OPENING SEGMENT- WWE has completely forgotten that the anonymous GM was revealed to be Hornswoggle back in 2012. Obviously this will not change over the course of the show, so I will just get all of my rage at that particular fact out now with one big scream:
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

OPENING SEGMENT-
Cole begins to read a dumb e-mail from the anonymous GM. Cena interrupted him for no reason whatsoever, and begins to monologue about mostly unrelated stuff. What a dick.
Cena then declared that he would not let their victory to get rid of the authority “hand Raw over to a nameless, faceless, heartless, computer.”
A few things here:
1. He does realize that the computer merely the medium through which this anonymous GM delivers his or her instructions and not some sort of robot GM, right? Because his statement here seems to imply the latter.
2. Well maybe you should have thought of that BEFORE Survivor Series and tried to get that ironed out with Vince then.
3. It’s too late! The anonymous GM is already in charge for tonight, so you’ve failed at this. Now quit whining.
This whole thing was made even more unbearable by the fact that the anonymous GM kept trying to get Cena’s attention throughout his dramatic declaration by sending e-mails, which meant we had to hear that f*cking annoying noise OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN while Cena was talking.

Seth Rollins came out and then cut a completely awesomely hypocritical heel promo.
OH SH*T ROLLINS JUST RIPPED BATISTA A NEW ONE!
Rollins told Cena that if he really wanted to do what was best for the fans, he would do what is best for business and reinstate the Authority.
Cena was douche to Rollins, telling him to “ask nicely” if he wants Cena to bring the Authority back. Cena made him get down on his knees and ask a second time. Apparently we were supposed to find this funny. I remember Drew McIntyre doing to the same thing to Teddy Long back in 2010 and getting MASSIVE heat from the crowd for it.
Nothing came of this, as the anonymous GM sent another e-mail, which Cole read. Cena and Rollins will face off in a tables match at TLC, and if Cena loses, he will lose his title shot at Brock.
Rollins jumped Cena from behind. Cena fought back and beat up the stooges, but ate a chokeslam from Kane. Rollins went to get a table, but Ryback made the save and gave Rollins a powerslam. Kane beat the sh*t out of Ryback with a chair, but then got beaten up by Kane. Rowan, the man who last week declared his hated of bullies, decided to fight alongside Ryback against Kane, the man who Ryback bullied last week. Rowan also beat Rollins up until Big Show made the heel save. Then Ziggler came out to help the babyfaces and tried to use a ladder, but got cut off by Luke Harper.
The stooges set up a table for Rollins to put Cena through, but Cena fought it off and almost put Rollins through a table, but Big Show and Harper made the save and they all beat Cena up and put him through a table. This went OVER TWENTY MINUTES and easily could have been cut in half if they just had Cena come out and cut a regular promo and then get interrupted by Rollins, rather than waste time with the damn computer.

When we got back from commercial, security and medical personnel were helping the babyfaces up, so it is good that they all sold their beatings. What wasn’t good was the fact that Lawler blamed the anonymous GM for all of this. Because Lawler’s is such a kiss-up to the babyfaces that I honestly wonder if so many years of being a self-serving heel and always having to justify his actions to himself hasn’t completely warped his sense of morality so that he can honestly believe whatever dumbass position he decides to take.

The result of this schmoz was Big Show vs Rowan being booked in a singles match, and then a six man main event pitting Dolph, Cena, and Ryback against Rollins, Kane, and Harper. Why not just save yourself some time and do an eight-man tag team match? That would allow you to keep Big Show vs. Rowan fresh for the PPV in less than two weeks, and also mean that only one guy has to get beaten instead of two.

TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH FOR A WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH AT TLC-
Props to whoever made sure to have Lillian go over the rules of the match right away.
Goldust and Stardust, the former tag team champions who have not yet received their rematch, got beaten in just a few minutes. Then came the team of Tyson Kidd and Cesaro. If you are scratching your head right now, join the club. Since when have these two ever teamed together? I’m saying they can’t team together, or even that they shouldn’t be in this match (if they beat a bunch of teams in a row, I’d say they deserve a tag title match)… I’m just saying that it would have been nice for the announcers to not just treat this new pairing like it was a perfectly normal occurrence for these guys to team together. If something will be new and surprising to the viewers at home, the announcers should act surprised as well.
Kidd and Cesaro beat The New Day when Goldust and Stardust distract them… one week, and they’ve lost already.

After weeks of dysfunction, Adam Rose and the Bunny are STILL teaming together. And they got into YET ANOTHER argument which costs them a match. They have gone back and forth and dragged this out for so long that when they eventually do wrestle each other, no one will possibly give a sh*t.
Also, Naomi and Jimmy Uso’s relationship was finally mentioned on the air. And look. Just in time for The Miz, who now has to defend the tag titles against Jimmy at TLC, to show up and give her the business card of a director who wants to put her in a movie. Funny how that works. Also, there was dumb comedy with Sandow.

VINCE MCMAHON SHOWS UP- an hour late. What has he been doing for the past hour?

SETH GREEN WILL HOST THE SLAMMIES- oh great. Now I’m going to hate the show even more.

A NAMELESS DORK INTERVIEWS ERICK ROWAN- Rowan ignores him and plays with a Rubix Cube instead. The nameless dork interviewing says that he has been doing some checking up on Rowan’s background and reveals that Rowans is not only a classically trained guitarist and a winemaker, but also supposedly has an IQ of 143. This would put him in the top echelon according to almost every IQ classification list… and yet he apparently does know the definition of the word “bully” because he calls Big Show one, but Big Show hasn’t bullied anyone at all. Well… at least he solved the Rubix Cube.

BIG SHOW PROMO- he not only claims to be a bully, but claims that it is imperative that he be a bully. He, too, apparently doesn’t know what a bully is. This really throws WWE’s whole anti-bullying campaign into question. I hope Sheamus is running around Brogue Kicking the wrong kids.

ERICK ROWAN vs. THE BIG SHOW- 2/10
Show gets himself DQed, beating Rowan up with the stairs. So basically the same thing they did last month with Henry and Big Show, but now with Big Show as the heel.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS VINCE MCMAHON- he hypes up Austin’s Network-exclusive podcast. Renee asks Vince if he is considering bringing back the Authority. Apparently she didn’t pay any attention last week.

JACK SWAGGER vs. FANDANGO (w/Rosa Mendes)-
Before the match we learned that someone had attacked Zeb backstage and hurt his leg. Lillian was going to announce Fandango as the winner by forfeit, but Rosa grabbed the mic from her and made the announcement instead. The sad part is that if this were to wind up leading to a match between these two, Lillian would be the better wrestler.

RUSEV & LANA PROMO- they admit to attacking Zeb. Lana recites a parody of the Pledge of Allegiance. That part was dumb. Jack Swagger then came out and they brawled.
DAMIEN MIZ-DOW (w/The Miz) vs. FERNANDO (w/El Torito)- 2/10
This match was signed because Torito, the babyfaces randomly decided to commit theft. Just when you thought it was not possible to make the babyfaces look worse in this match, Jimmy Uso showed up to assault The Miz for the horrible crime of offering his wife a part a movie. What a possessive douchebag! A match was signed for these two for Main Event tomorrow night.

BRAY WYATT vs. R-TRUTH- 2/10
After the match, Bray threw a bunch of furniture into the ring. When we came back from the commercial break, he cut a promo. I think he needs to read his Bible again because he’s got some details about G-d’s promise to Jacob wrong. Ambrose showed up to brawl with him. I’ve seen these guys fight a million times over the past six weeks. I don’t care anymore. The weapons they will be able to use at TLC will make it feel new… unless, of course, they do that they did here and use said weapons on TV a bunch of times before the PPV.
Ambrose broke Bray’s rocking chair. That was good, and it seemed to really have an effect on Bray.

THE BELLA TWINS vs. AJ LEE & NAOMI- 2.25/10
Yeah. Naomi got the nod here because she must be all over the show tonight.

PAUL HEYMAN PROMO- awesome.

JOHN CENA, RYBACK, & DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. LUKE HARPER, KANE, & SETH ROLLINS (w/Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)- 7/10
Dolph pins Harper, then they all keeping fighting, so what was the point of having an official match? Big Show came to attack the babyfaces. Erick Rowan then came out, carrying ringsteps. Yes. As in he brought ringsteps out from backstage with him. Cena gave Big Show an AA, then Cena, Ryback, and Dolph held Big Show up so Rowan could hit him with the steps. They looked like every heel faction ever while doing this. This was also them all getting revenge on Big Show, so why should I buy the PPV.
I’m sure none of you will be surprised to learn that with Rowan being the guy who made the difference and who hit the final move on Big Show and Dolph being the guy who got the pinfall… it was, of course, John Cena whose music was played.

A bad Raw. They did NOTHING with the computer all night long aside from that opening segment, so all bringing back he computer really did was bring back a gimmick that fans universally hated to waste time and ignore logic and continuity. The whole writing team should have been fired.