BRM Reviews the 11/18/2014 Main Event (Infuriating)
Posted: Nov 22nd, '14, 17:43
THE USOS vs. GOLDUST & STARDUST- 6/10
Cody and Goldust cut an inset promo that really makes you ask who in the hell thought that turning the Rhodes Brothers into this would make them entertaining. Miz, Miz-Dow, Los Matadores, & El Torito all came out to do guest commentary. Instead of paying attention to the start of the match, Cole took a selfie with El Torito. Even worse, the numbskulls in the production truck thought it was more important to show this than to show the start of the match.
The Matadores had to disguise their voices so they wouldn’t out themselves as being the Colons (as if anyone remembers their voices), but they did a great job of putting on your standard cartoonish matador voice. I thought that was fun.
Miz-Dow didn’t actually talk. He just moved his mouth when Miz was talking. Cole, Byron, and Miz kept talking about extraneous crap (although Cole and Miz did put over the idea that the fans love Miz-Dow but boo Miz, with Miz claiming they were chanting “Miz! Wow!” in appreciation of him). There were multiple times when the Matadores tried to draw attention back to the match, but the others just talked right over them. When Cole asked Torito to twerk for him so that he could send a picture of it to JBL, even MIZ got fed up and tried to get the focus back on the match.
On commentary, Los Matadores threatened to let Torito loose on Miz and Miz-dow during the title match. Miz said that if that happens, they will get DQed. Cole pointed out that there are no DQ’s in four way matches.
1. Insert standard BRM rant about how dumb that is.
2. Now Miz looks like an idiot for not knowing the rules.
3. The babyfaces are threatening to cheat.
Yeah. Now I’m kind of annoyed.
There is a four way tag title match at the PPV. It will be:
Goldust & Stardust- the tag team champions
Los Matadores- the guys who beat the tag team champs in a non-title match.
Miz & Miz-Dow- the guys who beat the guys who beat the tag team champs in a non-title match.
The Usos- the guys who have lost a bunch of matches cleanly to the tag champs.
ONE OF THESE THINGS DOESN’T BELONG!
Why the hell are the Usos getting this title shot? And especially when you have JBL and Lawler trying to push the idea that a PPV is where feuds get blown off!
But WWE wants to build interest in this tag match, so they do an eight-man on Raw in which the Usos lose to Goldut and Stardust. AGAIN.
But now, on Main Event, to build up to the same match, but watched by a sh*t-ton fewer people, The Usos beat Goldust and Stardust clean.
Everything would have made perfect sense if they had done this match last week. That way you wouldn’t bury the tag belts by giving the Usos another shot at them for no reason and you’d have the tag champs doing a job that actually means something instead of playing the generic role of “the opponent” in the Adam Rose vs. The Bunny drama. But instead they showed the insulting lack of forethought that has marked the build to Survivor Series and buried the tag belts and the tag champs, and now expect us to care about them in some way.
So, in summary, the match was solid, but it would have been a lot better in a vacuum. And on mute.
PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX- 1.5/10
Paige was very brutal. Then she decided to lewdly slither on top of Fox instead of making a normal pin, and as a result, Fox kicked out, then rolled her up.
During this match, Cole informed us about the “big” Survivor Series elimination match added to the show today: It will be Nattie, Emma, Alicia Fox, & Naomi vs. Paige, Cameron, Layla, & Summer Rae. The reason this has been added to the card is obviously that they have so much room on the card and nothing do to… which is a problem they must have discovered when putting the card together, so could they really no spend any time coming up with angle for this match?
How about you do a series of tag team matches with various combinations of these teams across your four TV shows over the past two or three weeks, with wins traded back and forth, and on each show, you do a quick backstage segment with the other member(s) of the losing team blaming the person who got pinned that night for being the weak link. Then you announce an elimination match so that we can really see who the weak links are because everyone will have to stand on her own.
See? That took me literally ninety seconds to think up. How the hell did no one in WWE Creative come up with something for this match?!
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ADAM ROSE, THE ROSEBUDS, & THE BUNNY- They are here to address The Bunny’s sexual harassment of Mr. Rose last night on Raw. Just kidding. That would be the logical thing to do. Instead, Renee asks Rose if he and The Bunny will be able to get along tonight in the “first-ever inter-species tag team match.” (Michael Cole would later correct the fact that the “first-ever” part is actually untrue.)
Rose called The Bunny to come forward and scolded him, sternly telling him “NO. HUMPING!” I swear to G-d this is what happened.
Rose then told us that The Bunny should be grateful to him, “because when I found him, he was…” and I immediately shouted “alone! And friendless… IN GREENLAND!”
Unfortunately, this was not The Bunny’s origin. Instead, Rose found him in Times Square, dirty, and smelly, and panhandling, and starting fights with the dude in the Elmo costume… but Adam Rose lifted him and Rose believes this makes him “some sort of god. And when god’s creatures step out of line, Renee, it is my job to put them back in place.” Wow. That took an unexpected turn for the sacrilegious.
So after declaring himself to be like unto G-d, Rose then and ordered The Bunny to help him win a tag team match. Once again, I promise that I am not making this up.
He warned The Bunny to not “be distracted by naughty Nattie. She is a lemon. They are all lemons.”
Sooo… Rose’s delivery here was FAN-F*CKING-TASTIC! The absurdity involved in this dude in a bunny costume running around and wrestling and being known to everyone as “The Bunny” certainly hurts this, but you can definitely see that there is a potentially great heel character in here. A psychotic cult-leader who demands absolute obedience from his followers, and tells them that anyone who isn’t one of them is inferior… that’s good stuff right there. Like a David Koresh who lures people in by throwing crazy parties.
INTERSPECIES TAG TEAM MATCH: Tyson Kidd & Natalya vs. Adam Rose & The Bunny-
Why is intergender violence legal in this match? WWE has gone to great pains to create a match where the men must wrestle the men and the women must wrestle the women because intergender violence is not okay… so why is it allowed in this match? I know that none of it actually happened. But the fact that WWE signed the match in the first place means that they were okay with the possibility.
Anyway, Tyson makes The Bunny tap. Rose could have broken it up but decided not to. Tyson kicked The Bunny in the face after the match, and I laughed at this because The Bunny has been nothing but an attention-seeking douchebag for so long.
WWE is referring to the Team Cena vs. Team Authority match as “Survival of the Fittest.” Nice try, guys. Someone already did that this month.
They read off the list of injuries Sheamus suffered on Raw to explain why he won’t be in the Survivor Series match. This would have been a lot better if the next match hadn’t featured…
BRAY WYATT vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 1.5/10
Yeah. Jack Swagger. You remember him, right? The guy who ate two curb stomps and was injured to the point where WWE almost immediately told us that he wouldn’t be able to compete at Survivor Series? Well here he is now, a few days BEFORE Survivor Series, and he is back wrestling just fine. Cole even brought this up, saying that Rollins' curb stomps took Swagger out of the Survivor Series match, as if there is some rule on the books that if you eat two straight curb stomps, you lose your spot in a PPV main event.
Before the match, Bray Wyatt cut a great promo. The match itself was very boring. The announcers kept talking up how Jack Swagger was a “sacrifice” for Bray Wyatt. What does this even mean?
Overall, a terrible, absolutely infuriating episode of Main Event.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Cole said he thought that the Usos would be the favorites heading into the PPV. He said this before the match had ended, so at this point, this would be the same Usos who have constantly been losing to the tag champs (including last night on Raw) and who also needed to cheat to beat Miz and Miz-dow.
Cody and Goldust cut an inset promo that really makes you ask who in the hell thought that turning the Rhodes Brothers into this would make them entertaining. Miz, Miz-Dow, Los Matadores, & El Torito all came out to do guest commentary. Instead of paying attention to the start of the match, Cole took a selfie with El Torito. Even worse, the numbskulls in the production truck thought it was more important to show this than to show the start of the match.
The Matadores had to disguise their voices so they wouldn’t out themselves as being the Colons (as if anyone remembers their voices), but they did a great job of putting on your standard cartoonish matador voice. I thought that was fun.
Miz-Dow didn’t actually talk. He just moved his mouth when Miz was talking. Cole, Byron, and Miz kept talking about extraneous crap (although Cole and Miz did put over the idea that the fans love Miz-Dow but boo Miz, with Miz claiming they were chanting “Miz! Wow!” in appreciation of him). There were multiple times when the Matadores tried to draw attention back to the match, but the others just talked right over them. When Cole asked Torito to twerk for him so that he could send a picture of it to JBL, even MIZ got fed up and tried to get the focus back on the match.
On commentary, Los Matadores threatened to let Torito loose on Miz and Miz-dow during the title match. Miz said that if that happens, they will get DQed. Cole pointed out that there are no DQ’s in four way matches.
1. Insert standard BRM rant about how dumb that is.
2. Now Miz looks like an idiot for not knowing the rules.
3. The babyfaces are threatening to cheat.
Yeah. Now I’m kind of annoyed.
There is a four way tag title match at the PPV. It will be:
Goldust & Stardust- the tag team champions
Los Matadores- the guys who beat the tag team champs in a non-title match.
Miz & Miz-Dow- the guys who beat the guys who beat the tag team champs in a non-title match.
The Usos- the guys who have lost a bunch of matches cleanly to the tag champs.
ONE OF THESE THINGS DOESN’T BELONG!
Why the hell are the Usos getting this title shot? And especially when you have JBL and Lawler trying to push the idea that a PPV is where feuds get blown off!
But WWE wants to build interest in this tag match, so they do an eight-man on Raw in which the Usos lose to Goldut and Stardust. AGAIN.
But now, on Main Event, to build up to the same match, but watched by a sh*t-ton fewer people, The Usos beat Goldust and Stardust clean.
Everything would have made perfect sense if they had done this match last week. That way you wouldn’t bury the tag belts by giving the Usos another shot at them for no reason and you’d have the tag champs doing a job that actually means something instead of playing the generic role of “the opponent” in the Adam Rose vs. The Bunny drama. But instead they showed the insulting lack of forethought that has marked the build to Survivor Series and buried the tag belts and the tag champs, and now expect us to care about them in some way.
So, in summary, the match was solid, but it would have been a lot better in a vacuum. And on mute.
PAIGE vs. ALICIA FOX- 1.5/10
Paige was very brutal. Then she decided to lewdly slither on top of Fox instead of making a normal pin, and as a result, Fox kicked out, then rolled her up.
During this match, Cole informed us about the “big” Survivor Series elimination match added to the show today: It will be Nattie, Emma, Alicia Fox, & Naomi vs. Paige, Cameron, Layla, & Summer Rae. The reason this has been added to the card is obviously that they have so much room on the card and nothing do to… which is a problem they must have discovered when putting the card together, so could they really no spend any time coming up with angle for this match?
How about you do a series of tag team matches with various combinations of these teams across your four TV shows over the past two or three weeks, with wins traded back and forth, and on each show, you do a quick backstage segment with the other member(s) of the losing team blaming the person who got pinned that night for being the weak link. Then you announce an elimination match so that we can really see who the weak links are because everyone will have to stand on her own.
See? That took me literally ninety seconds to think up. How the hell did no one in WWE Creative come up with something for this match?!
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS ADAM ROSE, THE ROSEBUDS, & THE BUNNY- They are here to address The Bunny’s sexual harassment of Mr. Rose last night on Raw. Just kidding. That would be the logical thing to do. Instead, Renee asks Rose if he and The Bunny will be able to get along tonight in the “first-ever inter-species tag team match.” (Michael Cole would later correct the fact that the “first-ever” part is actually untrue.)
Rose called The Bunny to come forward and scolded him, sternly telling him “NO. HUMPING!” I swear to G-d this is what happened.
Rose then told us that The Bunny should be grateful to him, “because when I found him, he was…” and I immediately shouted “alone! And friendless… IN GREENLAND!”
Unfortunately, this was not The Bunny’s origin. Instead, Rose found him in Times Square, dirty, and smelly, and panhandling, and starting fights with the dude in the Elmo costume… but Adam Rose lifted him and Rose believes this makes him “some sort of god. And when god’s creatures step out of line, Renee, it is my job to put them back in place.” Wow. That took an unexpected turn for the sacrilegious.
So after declaring himself to be like unto G-d, Rose then and ordered The Bunny to help him win a tag team match. Once again, I promise that I am not making this up.
He warned The Bunny to not “be distracted by naughty Nattie. She is a lemon. They are all lemons.”
Sooo… Rose’s delivery here was FAN-F*CKING-TASTIC! The absurdity involved in this dude in a bunny costume running around and wrestling and being known to everyone as “The Bunny” certainly hurts this, but you can definitely see that there is a potentially great heel character in here. A psychotic cult-leader who demands absolute obedience from his followers, and tells them that anyone who isn’t one of them is inferior… that’s good stuff right there. Like a David Koresh who lures people in by throwing crazy parties.
INTERSPECIES TAG TEAM MATCH: Tyson Kidd & Natalya vs. Adam Rose & The Bunny-
Why is intergender violence legal in this match? WWE has gone to great pains to create a match where the men must wrestle the men and the women must wrestle the women because intergender violence is not okay… so why is it allowed in this match? I know that none of it actually happened. But the fact that WWE signed the match in the first place means that they were okay with the possibility.
Anyway, Tyson makes The Bunny tap. Rose could have broken it up but decided not to. Tyson kicked The Bunny in the face after the match, and I laughed at this because The Bunny has been nothing but an attention-seeking douchebag for so long.
WWE is referring to the Team Cena vs. Team Authority match as “Survival of the Fittest.” Nice try, guys. Someone already did that this month.
They read off the list of injuries Sheamus suffered on Raw to explain why he won’t be in the Survivor Series match. This would have been a lot better if the next match hadn’t featured…
BRAY WYATT vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 1.5/10
Yeah. Jack Swagger. You remember him, right? The guy who ate two curb stomps and was injured to the point where WWE almost immediately told us that he wouldn’t be able to compete at Survivor Series? Well here he is now, a few days BEFORE Survivor Series, and he is back wrestling just fine. Cole even brought this up, saying that Rollins' curb stomps took Swagger out of the Survivor Series match, as if there is some rule on the books that if you eat two straight curb stomps, you lose your spot in a PPV main event.
Before the match, Bray Wyatt cut a great promo. The match itself was very boring. The announcers kept talking up how Jack Swagger was a “sacrifice” for Bray Wyatt. What does this even mean?
Overall, a terrible, absolutely infuriating episode of Main Event.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Cole said he thought that the Usos would be the favorites heading into the PPV. He said this before the match had ended, so at this point, this would be the same Usos who have constantly been losing to the tag champs (including last night on Raw) and who also needed to cheat to beat Miz and Miz-dow.