BRM Reviews the 12/7/2015 Raw
Posted: Dec 8th, '15, 00:15
So… the first commercial for Smackdown’s move to USA is… Roman Reigns being frustrated that he can’t figure out how to fold a cardboard box, so he rips it in half.
The second commercial involved Cesaro carrying a box of stuff, including a rubber chicken, and walking out of an elevator.
Commercial #3 is people auditioning their ideas for the announcement in front of Hunter and Steph. Included in this was Roman offering to get it tattooed on his back and, in the only funny moment, Kane’s pitch was “I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but it involves setting something on fire.” Of course, Hunter and Steph buried all of them.
#4 featured Titus O’Neil pushing a dolly that Sasha Banks was lying on. Others showed up at the end.
Commercial #5 had the Wyatts talking to a temp.
Good job there, WWE and USA. You do realize that this isn’t a dramedy, right?
Here’s an idea… WHY NOT SHOW HIGHLIGHTS OF WRESTLING?
Oh. Wow. There’s actually a good Smackdown to USA commercial featuring the Bellas. No wait. That’s an anti-tobacco commercial.
OPENING SEGMENT- Sooo… rumor has it that we will be seeing “big changes” starting on Raw tonight. The show started off with heels cutting a long promo in the ring.
Sheamus says that WWE has “officially entered into the international era” because his group is called the League of Nations, as if WWE has never had a stable of non-Americans before. Del Rio is apparently from Mexico now, with no mention of Mexamerica, which is a good change.
Sheamus continued to cut his promo until the Wyatts magicked themselves into the ring. They seem like they’re about to fight but then Dreamer and the Dudleys came out and Devon said that ”when you’re extreme, you don’t die: you multiply” which was in poor taste the day after Hack Myers died. Then Rhyno came out to join them. Then headed for the ring, but then Roman Reigns’ music played and Roman & Friends came out and we went to commercial. Boy. I sure hope nothing exciting happens during this commercial on this live and totally not scripted TV show.
(and to make matters worse, the first commercial we got was for Austin’s podcast with HBK).
When we came back from commercial, they were just starting a 16 man tag match, but before I get into that, let me explain why I didn’t like this segment: It was lazy. It was lazy, and it was lazy in a way that exposes exactly why nothing in this company will ever change.
They wanted to make a big splash at the beginning of the show, so what did they do? Did they announce a blockbuster match for later tonight- maybe something with a crazy workrate like Del Rio vs. Ziggler, or something that just oozes coolness like the Dudleys vs. Dean & Roman? Did they start off with some major angle? Or maybe a big change to status quo? Nope.
Instead they tried to grab our attention with something most people would probably find cool- League of Nations vs. Wyatts, but with no intention of ever giving it to us. Instead, they just set up this giant tag team match. They’re not trying to get more people to watch by changing the show. They’re trying to get people to watch by trying to trick us- teasing us with something we’ll never get (do you honestly think they’ll ever revisit… or even MENTION this little confrontation between the Wyatts and the League of Nations again?)- and then they’re just going to give us the same show as usual. They don’t think anything is wrong with their show. They think there is something wrong with us because we don’t enjoy it.
A bunch of these guys have title matches coming up on the PPV in just six days that have gotten very little build. Others (Rusev & Barrett, for example), have not been built in any direction at all for the PPV, which you’d think they’d be on seeing as how they’re now theoretically an important part of the show. Maybe try to actually justify the TLC stip in Roman vs. Sheamus?
But no. Instead they’re just throwing a bunch of guys into a big clusterf*ck. Yes, the Wyatts and Dudleys are on opposite sides, but who cares? We’ve seen that every damn show since the feud started. Hell… we already saw Bray go through a table, so why should I even care about that match? This is not a question WWE creative thinks is important enough to try to answer.
FOUR WAY SIXTEEN MAN TAG TEAM ELIMINATON CLUSTERF*CK: The Wyatt Family vs. The League of Nations vs. Team ECW vs. Roman Reigns, the Usos, & Dean Ambrose- 7/10
The elimination stip, of course, means that you’ll either have to beat the League of Nations in just their second week, or you’ll have to beat Roman’s team, every last one of whom will be challenging for a title in six days on PPV.
Rhyno has a beard now. Team ECW eliminates the Wyatts with Tommy Dreamer, an old fart who won’t be around in two weeks, pinning Erick Rowan. Hooray. The babyfaces have prevailed, so I guess I don’t need to watch Sunday’s PPV to see them get their revenge.
The match was hard to follow when there were so many people around and a poor booking idea, IMO, but it was very enjoyable, and I guess that between the last two teams, Roman pinning Sheamus was the best way to go.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS SHEAMUS- meh
STARDUST PROMO- He talked about movies while wearing 3-D glasses. Then Titus O’Neil showed up, which, for some reason, caused Stardust’s music to stop playing. This whole thing was intolerable. I’m also almost certain that Titus utter the word “bullsh*t.”
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KEVIN OWENS- 7.25/10
Even though this match was Dolph vs. Owens, Tyler Breeze got to do his entrance between them. He did nothing during the match. He was just there to watch. Speaking of watching, Dean Ambrose watched the match backstage, then came out after the end of the match in order to be a total dick to Owens, throwing soda and popcorn in his face for no reason. What an asshole. I’d sure hate it if someone did that to me. I hope Kevin Owens kicks his ass at TLC.
WYATT FAMILY PROMO- decent
We got a slide called “superstars exposed” which told us that Lana used to dance for Nelly and was in Pitch Perfect. I assume that this part of the script was originally written in the blood drained from kayfabe’s dead corpse.
I mean… what was the point of this? What was to be gained from broadcasting this information to the world? And was it really worth completely destroying a character you’ve spent so much time trying to push this year?
MIZ & NEVILLE BACKSTAGE- Miz wants to manage Neville and jazz him up a bit.
BRIE BELLA & ALICIA FOX vs. TEAM B.A.D. (w/Tamina)- 4.75/10
Team B.A.D. are still being annoying with their “UNITTTTTTTTTTTTY” crap.
The match was getting pretty good. I would have liked to see it got another ten minutes.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- The New Day came out and gave Team B.A.D. their unicorn horns. That is not a euphemism. Then they all danced. This was pointless and dumb.
When we come back from commercial, New Day are still in the ring, but the Usos are on commentary.
NEW DAY PROMO- really annoying and stupid but I will admit I laughed at it. That doesn’t mean it was good for the wrestling show. It just means it was funny. Also, apparently the tag title match will be a ladder match.
LUCHA DRAGONS vs. NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods)- 3/10
They had a short match that ended when Xavier was extremely annoying to the Usos, so they gave him a well-deserved ass-kicking (although, to be honest, I think it would have been better with just the KO punch and none of the stomps. Those felt heelish), which distracted Kofi, allowing him to be pinned.
John Cena will be on the Tonight Show. They haven’t explained why he hasn’t shown up to work for the past month and a half, but they do plug his appearance on the Tonight Show. Would it really have been that hard to just say that Del Rio injured Cena’s arm with the cross armbreaker or gave him a concussion with his superkick or however he beat him? In fact, makes complete and total sense to do that if you are going to go with Cena vs. Del Rio for the US Title when Cena returns (as the local market commercial I saw for the house show on 12/26 was advertising).
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- terrible. They tried to make Roman be funny. It didn’t work. It started off with this gem: “Sheamus wants to teach me a lesson? Is he a professor or something?”
MIZ TV WITH SPECIAL GUESTS CHARLOTTE AND RIC FLAIR- bad
Byron Saxton says that Charlotte thinks she should be seen as “the leader of the Divas Revolution” which is like wanting to be seen as the leader of the Flat Earth Society.
Charlotte announced that Flair would be in her corner. Miz then asked her how she justifies her new heelish attitude. Charlotte responded by first saying was doing what her father taught her to (#BRMBookedItFirst), and then by throwing out a wild and completely unfounded accusation of sexism on Miz’s part. She claims that if she were male, Miz would be commending her cheating… because we’ve NEVER seen Miz put over female heels for cheating before, right?
Miz, like a good reporter, ignored her unfounded and inappropriate ad hominem attack and pressed on for answers to his completely legitimate question. Ric stepped in and said that this is not the place for Miz to be giving Charlotte the third degree. If they didn’t want Miz asking her questions, then why did they come on his show?
Miz finally managed to goad Charlotte into actually doing her job and cutting a promo on Paige, then revealed that Paige was really here. Paige came out looking for a fight, looking for all the world like she’s supposed to be a babyface. Charlotte backed down (at Ric’s advising). And in case you thought the above #BRMBookedItFirst was unwarranted, Ric said, word for word “we are Flairs are champions.” THEY’RE STEALING MY SH*T!
Paige slapped Ric, who then ordered Charlotte to “get her!” but Paige escaped.
JBL’s WWE Network flashcards are back. Uch.
RUSEV & LANA INSET PROMO- they champion love and forgiveness. Well… I think we know what Jimmy Jacobs has been up to on the creative team.
RYBACK vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 5/10
It looks like they realized that last week’s angle made Rusev look like a babyface and Ryback look like a heel, so they did something to turn that around. Good.
We came back from commercial IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH…
JACK SWAGGER vs. STARDUST- 0.5/10
Titus O’Neil was on commentary (because that’s how you build feuds, dammit! You have the other guy either on commentary or watching the monitor in the back. Not by cutting promos to build to the match and trying to tell a story). Soon after we joined the match, Del Rio and Zeb showed up. Titus talked about how the Stardust gimmick is stupid bullsh*t that was basically destroyed Cody Rhodes’ career. If this is supposed to be the angle, why didn’t they have him say this TO STARDUST in any of those stupid backstage segments they’ve done recently.
Swagger won, but then Del Rio attacked him with a chair. Stardust tried to attack Del Rio, but Titus warned him. Swagger got a chair and fought Del Rio off. The Swagger-Del Rio stuff was good, and I guess I can get behind the Titus-Stardust stuff if it leads to the end of Stardust.
ADAM ROSE’S ROSEBUSH- almost as unfunny as last week. This sh*t is terrible and I hope to never see it again.
ZEB & DEL RIO BREAK UP- yeah. That definitely justified this dumb “Mexamerica” crap.
BRAUN STROWMAN (w/the Wyatt Family) vs. TOMMY DREAMER (w/Rhyno & The Dudley Boyz)- 0.5/10
OH MY G-D SHUT UP WITH THE “SCHOOL/LESSON” REFERENCES! It’ a f*cking expression! Don’t beat it into the ground!
CLOSING SEGMENT- Roman’s first promo was good, aside from the part where he was simultaneously using metaphors about climbing a ladder and “digging.” Also, that part about destroying the arena probably wasn’t the best of ideas.
Then Sheamus came out and he cut a bad promo. Then Roman responded with an even worse promo in which he went so low as to laugh at his own joke. They looked like they were about to fight but Sheamus backed down to cut yet another promo. They wasted tome not fighting, which is not what I wanted to see. I just got progressively more and more annoyed as this went on, to the point where when they finally did fight, I just didn’t care.
I really don’t know how to feel about this Raw. There was definitely more emphasis on the wrestling, but at the same time it was poorly booked, full of bad segments, and my objections to the opening segment still stand.
The second commercial involved Cesaro carrying a box of stuff, including a rubber chicken, and walking out of an elevator.
Commercial #3 is people auditioning their ideas for the announcement in front of Hunter and Steph. Included in this was Roman offering to get it tattooed on his back and, in the only funny moment, Kane’s pitch was “I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but it involves setting something on fire.” Of course, Hunter and Steph buried all of them.
#4 featured Titus O’Neil pushing a dolly that Sasha Banks was lying on. Others showed up at the end.
Commercial #5 had the Wyatts talking to a temp.
Good job there, WWE and USA. You do realize that this isn’t a dramedy, right?
Here’s an idea… WHY NOT SHOW HIGHLIGHTS OF WRESTLING?
Oh. Wow. There’s actually a good Smackdown to USA commercial featuring the Bellas. No wait. That’s an anti-tobacco commercial.
OPENING SEGMENT- Sooo… rumor has it that we will be seeing “big changes” starting on Raw tonight. The show started off with heels cutting a long promo in the ring.
Sheamus says that WWE has “officially entered into the international era” because his group is called the League of Nations, as if WWE has never had a stable of non-Americans before. Del Rio is apparently from Mexico now, with no mention of Mexamerica, which is a good change.
Sheamus continued to cut his promo until the Wyatts magicked themselves into the ring. They seem like they’re about to fight but then Dreamer and the Dudleys came out and Devon said that ”when you’re extreme, you don’t die: you multiply” which was in poor taste the day after Hack Myers died. Then Rhyno came out to join them. Then headed for the ring, but then Roman Reigns’ music played and Roman & Friends came out and we went to commercial. Boy. I sure hope nothing exciting happens during this commercial on this live and totally not scripted TV show.
(and to make matters worse, the first commercial we got was for Austin’s podcast with HBK).
When we came back from commercial, they were just starting a 16 man tag match, but before I get into that, let me explain why I didn’t like this segment: It was lazy. It was lazy, and it was lazy in a way that exposes exactly why nothing in this company will ever change.
They wanted to make a big splash at the beginning of the show, so what did they do? Did they announce a blockbuster match for later tonight- maybe something with a crazy workrate like Del Rio vs. Ziggler, or something that just oozes coolness like the Dudleys vs. Dean & Roman? Did they start off with some major angle? Or maybe a big change to status quo? Nope.
Instead they tried to grab our attention with something most people would probably find cool- League of Nations vs. Wyatts, but with no intention of ever giving it to us. Instead, they just set up this giant tag team match. They’re not trying to get more people to watch by changing the show. They’re trying to get people to watch by trying to trick us- teasing us with something we’ll never get (do you honestly think they’ll ever revisit… or even MENTION this little confrontation between the Wyatts and the League of Nations again?)- and then they’re just going to give us the same show as usual. They don’t think anything is wrong with their show. They think there is something wrong with us because we don’t enjoy it.
A bunch of these guys have title matches coming up on the PPV in just six days that have gotten very little build. Others (Rusev & Barrett, for example), have not been built in any direction at all for the PPV, which you’d think they’d be on seeing as how they’re now theoretically an important part of the show. Maybe try to actually justify the TLC stip in Roman vs. Sheamus?
But no. Instead they’re just throwing a bunch of guys into a big clusterf*ck. Yes, the Wyatts and Dudleys are on opposite sides, but who cares? We’ve seen that every damn show since the feud started. Hell… we already saw Bray go through a table, so why should I even care about that match? This is not a question WWE creative thinks is important enough to try to answer.
FOUR WAY SIXTEEN MAN TAG TEAM ELIMINATON CLUSTERF*CK: The Wyatt Family vs. The League of Nations vs. Team ECW vs. Roman Reigns, the Usos, & Dean Ambrose- 7/10
The elimination stip, of course, means that you’ll either have to beat the League of Nations in just their second week, or you’ll have to beat Roman’s team, every last one of whom will be challenging for a title in six days on PPV.
Rhyno has a beard now. Team ECW eliminates the Wyatts with Tommy Dreamer, an old fart who won’t be around in two weeks, pinning Erick Rowan. Hooray. The babyfaces have prevailed, so I guess I don’t need to watch Sunday’s PPV to see them get their revenge.
The match was hard to follow when there were so many people around and a poor booking idea, IMO, but it was very enjoyable, and I guess that between the last two teams, Roman pinning Sheamus was the best way to go.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS SHEAMUS- meh
STARDUST PROMO- He talked about movies while wearing 3-D glasses. Then Titus O’Neil showed up, which, for some reason, caused Stardust’s music to stop playing. This whole thing was intolerable. I’m also almost certain that Titus utter the word “bullsh*t.”
DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. KEVIN OWENS- 7.25/10
Even though this match was Dolph vs. Owens, Tyler Breeze got to do his entrance between them. He did nothing during the match. He was just there to watch. Speaking of watching, Dean Ambrose watched the match backstage, then came out after the end of the match in order to be a total dick to Owens, throwing soda and popcorn in his face for no reason. What an asshole. I’d sure hate it if someone did that to me. I hope Kevin Owens kicks his ass at TLC.
WYATT FAMILY PROMO- decent
We got a slide called “superstars exposed” which told us that Lana used to dance for Nelly and was in Pitch Perfect. I assume that this part of the script was originally written in the blood drained from kayfabe’s dead corpse.
I mean… what was the point of this? What was to be gained from broadcasting this information to the world? And was it really worth completely destroying a character you’ve spent so much time trying to push this year?
MIZ & NEVILLE BACKSTAGE- Miz wants to manage Neville and jazz him up a bit.
BRIE BELLA & ALICIA FOX vs. TEAM B.A.D. (w/Tamina)- 4.75/10
Team B.A.D. are still being annoying with their “UNITTTTTTTTTTTTY” crap.
The match was getting pretty good. I would have liked to see it got another ten minutes.
POST-MATCH SEGMENT- The New Day came out and gave Team B.A.D. their unicorn horns. That is not a euphemism. Then they all danced. This was pointless and dumb.
When we come back from commercial, New Day are still in the ring, but the Usos are on commentary.
NEW DAY PROMO- really annoying and stupid but I will admit I laughed at it. That doesn’t mean it was good for the wrestling show. It just means it was funny. Also, apparently the tag title match will be a ladder match.
LUCHA DRAGONS vs. NEW DAY (w/Xavier Woods)- 3/10
They had a short match that ended when Xavier was extremely annoying to the Usos, so they gave him a well-deserved ass-kicking (although, to be honest, I think it would have been better with just the KO punch and none of the stomps. Those felt heelish), which distracted Kofi, allowing him to be pinned.
John Cena will be on the Tonight Show. They haven’t explained why he hasn’t shown up to work for the past month and a half, but they do plug his appearance on the Tonight Show. Would it really have been that hard to just say that Del Rio injured Cena’s arm with the cross armbreaker or gave him a concussion with his superkick or however he beat him? In fact, makes complete and total sense to do that if you are going to go with Cena vs. Del Rio for the US Title when Cena returns (as the local market commercial I saw for the house show on 12/26 was advertising).
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ROMAN REIGNS- terrible. They tried to make Roman be funny. It didn’t work. It started off with this gem: “Sheamus wants to teach me a lesson? Is he a professor or something?”
MIZ TV WITH SPECIAL GUESTS CHARLOTTE AND RIC FLAIR- bad
Byron Saxton says that Charlotte thinks she should be seen as “the leader of the Divas Revolution” which is like wanting to be seen as the leader of the Flat Earth Society.
Charlotte announced that Flair would be in her corner. Miz then asked her how she justifies her new heelish attitude. Charlotte responded by first saying was doing what her father taught her to (#BRMBookedItFirst), and then by throwing out a wild and completely unfounded accusation of sexism on Miz’s part. She claims that if she were male, Miz would be commending her cheating… because we’ve NEVER seen Miz put over female heels for cheating before, right?
Miz, like a good reporter, ignored her unfounded and inappropriate ad hominem attack and pressed on for answers to his completely legitimate question. Ric stepped in and said that this is not the place for Miz to be giving Charlotte the third degree. If they didn’t want Miz asking her questions, then why did they come on his show?
Miz finally managed to goad Charlotte into actually doing her job and cutting a promo on Paige, then revealed that Paige was really here. Paige came out looking for a fight, looking for all the world like she’s supposed to be a babyface. Charlotte backed down (at Ric’s advising). And in case you thought the above #BRMBookedItFirst was unwarranted, Ric said, word for word “we are Flairs are champions.” THEY’RE STEALING MY SH*T!
Paige slapped Ric, who then ordered Charlotte to “get her!” but Paige escaped.
JBL’s WWE Network flashcards are back. Uch.
RUSEV & LANA INSET PROMO- they champion love and forgiveness. Well… I think we know what Jimmy Jacobs has been up to on the creative team.
RYBACK vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 5/10
It looks like they realized that last week’s angle made Rusev look like a babyface and Ryback look like a heel, so they did something to turn that around. Good.
We came back from commercial IN THE MIDDLE OF A MATCH…
JACK SWAGGER vs. STARDUST- 0.5/10
Titus O’Neil was on commentary (because that’s how you build feuds, dammit! You have the other guy either on commentary or watching the monitor in the back. Not by cutting promos to build to the match and trying to tell a story). Soon after we joined the match, Del Rio and Zeb showed up. Titus talked about how the Stardust gimmick is stupid bullsh*t that was basically destroyed Cody Rhodes’ career. If this is supposed to be the angle, why didn’t they have him say this TO STARDUST in any of those stupid backstage segments they’ve done recently.
Swagger won, but then Del Rio attacked him with a chair. Stardust tried to attack Del Rio, but Titus warned him. Swagger got a chair and fought Del Rio off. The Swagger-Del Rio stuff was good, and I guess I can get behind the Titus-Stardust stuff if it leads to the end of Stardust.
ADAM ROSE’S ROSEBUSH- almost as unfunny as last week. This sh*t is terrible and I hope to never see it again.
ZEB & DEL RIO BREAK UP- yeah. That definitely justified this dumb “Mexamerica” crap.
BRAUN STROWMAN (w/the Wyatt Family) vs. TOMMY DREAMER (w/Rhyno & The Dudley Boyz)- 0.5/10
OH MY G-D SHUT UP WITH THE “SCHOOL/LESSON” REFERENCES! It’ a f*cking expression! Don’t beat it into the ground!
CLOSING SEGMENT- Roman’s first promo was good, aside from the part where he was simultaneously using metaphors about climbing a ladder and “digging.” Also, that part about destroying the arena probably wasn’t the best of ideas.
Then Sheamus came out and he cut a bad promo. Then Roman responded with an even worse promo in which he went so low as to laugh at his own joke. They looked like they were about to fight but Sheamus backed down to cut yet another promo. They wasted tome not fighting, which is not what I wanted to see. I just got progressively more and more annoyed as this went on, to the point where when they finally did fight, I just didn’t care.
I really don’t know how to feel about this Raw. There was definitely more emphasis on the wrestling, but at the same time it was poorly booked, full of bad segments, and my objections to the opening segment still stand.
