BRM Reviews the 5/16/2017 Smackdown
Posted: May 18th, '17, 00:34
OPENING SEGMENT- Owens is now doing the Highlight Reel to prove that he’s better than Jericho. He says things in French to get heat because other languages and foreigners are bad. AJ Styles comes and cuts a promo in English. They trade promos. Then Owens’ real guest, Jinder Mahal comes out and cuts a promo on AJ and Randy. Jinder then also spoke a foreign language to try to get heat, but he made the mistake of first telling people that he was quoting Gandhi, which tends to not get you booed. More talking ensued. Throughout all of this the main thought running through my head was best expressed by a sign someone about five rows deep was holding up, which said “shut up and wrestle.”
AJ said that because and Jinder are both out here, they should have their match right now. I assume that Owens will wind up on commentary and will wind up costing AJ the match, which I would have been fine with if Jinder had actually managed to get a clean win since his push began.
AJ STYLES vs. JINDER MAHAL (w/the Singh Brothers)- 6.5/10
Everything I said above would happen in this match did, in fact, happen in this match.
LANA COMMERCIAL- either take a sh*t or get off the pot.
FASHION FILES- bad, although the “you’re Prince Pretty! The… prettiest of all the princes” line made me laugh.
RENEE YOUNG’S VOICE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY INTERVIEWS RANDY ORTON- he says “Jnder’s an ass.”
But seriously, what the hell has been up with Renee’s hair recently?
TYLER BREEZE & FANDANGO vs. THE COLONS- 2.5/10
The Colons are right back to being those guys who lose in n time at all.
I loved Byron trolling JBL by referring to Breeze & Fandango as “a modern-day APA.”
USOS PROMO- A standard “new” Usos promo, which means that they say a million things of which I love half and think half of cringe-worthy.
SIX-WOMAN TAG TEAM MATCH CONTRACT SIGNING- a mixed bag.
Shane comes out and says that he thinks that the SD women’s division is one of the things that helps make SD better than Raw. Really Shane? Because you’re about to give me a six-woman tag on PPV even though you already have a clear #1 contender while Raw has already announced the women’s title match they’re going to give me at their next PPV.
Shane introduced Charlotte as “one of the most decorated Superstars in WWE history.” Please remember that she hasn’t even been on the main roster for two years yet.
The important people got to talk, by which I mean the babyfaces and Nattie. Becky and Charlotte were great. Nattie was meh, and Naomi needs to stop using that “snatch you bald” catchphrase immediately.
Then Ellsworth said some stuff that set up a physical confrontation between Carmella and Naomi which led to Shane booking that match for right now.
NAOMI (w/Becky Lynch & Charlotte Flair) vs. CARMELLA (w/James Ellsworth, Natalya, & Tamina)- 5/10
Naomi is about to punch Carmella… so of course Kevin Dunn decides to cut to Charlotte and Becky standing on the outside.
Also, shouldn’t Carmella have been DQed for Nattia and Tamina not leaving ringside after being ejected? If there are no consequences, what power does that order have?
DOLPH ZIGGLER PROMO & VIDEO PACKAGE- GREAT!
DASHA FUENTES INTERVIEWS SAMI ZAYN- good. So was Corbin’s dastardly attack from behind and short, threatening promo. They’re apparently having a match on Sunday’s PPV.
BARON CORBIN vs. RANDY ORTON- 6/10
Do Randy’s tattoos look darker and shinier tonight to anyone else?
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Jinder Mahal comes out and distracts Randy so that the Singh Brothers can sneak up on him. Randy deals with them on his own but this allows Jinder to attack Randy from behind. Randy gets beaten down and then laid out with the Khallas.
No Nakamura again. With no explanation. Again. And what happened to Rusev?
This was a mostly dull place-holder episode of Smackdown. It did hit all of the go-home show notes, but there wasn’t anything close to anything that felt like a real go-home angle aside from maybe the final bit of the show.
AJ said that because and Jinder are both out here, they should have their match right now. I assume that Owens will wind up on commentary and will wind up costing AJ the match, which I would have been fine with if Jinder had actually managed to get a clean win since his push began.
AJ STYLES vs. JINDER MAHAL (w/the Singh Brothers)- 6.5/10
Everything I said above would happen in this match did, in fact, happen in this match.
LANA COMMERCIAL- either take a sh*t or get off the pot.
FASHION FILES- bad, although the “you’re Prince Pretty! The… prettiest of all the princes” line made me laugh.
RENEE YOUNG’S VOICE IN SOMEONE ELSE’S BODY INTERVIEWS RANDY ORTON- he says “Jnder’s an ass.”
But seriously, what the hell has been up with Renee’s hair recently?
TYLER BREEZE & FANDANGO vs. THE COLONS- 2.5/10
The Colons are right back to being those guys who lose in n time at all.
I loved Byron trolling JBL by referring to Breeze & Fandango as “a modern-day APA.”
USOS PROMO- A standard “new” Usos promo, which means that they say a million things of which I love half and think half of cringe-worthy.
SIX-WOMAN TAG TEAM MATCH CONTRACT SIGNING- a mixed bag.
Shane comes out and says that he thinks that the SD women’s division is one of the things that helps make SD better than Raw. Really Shane? Because you’re about to give me a six-woman tag on PPV even though you already have a clear #1 contender while Raw has already announced the women’s title match they’re going to give me at their next PPV.
Shane introduced Charlotte as “one of the most decorated Superstars in WWE history.” Please remember that she hasn’t even been on the main roster for two years yet.
The important people got to talk, by which I mean the babyfaces and Nattie. Becky and Charlotte were great. Nattie was meh, and Naomi needs to stop using that “snatch you bald” catchphrase immediately.
Then Ellsworth said some stuff that set up a physical confrontation between Carmella and Naomi which led to Shane booking that match for right now.
NAOMI (w/Becky Lynch & Charlotte Flair) vs. CARMELLA (w/James Ellsworth, Natalya, & Tamina)- 5/10
Naomi is about to punch Carmella… so of course Kevin Dunn decides to cut to Charlotte and Becky standing on the outside.
Also, shouldn’t Carmella have been DQed for Nattia and Tamina not leaving ringside after being ejected? If there are no consequences, what power does that order have?
DOLPH ZIGGLER PROMO & VIDEO PACKAGE- GREAT!
DASHA FUENTES INTERVIEWS SAMI ZAYN- good. So was Corbin’s dastardly attack from behind and short, threatening promo. They’re apparently having a match on Sunday’s PPV.
BARON CORBIN vs. RANDY ORTON- 6/10
Do Randy’s tattoos look darker and shinier tonight to anyone else?
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- Jinder Mahal comes out and distracts Randy so that the Singh Brothers can sneak up on him. Randy deals with them on his own but this allows Jinder to attack Randy from behind. Randy gets beaten down and then laid out with the Khallas.
No Nakamura again. With no explanation. Again. And what happened to Rusev?
This was a mostly dull place-holder episode of Smackdown. It did hit all of the go-home show notes, but there wasn’t anything close to anything that felt like a real go-home angle aside from maybe the final bit of the show.