In the opening video package, they made it seem like Team Cena and Team Authority are defined entities, but to my knowledge, all Cena has is himself and Dolph, and all the Authority has is Rollins and Kane. Did I miss something?


OPENING SEGMENT-
John Cena cuts a promo putting over the idea that Authority is intimidating everyone so no one will join his team. Doesn’t this just make all of our favorite babyfaces out to be pussies? Why can’t they sack up Dolph did?
Wait… Jack Swagger is on Team Cena? Since when?! And also… Jack Swagger? Really? Look… no one is as big a Swagger fan as I am (except for Jack Swagger’s father), but they have booked him like such a loser that he just feels out of place in such an important match. Cena then whines about Swagger being booked against Seth Rollins tonight, as if this was somehow unfair.

He then says that everyone has always told Dolph Ziggle that he would never succeed in wrestling. What? Since when? Daniel Bryn is on the shelf, so they just figure they’ll give Dolph his gimmick?

Cena calls out Ryback to talk. The Authority interrupts him. Mark Henry is with them, so we now know that Big Show will eventually join Cena’ team. Oh joy. The Authority cuts a promo. Steph says she is thinking of making G-d Save the Queen her entrance music. If they are still in the UK next week, this NEEDS to happen.
The Authority tried to tempt Ryback with offers of more main events. Cena told him that the fans should make or break careers. They teased Ryback joining Cena, but he wound up joining the Authority instead. Ryback gave Cena a spinebuster which Cena sold as if it was some sort of finisher.
I really wasn’t into this segment. Everyone involved did the best they could, but I think the problem is that there is not enough story to give this all of the screen time it is getting, so we just keep hearing the same things over and over and over again to the point where you just roll your eyes at it.

SETH ROLLINS (w/the Cruiserweight Stooges) vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 4/10
The stupid British fans chanted “We the People!” I don’t think they get the reference. The match was WAY too short, and Swagger losing basically cleanly in this short a time just buries him. Rollins gives him a second Curb Stomp after the match. Again… buried like a chump.

Throughout this match, the announcers kept talking about how Jack Swagger bravely “stood up in the face of adversity” etc. etc. and defied the Authority by joining Team Cena… and all I can think about is the fact that his important event happened OFF-SCREEN.

DEAN AMBROSE PROMO- fantastic

KANE & RYBACK BACKSTAGE- they are arguing.

ALICIA FOX vs. PAIGE- 1/10
Big homeland pop for Paige. She gets a quick win.

STEPH WANTS RUSEV TO JOIN TEAM AUTHORITY- Lana says she’ll consider it. Steph gets abrasive.

STEPH & HUNTER BACKSTAGE- they muse on Vince’s motives and bury Cena’s team. Then they do mushy lovey-dovey stuff.

CELEBRATION FOR RUSEV- Sheamus interrupts it, also interrupting the Russian national anthem. What a douche. Also, why were they doing this victory celebration when Rusev had a title defense tonight? That seems a little premature doesn’t it?

AHA! They apologized to anyone who was offended by Sheamus interrupting the Russian national anthem. If only they hadn’t spent years training fans to boo it.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Rusev(c) (w/Lana) vs. Sheamus- 6.75/10
The Authority’ stooges cause Sheamus to lose by count-out.

STEPH, RUSEV, & LANA BACKSTAGE- Rusev joins team Authority. Lana says this makes Putin happy. Steph immediately offends her new pals by saying that she doesn’t give a sh*t about Putin. I am not a fan of Rusev being on Team Authority at all, but hopefully this is a sign that Team Authority will win.

ROLLINS & RYBACK BACKSTAGE- He annoys Ryback. In this one show, the Authority has been so pointlessly abrasive and idiotic. Yes. They are supposed to be heels… but they’re not supposed to be too egotistical to function intelligently.

LOS MATADORES (w/El Torito) vs. THE MIZ & DAMIEN MIZ-DOW (w/Hornswoggle)- 5.5/10
Yes. Again. For those of you keeping track, this is the third different group Hornswoggle has joined up with to feud with Torito. Miz-Dow was very entertaining. Also, they did my favorite heel finish ever.

CENA & DOLPH BACKSTAGE- Swagger is injured. They could have at least given him the Curb Stomp on the steps to make sure we all knew it (and to not make him look like such a chump). They reaffirm that they have each other’s backs. This was boring.
Oh great. It’s not over. Hunter showed up and banned Cena from ringside in tonight’s Dolph Ziggler vs. Mark Henry feud that no one knew about before this very moment.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. MARK HENRY- no rating. Okay segment.
Cole tries to put over the “punishment” Ziggler has had to go through since joining Team Cena. The “punishment” in question has mostly consisted of ordering Ziggler, a professional wrestler, to compete in one-on-one professional wrestling matches.

While Dolph was in the ring but before Mark Henry made his entrance, the eyes took over the screen again, and there was a promo there, too. I’m pretty sure it is Luke Harper. Cole told us that these eyes have “been haunt Ziggler for weeks.” What? Since when? To my recollection, they have only appeared once (and I even watched Smackdown this week), and I had no idea that they were targeting Ziggler. Did anyone else know this?

Henry gets himself DQed on purpose, then attacks Dolph some more. Why did Cena not rush out to make the save? The match is over, so he isn’t banned from ringside anymore. Instead, Big Show made the save, and despite having injured ribs, he got the better of Mark Henry. Big Show announces that he has joined Team Cena.

SHEAMUS JOINS TEAM CENA- yeah. I’m really not liking this. This feud is supposed to be idealistic, but now we have people joining just because the guy they happen to be feuding with joins the other team.

AJ LEE vs. BRIE BELLA (w/Nikki Bella)- 0.5/10
We got a good clip from early tonight with Nikki being extremely b*tchy to Brie, then telling her to take all of that anger out on AJ tonight.
The match was short, but it was supposed to be. Brie tapped, but before AJ could dismount from the Black Widow, Nikki ran in, kicked her in the head, then hit her with the Rack Attack.

MARK HENRY & RYBACK BACKSTAGE- Mark is also a douche to Ryback.

ADAM ROSE (w/the Exotic Express) vs. TYSON KIDD- 0.5/10
Erick Rowan randomly wandered down to ringside during this match, apparently looking for a female. They speculate that he is looking for Nattie because… um…
Rose was about to win, but the stupid Bunny tried to get involved, so Rose had to yell at him, resulting in him losing. Then the Bunny was a giant dick to Rose, who kicked it, leading to scattered cheers. JBL is right. The Bunny deserved that. Cole and Lawler’s attempts to defend the Bunny were infuriatingly feeble-minded.

TEAM AUTHORITY BACKSTAGE- pointless.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- Good, but the people stopped caring half way in and started chanting for Ziggler and WOOOOing.

JOHN CENA vs. RYBACK (w/the Authority & Team Authority)- 7.25/10
I wasn’t really that into this, and then at some point it just got really good. Then, a few minutes later, Kane ran in for a DQ. This angered Ryback, so they had a shoving match. Rollins tried to make peace and just when it looked like it was working, Ryback punched Rollins for no reason. That was dumb.
Then it got dumber. The heels all started to beat Cena down, so the babyfaces came out to make the save. One at a time. So instead of coming out together, they all took turns walking right into the same six-on-one ambush. What a bunch of dumbasses. Ziggler didn’t even come out, because I guess he’s just a giant pussy. Ryback then cleaned house.

Oh. Okay. Dolph didn’t come out because Luke Harper hunted him down and murderized him, the dumped him at Steph and Hunter’s feet.

A lot of stuff happened on Raw this week. I just didn’t like most of it.
STUPID ANNOUCER QUOTES:
1. Jerry Lawler clearly does not understand the concept of a metaphor. He took Hunter’s comment that as far as the roster is concerned, he is G-d, to mean that Hunter actually claimed to be a deity, and interpreted Steph’s comment about wanting to use G-d Save the Queen as her entrance music to mean that she wants to replace Elizabeth II as the monarch of the United Kingdom.

Big Red Machine wrote:
STEPH WANTS RUSEV TO JOIN TEAM AUTHORITY- Lana says she’ll consider it. Steph gets abrasive.
and for a second, i was praying that Rusev would turn face to stick it to Steph and defend Russia's pride



Oh. Okay. Dolph didn’t come out because Luke Harper hunted him down and murderized him, the dumped him at Steph and Hunter’s feet.
I was hoping this spot was for Cesaro, I like Harper, but I'm kinda sad about this.

Also, since you didn't mention it, what do you think of that Gospel thing that Woods/Kofi/Big E are hyping?

cero2k wrote:

Big Red Machine wrote:
STEPH WANTS RUSEV TO JOIN TEAM AUTHORITY- Lana says she’ll consider it. Steph gets abrasive.
and for a second, i was praying that Rusev would turn face to stick it to Steph and defend Russia's pride



Oh. Okay. Dolph didn’t come out because Luke Harper hunted him down and murderized him, the dumped him at Steph and Hunter’s feet.
I was hoping this spot was for Cesaro, I like Harper, but I'm kinda sad about this.
Yeah. Any chance of that went out the window on Smackdown

Also, since you didn't mention it, what do you think of that Gospel thing that Woods/Kofi/Big E are hyping?

I didn't even notice it. Was it used as a bumper or something?

Oh-the "A New Day" thing Kingston and company are up to is literally the worst thing I have seen on WWE TV in a very long time. And that says a whole lot. I literally could not stop shaking my head the entire time and grabbing my forehead-not face palming. There's a difference.

Any fucking ways, what's the literal point? Are they really trying to go forward with some sort of gospel/choir/church shit? What are they actually going to do with this?
It almost feels like this is their attempt at some sort of politically correct attempt at a new Nation. It's just entirely ridiculous. It didn't help either when I realized who it was, being how tired I am of Kingston entirely as it.

Excuse the rant, but I'm just absolutely disgusted with the idea because I find it absurdly ridiculous. Are they going to keep a choir around and this is an alternative to the Exotic Express? I'm not that much humorously speaking there, though it seems like it.

KILLdozer wrote:Oh-the "A New Day" thing Kingston and company are up to is literally the worst thing I have seen on WWE TV in a very long time. And that says a whole lot. I literally could not stop shaking my head the entire time and grabbing my forehead-not face palming. There's a difference.

Any fucking ways, what's the literal point? Are they really trying to go forward with some sort of gospel/choir/church shit? What are they actually going to do with this?
It almost feels like this is their attempt at some sort of politically correct attempt at a new Nation. It's just entirely ridiculous. It didn't help either when I realized who it was, being how tired I am of Kingston entirely as it.

Excuse the rant, but I'm just absolutely disgusted with the idea because I find it absurdly ridiculous. Are they going to keep a choir around and this is an alternative to the Exotic Express? I'm not that much humorously speaking there, though it seems like it.

A gospel choir for an entrance would be totally awesome.

Big Red Machine wrote:

I didn't even notice it. Was it used as a bumper or something?

i guess, i watched the brit stream, so i'm not sure if they showed them at the same time, but it was 2 separate vignettes, one for xavier Woods and one for Kofi Kingston, both singing James Brown/Gospel music and all, I guess we'll get Big E's next monday

KILLdozer wrote:Oh-the "A New Day" thing Kingston and company are up to is literally the worst thing I have seen on WWE TV in a very long time. And that says a whole lot. I literally could not stop shaking my head the entire time and grabbing my forehead-not face palming. There's a difference.

Any fucking ways, what's the literal point? Are they really trying to go forward with some sort of gospel/choir/church shit? What are they actually going to do with this?
It almost feels like this is their attempt at some sort of politically correct attempt at a new Nation. It's just entirely ridiculous. It didn't help either when I realized who it was, being how tired I am of Kingston entirely as it.

Excuse the rant, but I'm just absolutely disgusted with the idea because I find it absurdly ridiculous. Are they going to keep a choir around and this is an alternative to the Exotic Express? I'm not that much humorously speaking there, though it seems like it.

i'm hoping they pull a Brodus Clay on this one and they swerve the crowd and instead of debuting as gospel, they come out bashing WWE for putting them in racist stereotypical gimmicks

I mean I GUESS there could be an upside to things if they are faces who get the crowd to "sing along" , but in retrospect let's be honest: every city isn't gonna be "soulful", for lack of a better word. In fact, some people may boo the heck out of them for attempting such a thing. I'm just not sure how well upbeat, positive, uplifting gospel singers will mix with today's world of wrestling.

KILLdozer wrote:I mean I GUESS there could be an upside to things if they are faces who get the crowd to "sing along" , but in retrospect let's be honest: every city isn't gonna be "soulful", for lack of a better word. In fact, some people may boo the heck out of them for attempting such a thing. I'm just not sure how well upbeat, positive, uplifting gospel singers will mix with today's world of wrestling.

If they can make it fun, it'll work. Who would have thought that repeatedly shouting the word "yes" would get over? Or the Emma Dance?

It's not impossible. Nothing's impossible.

There's a great chance I could be overly down on the idea due to the fact that I just supremely am repulsed by it. Also, wrestling fans will chant anything. You know this. They were singing along to that Exotic Express "Oh oh oh oh, woah oh!" Shit last night, or however the Sam Hill you spell/however, that sounds. Emma's dance was cute by design and she was naturally fun...plus people will also get behind any damn gesture/taunt in wrestling as well.

KILLdozer wrote:It's not impossible. Nothing's impossible.

There's a great chance I could be overly down on the idea due to the fact that I just supremely am repulsed by it. Also, wrestling fans will chant anything. You know this. They were singing along to that Exotic Express "Oh oh oh oh, woah oh!" Shit last night, .

LOL. I was actually going to use Fandangoing as an example of something that worked because it was fun, but then I realized: where did that get Fandango? Same goes for Rose.

Speaking of Rose: I truthfully believe assaulting the rabbit is going to lead to a heel turn as well as a metamorphosis into Leo Kruger. Think about it: the look on his face both times so far speaks volumes. Then again, I also feel that something is strange with the whole rabbit thing. Like it's to be unmasked as someone familiar. It's definitely building to something different.

KILLdozer wrote:Speaking of Rose: I truthfully believe assaulting the rabbit is going to lead to a heel turn as well as a metamorphosis into Leo Kruger. Think about it: the look on his face both times so far speaks volumes. Then again, I also feel that something is strange with the whole rabbit thing. Like it's to be unmasked as someone familiar. It's definitely building to something different.

heel turn yes, leo kruger i'm not sure they'll go with it, hopefully they do. I still wanna see them use the excuse that adam rose is just leo kruger on party drugs

cero2k wrote:

KILLdozer wrote:Speaking of Rose: I truthfully believe assaulting the rabbit is going to lead to a heel turn as well as a metamorphosis into Leo Kruger. Think about it: the look on his face both times so far speaks volumes. Then again, I also feel that something is strange with the whole rabbit thing. Like it's to be unmasked as someone familiar. It's definitely building to something different.

heel turn yes, leo kruger i'm not sure they'll go with it, hopefully they do. I still wanna see them use the excuse that adam rose is just leo kruger on party drugs

Remember the report that Vince has reportedly 'soured on" him, so it's not impossible.

KILLdozer wrote:

cero2k wrote:

KILLdozer wrote:Speaking of Rose: I truthfully believe assaulting the rabbit is going to lead to a heel turn as well as a metamorphosis into Leo Kruger. Think about it: the look on his face both times so far speaks volumes. Then again, I also feel that something is strange with the whole rabbit thing. Like it's to be unmasked as someone familiar. It's definitely building to something different.

heel turn yes, leo kruger i'm not sure they'll go with it, hopefully they do. I still wanna see them use the excuse that adam rose is just leo kruger on party drugs

Remember the report that Vince has reportedly 'soured on" him, so it's not impossible.

I don't see the Leo Kruger part happening. They've put too much into the Rosebuds and the entrance and everything. To take it all away would be death. If they ever liked Leo Kruger, he would have been brought up as Kruger, not as Rose, when he was much better.

Also, it's not just Vince who doesn't like him. I've heard that Kevin Dunn likes him even less.

Big Red Machine wrote:
Also, it's not just Vince who doesn't like him. I've heard that Kevin Dunn likes him even less.

as dirt sheets have it, this applies to any gimmick that has come out of Triple H's NXT