason. :p

[Verdun]

I can honestly say I enjoy reading BRM reviews more then watching Impact.

Which really isn't a good thing to say.

[Sassafras]

BRM, my major reason for saying that is that...well...at least TNA is still a WRESTLING company. They express the desire and ability to get better. WWE is fine with what they're doing. And it's sickening.

See, Evalas'? I have good reason.

[yourcrapsweak]

BRM, my major reason for saying that is that...well...at least TNA is still a WRESTLING company. They express the desire and ability to get better. WWE is fine with what they're doing. And it's sickening.

See, Evalas'? I have good reason.

WWE wants to expand into "global entertainment," and who can blame them?

[Rabid619]

BRM, my major reason for saying that is that...well...at least TNA is still a WRESTLING company. They express the desire and ability to get better. WWE is fine with what they're doing. And it's sickening.

Where have they gotten better though? They've taken a step back since 2009 when they were their own thing then they decided to imitate WWE in every way they could think by re-creating angles and just generally being stupid. I hear more dumb lines from Taz & Tenay in a week then i do from WWE announcers in a few weeks to maybe a month.

WWE has done more than this year to make an Impact than TNA did last year when they were SUPPOSED to make an impact by bringing in Hogan & Bischoff along with the long list of others that have come to TNA since.

[badnewzxl]

BRM, I was looking forward to your review of this show; it was the best show they've put on in quite some time. I think there was a lot more good than bad this time (the only thing I didn't like about the show was when JJ and Angle ran off during the six man tag; I feel like that hapens in every six man tag match they have now. Joe and Pope did it before AAO).
There Are a couple of points I have to disagree with you on though::

1. I liked JJ leaving Karen behind bc (in addition to being VERY funny to me) it continues to show how Kurt's fury is affecting the otherwise perfectly happy Jarrett Family.

2. The reason Sting said he'd address Hogan on HIS time, was bc Hogan said the exact same thing to Anderson. To me, Sting was just saying to Hogan: "You think you run things around here; but I do," and it foreshadowed Sting coming out at the end to save Anderson.

3. The Mexican America angle (which I hate bc TNA is firmly behind this, yet they didn't wanna just reunite LAX, run pretty much the same angle, and have HOMICIDE in there instead of this lackluster Anarchia character) is really about Hernendez and co hating White America. It would make more sense I guess if their prejudice fairly excluded Blacks and others as well, but such inconsistency will only help draw more heat on the group (furthermore, the idea of prejudice being evenly distributed is very unrealistic. Most racist or discriminatory groups dislike one group far more than some others)....

[Big Red Machine]

BRM, my major reason for saying that is that...well...at least TNA is still a WRESTLING company. They express the desire and ability to get better. WWE is fine with what they're doing. And it's sickening.

I don't see how anyone (even Vince) can deny that WWE is a wrestling company. It is just silly. A different style? I guess so. Not as good? In my opinion it usually isn't (although that has more to do with the time they give their matches). Hell... There are more wrestling moves in the average 10 minute WWE main event that in a 45 minute "classic" Meltzer approved All Japan King's Road Style match. No one ever said that wasn't wrestling.

I also deny that ANY wrestling company on the face of the Earth isn't trying to do better. That is the goal of business. If they weren't, we would be seeing new guys getting a chance in the main event.

[Big Red Machine]

BRM, my major reason for saying that is that...well...at least TNA is still a WRESTLING company. They express the desire and ability to get better. WWE is fine with what they're doing. And it's sickening.

Where have they gotten better though? They've taken a step back since 2009 when they were their own thing then they decided to imitate WWE in every way they could think by re-creating angles and just generally being stupid. I hear more dumb lines from Taz & Tenay in a week then i do from WWE announcers in a few weeks to maybe a month.

WWE has done more than this year to make an Impact than TNA did last year when they were SUPPOSED to make an impact by bringing in Hogan & Bischoff along with the long list of others that have come to TNA since.

Sassafras isn't saying that they have gotten better. He is saying that they have tried to do better. I think that they have certainly tried. the problem is that they are ignoring the obvious, time-tested solutions: If your angles aren't drawing- FIRE THE BOOKER. Even Gabe got the axe once.

[Big Red Machine]

2. The reason Sting said he'd address Hogan on HIS time, was bc Hogan said the exact same thing to Anderson. To me, Sting was just saying to Hogan: "You think you run things around here; but I do," and it foreshadowed Sting coming out at the end to save Anderson.

I understand why he said it in the non-kayfabe sense: for the artistic mirroring. But artistic mirroring only works if the lines make sense when the characters say them.

3. The Mexican America angle (which I hate bc TNA is firmly behind this, yet they didn't wanna just reunite LAX, run pretty much the same angle, and have HOMICIDE in there instead of this lackluster Anarchia character) is really about Hernendez and co hating White America. It would make more sense I guess if their prejudice fairly excluded Blacks and others as well, but such inconsistency will only help draw more heat on the group (furthermore, the idea of prejudice being evenly distributed is very unrealistic. Most racist or discriminatory groups dislike one group far more than some others)....

Eh. One of the things that I recently learned at college is that it is okay to hate Blacks now (as long as you aren't White) because we have the first generation of not self-made rich Black People growing up, and capping it all off a Black President; making them part of the system- the moral of this is that very liberal college professors are dumb. We should be celebrating accomplishments, not blaming the person for them...
but the point is that including Blacks on their hate list makes sense.

Also, there is one key difference between LAX and this angle: LAX claimed to want "equal treatment." Mexican America has nothing to do with equal treatment. Hernandez said the words "superior race." That is unforgivable, and whoever's idea it was should be fired

[badnewzxl]

BRM, my major reason for saying that is that...well...at least TNA is still a WRESTLING company. They express the desire and ability to get better. WWE is fine with what they're doing. And it's sickening.

I don't see how anyone (even Vince) can deny that WWE is a wrestling company. It is just silly. A different style? I guess so. Not as good? In my opinion it usually isn't (although that has more to do with the time they give their matches). Hell... There are more wrestling moves in the average 10 minute WWE main event that in a 45 minute "classic" Meltzer approved All Japan King's Road Style match. No one ever said that wasn't wrestling.

I also deny that ANY wrestling company on the face of the Earth isn't trying to do better. That is the goal of business. If they weren't, we would be seeing new guys getting a chance in the main event.

I'm kinda with Sass in the sense that WWE seems to not be proud of the fact that they are a wrestling company; most times (esp recently) they seem to be ashamed of it. I look at it the same way I look at olks who try to act as though their is a difference between Rap and Hip Hop, or being black and being a "nigga." There is no difference. If you'd rather try to escape the negativity ppl are going to unjustly send your way by changing your identity, that's just pathetic. I personally would rather stand as proof that all those negative things are NOT absolute truths. Just because I'm a black man, doesn't mean I'm gonna talk over the movie in the theater; but I'm not gonna say "well, I'm a black man and we don't do that. Niggaz do that." That implies that the stereotype is true. Instead, I'd say "Yeah, I'm a nigga. I don't talk over movies, but I'm still a black man." WWE, instead of standing up for the industry and saying "yea, a lot of wrestling promotions have problems with drugs and objectify women; but this wrestling promotion has a drug policy and contributes a lot to organizations that promote the empowerment of women," they say "Wrestling is where all the drug problems and bigotry is. WE are an entertainment company; so we don't have to answer for any of that." Considering what BRM said above (bc it is VERY true; WWE can NOT actually shed it's identity as a wrestling company), all it does is hurt the industry when WWE and Vince claim not to be a part of it. It's like if every positive rapper came out and said they didn't do rap music bc rap music is just about shooting ppl and selling drugs; they would be abandoning the industry simply bc they do not live up to the stereotypes, and despite the fact that they surpass the standards. WWE surpasses a lot of the standards of pro wrestling, but they are abandoning he industry simple bc they aren't as violent and/or mismanaged as wrestling promotions stereo typically are.

It may not be his duty or his obligation, but it def speaks to his integrity. Why wouldn't you stand up for the business that you've been in for forty years?

[Rabid619]

3. The Mexican America angle (which I hate bc TNA is firmly behind this, yet they didn't wanna just reunite LAX, run pretty much the same angle, and have HOMICIDE in there instead of this lackluster Anarchia character) is really about Hernendez and co hating White America. It would make more sense I guess if their prejudice fairly excluded Blacks and others as well, but such inconsistency will only help draw more heat on the group (furthermore, the idea of prejudice being evenly distributed is very unrealistic. Most racist or discriminatory groups dislike one group far more than some others)....

His beef with it though is that one of his tag team partners was Jeff Jarrett and it didnt seem to effect him. If they really want to have this thing go over, he has to play it all out. It seems stupid that he dislikes Matt Morgan but seems to have no issue with Jarrett. I know it story Morgan took him out but his gimmick is that he hates White American, but thats what Jeff is, as is Bischoff who he agreed to help. The gimmick seems kinda dumb if he does what they ask him to do.

[badnewzxl]

2. The reason Sting said he'd address Hogan on HIS time, was bc Hogan said the exact same thing to Anderson. To me, Sting was just saying to Hogan: "You think you run things around here; but I do," and it foreshadowed Sting coming out at the end to save Anderson.

I understand why he said it in the non-kayfabe sense: for the artistic mirroring. But artistic mirroring only works if the lines make sense when the characters say them.

3. The Mexican America angle (which I hate bc TNA is firmly behind this, yet they didn't wanna just reunite LAX, run pretty much the same angle, and have HOMICIDE in there instead of this lackluster Anarchia character) is really about Hernendez and co hating White America. It would make more sense I guess if their prejudice fairly excluded Blacks and others as well, but such inconsistency will only help draw more heat on the group (furthermore, the idea of prejudice being evenly distributed is very unrealistic. Most racist or discriminatory groups dislike one group far more than some others)....

Eh. One of the things that I recently learned at college is that it is okay to hate Blacks now (as long as you aren't White) because we have the first generation of not self-made rich Black People growing up, and capping it all off a Black President; making them part of the system- the moral of this is that very liberal college professors are dumb. We should be celebrating accomplishments, not blaming the person for them...
but the point is that including Blacks on their hate list makes sense.

Also, there is one key difference between LAX and this angle: LAX claimed to want "equal treatment." Mexican America has nothing to do with equal treatment. Hernandez said the words "superior race." That is unforgivable, and whoever's idea it was should be fired

I thought it made perfect sense; what didn't make sense? "I'll address it on my time" means simply that I will do what I want to you when I want to do it. Going any further with it would be going too far. Artistic Mirroring was def not a term brought up backstage when they were discussing this angle, so I don't feel I should hold them to the standards of the term.

Don't let college skew your view on reality; it's def not okay to hate blacks, lol. Most of America NEVER takes a college course, so the analysis you presented is irrelevant in most instances. One black president (who is only half black, and that half is foreign) does not negate slavery. And don't forget that the reason whites are hated so much is bc they have almost always been the oppressors. It doesn't make sense for Hernendez to HATE Pope; he can think he's better than ope without hating him. Hernendez should hate Morgan; bc Morgan represents the group that oppressed Hernendez's ppl. He believes that Mexican America is superior to everyone else, but that doesn't mean he has to dislike every one else equally. The Nazi's def hated the Jews more than any other group, though they believed they themselves were above everyone else. There have been many militant black groups in America that've claimed to be superior to all others, but they usually target Whites above Asians and Hispanics.

I'm not saying Hernenez doesn't dislike Pope (kayfabe), just that he doesn't have to dislike him as much as Morgan.

[badnewzxl]

3. The Mexican America angle (which I hate bc TNA is firmly behind this, yet they didn't wanna just reunite LAX, run pretty much the same angle, and have HOMICIDE in there instead of this lackluster Anarchia character) is really about Hernendez and co hating White America. It would make more sense I guess if their prejudice fairly excluded Blacks and others as well, but such inconsistency will only help draw more heat on the group (furthermore, the idea of prejudice being evenly distributed is very unrealistic. Most racist or discriminatory groups dislike one group far more than some others)....

His beef with it though is that one of his tag team partners was Jeff Jarrett and it didnt seem to effect him. If they really want to have this thing go over, he has to play it all out. It seems stupid that he dislikes Matt Morgan but seems to have no issue with Jarrett. I know it story Morgan took him out but his gimmick is that he hates White American, but thats what Jeff is, as is Bischoff who he agreed to help. The gimmick seems kinda dumb if he does what they ask him to do.

Have you ever met a racist person? There are almost always exceptions. Hernendez claims that white folks have been keeping him down; of course he'll be cool with the one's that are helping him. Immortal has been helping Hernendez since he returned, so of course he can get along with JJ. Life is no fun when everything is just black or white, and wrestling is too. I like the inconsistency in Hernendez's prejudice, it makes it all more realistic....

[Lynas]

That's a lot of stupid announcer quotes PLUS some of the most stupid I've ever read... You're right BRM... it's time to fire Taz & Tenay... Bring back Don West, least he didn't say too much stupid shit. Put Taz on merchandising or warehousing... or floor sweeping duty.

[Sassafras]

Taz and Samoa Joe were great with their "Nation of Violence" gimmick. They should have left Taz managing Joe. Just sayin'...

[Big Red Machine]

Taz and Samoa Joe were great with their "Nation of Violence" gimmick. They should have left Taz managing Joe. Just sayin'...

I agree, although I also liked them both with the MEM too.

[Sassafras]

Taz and Samoa Joe were great with their "Nation of Violence" gimmick. They should have left Taz managing Joe. Just sayin'...

I agree, although I also liked them both with the MEM too.

I agree with that, as well. Part of me wishes that the reunion of the MEM earlier this year had gone as planned. Ya know...the small, almost non-existent part that DIDN'T mark out during the Rumble the second I heard that Diesel truck.