BRM Reviews the 10/27/2014 Raw
Posted: Oct 28th, '14, 13:52
OPENING SEGMENT- okay.
Steph referred to last night’s PPV as “a hell of a show,” and Hunter laughed as if this was the funniest joke anyone had ever made. Heels need to do this more often.
Rollins cut a promo. He declared Dean Ambrose to no longer be a thorn in his side. Then he said he was ready to fight Cena. Why is he so eager to fight Cena all of a sudden? Didn’t he spent all of last month trying to run away from him?
Orton came out and raved like a madman. He tried to fight Rollins, but, Kane, Hunter, Mercury, & Noble broke it up. Hunter told him to take the night off, but Orton gave Rollins an RKO instead.
WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Goldust & Stardust(c) vs. Mark Henry & Big Show- 4/10
Why are these two getting a title shot? They haven’t even been teaming recently, and have lost a bunch of singles matches recently. So, to recap: Cena & Ambrose pinned the tag champs in a tag team match. They don’t get a title shot. Henry and Big Show lost a bunch of singles match, but they DO get a title shot?
Mark got pissed because Big Show didn’t tag him right or something dumb like that. This caused Henry to turn on Big Show. This was, of course, supposed to happen last night, but WWE changed their minds because they wanted to be unpredictable. So rather than go the predictable route (which, I will remind you, was predictable BECAUSE IT MADE SENSE) and do the BS interference finish in Big Show vs. Rusev, which was a regular midcard match with no extra stipulations at all and which would have allowed them to go back to Big Show vs. Rusev when the Henry vs. Big Show feud ends, they decided it was better to give us a bullsh*t interference finish in a CAGE MATCH MAIN EVENT between two rising stars.
BUT… they still had to do their predicable turn, so they decided to give two losers a random tag team title match (which devalues the titles), and book it in such a way that the tag champs look bad, too, because they only retained the title against a completely undeserving team because one guy decided to turn on the other.
If you want to do the segment like this then that’s fine… but why make it a title match? Why even use the tag champs? ANY OTHER TEAM ON THE ROSTER WOULD HAVE WORKED JUST AS WELL! In fact, Miz-Dow would have worked even better! Let them get the win, then brag about it, like heels should (Cody and Goldust don’t work here because bragging isn’t in character for them).
WHAT THE F*CK?! After the match, Mark just hit Big Show with the World’s Strongest Slam a second time (then a third, and a big splash)! Why even do the first one, then? Just have Cody and Goldust pin Big Show clean, and have Mark attack Show for losing them the match! Show getting pinned is irrelevant because he is starting this big program with Mark Henry, and doing it this way DOESN’T BURY THEIR OPPONENTS!
SO DUMB ON SO MANY LEVELS!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
F*ck this sh*t. I’m going to bed. I’ll finish the show tomorrow.
Okay. It’s tomorrow. I’ve calmed down now.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS MARK HENRY- Mark says he attacked Big Show because Big Show is jealous of him because Big Show is the “World’s Largest Athlete,” but not the world’s strongest.
ROMAN REIGNS PROMO- he says he will beat Rollins up when he comes back. Didn’t he just beat Rollins clean in his last match before getting injured?
ALICIA FOX vs. AJ LEE- 2/10
Paige was still on commentary. Apparently this feud isn’t over. Paige distracted Alicia to let AJ win. Paige attacked Alicia after the match, so we’re probably getting a triple threat match at Survivor Series between three completely unlikeable women. In fact, here is a rundown of the five women who are featured most prominently on WWE TV right now:
AJ- hates everyone else for no reason, and is crazy.
Paige- crazy.
Alicia Fox- crazy.
Nikki Bella- a huge b*tch.
Brie Bella- in kayfabe, she is supposed to be the one we sympathize with, but if you remember, Nikki’s reason for turning was that Brie was a HUGE b*tch to her… and the clips Nikki brought to support this were all from Total Divas, which is supposed to be kayfabe legit (there’s a term I never thought I’d type), so in "reality," Brie a huge b*tch, too.
Why am I supposed to give a sh*t about any of these women?
And while we’re at it:
Summer Rae- her whole gimmick that she’s b*tchy.
Layla- annoying, and also kind of a b*tch.
Cameron- insane.
Rosa Mendes- weird, stupid, and an embarrassingly bad wrestler.
Emma- goofball, and barely used.
Eva Marie- an embarrassingly bad wrestler, and also an idiot.
You know who the only two I give a sh*t about are? Naomi and Nattie. Why? Because they are the only two who are portrayed as NORMAL, RELATABLE, LIKEABLE PEOPLE!
CENA & AUTHORITY SEGMENT- okay.
Cena cuts a babyface promo about wanting to beat Lesnar. Steph tries to recruit him to the Authority, but he won’t do it because he’s a babyface who is here for the fans, etc., etc. so Hunter comes out and books Team Authority vs. Team Cena for Survivor Series.
THE MIZ & DAMIEN MIZ-DOW vs. THE USOS- 4.5/10
The match was going fine until the Usos decided to cheat to win via twin switch. In fat, Michael Cole flat-out admitted that this was illegal, but didn’t care in the slightest.
ZIGGLER & CENA SHAKE HANDS- for some reason we didn’t have sound in this backstage segment, so while we can assume that Dolph signed up for Team Cena, they might have just made a bet on who will win this year’s Superbowl.
KANE & ZIGGLER BACKSTAGE- Kane says that he heard Cena and Ziggler were talking, and therefore he MUST assume that they are plotting together, because evil people MUST be paranoid. Kane says he wants to end Dolph’s career, and books himself and Dolph in a match tonight.
HOGAN PROMO- he talked about how happy he was to see John Cena beat “that no-good Randy Orton,” and how excited he will be to see Cena beat “that stinky beast, Brock Lesnar.” Then he talked about Breast Cancer stuff. I cannot wait for October to be over. And that this NOT the feeling I should have about these things. And it’s not just WWE, either. It’s everyone else, too. Hogan reminds us that the fight against breast cancer doesn’t end when October ends. That’s a good point, Hulk! So why don’t any of these special “X% of merch sale go to Komen” campaigns continue after October is over? Because it’s all pandering bullsh*t. That’s why. WWE, the NFL, and everyone else are just in it for the good publicity. That’s why they partner with Komen, who only worries about “awareness” as opposed to someone who actually donates to breast cancer RESEARCH.
BO DALLAS vs. RYBACK- squash.
Hey, look! Ryback’s back! I say he’s “back” because he had missed two months with an injury that required surgery. You may not have known this. The reason for that is because it was never acknowledged in any way on television, either when he got hurt or when he returned. So he’s just randomly a babyface now, rather than a babyface we should get behind because he is bravely returning from surgery.
Michael Cole called Ryback giving Bo a Shell Shock “inspirational,” completely cheapening the word he had just repeatedly used to describe women battling breast cancer.
DEAN AMBROSE vs. CESARO- No rating. Bad segment.
Cesaro came out for this match first. Then Ambrose came out. Then they launched into a video package. Then Ambrose cut a promo. Why would you have Cesaro come out first if all he is going to do is stand there in the ring and look stupid?
Ambrose then assaulted Cesaro with a microphone. If Ambrose is this crazy and this angry about Bray screwing him, why hasn’t he been tearing up the backstage area looking for Bray all night, or trying to get his hands on Rollins again.
Bray took over the TitanTron and cut a promo in which he didn’t explain why he attacked Ambrose, didn’t explain those weird “it’s coming” videos, and didn’t explain why Harper and Rowan are not with him. SO WHAT WAS THE F*CKING POINT OF ANY OF THIS?!
NAOMI vs. NIKKI BELLA (w/Brie Bella)- 2.25/10
HOORAY! It’s Naomi!
Nikki worked over Naomi’s midsection. The announcers spent the entire match talking about the segment at the PPV where Nikki dumped a smoothie on Brie’s head. They wrestled for a while until Brie, softly and reluctantly, grabbed Naomi’s leg, distracting Naomi, and leading to Nikki getting the pin. Brie was sad about that, which was good, but I thought the rest of the execution here stunk.
If, like me, you had completely forgotten about Nikki and Brie whispering to each other in the beginning of the match, then it felt like Brie was just cheating because. We didn’t see or hear Nikki tell her to do anything when she actually did cheat, and she had several opportunities to so earlier in the match, but didn’t take any of them.
Here’s what I would have done:
Nikki walks down to ringside with a sad Brie in tow. I’d have Nikki sent Brie over to talk to Naomi before the match starts, and have Nikki use this as a distraction to jump Naomi from behind to start the match. Have Nikki taunt the crowd and taunt Brie, who looks unhappy about having been used for such foul play. Naomi makes a quick comeback, and they do a double-down. While the ref checks on Naomi, Nikki motions to Brie and orders her to give her something. Brie, reluctantly, sides a small concealable foreign object into the ring (brass knuckles would work fine, but if a woman getting hit in the face with those isn’t PG enough for WWE, it can be any number of other things), then orders Brie to come into the ring. The ref goes over to Brie, and Naomi uses this time to hit Naomi with the brass knuckles and gets the win. The key here is to both have Nikki direct every bit of cheating, and to USE THE ANGLE to keep the match as short as possible so that you have more time for other matches. Naomi doesn’t look bad for losing so quickly because there was a weapon involved, and the announcers will be forced to talk about the angle IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS MATCH instead of just recapping something that happened last night while some irrelevant wrestling happens in the ring.
KANE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.5/10
HOLY F*CK THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION ACTUALLY WON A NON-TITLE MATCH!
POST-MATCH STUFF- GREAT!
Rollins attacked Dolph after the match. Kane and Rollins beat the crap out of him to send the message to everyone that this is what happens if you join with John Cena. Then John Cena came out to make save, to show everyone that if you are willing to team with him, he will stand by your side.
JOHN CENA vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)- 7.75/10
Rollins’ ribs are taped up to sell his Hell in a Cell match last night. Cena worked them over. Rollins used Mercury and Noble to get advantages. The match was going great until Kane ran out and caused a DQ. Then Ziggler came out. Then Mercury ad Noble got involved. Then everyone ran out just because and they had a schmoz. Their reasoning for doing this was to show that everyone wanted to be on either Team Cena or Team Authority, but it came off as very forced.
An okay Raw. The last forty minutes or so saved it from being a terrible show.
Steph referred to last night’s PPV as “a hell of a show,” and Hunter laughed as if this was the funniest joke anyone had ever made. Heels need to do this more often.
Rollins cut a promo. He declared Dean Ambrose to no longer be a thorn in his side. Then he said he was ready to fight Cena. Why is he so eager to fight Cena all of a sudden? Didn’t he spent all of last month trying to run away from him?
Orton came out and raved like a madman. He tried to fight Rollins, but, Kane, Hunter, Mercury, & Noble broke it up. Hunter told him to take the night off, but Orton gave Rollins an RKO instead.
WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Goldust & Stardust(c) vs. Mark Henry & Big Show- 4/10
Why are these two getting a title shot? They haven’t even been teaming recently, and have lost a bunch of singles matches recently. So, to recap: Cena & Ambrose pinned the tag champs in a tag team match. They don’t get a title shot. Henry and Big Show lost a bunch of singles match, but they DO get a title shot?
Mark got pissed because Big Show didn’t tag him right or something dumb like that. This caused Henry to turn on Big Show. This was, of course, supposed to happen last night, but WWE changed their minds because they wanted to be unpredictable. So rather than go the predictable route (which, I will remind you, was predictable BECAUSE IT MADE SENSE) and do the BS interference finish in Big Show vs. Rusev, which was a regular midcard match with no extra stipulations at all and which would have allowed them to go back to Big Show vs. Rusev when the Henry vs. Big Show feud ends, they decided it was better to give us a bullsh*t interference finish in a CAGE MATCH MAIN EVENT between two rising stars.
BUT… they still had to do their predicable turn, so they decided to give two losers a random tag team title match (which devalues the titles), and book it in such a way that the tag champs look bad, too, because they only retained the title against a completely undeserving team because one guy decided to turn on the other.
If you want to do the segment like this then that’s fine… but why make it a title match? Why even use the tag champs? ANY OTHER TEAM ON THE ROSTER WOULD HAVE WORKED JUST AS WELL! In fact, Miz-Dow would have worked even better! Let them get the win, then brag about it, like heels should (Cody and Goldust don’t work here because bragging isn’t in character for them).
WHAT THE F*CK?! After the match, Mark just hit Big Show with the World’s Strongest Slam a second time (then a third, and a big splash)! Why even do the first one, then? Just have Cody and Goldust pin Big Show clean, and have Mark attack Show for losing them the match! Show getting pinned is irrelevant because he is starting this big program with Mark Henry, and doing it this way DOESN’T BURY THEIR OPPONENTS!
SO DUMB ON SO MANY LEVELS!
GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
F*ck this sh*t. I’m going to bed. I’ll finish the show tomorrow.
Okay. It’s tomorrow. I’ve calmed down now.
RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS MARK HENRY- Mark says he attacked Big Show because Big Show is jealous of him because Big Show is the “World’s Largest Athlete,” but not the world’s strongest.
ROMAN REIGNS PROMO- he says he will beat Rollins up when he comes back. Didn’t he just beat Rollins clean in his last match before getting injured?
ALICIA FOX vs. AJ LEE- 2/10
Paige was still on commentary. Apparently this feud isn’t over. Paige distracted Alicia to let AJ win. Paige attacked Alicia after the match, so we’re probably getting a triple threat match at Survivor Series between three completely unlikeable women. In fact, here is a rundown of the five women who are featured most prominently on WWE TV right now:
AJ- hates everyone else for no reason, and is crazy.
Paige- crazy.
Alicia Fox- crazy.
Nikki Bella- a huge b*tch.
Brie Bella- in kayfabe, she is supposed to be the one we sympathize with, but if you remember, Nikki’s reason for turning was that Brie was a HUGE b*tch to her… and the clips Nikki brought to support this were all from Total Divas, which is supposed to be kayfabe legit (there’s a term I never thought I’d type), so in "reality," Brie a huge b*tch, too.
Why am I supposed to give a sh*t about any of these women?
And while we’re at it:
Summer Rae- her whole gimmick that she’s b*tchy.
Layla- annoying, and also kind of a b*tch.
Cameron- insane.
Rosa Mendes- weird, stupid, and an embarrassingly bad wrestler.
Emma- goofball, and barely used.
Eva Marie- an embarrassingly bad wrestler, and also an idiot.
You know who the only two I give a sh*t about are? Naomi and Nattie. Why? Because they are the only two who are portrayed as NORMAL, RELATABLE, LIKEABLE PEOPLE!
CENA & AUTHORITY SEGMENT- okay.
Cena cuts a babyface promo about wanting to beat Lesnar. Steph tries to recruit him to the Authority, but he won’t do it because he’s a babyface who is here for the fans, etc., etc. so Hunter comes out and books Team Authority vs. Team Cena for Survivor Series.
THE MIZ & DAMIEN MIZ-DOW vs. THE USOS- 4.5/10
The match was going fine until the Usos decided to cheat to win via twin switch. In fat, Michael Cole flat-out admitted that this was illegal, but didn’t care in the slightest.
ZIGGLER & CENA SHAKE HANDS- for some reason we didn’t have sound in this backstage segment, so while we can assume that Dolph signed up for Team Cena, they might have just made a bet on who will win this year’s Superbowl.
KANE & ZIGGLER BACKSTAGE- Kane says that he heard Cena and Ziggler were talking, and therefore he MUST assume that they are plotting together, because evil people MUST be paranoid. Kane says he wants to end Dolph’s career, and books himself and Dolph in a match tonight.
HOGAN PROMO- he talked about how happy he was to see John Cena beat “that no-good Randy Orton,” and how excited he will be to see Cena beat “that stinky beast, Brock Lesnar.” Then he talked about Breast Cancer stuff. I cannot wait for October to be over. And that this NOT the feeling I should have about these things. And it’s not just WWE, either. It’s everyone else, too. Hogan reminds us that the fight against breast cancer doesn’t end when October ends. That’s a good point, Hulk! So why don’t any of these special “X% of merch sale go to Komen” campaigns continue after October is over? Because it’s all pandering bullsh*t. That’s why. WWE, the NFL, and everyone else are just in it for the good publicity. That’s why they partner with Komen, who only worries about “awareness” as opposed to someone who actually donates to breast cancer RESEARCH.
BO DALLAS vs. RYBACK- squash.
Hey, look! Ryback’s back! I say he’s “back” because he had missed two months with an injury that required surgery. You may not have known this. The reason for that is because it was never acknowledged in any way on television, either when he got hurt or when he returned. So he’s just randomly a babyface now, rather than a babyface we should get behind because he is bravely returning from surgery.
Michael Cole called Ryback giving Bo a Shell Shock “inspirational,” completely cheapening the word he had just repeatedly used to describe women battling breast cancer.
DEAN AMBROSE vs. CESARO- No rating. Bad segment.
Cesaro came out for this match first. Then Ambrose came out. Then they launched into a video package. Then Ambrose cut a promo. Why would you have Cesaro come out first if all he is going to do is stand there in the ring and look stupid?
Ambrose then assaulted Cesaro with a microphone. If Ambrose is this crazy and this angry about Bray screwing him, why hasn’t he been tearing up the backstage area looking for Bray all night, or trying to get his hands on Rollins again.
Bray took over the TitanTron and cut a promo in which he didn’t explain why he attacked Ambrose, didn’t explain those weird “it’s coming” videos, and didn’t explain why Harper and Rowan are not with him. SO WHAT WAS THE F*CKING POINT OF ANY OF THIS?!
NAOMI vs. NIKKI BELLA (w/Brie Bella)- 2.25/10
HOORAY! It’s Naomi!
Nikki worked over Naomi’s midsection. The announcers spent the entire match talking about the segment at the PPV where Nikki dumped a smoothie on Brie’s head. They wrestled for a while until Brie, softly and reluctantly, grabbed Naomi’s leg, distracting Naomi, and leading to Nikki getting the pin. Brie was sad about that, which was good, but I thought the rest of the execution here stunk.
If, like me, you had completely forgotten about Nikki and Brie whispering to each other in the beginning of the match, then it felt like Brie was just cheating because. We didn’t see or hear Nikki tell her to do anything when she actually did cheat, and she had several opportunities to so earlier in the match, but didn’t take any of them.
Here’s what I would have done:
Nikki walks down to ringside with a sad Brie in tow. I’d have Nikki sent Brie over to talk to Naomi before the match starts, and have Nikki use this as a distraction to jump Naomi from behind to start the match. Have Nikki taunt the crowd and taunt Brie, who looks unhappy about having been used for such foul play. Naomi makes a quick comeback, and they do a double-down. While the ref checks on Naomi, Nikki motions to Brie and orders her to give her something. Brie, reluctantly, sides a small concealable foreign object into the ring (brass knuckles would work fine, but if a woman getting hit in the face with those isn’t PG enough for WWE, it can be any number of other things), then orders Brie to come into the ring. The ref goes over to Brie, and Naomi uses this time to hit Naomi with the brass knuckles and gets the win. The key here is to both have Nikki direct every bit of cheating, and to USE THE ANGLE to keep the match as short as possible so that you have more time for other matches. Naomi doesn’t look bad for losing so quickly because there was a weapon involved, and the announcers will be forced to talk about the angle IN THE CONTEXT OF THIS MATCH instead of just recapping something that happened last night while some irrelevant wrestling happens in the ring.
KANE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.5/10
HOLY F*CK THE INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION ACTUALLY WON A NON-TITLE MATCH!
POST-MATCH STUFF- GREAT!
Rollins attacked Dolph after the match. Kane and Rollins beat the crap out of him to send the message to everyone that this is what happens if you join with John Cena. Then John Cena came out to make save, to show everyone that if you are willing to team with him, he will stand by your side.
JOHN CENA vs. SETH ROLLINS (w/Jamie Noble & Joey Mercury)- 7.75/10
Rollins’ ribs are taped up to sell his Hell in a Cell match last night. Cena worked them over. Rollins used Mercury and Noble to get advantages. The match was going great until Kane ran out and caused a DQ. Then Ziggler came out. Then Mercury ad Noble got involved. Then everyone ran out just because and they had a schmoz. Their reasoning for doing this was to show that everyone wanted to be on either Team Cena or Team Authority, but it came off as very forced.
An okay Raw. The last forty minutes or so saved it from being a terrible show.