BRM Reviews the 3/2/2015 Raw (bad and going nowhere)
Posted: Mar 3rd, '15, 16:43
JOHN STEWART & SETH ROLLINS ON THE DAILY SHOW- wow… that was … embarrassing.
OPENING SEGMENT- Bad. It was long and boring. Reigns is back to trying to be funny and failing, and Rollins said that “the whole world” will be watching the post-Mania Raw, and thus he might cash in there instead of Mania. So will the whole world not be watching WrestleMania?
ROLLINS WILL BE HOSTING HIS OWN “DAILY SHOW” LATER TONIGHT- I am shuddering with dread.
ORTON, ROLLINS, & THE STOOGERWEIGHTS BACKSTAGE- boring.
Orton gives Rollins friendly advice. Rollins is needlessly confrontational. JUST TURN HIM ALREADY!
DEAN AMBROSE vs. WADE BARRETT- 5.5/10
It’s been over a week, and no one has made Dean give the belt back. Why doesn’t the Authority (who hate Dean) just tell him that if he doesn’t give the belt back, they’ll fire him?
R-Truth was on commentary. Again. Just like he has been for every Wade Barrett match since Fast Lane. Michael Cole asked him why he gave the IC Title belt back to Dean Ambrose on Smackdown, and Truth replied “why not?” BECAUSE IT’S NOT HIS, TRUTH! THAT’S WHY!”
I am SOOOOO glad I chose to skip Smackdown last week, because I would have flown into a rage and been compelled for write an entire thesis on how just the clips they showed here buried the IC Title (I almost did here, too, but managed to control myself- if they bury it even more on this show, then I’m sure you’ll get the full thing).
Truth will be in the big multi-person IC Title ladder match… but apparently he is afraid of heights. Yup. We’re building this match up with COMEDY.
Truth then steals the title. Again. Just like on Smackdown. Then Luke Harper shows up and intimidates Truth into giving him the title. Yeah. This title is worth so much that R-Truth, a TRAINED WRESTLER, is willing to give it away without a fight.
Then Ambrose beats Barrett again. Why should anyone give a f*ck about this belt if the champion always loses.
MIZ & MIZ-DOW CLIPS FROM SMACKDOWN- eh.
MIZ’S COMMERCIAL PREMIERE- he has gathered all of the undercard wrestlers on the roster to watch his premiere. Why do they care? And if it’s a big deal, why aren’t the main eventers eager to see it?
Anyway, it winds up humiliating Miz, despite Sandow’s warnings. It would have been funny if they didn’t beat the joke into the ground by calling the ED pill “Niagra.” There has to have been a good wrestling-related pun for this out there.
The other problem was that the coordinated laughter from the locker room just sounded so fake. It’s almost amazing. When the screen was just Miz and Miz-Dow with Summer Rae just visible in the corner, starting to crack up but trying to hold it in, it looked so organic… but then when they zoomed out and everyone pointed at Miz and went “AHAHAHAHA!” it immediately felt fake.
Miz slapping Sandow and everything after that was really good.
BRAY WYATT PROMO- eh.
He brought that casket he built with him. Then he set it on fire to convince Taker to face him at WrestleMania. Well… that’s what worked for Kane (although Bray seems to have missed the major point that Taker was INSIDE THE CASKET when Kane set it on fire).
Soo… we in the New York market a commercial for the house show in Brooklyn on Saturday night… and it as advertising (among other things) Wyatt & Rollins vs. Cena… & ORTON. WHOOOPS!
MIX TAG TEAM MATCH: Naomi & the Usos vs. Natalya & the Upper-Cats- 2.25/10
Good… until the stupid finish. Nattie had hurt her leg, so she was on the apron. Tyson, facing down two Usos by himself, tagged her in. Nattie immediately starts to yell at him for this and gets rolled up. The problem here is that Naomi was nowhere in sight went Tyson made the tag, so when he made the tag, it was actually a great strategic move, and Nattie screwed up by getting in the ring when she could have just stood on the apron to buy Tyson or Cesaro time to recover and then tag out to one of them.
What was even the point of this? To make Nattie look like a babyface after she just turned heel last week?
Also, in Tyson’s defense, Nattie faked a leg injury to win a match on Smackdown.
CENA & STEPH SEGMENT- ATROCIOUS!
Cena cut a GREAT babyface promo that seemed to be leading to him wanting to win a bunch of matches to earn a US Title shot and beat Rusev… except then he declared himself to be a participant in the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale (which will be abbreviated ATGMBR from here on out) which kind of killed Cena’s promo for me because he isn’t doing what he said and dusting himself off and trying to climb back up the mountain; he is saying that the mountain he just fell off of is too hard, so he’ll go climb that mountain over there instead.
Then things got worse as Steph came out and asked Cena “since when to wrestles just go around declaring themselves as participants in matches?” Wasn’t that what happened with the ATGMBR last year? And with the Royal Rumble most years?
Oh. Wow. Cena made the same exact point as me.
For some reason Steph somehow interpreted Cena calling the ATGMBR a “prize” and putting it over as a big accomplishment as burying it. Then she showed a picture of her young self with Andre and talked about how Andre was her friend, and got all pissed off and emotional and it was really weird because it seems like Steph should be the babyface except that she is being completely irrational about Cena somehow supposedly burying the match. Then Cena called her a bitch for no reason. Then Steph said that because Cena has been an enemy of the Authority, she won’t give him a rematch against Rusev… okay... but that wasn’t what he came out here to ask for. Cena said he shouldn’t be left off of the Mania card, so Steph went on this tirade about how WWE doesn’t need him and she is going to leave him off of WrestleMania- and the smarky crowd pop huge, of course-
And then Curtis Axel came out and was delusional and sucked up to Steph, and we somehow got an “AXELMANIA!” chant. Steph then booked Cena vs. Axel so that Cena could “prove himself.” WHAT?! What can fifteen-time world champion John Cena possibly prove by beating Michael McJobbercutty? Then Steph finished by telling Cena that the only way that he would get a rematch against Rusev at WrestleMania would be if Rusev changed his mind.
I am complete dumbfounded by this whole thing. Why was the ATGMBR even mentioned at all here? If you take it out of the picture, this mostly makes sense, but with it in here, the whole segment felt completely scattered- like someone put the pages of the script in the wrong order and a page with a segment hyping up the ATGMBR got inserted in the middle of Cena and Steph’s US Title segment, but no one noticed.
CURTIS AXEL vs. JOHN CENA- DUD!
Cena squashed him, except they waited around between moves for Axel to flail his arms, so it was horribly boring.
RUSEV PROMO- he came out and announced that he would not give Cena a rematch at WrestleMania… which he had already announced last week.
Then the Russian flag was unfurled behind Cena, and we got an amazing image that I’m sure will be turned into a meme on the wrestling forums of Cena standing there in the ring with the Russian flag proudly hanging in the background.
TRIPLE H & BOOKER T SEGMENT- a long, boring, waste of time, but at least it resulted in Booker T being fired and this removed from commentar-
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
HUNTER YOU F*CKING TROLL!
WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Nikki Bella(c) (w/Brie Bella) vs. Paige- 2.25/10
Paige is about to win when Brie interferes for the DQ. AJ maker her big return in her home market to make the save.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS AJ & PAIGE- Paige was pointlessly confrontational, but then went out of her way to point out that she has always respected AJ. It didn’t seem like with how needlessly confrontational she was being.
AJ was great here, and uttered the phrase “give Divas a chance” which got a disappointingly small pop.
THE DAILY SHOW WITH SETH ROLLINS- bad.
It apparently took John Stewart two hours to get from his studio to the Prudential Center… which means he obviously took a car because if he had taken the subway to the PATH and walked a few blocks he’d have made it an hour at most.
First Rollins tells the predictably dumb jokes for too long. Then John Stewart comes out and says that Seth hasn’t earned his way to the top like the great wrestlers of the past… except that the things he accused Seth of never having done (fought through injuries, faced “the establishment”) are plain inaccurate.
Rollins is about to throttle Stewart when Randy Orton comes out, which causes a distraction, allowing Stewart to kick Seth in the nuts and run away.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS JOHN STEWART- clearly just WWE trying to get John Stewart on TV as much as possible in the hopes that someone will tune in, see him, and decide to watch the rest of the show.
LUKE HARPER vs. DANIEL BRYAN- 4.75/10 (but about as good as possible, given the time they were given.
Surprisingly, during this match, no one came out to get the IC Title belt.
POST- MATCH SEGMENT- Barrett gets his title back. Then Ambrose steals it from him. Then Harper beat up Ambrose and took the title from him. Then Harper went to go take a nap in the corner, at which point R-Truth apparated to ringside and took the title belt from him. Harper intimidated him, so Truth gave the belt back, but Harper beat Truth up anyway, and Truth has been such a twerp that I popped for this. Harper finally walked off with the bel- no. Wait. Ziggler superkicked him and took the belt.
Daniel Bryan hung out by the announcers’ table and ignored this whole mess of stupidity, but then randomly stole Dolph’s thunder by doing “YES!” chants.
ALUNDRA BLAYZE HOF VIDEO PACKAGE- a great example of propaganda
They had a clip of Heyman saying that her dropping the Women’s Title into a trash can on Nitro “completely changed the perception of women in this industry to this very day,” which is a fantastic example of how to take a statement out of context, because while they wanted this to sound like a positive, it was this event that made Vince totally give up on female wrestlers as athletes.
They also called it “one of the most rebellious acts in sports entertainment history,” which is funny because Alundra herself has spent the past decade or so saying “I didn’t want to do it, but Bischoff made me.”
This whole thing did a very good job of making someone who isn’t Hall of Fame-worthy look like she might be.
ROLLINS, ORTON & THE STOOGES BACKSTAGE- decent.
I particularly liked the way that Orton was a heel, but structured his promo in such a way that he got cheap pops because he will be turning babyface at some point soon.
PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- BEST THING ON THE SHOW BY MILES!
ROMAN REIGNS vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/the Authority)- 6.5/10
Roman Reigns fought the Authority in a match build around the Authority interfering. It’s the same thing that’s been happening for nine months now. Not only did Rollins get the pin, but the ref was actually distracted when he rolled Roman up, so he really had Roman pinned for at least a five count, making Roman look like a chump.
This was all done to build up to Orton’s eventual turn on Seth Rollins… which actually happened MONTHS ago. So they just beat the next face of the company a few weeks before his coronation for the sake of an angle that didn’t even need to be happening because they already built it up perfectly, but, for some inexplicable reason, decided to backtrack.
A bad, boring Raw. It doesn’t feel like they’re building up to WrestleMania at all. It barely feels like they’re building up to a PPV at all.
Also, for the record: I almost went to this show but decided to save up for Summer Slam tickets instead, so the guy with the “Corporate Kane Section” sign is not me.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Booker T (about Roman Reigns)- “Do you think he bought a ticket to see Seth Rollins tonight? I don’t think so!”
No, Booker. I don’t think Roman Reigns bought a ticket at all because HE WORKS HERE! Has for years now! HE’S ONE OF YOUR BIGGEST STARS!
OPENING SEGMENT- Bad. It was long and boring. Reigns is back to trying to be funny and failing, and Rollins said that “the whole world” will be watching the post-Mania Raw, and thus he might cash in there instead of Mania. So will the whole world not be watching WrestleMania?
ROLLINS WILL BE HOSTING HIS OWN “DAILY SHOW” LATER TONIGHT- I am shuddering with dread.
ORTON, ROLLINS, & THE STOOGERWEIGHTS BACKSTAGE- boring.
Orton gives Rollins friendly advice. Rollins is needlessly confrontational. JUST TURN HIM ALREADY!
DEAN AMBROSE vs. WADE BARRETT- 5.5/10
It’s been over a week, and no one has made Dean give the belt back. Why doesn’t the Authority (who hate Dean) just tell him that if he doesn’t give the belt back, they’ll fire him?
R-Truth was on commentary. Again. Just like he has been for every Wade Barrett match since Fast Lane. Michael Cole asked him why he gave the IC Title belt back to Dean Ambrose on Smackdown, and Truth replied “why not?” BECAUSE IT’S NOT HIS, TRUTH! THAT’S WHY!”
I am SOOOOO glad I chose to skip Smackdown last week, because I would have flown into a rage and been compelled for write an entire thesis on how just the clips they showed here buried the IC Title (I almost did here, too, but managed to control myself- if they bury it even more on this show, then I’m sure you’ll get the full thing).
Truth will be in the big multi-person IC Title ladder match… but apparently he is afraid of heights. Yup. We’re building this match up with COMEDY.
Truth then steals the title. Again. Just like on Smackdown. Then Luke Harper shows up and intimidates Truth into giving him the title. Yeah. This title is worth so much that R-Truth, a TRAINED WRESTLER, is willing to give it away without a fight.
Then Ambrose beats Barrett again. Why should anyone give a f*ck about this belt if the champion always loses.
MIZ & MIZ-DOW CLIPS FROM SMACKDOWN- eh.
MIZ’S COMMERCIAL PREMIERE- he has gathered all of the undercard wrestlers on the roster to watch his premiere. Why do they care? And if it’s a big deal, why aren’t the main eventers eager to see it?
Anyway, it winds up humiliating Miz, despite Sandow’s warnings. It would have been funny if they didn’t beat the joke into the ground by calling the ED pill “Niagra.” There has to have been a good wrestling-related pun for this out there.
The other problem was that the coordinated laughter from the locker room just sounded so fake. It’s almost amazing. When the screen was just Miz and Miz-Dow with Summer Rae just visible in the corner, starting to crack up but trying to hold it in, it looked so organic… but then when they zoomed out and everyone pointed at Miz and went “AHAHAHAHA!” it immediately felt fake.
Miz slapping Sandow and everything after that was really good.
BRAY WYATT PROMO- eh.
He brought that casket he built with him. Then he set it on fire to convince Taker to face him at WrestleMania. Well… that’s what worked for Kane (although Bray seems to have missed the major point that Taker was INSIDE THE CASKET when Kane set it on fire).
Soo… we in the New York market a commercial for the house show in Brooklyn on Saturday night… and it as advertising (among other things) Wyatt & Rollins vs. Cena… & ORTON. WHOOOPS!
MIX TAG TEAM MATCH: Naomi & the Usos vs. Natalya & the Upper-Cats- 2.25/10
Good… until the stupid finish. Nattie had hurt her leg, so she was on the apron. Tyson, facing down two Usos by himself, tagged her in. Nattie immediately starts to yell at him for this and gets rolled up. The problem here is that Naomi was nowhere in sight went Tyson made the tag, so when he made the tag, it was actually a great strategic move, and Nattie screwed up by getting in the ring when she could have just stood on the apron to buy Tyson or Cesaro time to recover and then tag out to one of them.
What was even the point of this? To make Nattie look like a babyface after she just turned heel last week?
Also, in Tyson’s defense, Nattie faked a leg injury to win a match on Smackdown.
CENA & STEPH SEGMENT- ATROCIOUS!
Cena cut a GREAT babyface promo that seemed to be leading to him wanting to win a bunch of matches to earn a US Title shot and beat Rusev… except then he declared himself to be a participant in the Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale (which will be abbreviated ATGMBR from here on out) which kind of killed Cena’s promo for me because he isn’t doing what he said and dusting himself off and trying to climb back up the mountain; he is saying that the mountain he just fell off of is too hard, so he’ll go climb that mountain over there instead.
Then things got worse as Steph came out and asked Cena “since when to wrestles just go around declaring themselves as participants in matches?” Wasn’t that what happened with the ATGMBR last year? And with the Royal Rumble most years?
Oh. Wow. Cena made the same exact point as me.
For some reason Steph somehow interpreted Cena calling the ATGMBR a “prize” and putting it over as a big accomplishment as burying it. Then she showed a picture of her young self with Andre and talked about how Andre was her friend, and got all pissed off and emotional and it was really weird because it seems like Steph should be the babyface except that she is being completely irrational about Cena somehow supposedly burying the match. Then Cena called her a bitch for no reason. Then Steph said that because Cena has been an enemy of the Authority, she won’t give him a rematch against Rusev… okay... but that wasn’t what he came out here to ask for. Cena said he shouldn’t be left off of the Mania card, so Steph went on this tirade about how WWE doesn’t need him and she is going to leave him off of WrestleMania- and the smarky crowd pop huge, of course-
And then Curtis Axel came out and was delusional and sucked up to Steph, and we somehow got an “AXELMANIA!” chant. Steph then booked Cena vs. Axel so that Cena could “prove himself.” WHAT?! What can fifteen-time world champion John Cena possibly prove by beating Michael McJobbercutty? Then Steph finished by telling Cena that the only way that he would get a rematch against Rusev at WrestleMania would be if Rusev changed his mind.
I am complete dumbfounded by this whole thing. Why was the ATGMBR even mentioned at all here? If you take it out of the picture, this mostly makes sense, but with it in here, the whole segment felt completely scattered- like someone put the pages of the script in the wrong order and a page with a segment hyping up the ATGMBR got inserted in the middle of Cena and Steph’s US Title segment, but no one noticed.
CURTIS AXEL vs. JOHN CENA- DUD!
Cena squashed him, except they waited around between moves for Axel to flail his arms, so it was horribly boring.
RUSEV PROMO- he came out and announced that he would not give Cena a rematch at WrestleMania… which he had already announced last week.
Then the Russian flag was unfurled behind Cena, and we got an amazing image that I’m sure will be turned into a meme on the wrestling forums of Cena standing there in the ring with the Russian flag proudly hanging in the background.
TRIPLE H & BOOKER T SEGMENT- a long, boring, waste of time, but at least it resulted in Booker T being fired and this removed from commentar-
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
HUNTER YOU F*CKING TROLL!
WWE DIVAS TITLE MATCH: Nikki Bella(c) (w/Brie Bella) vs. Paige- 2.25/10
Paige is about to win when Brie interferes for the DQ. AJ maker her big return in her home market to make the save.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS AJ & PAIGE- Paige was pointlessly confrontational, but then went out of her way to point out that she has always respected AJ. It didn’t seem like with how needlessly confrontational she was being.
AJ was great here, and uttered the phrase “give Divas a chance” which got a disappointingly small pop.
THE DAILY SHOW WITH SETH ROLLINS- bad.
It apparently took John Stewart two hours to get from his studio to the Prudential Center… which means he obviously took a car because if he had taken the subway to the PATH and walked a few blocks he’d have made it an hour at most.
First Rollins tells the predictably dumb jokes for too long. Then John Stewart comes out and says that Seth hasn’t earned his way to the top like the great wrestlers of the past… except that the things he accused Seth of never having done (fought through injuries, faced “the establishment”) are plain inaccurate.
Rollins is about to throttle Stewart when Randy Orton comes out, which causes a distraction, allowing Stewart to kick Seth in the nuts and run away.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS JOHN STEWART- clearly just WWE trying to get John Stewart on TV as much as possible in the hopes that someone will tune in, see him, and decide to watch the rest of the show.
LUKE HARPER vs. DANIEL BRYAN- 4.75/10 (but about as good as possible, given the time they were given.
Surprisingly, during this match, no one came out to get the IC Title belt.
POST- MATCH SEGMENT- Barrett gets his title back. Then Ambrose steals it from him. Then Harper beat up Ambrose and took the title from him. Then Harper went to go take a nap in the corner, at which point R-Truth apparated to ringside and took the title belt from him. Harper intimidated him, so Truth gave the belt back, but Harper beat Truth up anyway, and Truth has been such a twerp that I popped for this. Harper finally walked off with the bel- no. Wait. Ziggler superkicked him and took the belt.
Daniel Bryan hung out by the announcers’ table and ignored this whole mess of stupidity, but then randomly stole Dolph’s thunder by doing “YES!” chants.
ALUNDRA BLAYZE HOF VIDEO PACKAGE- a great example of propaganda
They had a clip of Heyman saying that her dropping the Women’s Title into a trash can on Nitro “completely changed the perception of women in this industry to this very day,” which is a fantastic example of how to take a statement out of context, because while they wanted this to sound like a positive, it was this event that made Vince totally give up on female wrestlers as athletes.
They also called it “one of the most rebellious acts in sports entertainment history,” which is funny because Alundra herself has spent the past decade or so saying “I didn’t want to do it, but Bischoff made me.”
This whole thing did a very good job of making someone who isn’t Hall of Fame-worthy look like she might be.
ROLLINS, ORTON & THE STOOGES BACKSTAGE- decent.
I particularly liked the way that Orton was a heel, but structured his promo in such a way that he got cheap pops because he will be turning babyface at some point soon.
PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- BEST THING ON THE SHOW BY MILES!
ROMAN REIGNS vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/the Authority)- 6.5/10
Roman Reigns fought the Authority in a match build around the Authority interfering. It’s the same thing that’s been happening for nine months now. Not only did Rollins get the pin, but the ref was actually distracted when he rolled Roman up, so he really had Roman pinned for at least a five count, making Roman look like a chump.
This was all done to build up to Orton’s eventual turn on Seth Rollins… which actually happened MONTHS ago. So they just beat the next face of the company a few weeks before his coronation for the sake of an angle that didn’t even need to be happening because they already built it up perfectly, but, for some inexplicable reason, decided to backtrack.
A bad, boring Raw. It doesn’t feel like they’re building up to WrestleMania at all. It barely feels like they’re building up to a PPV at all.
Also, for the record: I almost went to this show but decided to save up for Summer Slam tickets instead, so the guy with the “Corporate Kane Section” sign is not me.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Booker T (about Roman Reigns)- “Do you think he bought a ticket to see Seth Rollins tonight? I don’t think so!”
No, Booker. I don’t think Roman Reigns bought a ticket at all because HE WORKS HERE! Has for years now! HE’S ONE OF YOUR BIGGEST STARS!