BRM Reviews the 12/17/2014 Lucha Underground
Posted: Dec 18th, '14, 13:31
We start off the show with a bunch of guys in the ring. Basically it’s Prince Puma (whose ribs are taped up), Big Ryck, and the entire undercard. Melissa Santos introduces Dario Cueto as “the host and owner of Lucha Underground.” I really didn’t like this, as the last few episodes seem to have been going with a more standard, mainstream wrestling feel, with talk of “contracts” and Cueto owning “Lucha Underground” like it is a “real” promotion and being the “host” like it is a “real” TV show. I think it would be better to refer to him as the “owner of the Temple” because it means essentially the same thing as saying he owns the promotion, but is also a lot more in-keeping with the atmosphere of the show that made it feel for the first six episodes or so.
Anyway, so Melissa introduces Cueto who comes out of his office, and then immediately introduces himself to the people as “the owner and promoter of Lucha Underground.” Didn’t Melissa JUST say almost exactly that?
Cueto announces that this will be the first of two ten-way matches, and that the winner of each match will get a special reward. Okay then. To quote Captain Tenille of MXC: “Let’s get it on!”
TUMULTUOUS TEN WAY MATCH (my name, not theirs)- Big Ryck vs. Prince Puma vs. Fenix vs. Pentagon Jr. vs. Son of Havoc vs. El Mariachi Loco vs. Mascarita Sagrada vs. Drago vs. King Cuerno vs. Super Fly- 7/10
I really liked the way they started off the match. I can’t really explain what they did differently, but it just felt more like the wrestlers on the apron were all waiting strategically for the opportunity to jump into the fray and hit a move rather than everyone waiting for their turn to do a spot. They also did do a new (at least to me) way to do the tower of doom spot.
As a whole, this was a really fun match. It was exactly the sort of spotfest you would expect, but just toned down a little so that they would work some story in as well. Everyone got to shine here, and they have me quite excited for the second one.
BOYLE HEIGHTS BATTLE ROYALE: Sexy Star vs. Cisqo vs. Cortez Castro vs. Famous B vs. Ricky Mandel vs. Pimpinella Escarlata vs. Johnny Mundo vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Bael vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina)-6.75/10
Johnny Mundo’s arm is taped up after last week’s ladder match, as is Castro’s
Chavo was the only one who got his ring entrance shown, and the match started when Sexy Star dove off the apron onto him. How does that make any sense? Not only has Chavo not yet entered the ring, but Sexy Star diving on him means that EVEN FEWER of the competitors are now in the ring!
The mysterious mystery woman watched the match from the crowd again.
Out of nowhere, Vampiro blurts out that he thinks one of our two top babyfaces, Johnny Mundo, is faking the injury to his arm. Why? Not only why would Vampiro say this, but what possible reason could Johnny have for doing so? What advantage does it get him?
The match was good for what it was, which was a random battle royale, but most of the rating is due to the stuff the final three (and especially the final two) did.
SO… IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT: WHAT IS THIS UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY THAT THESE TWO MEN WILL GET?-
Dario Cueto comes out holding a championship belt, which, BEFORE HE EVEN NAMES THE BELT, he tells us has “power.” He never explains what this power is. He then talks about his “new innovative match concept” which will be the most grueling match ever and which will pay homage to the ancient warriors in Aztec temples upon which Lucha Libre is based: The Aztec Warfare match!
What are the rules? What makes it innovative? What about it (other than the name) pays homage to the Aztec roots of Lucha Libre? WE DON’T KNOW, BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER EXPLAINED.
At this point I was honestly terrified that they were just going to have the match to crown the champion right here right now with literally no hype at all, but thankfully Cueto instead announced that the match would take place on the first show of the new year. Tonight’s main event, though, will determine which Luchador will have the advantage of “enter[ing] Aztec Warfare last,” while the winner will enter first. So basically it’s a f*cking Royale Rumble.
[sarcasm] Great. Just great. [/sarcasm]
A Royal Rumble works well when we really care about a least a decent percentage of the wrestlers involved, but let’s be honest here: Which babyfaces would you want to see win this match, based on the way everyone has been portrayed so far?
Prince Puma? Definitely.
Johnny Mundo? Yeah.
Sexy Star? I could see that (although her eliminating Chavo and him coming back in and costing her the match would probably work a lot better for their feud).
Blue Demon Jr?- it’d be cool, but like Sexy Star, I don’t think him (or Chavo for that matter) winning the title is what this feud needs.
Everyone else is really just midcarders, with Drago (and now Fenix) having received a bit more time than others.
And what about the heels? Which heel would you really want to see a babyface take the belt from?
Big Ryck? Sure.
Chavo? Maybe, but I stand by my comments from above
Mil Muertes? Nah. It just doesn’t quite feel right for him.
And again, everyone else is an undercard guy or a henchman.
WINNER ENTERS AZTEC WARFARE LAST, LOSER ENTERS IT FIRST: Fenix vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina)- 4.25/10
A short match. Muertes wins.
A pretty fun first two-thirds of the show (aside from the infuriating announcing), with a disappointing payoff and main event and…WHOA! IT’S NOT OVER!
DARIO CUETO BACKSTAGE- he is standing, caressing the belt, in front of a jail cell. He explains that the power of the belt comes because its plate contains gold from all seven of the Aztec tribes. He then tells who/whatever is presumably locked in the cage “I’m sorry I can’t let you touch it. I know how you like to destroy pretty things.” Ominous. (I assume the key to this cell is the one Cueto wears around his neck. Now I really want to find out who is in there.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Matt Striker says that Drago and Cuerno have a long, violent history.”
LONG?! IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN TWO MONTHS! Striker is quickly becoming less credible than Michael Cole, and is about to run into Mike Tenay territory.
2. Striker puts over the depth of Lucha underground roster by asking us where else we can get twenty quality athletes having “competitive matches that hold your attention.”
I don’t want to sound like I am picking on the announcers for putting over the product because that is their jobs and I understand that (I didn’t mention Vampiro putting over a basic flippy-do as being "innovative" even though it annoyed me), but if they’re going to do it (and they should), they really need to do so in a way that doesn’t make the viewers roll their eyes.
Where else can I see a twenty-wrestler roster with competitive matches up and down the card? ROH. PWG. New Japan. CMLL. NOAH. Dragon Gate. And that’s just off the top of my head.
3. Vampiro (during the first ten-way match)- “You’ve got some freaky fetishes, but this is definitely the all-star game of pro-wrestling right here.”
How are those two things even related?!
4. Matt Striker miscalled a package piledriver as a muscle buster, then covered up his mistake by saying “call it what you will.”
No, Matt. You don’t get to just call a move whatever you want. The moves have names for a reason. And his logic absolutely does not apply when you CALL ONE MOVE THE NAME OF AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MOVE! By Striker’s logic you might as well call the GTS a “standing dropkick” because you are standing up while you drop the opponent and then kick him (and speaking of a GTS, did you see that GTS-type move that Sagrada took?! THAT WAS NUTS!)
5. Vampiro says that pulling her off of him by the hair is a sign that Chavo “has no respect for Sexy Star.” This is the same Vampiro who less than a minute earlier reacted like it was super-cool that Sexy Star had kicked Muertes in the balls when it was crystal clear to everyone that she had merely kicked him in the thigh (and that’s how he sold it, too). So he is telling us that a babyface is cheating when she clearly hasn’t, but he is trying to present it to us as if she is cheating and that is supposed to be cool, but when someone else cheats (in a much less severe way, in fact) against her, we are supposed to be outraged? There is no excuse to not have rerecorded this in post-production. None at all.
6. You know that spot where one guy goes to German Suplex his opponent near the ropes and a third guys does a sunset flip over the ropes, forcing the first guy to German Suplex the second guy? Well Vampiro referred to it as “one of the forgotten moves in pro wrestling,” which shows you just how little pro wrestling Vampiro has been watching.
7. When Mil Muertes rolled back into the ring after the referee had counted nine, Matt Striker said that he was “just beating the count.” Lucha Underground has a twenty-count on the floor, so either Striker doesn’t know the rules or he really sucks at math.
Anyway, so Melissa introduces Cueto who comes out of his office, and then immediately introduces himself to the people as “the owner and promoter of Lucha Underground.” Didn’t Melissa JUST say almost exactly that?
Cueto announces that this will be the first of two ten-way matches, and that the winner of each match will get a special reward. Okay then. To quote Captain Tenille of MXC: “Let’s get it on!”
TUMULTUOUS TEN WAY MATCH (my name, not theirs)- Big Ryck vs. Prince Puma vs. Fenix vs. Pentagon Jr. vs. Son of Havoc vs. El Mariachi Loco vs. Mascarita Sagrada vs. Drago vs. King Cuerno vs. Super Fly- 7/10
I really liked the way they started off the match. I can’t really explain what they did differently, but it just felt more like the wrestlers on the apron were all waiting strategically for the opportunity to jump into the fray and hit a move rather than everyone waiting for their turn to do a spot. They also did do a new (at least to me) way to do the tower of doom spot.
As a whole, this was a really fun match. It was exactly the sort of spotfest you would expect, but just toned down a little so that they would work some story in as well. Everyone got to shine here, and they have me quite excited for the second one.
BOYLE HEIGHTS BATTLE ROYALE: Sexy Star vs. Cisqo vs. Cortez Castro vs. Famous B vs. Ricky Mandel vs. Pimpinella Escarlata vs. Johnny Mundo vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Bael vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina)-6.75/10
Johnny Mundo’s arm is taped up after last week’s ladder match, as is Castro’s
Chavo was the only one who got his ring entrance shown, and the match started when Sexy Star dove off the apron onto him. How does that make any sense? Not only has Chavo not yet entered the ring, but Sexy Star diving on him means that EVEN FEWER of the competitors are now in the ring!
The mysterious mystery woman watched the match from the crowd again.
Out of nowhere, Vampiro blurts out that he thinks one of our two top babyfaces, Johnny Mundo, is faking the injury to his arm. Why? Not only why would Vampiro say this, but what possible reason could Johnny have for doing so? What advantage does it get him?
The match was good for what it was, which was a random battle royale, but most of the rating is due to the stuff the final three (and especially the final two) did.
SO… IT’S TIME TO FIND OUT: WHAT IS THIS UNIQUE OPPORTUNITY THAT THESE TWO MEN WILL GET?-
Dario Cueto comes out holding a championship belt, which, BEFORE HE EVEN NAMES THE BELT, he tells us has “power.” He never explains what this power is. He then talks about his “new innovative match concept” which will be the most grueling match ever and which will pay homage to the ancient warriors in Aztec temples upon which Lucha Libre is based: The Aztec Warfare match!
What are the rules? What makes it innovative? What about it (other than the name) pays homage to the Aztec roots of Lucha Libre? WE DON’T KNOW, BECAUSE IT WAS NEVER EXPLAINED.
At this point I was honestly terrified that they were just going to have the match to crown the champion right here right now with literally no hype at all, but thankfully Cueto instead announced that the match would take place on the first show of the new year. Tonight’s main event, though, will determine which Luchador will have the advantage of “enter[ing] Aztec Warfare last,” while the winner will enter first. So basically it’s a f*cking Royale Rumble.
[sarcasm] Great. Just great. [/sarcasm]
A Royal Rumble works well when we really care about a least a decent percentage of the wrestlers involved, but let’s be honest here: Which babyfaces would you want to see win this match, based on the way everyone has been portrayed so far?
Prince Puma? Definitely.
Johnny Mundo? Yeah.
Sexy Star? I could see that (although her eliminating Chavo and him coming back in and costing her the match would probably work a lot better for their feud).
Blue Demon Jr?- it’d be cool, but like Sexy Star, I don’t think him (or Chavo for that matter) winning the title is what this feud needs.
Everyone else is really just midcarders, with Drago (and now Fenix) having received a bit more time than others.
And what about the heels? Which heel would you really want to see a babyface take the belt from?
Big Ryck? Sure.
Chavo? Maybe, but I stand by my comments from above
Mil Muertes? Nah. It just doesn’t quite feel right for him.
And again, everyone else is an undercard guy or a henchman.
WINNER ENTERS AZTEC WARFARE LAST, LOSER ENTERS IT FIRST: Fenix vs. Mil Muertes (w/Catrina)- 4.25/10
A short match. Muertes wins.
A pretty fun first two-thirds of the show (aside from the infuriating announcing), with a disappointing payoff and main event and…WHOA! IT’S NOT OVER!
DARIO CUETO BACKSTAGE- he is standing, caressing the belt, in front of a jail cell. He explains that the power of the belt comes because its plate contains gold from all seven of the Aztec tribes. He then tells who/whatever is presumably locked in the cage “I’m sorry I can’t let you touch it. I know how you like to destroy pretty things.” Ominous. (I assume the key to this cell is the one Cueto wears around his neck. Now I really want to find out who is in there.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Matt Striker says that Drago and Cuerno have a long, violent history.”
LONG?! IT HASN’T EVEN BEEN TWO MONTHS! Striker is quickly becoming less credible than Michael Cole, and is about to run into Mike Tenay territory.
2. Striker puts over the depth of Lucha underground roster by asking us where else we can get twenty quality athletes having “competitive matches that hold your attention.”
I don’t want to sound like I am picking on the announcers for putting over the product because that is their jobs and I understand that (I didn’t mention Vampiro putting over a basic flippy-do as being "innovative" even though it annoyed me), but if they’re going to do it (and they should), they really need to do so in a way that doesn’t make the viewers roll their eyes.
Where else can I see a twenty-wrestler roster with competitive matches up and down the card? ROH. PWG. New Japan. CMLL. NOAH. Dragon Gate. And that’s just off the top of my head.
3. Vampiro (during the first ten-way match)- “You’ve got some freaky fetishes, but this is definitely the all-star game of pro-wrestling right here.”
How are those two things even related?!
4. Matt Striker miscalled a package piledriver as a muscle buster, then covered up his mistake by saying “call it what you will.”
No, Matt. You don’t get to just call a move whatever you want. The moves have names for a reason. And his logic absolutely does not apply when you CALL ONE MOVE THE NAME OF AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT MOVE! By Striker’s logic you might as well call the GTS a “standing dropkick” because you are standing up while you drop the opponent and then kick him (and speaking of a GTS, did you see that GTS-type move that Sagrada took?! THAT WAS NUTS!)
5. Vampiro says that pulling her off of him by the hair is a sign that Chavo “has no respect for Sexy Star.” This is the same Vampiro who less than a minute earlier reacted like it was super-cool that Sexy Star had kicked Muertes in the balls when it was crystal clear to everyone that she had merely kicked him in the thigh (and that’s how he sold it, too). So he is telling us that a babyface is cheating when she clearly hasn’t, but he is trying to present it to us as if she is cheating and that is supposed to be cool, but when someone else cheats (in a much less severe way, in fact) against her, we are supposed to be outraged? There is no excuse to not have rerecorded this in post-production. None at all.
6. You know that spot where one guy goes to German Suplex his opponent near the ropes and a third guys does a sunset flip over the ropes, forcing the first guy to German Suplex the second guy? Well Vampiro referred to it as “one of the forgotten moves in pro wrestling,” which shows you just how little pro wrestling Vampiro has been watching.
7. When Mil Muertes rolled back into the ring after the referee had counted nine, Matt Striker said that he was “just beating the count.” Lucha Underground has a twenty-count on the floor, so either Striker doesn’t know the rules or he really sucks at math.