BRM Reviews the 4/10/2015 Impact
Posted: Apr 13th, '15, 02:08
Dear G-d… how do you not fire kayfabe fire Brian Hebner over that count? HE’S NOT EVEN LOOKING AT THE PIN AS HE COUNTS THE FINAL COUNT! If you want to do a finish like this, just have Lashley kick out at three and then put up a replay the next week showing that the ref made a completely understandable mistake because it was too close to call. Don’t do a finish that makes the company look like idiots!
Okay… this live-Tweet gimmick is REALLY annoying. It feels like I’m getting pop-up messages on my TV, it takes up way too much of the screen, and I will bet a zillion dollars that there will not be one single Tweet that I will find interesting in any way all night.
OPENING SEGMENT- frustrating.
Kurt is a babyface about last week’s finish. Lashley wants a rematch, so Kurt says they’ll do it tonight. Two weeks ago these same two men tried to book this same exact match and were prevented from doing so with no explanation, so why are they allowed to do so now?
Then EY comes out and says that Lashley can’t have a title match tonight because he Eric is the top contender according to those top five rankings that were important for a few weeks but now haven’t even been mentioned in about a month.
Then the following Tweet appeared on the live-Tweet, and made me completely lose it:
“Eric Young @TheEricYoung
1 year ago tonight I won the TNA World Heavyweight Title and TONIGHT I DO IT AGAIN!!! I’m world class! @RealKurtAngle @IMPACT WRESTLING @DestAmerica”
1. HOW THE F*CK IS EY TWEETING THIS?! I don’t see a phone in his hand, so unless he’s telekinetic, there is some major bullsh*t going on. Is he paying a crony to Tweet for him while he is in the ring? WHY?! Doesn’t he realize that…
2) Sending a Tweet to Kurt Angle won’t do anything because KURT IS STANDING RIGHT THERE IN THE F*CKING RING, SO HE CAN’T SEE THE G-D DAMN TWEET! But even if he could, the Tweet would be COMPLETELY F*CKING POINTLESS because…
3) He’s sending Kurt this Tweet AT THE SAME TIME HE IS GOING OUT TO THE RING WHERE KURT IS JUST TO TELL KURT BASICALLY THE SAME THING HE IS SAYING IN HIS F*CKING TWEET!... SO WHY EVEN SEND OUT THE TWEET IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Then stuff happened and EY’s heel dastardliness resulted in Lashley accidentally spearing Kurt, which was good, except I was already fuming because of this dumb Tweet bullsh*t so I didn’t care. When we got back from a commercial break, Kurt said he’d defend the title against both of them tonight (Josh would later confirm this on commentary).
#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong- 5.75/10 (would have been a six, but I found the live Tweets to be extremely distracting, forcing me to rewind often because I would instinctively start reading them and thus miss a spot in the match, detracting from my overall enjoyment of it).
Okay… Gail is down on the mat selling, except that I can’t see her because HER ENTIRE BODY is being blocked by their live Tweet box. They didn’t even size the box to the Tweets, either. One person Tweeted “Go Gail Kim!! #DestinationIMPACT” and they kept the box the exact same size as they did for the EY Tweet I cited above, blocking my screen for no reason. How about just doing a ticker across the bottom of the screen like everybody else does?
JAMES STORM & MICKIE JAMES TALK BACKSTAGE- didn’t like it.
It feels like too much of a departure from the evil cult leader Storm plays on the rest of the show. The transition that he made when Manik showed up felt completely unnatural. I get that the angle is supposed to be that he is only being nice to Mickie for as of yet unrevealed nefarious purposes, but the transition still bugged me. It felt like two completely different people.
THE REVOLUTION IN THE RING-
Apparently Sanada is out of the group. It’s always best to not follow up on these things and just bring them up out of nowhere when it is convenient for your story. Storm warned them that if they kept failing him, he’d kick them out, too. He then booked all three of them in a No DQ’s match with the winner getting to be his tag team partner in the tournament to crown new champions, and that match is right now…
NO DISQUALLIFICAITONS MATCH FOR THE RIGHT TO TEAM WITH JAMES STORM IN THE WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT: Abyss vs. Manik vs. Khoya- 3/10
A short match, but HOLY SH*T THAT WAS AN AMAZING CHOKESLAM COUNTER! Khoya won. Yes, really.
Apparently the entire tournament will take place next week, and will end an Ultimate X match because… um... because Ultimate X, I guess.
THE GHOST ASYLUM GUYS INVESTIGATE JAMES STORM’S BARN, PART 2- very disappointing.
This was the thing on this show that I was most looking forward to by far, because I knew that it would wind up being laughably bad, and somehow it managed to disappoint me. Nothing really happened aside from a bunch of REALLY lame camera effects. Storm said nothing ridiculous or hokey and the Ghost hunters didn’t do any sort of ghost hunting, so this seems like a major failure as an advertisement for their show.
THE RISING PROMO-
Drew’s pals are named “Eli Drake” and “Micah,” the son of Haku. Lame. Also they apparently have TNA contracts now, as they were allowed to come out from the back.
GRRRRRR! They just had Drew magically send out a Tweet about his stable right as he began to cut his promo, which made the Tweet pointless.
Drew says that the Rising, with the help of the fans, “are going to change professional wrestling for the better.” Okay. How? What is this change that he is going to bring that will help professional wrestling? All I see him doing here is feuding with MVP’s stable.
The new dudes got to cut their first promos. Micah had good delivery, but his verbiage was really lame. Eli Drake immediately annoyed me with his whole demeanor. He’d be a good heel in a Simon Diamond type of way- he’s just comes off like a REALLY annoying person. By the end of his short promo, I was hoping a fan would throw something that would hit him in the head and knock him out. He also took random potshots at WWE with the whole “we’re not ‘Superstars,’ we’re professional wrestlers” deal, which as I said when Drew first showed up, comes off as such a fourth-rate thing to say. They’re supposed to be a major, nationally broadcast wrestling promotion in 2015, and they’re coming off like an indy promotion from 2003. That’s not good.
Josh said that their words were “powerful,” but they’re not. They’re empty. And that really pisses me off. There is no substance here. None at all. Like a Bray Wyatt promo when he doesn’t have a good feud going on.
Then the BDC came out wearing an utterly horrendous new t-shirt. It looks like the guiding principle behind the design of this t-shirt was “how can we take the Bullet Club logo and make it suck?” MVP’s promo was pretty awesome, though.
THE RISING AND THE BDC BRAWL- but not until after Drew gives a count-down for some reason. Security immediately comes out to break it up. But when we get back from a commercial, we get the beginning of an official match.
THE BDC vs. THE RISING- 5.75/10
They did moves. Then Homicide showed up to interfere and join the BDC… so the Rising get laid out in their very first match. That’s dumb. Josh noted that Homicide was not part of the roster, and yet no one came out to try to get him out of the ring.
KURT ANGLE PROMO- EY jumps him from behind and beats him up.
DJ ZEMA ION vs. DAVEY RICHARDS- 6.75/10
THE BDC BACKSTAGE- apparently no one smartened Homicide up to the whole “our cameras will take you everywhere!” deal that they pushed when they switched to Destination America, so he yells at the cameraman to leave. Instead MVP cuts a promo for the cameraman. He says Homicide was an “original member of the BDC. He was just on the injured reserve” and totally definitely isn’t here because he was the best replacement they could find for Samoa Joe on short notice.
DOLLHOUSE HYPE VIDEO- what the f*ck did I just watch?
Okay… so I’ve made a real effort not to mock the people sending in the live Tweets, but there is so much irony in this one that I can’t let it slip:
“Kristofor @TheKingKlong
Thank you @realjoshmatthews for drawing attention to the misspelled ‘Wolfs’ sign. #grammar police #DestinationIMPACT”
That’s not a grammar issue dumbass. It’s a spelling error.
TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT SEGMENT- well… at least we have some teams now.
For some reason, they are still talking about (and chanting) “Hardy’s revenge!” They want the tag titles. Ethan and Tyrus came out and interrupted them to say that Bram will be his tag partner in the tournament. Then Ken Anderson came out. He will be teaming with Spud, because I guess Mandews doesn’t exist anymore. Anderson was very good until Spud came out and they were annoying. Then Austin Aries came out and announced he would be teaming with Roode.
COMMERCIAL FOR NEXT WEEK’S SHOW… and they just spoiled all of the qualifying matches… and not just by having clips of the title match… they actually but the names of the winning teams on the screen.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Kurt Angle(c) vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young- 7/10
The story here was your standard three-way story, but the match had A VERY surprising finish for two reasons:
1. Kurt hit the Angle Slam, but rather than going for the pin, went to the top turnbuckle for the moonsault and not only hit it, but got the pin with it, and
2. He pinned Lashley because this product is booked by idiots.
POST-MATCH ANGLE- EY attacks Lashley’s leg with a chair and afigure four. Neither Kurt Angle nor Bobby Roode came out to make the save.
A pretty good show from TNA, though it would have been a lot more enjoyable without people’s mindless Tweets getting in the way. U really hope they never do this gimmick again.
Okay… this live-Tweet gimmick is REALLY annoying. It feels like I’m getting pop-up messages on my TV, it takes up way too much of the screen, and I will bet a zillion dollars that there will not be one single Tweet that I will find interesting in any way all night.
OPENING SEGMENT- frustrating.
Kurt is a babyface about last week’s finish. Lashley wants a rematch, so Kurt says they’ll do it tonight. Two weeks ago these same two men tried to book this same exact match and were prevented from doing so with no explanation, so why are they allowed to do so now?
Then EY comes out and says that Lashley can’t have a title match tonight because he Eric is the top contender according to those top five rankings that were important for a few weeks but now haven’t even been mentioned in about a month.
Then the following Tweet appeared on the live-Tweet, and made me completely lose it:
“Eric Young @TheEricYoung
1 year ago tonight I won the TNA World Heavyweight Title and TONIGHT I DO IT AGAIN!!! I’m world class! @RealKurtAngle @IMPACT WRESTLING @DestAmerica”
1. HOW THE F*CK IS EY TWEETING THIS?! I don’t see a phone in his hand, so unless he’s telekinetic, there is some major bullsh*t going on. Is he paying a crony to Tweet for him while he is in the ring? WHY?! Doesn’t he realize that…
2) Sending a Tweet to Kurt Angle won’t do anything because KURT IS STANDING RIGHT THERE IN THE F*CKING RING, SO HE CAN’T SEE THE G-D DAMN TWEET! But even if he could, the Tweet would be COMPLETELY F*CKING POINTLESS because…
3) He’s sending Kurt this Tweet AT THE SAME TIME HE IS GOING OUT TO THE RING WHERE KURT IS JUST TO TELL KURT BASICALLY THE SAME THING HE IS SAYING IN HIS F*CKING TWEET!... SO WHY EVEN SEND OUT THE TWEET IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Then stuff happened and EY’s heel dastardliness resulted in Lashley accidentally spearing Kurt, which was good, except I was already fuming because of this dumb Tweet bullsh*t so I didn’t care. When we got back from a commercial break, Kurt said he’d defend the title against both of them tonight (Josh would later confirm this on commentary).
#1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH: Gail Kim vs. Awesome Kong- 5.75/10 (would have been a six, but I found the live Tweets to be extremely distracting, forcing me to rewind often because I would instinctively start reading them and thus miss a spot in the match, detracting from my overall enjoyment of it).
Okay… Gail is down on the mat selling, except that I can’t see her because HER ENTIRE BODY is being blocked by their live Tweet box. They didn’t even size the box to the Tweets, either. One person Tweeted “Go Gail Kim!! #DestinationIMPACT” and they kept the box the exact same size as they did for the EY Tweet I cited above, blocking my screen for no reason. How about just doing a ticker across the bottom of the screen like everybody else does?
JAMES STORM & MICKIE JAMES TALK BACKSTAGE- didn’t like it.
It feels like too much of a departure from the evil cult leader Storm plays on the rest of the show. The transition that he made when Manik showed up felt completely unnatural. I get that the angle is supposed to be that he is only being nice to Mickie for as of yet unrevealed nefarious purposes, but the transition still bugged me. It felt like two completely different people.
THE REVOLUTION IN THE RING-
Apparently Sanada is out of the group. It’s always best to not follow up on these things and just bring them up out of nowhere when it is convenient for your story. Storm warned them that if they kept failing him, he’d kick them out, too. He then booked all three of them in a No DQ’s match with the winner getting to be his tag team partner in the tournament to crown new champions, and that match is right now…
NO DISQUALLIFICAITONS MATCH FOR THE RIGHT TO TEAM WITH JAMES STORM IN THE WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE TOURNAMENT: Abyss vs. Manik vs. Khoya- 3/10
A short match, but HOLY SH*T THAT WAS AN AMAZING CHOKESLAM COUNTER! Khoya won. Yes, really.
Apparently the entire tournament will take place next week, and will end an Ultimate X match because… um... because Ultimate X, I guess.
THE GHOST ASYLUM GUYS INVESTIGATE JAMES STORM’S BARN, PART 2- very disappointing.
This was the thing on this show that I was most looking forward to by far, because I knew that it would wind up being laughably bad, and somehow it managed to disappoint me. Nothing really happened aside from a bunch of REALLY lame camera effects. Storm said nothing ridiculous or hokey and the Ghost hunters didn’t do any sort of ghost hunting, so this seems like a major failure as an advertisement for their show.
THE RISING PROMO-
Drew’s pals are named “Eli Drake” and “Micah,” the son of Haku. Lame. Also they apparently have TNA contracts now, as they were allowed to come out from the back.
GRRRRRR! They just had Drew magically send out a Tweet about his stable right as he began to cut his promo, which made the Tweet pointless.
Drew says that the Rising, with the help of the fans, “are going to change professional wrestling for the better.” Okay. How? What is this change that he is going to bring that will help professional wrestling? All I see him doing here is feuding with MVP’s stable.
The new dudes got to cut their first promos. Micah had good delivery, but his verbiage was really lame. Eli Drake immediately annoyed me with his whole demeanor. He’d be a good heel in a Simon Diamond type of way- he’s just comes off like a REALLY annoying person. By the end of his short promo, I was hoping a fan would throw something that would hit him in the head and knock him out. He also took random potshots at WWE with the whole “we’re not ‘Superstars,’ we’re professional wrestlers” deal, which as I said when Drew first showed up, comes off as such a fourth-rate thing to say. They’re supposed to be a major, nationally broadcast wrestling promotion in 2015, and they’re coming off like an indy promotion from 2003. That’s not good.
Josh said that their words were “powerful,” but they’re not. They’re empty. And that really pisses me off. There is no substance here. None at all. Like a Bray Wyatt promo when he doesn’t have a good feud going on.
Then the BDC came out wearing an utterly horrendous new t-shirt. It looks like the guiding principle behind the design of this t-shirt was “how can we take the Bullet Club logo and make it suck?” MVP’s promo was pretty awesome, though.
THE RISING AND THE BDC BRAWL- but not until after Drew gives a count-down for some reason. Security immediately comes out to break it up. But when we get back from a commercial, we get the beginning of an official match.
THE BDC vs. THE RISING- 5.75/10
They did moves. Then Homicide showed up to interfere and join the BDC… so the Rising get laid out in their very first match. That’s dumb. Josh noted that Homicide was not part of the roster, and yet no one came out to try to get him out of the ring.
KURT ANGLE PROMO- EY jumps him from behind and beats him up.
DJ ZEMA ION vs. DAVEY RICHARDS- 6.75/10
THE BDC BACKSTAGE- apparently no one smartened Homicide up to the whole “our cameras will take you everywhere!” deal that they pushed when they switched to Destination America, so he yells at the cameraman to leave. Instead MVP cuts a promo for the cameraman. He says Homicide was an “original member of the BDC. He was just on the injured reserve” and totally definitely isn’t here because he was the best replacement they could find for Samoa Joe on short notice.
DOLLHOUSE HYPE VIDEO- what the f*ck did I just watch?
Okay… so I’ve made a real effort not to mock the people sending in the live Tweets, but there is so much irony in this one that I can’t let it slip:
“Kristofor @TheKingKlong
Thank you @realjoshmatthews for drawing attention to the misspelled ‘Wolfs’ sign. #grammar police #DestinationIMPACT”
That’s not a grammar issue dumbass. It’s a spelling error.
TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT SEGMENT- well… at least we have some teams now.
For some reason, they are still talking about (and chanting) “Hardy’s revenge!” They want the tag titles. Ethan and Tyrus came out and interrupted them to say that Bram will be his tag partner in the tournament. Then Ken Anderson came out. He will be teaming with Spud, because I guess Mandews doesn’t exist anymore. Anderson was very good until Spud came out and they were annoying. Then Austin Aries came out and announced he would be teaming with Roode.
COMMERCIAL FOR NEXT WEEK’S SHOW… and they just spoiled all of the qualifying matches… and not just by having clips of the title match… they actually but the names of the winning teams on the screen.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Kurt Angle(c) vs. Bobby Lashley vs. Eric Young- 7/10
The story here was your standard three-way story, but the match had A VERY surprising finish for two reasons:
1. Kurt hit the Angle Slam, but rather than going for the pin, went to the top turnbuckle for the moonsault and not only hit it, but got the pin with it, and
2. He pinned Lashley because this product is booked by idiots.
POST-MATCH ANGLE- EY attacks Lashley’s leg with a chair and afigure four. Neither Kurt Angle nor Bobby Roode came out to make the save.
A pretty good show from TNA, though it would have been a lot more enjoyable without people’s mindless Tweets getting in the way. U really hope they never do this gimmick again.