BRM Reviews the 1/2/2015 Smackdown (infuriating)

[Big Red Machine]

RECAP OF THE CLOSING SEGMENT OF RAW- great!

So after that recap of Cena being forced to bring back The Authority or else Rollins would murder Edge, and then Rollins trying to murder Edge anyway, we start off 2015 with...

EDGE & CHRISTIAN BEING HAPPY AND SMILEY, AND BEING THE GM'S FOR TONIGHT- SO BAD!
So it's The Authority's first show back in charge... but they're not in charge. And not only that, but Edge & Christian have sued WWE for the events of Raw... so WWE invited them to Smackdown to be the guest GMs. Yeah. That's how you normally respond when someone tries to sue your pants off.
Edge then apologizes to us fans for what happened on Raw because he was weak and injured. They spout catchphrases until Mercury and Noble show up in a big limo. Jamie Noble yells at their limo driver because Jamie was somehow able to tell that the man had animal droppings on the bottom of his shoe.
E&C make dumb jokes. Joey Mercury reads a statement from The Authority in which they officially claim that they knew nothing about Rollins and Big Show's plan. They "don't condone or support it," but they do "apologize" for it. Apparently E&C were already scheduled to host Smackdown, so the Authority won't bother them, but they will have the Stoogerweights be their official observers.
Edge teases putting Mercury & Noble against Ryback. So he's taking the heels who he hates and who were part of a group who TRIED TO MURDER HIM JUST THREE DAYS AGO and books them in a match where THEY have an advantage? Why not book them against Ryback and another babyface in a regular old tag team match?
Well it turns out that Edge has decided to book Ryback vs. Big Show, so no vengeance for the babyfaces tonight. Christian then booked Roman Reigns against "the Bulgarian Brute" Rusev. I guess he didn't get the memo from last year. Then they made more dumb jokes. This was painful to sit through.
Also, Edge was wearing a Cesaro shirt.


BRAY WYATT vs. ERICK ROWAN- 0.5/10
Yes. Bray Wyatt vs. Erick Rowan with ABSOLUTELY NO BUILD AT ALL! When Bray came out before the commercial, they didn't even name Rowan as his opponent. They could have booked Bray against ANYONE on the roster... and they booked him against THE ABSOLUTE WORST CHOICE THAT THERE WAS!
Meanwhile, Michael Cole tried to get us excited for this match in the fifteen seconds he had while Rowan (whose introduction happened during a commercial) was coming to the ring.
Rowan wore his sheep mask for the first time since he broke up with Bray. At least I think its the first time. He might be wearing it every week but he has been booked so poorly that I don't care enough to remember. The reason he was wearing the mask was so Bray could try to convince him to lie down for him (and Bray's delivery of that was very good). They had some hard-hitting fast-paced action for about fifty seconds, then Rowan "showed compassion" which allowed Bray to pin him. So Bray gets buried for not being able to win without Rowan having a moment of weakness, while Rowan gets buried for being a f*cking idiot. No one gets over. HOORAY!

Tom Phillips is still referring to Bray as "the Patriarch of the Wyatt Family." THERE'S NO FAMILY ANYMORE YOU DUMB SH*T!

BRAY WYATT PROMO- good words and delivery and all, but there is still nothing they can do to make me give a sh*t about this ambulance match.

EDGE & CHRISTIAN TRICK THE STOOGERWEIGHTS INTO DOING A FIVE SECOND POSE IN A HALLWAY- For what purpose? What did this get them? What did this get anyone? It was just idiotic filler for fifteen seconds. That's it. It certainly wasn't funny, that's for sure.

R-TRUTH & THE USOS vs. GOLDUST, STARDUST, & ADAM ROSE (w/the Exotic Express)- 4.75/10
The Usos didn't do their war dance. That was lame. Mandy Leon is a Rosebud. That's not lame. The Usos won, pinning Adam Rose. The male Rosebuds tried to attack them but all got superkicked. The Usos put on the fallen Rosebuds' goofy headgear and attempted to dance while R-Truth actually did dance.

THE BIG SHOW vs. RYBACK- 6/10
Show worked over Ryback's leg. Ryback made a comeback but then Rusev distracted him, allowing Big Show to hit him with the WMD while he was on the apron and win by count-out. The announcers tried to sell it was if Ryback was the first person to not be knocked out by this, but if that's the case, then why have him lose by count-out to what has essentially become just a punch.

POST-MATCH ANGLE-bad. Rusev tried to attack Ryback, but Ryback fought him off. Rather than get some heat on Rusev, this made Rusev look like crap.

EDGE TRICKS JAMIE NOBLE INTO GOING INTO THE WOMEN'S BATHROOM- If you are over the age of ten and laughed at this, slap yourself.

TYSON KIDD & CESARO PROMO- They want to win the tag titles. Nattie wanted a high five, but they wouldn't share.

TYSON KIDD & CESARO (w/Natalya) vs. LOS MATADORES (w/El Torito)- 4.5/10
Kidd & Cesaro win. Nattie tried to celebrate with them, but by the time she got into the ring, they were already standing on the turnbuckle together. Poor Nattie.

CURTIS AXEL vs. DEAN AMBROSE- a squash, except that for some reason the bell didn't ring, despite both guys fighting in the ring.

DEAN AMBROSE PROMO- He threatened to do horrible things to Mr. Wyatt, including drag him behind the ambulance, and RUN HIM OVER. TWICE.

ASCENSION PROMO- they compare themselves to the Road Warriors and Demolition.

TOTAL DIVAS COMMERCIAL- includes Rosa's bare ass getting exposed in the ring (funny, you'd think we'd have heard about that if it happened), and a WWE executive telling someone "you will not be part of the Divas anymore." Yeah. I'm sure that's exactly how they would really phrase that.

ASCENSION SQUASH- dud on principal. I'm pretty sure Rhett Titus was one of the jobbers.

E&C, & THE STOOGERWEIGHTS IN THE BACKSTAGE OFFICE- The Stoogerweights say that they have to get the office ready for the Authority, which makes no sense because RAW IS GOING TO BE IN AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT CITY. Edge & Christian then vandalize Triple H & Steph's Muscle & Fitness Cover.

ROMAN REIGNS vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 6.25/10
The match was going well but Big Show interfered for a DQ, which was probably the best finish for this match as it keeps Reigns and Rusev strong and gets some heat on Big Show. Big Show then tossed Reigns around ringside until Reigns got revenge on Big Show for Monday night by flipping the announce table on top of him, which would have been good except that we just saw Reigns wrestle three days after getting the table dumped on him and he didn't seem to be hurt at all, so why should we believe that this will hurt Big Show?

An infuriating episode of Smackdown. Not a good way to start out the year.

[cero2k]

is it a sad state of WWE that the thing i'm most interested in is Adam Rose's heel turn? i'm digging his heel promos.

also, yes, that was Rhett Titus

[Big Red Machine]

is it a sad state of WWE that the thing i'm most interested in is Adam Rose's heel turn? i'm digging his heel promos.

Yes it is.

Also, did you see that promo Rose cut on the episode of Main Event right before the "inter-species" match? "They are ALL lemons." Fantastic creepy heel cult-leader stuff.

[cero2k]

is it a sad state of WWE that the thing i'm most interested in is Adam Rose's heel turn? i'm digging his heel promos.

Yes it is.

Also, did you see that promo Rose cut on the episode of Main Event right before the "inter-species" match? "They are ALL lemons." Fantastic creepy heel cult-leader stuff.

yes! it was fantastic, i love this one from smackdown a week ago, his delivery was great, it's like he's telling you to shut up with a smile

phpBB [video]

[Big Red Machine]

is it a sad state of WWE that the thing i'm most interested in is Adam Rose's heel turn? i'm digging his heel promos.

Yes it is.

Also, did you see that promo Rose cut on the episode of Main Event right before the "inter-species" match? "They are ALL lemons." Fantastic creepy heel cult-leader stuff.

yes! it was fantastic, i love this one from smackdown a week ago, his delivery was great, it's like he's telling you to shut up with a smile

phpBB [video]

WWE blocked it! Curses!

[cero2k]

WWE blocked it! Curses!

link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qk30LiWGlbE