BRM Reviews the Turd Called the 10/6/2014 Raw
Posted: Oct 7th, '14, 21:05
OPENING SEGMENT- Same old sh*t
The show opened with an angry Seth Rollins storming out to the ring. Cole told us that he had “heard rumors all week” that Rollins would storm out here and try to “take over” Raw at the beginning of the show. If the rumors have been around long enough that he’s been hearing them “all week,” shouldn’t the rumors have concerned Smackdown instead? Why would Rollins wait until Raw?
Rollins ranted, then played clips of him being attacked Ambrose and Cena from the end of Raw last week. Mercury and Noble tried to get him to come to the back, but before they could, Cena came out to attack Rollins. Rollins ran away from him, but got attacked from behind by Ambrose (THIS is an example of a situation where I don’t mind a babyface attacking someone from behind. Our heel has committed a terrible wrong against the babyface, and has also shown a proclivity to run away rather than stand and a fight like a man if he is challenged, so getting the upper hand by attacking from behind is not being done out of cowardice, but rather it is being done as a way of ensuring that the heel won’t be able to run away, and will thus be forced to face his just desserts).
So Ambrose dives onto both Rollins and Cena, and this (combined with Mercury and Noble trying to hold the babyfaces back), affords Rollins the opportunity to escape. On its own, this would be fine, but the problem is that I feel like I have seen this A MILLION TIMES ALREADY, and this has only been going on for fifteen days. Let me guess what will happen next: The Authority will book some combination of Ambrose and/or Cena against Kane and/or Orton. Kane and Orton will complain. When the match finally happens, Rollins will run in and cause a DQ. Same sh*t, different day.
Okay… so I was mostly right. Hunter and Steph book Cena & Ambrose vs. Rollins, Kane, & Orton in a handicap match. Of course, I’m sure we’ll still get the DQ finish.
The point is that the lack of creativity that WWE has shown in the past few weeks is appalling. Goldust & Stardust win the tag titles, but they aren’t behaving any different. They are still involved a tepid feud with the Usos that isn’t going anywhere, building anything, or doing anything to make me want to see a rematch. AJ and Paige are still doing this idiotic “frenemies”/”former frenemies, but now enemies” feud over the Divas Title. Nikki and Brie are still just taking verbal jabs at each other, without even so much as a hint of their first singles match.
The only thing they’ve had that even resembles any sort of positive momentum is building Cesaro for an IC Title shot but that would be a lot more effective if 1) they weren’t making Ziggler look bad while doing it, and 2) he hadn’t just cleanly lost a US Title match.
RECAP OF THE BIG SHOW “CONTROVERSY”- yeah… so everything I have read and heard has said that there was no controversy at all, and that WWE made the whole thing up. WHY?! What good can it possibly do to manufacture a story that says that a babyface did something that offended a gigantic country full of people, or not in kayfabe, to manufacture a story in which your company did something that offended a gigantic country full of people?
Apparently the Authority has assigned Big Show to “sensitivity training.” How is it that in January 2013, when Big Show was saying horribly racist things about Mexicans, he suffered no consequences whatsoever, but not when all he does is pull down a flag, a gesture which was not intended to be offensive, he must attend sensitivity training? As part of this “sensitivity training,” he will apparently be required to listen to Lana and Rusev respond to his apology tonight. I thought that listening to someone responding to your apology was just a part of generally being polite. Why does he need to be ordered to do this?
USOS PROMO- they say that they believe and family, and not this “cosmic key mumbo jumbo.” They declare that it should be “bros before weirdos.” Do they not realize that Cody and Goldust are also brothers?
GOLDUST, STARDUST, & CESARO vs. THE USOS & DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.5/10
HOLY CRAP! Not only did Cole tells us what happened last week on Raw, but he told us that Cesaro had won a match on Smackdown, and even more impressively, on MAIN EVENT! When was the last time you heard the result of a match on Main Event mentioned on Raw, especially if it wasn’t a title match?
The announcers were clearly not paying any attention because despite the fact that everyone was in the ring, then the bell rang and then the fighting started, Lawler was unsure if the match had started. We he asked Cole, Cole informed him that it had not officially started.
The match was good for what it was, but it just didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.
ADAM ROSE, KATHY LEE, & HODA- just… just… sh*t. Utter sh*t. And so painful to watch.
Blonde Rosita was a Rosebud. It seemed like absolutely no one said Rose’s catchphrase with him.
The only thing about this that was remotely entertaining in any way was Lawler’s joke about having a “bottle royale.” Which reminds me… I must have a bottle of Crown Royale around here somewhere.
Yes. This segment actually DROVE ME TO DRINK. I need to ingest alcohol before trying to get through it.
WYATTS VIDEO PACKAGE- disappointing, purely because when their sheep-face “cut into the feed” thing happened I had this fantasy of them coming out and murdering Kelly, Hoda, Adam Rose, the Bunny, and all of the other Rosebuds. Sadly, that didn’t happen. Instead we got the same video package as last week.
BO DALLAS vs. MARK HENRY- 1.5/10
WOW! We learned about TWO THINGS that happened on Main Event, both of which furthered this story (Bo beat Henry by DQ, and Henry later admitted that he had an emotional breakdown after losing to Rusev). If they keep this up, I might actually have to start watching Main Event and Smackdown again.
Mark kicked Bo’s ass, but Bo was able to avoid an attempted World’s Strongest Slam on the outside and get back in the ring before the count of ten for the count-out win.
On commentary, we got the following exchange:
Lawler: Do you know what the difference is between Bo Dallas and a pothole?
Cole: No.
Lawler: I’d swerve when I see a pothole.
Yes. For some reason, of all of the despicable heels on this show, it is BO DALLAS who Lawler dislikes enough to say that he would commit VEHICULAR HOMICIDE on.
CENA & AMBROSE SEGMENT- not good.
It dragged on way too long, and instead of coming off like two badasses, it came off like one rebellious loner badass (Ambrose), and one guy being scripted to play a badass. If they had let Cena cut his own promo, this probably would have been a lot better.
They ended it with Ambrose decided to go hang out on Coney Island instead of team with Cena tonight. The idea was that he is abandoning Cena because he heels that Cena abandoned him on Smackdown, but I really didn’t get that until Lawler flat out explained it after the segment ended.
When we come back from the break, they try to really sell the angle to us by showing us footage of Ambrose getting on the subway. Who took this footage?
CENA & TRIPLE H BACKSTAGE- boring. Hunter tries to get Cena to be annoyed at Ambrose. Cena vows to fight on by himself. Hunter promises Cena that Rollins will start the match as the legal man.
BRIE BELLA vs. SUMMER RAE (w/Layla) IN A MATCH WHERE BRIE MUST WRESTLE WITH ONE ARM TIED BEHIND HER BACK- DUD!
A completely random gimmick match in a soap-opera feud with not even a single SECOND of hype. What is this Vince Russo sh*t? Maybe he’s booking, and that “Russo writes Raw” thing is his new attempt at the ultimate swerve.
Oh. Okay. Cole explains that there actually is a story here: The Authority is booking Brie in matches that Nikki was forced to wrestle in after Brie quit. Well maybe if that had been explained in a segment before this angle started and then reiterated on TV by the announcers, I wouldn’t have had the above reaction to it as soon as it came on.
Lawler tried to sell it to us that this was somehow more evil than The Authority booking Nikki in these matches because back then it was The Authority doing it, but here it is Nikki doing it because The Authority is letting her. Who gives a sh*t whose idea it was? How does that make it any more evil?
Anyway, Brie wins in about a minute after Summer and Layla bonk heads, because it’s not like we want there to be any heat or anything in this feud, right? Also, this made Summer look like a total chump. They should really send her back down to NXT where she will actually be used well and be allowed to have entertaining matches.
The fans were so into this that they were chanting for Derek Jeter.
KANE, SANDOW, & MIZ-DOW BACKSTAGE- HORRENDOUS
This is a perfect example of why having “writers” who “script” the show is a terrible idea. Kane’s promo here was so atrociously generic that it sounded extremely out of place coming from Kane. If you want to write a brief outline for a young guy, that’s fine, but why the f*ck are we letting “writers” script lines for a 22 year veteran of the business, who has been this character for SEVENTEEN YEARS (almost to the very day, in fact), and who understands the character better than anyone, even devoted fans like myself, ever could.
Anyway, the result of this is Miz vs. Sheamus tonight. Also we learned that something else relevant happened on Smackdown, which was Miz hitting Sheamus with a chair.
JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter) vs. TYSON KIDD (w/Natalya)- 4/10
FANTASTIC for the time it got. I was so sure Tyson was actually going to be allowed to in a match on the main roster. I particularly enjoyed JBL commenting that there is no shame in having your wife be a bigger star than you, because to the non-wrestling world, that is exactly the situation he is in.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN PLUG THEIR BST OF SMAKDOWN CLIP SHOW- it was what it was.
ROMAN REIGNS INTERVIEW- short, sweet, and great. They really should be doing things like this with Dragon, too.
EL TORITO (w/Los Matadores) vs. MINI-GATOR (w/Slater-Gator)- to quite the crowd “THIS IS STUPID!” *clap*clap* *clap*clap*clap* “THIS IS STUPID!” *clap*clap* *clap*clap*clap*
MAIN EVENT’S MAIN EVENT WILL BE… Dolph Ziggler vs. Bo Dallas for the IC Title… and Cole flat out said that Bo is being given this title match BECAUSE HE WON A COUPLE OF MATCHES! HOORAY FOR LOGIC!
RUSEV & LANA PROMO- standard stuff. Lana said that the fans’ dislike of them constitutes a hate crime. Rusev claimed Big Show was afraid of him. He called Big Show out, and when Show wouldn’t come, Rusev said that Big Show was a coward, just like the fans.
WHAT THE F*CK?!!!!!!!!!!!
THE ROCK IS HERE!
He got “HOLY SH*T!” chants. He did his thing. He told us the story of what he did all day around the city. He called Lana a “Soviet Streetwalker,” then proceeded to talk about how hot he thought she was. The Rock is clearly into some weird sh*t, because he also claimed that Rusev’s breath smelled like “Chewbacca’s beanbag.” I don’t even want to speculate on how he knows what Wookie scrotum smells like. He also talked about shoving something up someone’s “Putin,” so let it be known that The Rock stole material from MOJO RAWLEY. He also said the word “fact about eighty times in the span of five sentences. I guess he’s been watching some NXT (available on the WWE Network for $9.99).
The Rock then beat Rusev up. There goes all of Rusev’s heat. Could they really not find something more productive for The Rock to do?
AJ LEE & EMMA vs. ALICIA FOX & PAIGE- 0.25/10
For some unexplained reason, AJ doesn’t like Emma, so AJ, the babyface, walks out on her partner. What a douche. Why I am supposed to cheer for her again? The announcers spent the whole match making fun of Emma and the names of her moves, rather than putting over the fact that Emma was taking it to a former Divas Champion. Emma got pinned by Paige. No mention has been made of Alicia Fox getting any sort of title shot for pinning AJ last week.
WYATTS VIDEO PACKAGE- this one was about Erick Rowan. It, too, was good. Then we saw a pregnant women with “it’s coming” written across her pregnant belly. That could be interesting.
SHEAMUS vs. THE MIZ (w/Damien Miz-dow)- 5.25/10
The crowd loved Miz-dow and hated everyone else.
HANDICAP MATCH: Randy Orton, Seth Rollins, & Kane vs. John Cena- DUD!
Rollins starts the match, as promised, but the first thing he does is tag in Kane. It was so obvious from the moment that Hunter ruled that Rollins had to start the match that Michael Cole flat out said how obvious it was… which is lightyears better than what Taz and Tenay would have done, which would be try to act shocked, then a little outraged, then ask each other if maybe this was the plan all along.
Stuff happened. Cena got his hands on Rollins. He hit his finishing sequence, then went for the AA, but Kane hit him with a big boot… and the ref called for a DQ. And then I blew a gasket.
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DQ SH*T, and this one didn’t even make any f*cking sense! Kane is a legal participant in the match. He didn’t hit Cena with any weapons. He kicked him, so there were no closed-fist issues, and he hit him right in the head, so it wasn’t a low blow. Hell… he wasn’t even in the ring for five seconds, and no one ever even enforces that rule anymore! There only reason they did a DQ here was so Cena wouldn’t have to lose a match that he completely and totally should have. And why? Because of some perception that somehow losing a three-on-one handicap match will make him look weak? GIMME A F*CKING BREAK!
To make matters worse, this match showed that Cena getting an ass-kicking here was EXACTLY the right call. They have been building up to Cena getting his hands on Rollins. Well Cena did that in this match… and the crowd didn’t give a sh*t.
So Cena got beaten down. Ambrose showed up with a hotdog cart to make the save. The people popped huge for Ambrose. When Ambrose got his hands on Rollins, the people popped bigtime. Cena popped back up and the babyfaces ran wild. Cena gave Orton an AA. This got no reaction. Ambrose did terrible things to Rollins with the contents of the hotdog cart. Cena gave Kane an AA, too. The Authority came out and booked a match for Hell in a Cell: Cena vs. Ambrose, with the winner getting to face Rollins in the cell.
If they put Cena over in this match, it will be a total disaster.
Ambrose then attacked Cena from behind and laid him out with his finisher, because… um… I guess he thinks hitting Cena here with this one move will help him in a match that takes place twenty days from now. That was dumb.
An utterly atrocious episode of Raw.
Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Michael Cole’s evidence that Stardust is weird is that fact that he Tweeted out a riddle earlier today. Yeah. Because of all of the stuff Stardust does, THAT is the one that makes him certifiably weird. And it’s not even like the riddle would only make sense to an insane person, because JBL figured it out right there on the spot.
The show opened with an angry Seth Rollins storming out to the ring. Cole told us that he had “heard rumors all week” that Rollins would storm out here and try to “take over” Raw at the beginning of the show. If the rumors have been around long enough that he’s been hearing them “all week,” shouldn’t the rumors have concerned Smackdown instead? Why would Rollins wait until Raw?
Rollins ranted, then played clips of him being attacked Ambrose and Cena from the end of Raw last week. Mercury and Noble tried to get him to come to the back, but before they could, Cena came out to attack Rollins. Rollins ran away from him, but got attacked from behind by Ambrose (THIS is an example of a situation where I don’t mind a babyface attacking someone from behind. Our heel has committed a terrible wrong against the babyface, and has also shown a proclivity to run away rather than stand and a fight like a man if he is challenged, so getting the upper hand by attacking from behind is not being done out of cowardice, but rather it is being done as a way of ensuring that the heel won’t be able to run away, and will thus be forced to face his just desserts).
So Ambrose dives onto both Rollins and Cena, and this (combined with Mercury and Noble trying to hold the babyfaces back), affords Rollins the opportunity to escape. On its own, this would be fine, but the problem is that I feel like I have seen this A MILLION TIMES ALREADY, and this has only been going on for fifteen days. Let me guess what will happen next: The Authority will book some combination of Ambrose and/or Cena against Kane and/or Orton. Kane and Orton will complain. When the match finally happens, Rollins will run in and cause a DQ. Same sh*t, different day.
Okay… so I was mostly right. Hunter and Steph book Cena & Ambrose vs. Rollins, Kane, & Orton in a handicap match. Of course, I’m sure we’ll still get the DQ finish.
The point is that the lack of creativity that WWE has shown in the past few weeks is appalling. Goldust & Stardust win the tag titles, but they aren’t behaving any different. They are still involved a tepid feud with the Usos that isn’t going anywhere, building anything, or doing anything to make me want to see a rematch. AJ and Paige are still doing this idiotic “frenemies”/”former frenemies, but now enemies” feud over the Divas Title. Nikki and Brie are still just taking verbal jabs at each other, without even so much as a hint of their first singles match.
The only thing they’ve had that even resembles any sort of positive momentum is building Cesaro for an IC Title shot but that would be a lot more effective if 1) they weren’t making Ziggler look bad while doing it, and 2) he hadn’t just cleanly lost a US Title match.
RECAP OF THE BIG SHOW “CONTROVERSY”- yeah… so everything I have read and heard has said that there was no controversy at all, and that WWE made the whole thing up. WHY?! What good can it possibly do to manufacture a story that says that a babyface did something that offended a gigantic country full of people, or not in kayfabe, to manufacture a story in which your company did something that offended a gigantic country full of people?
Apparently the Authority has assigned Big Show to “sensitivity training.” How is it that in January 2013, when Big Show was saying horribly racist things about Mexicans, he suffered no consequences whatsoever, but not when all he does is pull down a flag, a gesture which was not intended to be offensive, he must attend sensitivity training? As part of this “sensitivity training,” he will apparently be required to listen to Lana and Rusev respond to his apology tonight. I thought that listening to someone responding to your apology was just a part of generally being polite. Why does he need to be ordered to do this?
USOS PROMO- they say that they believe and family, and not this “cosmic key mumbo jumbo.” They declare that it should be “bros before weirdos.” Do they not realize that Cody and Goldust are also brothers?
GOLDUST, STARDUST, & CESARO vs. THE USOS & DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.5/10
HOLY CRAP! Not only did Cole tells us what happened last week on Raw, but he told us that Cesaro had won a match on Smackdown, and even more impressively, on MAIN EVENT! When was the last time you heard the result of a match on Main Event mentioned on Raw, especially if it wasn’t a title match?
The announcers were clearly not paying any attention because despite the fact that everyone was in the ring, then the bell rang and then the fighting started, Lawler was unsure if the match had started. We he asked Cole, Cole informed him that it had not officially started.
The match was good for what it was, but it just didn’t feel like it was going anywhere.
ADAM ROSE, KATHY LEE, & HODA- just… just… sh*t. Utter sh*t. And so painful to watch.
Blonde Rosita was a Rosebud. It seemed like absolutely no one said Rose’s catchphrase with him.
The only thing about this that was remotely entertaining in any way was Lawler’s joke about having a “bottle royale.” Which reminds me… I must have a bottle of Crown Royale around here somewhere.
Yes. This segment actually DROVE ME TO DRINK. I need to ingest alcohol before trying to get through it.
WYATTS VIDEO PACKAGE- disappointing, purely because when their sheep-face “cut into the feed” thing happened I had this fantasy of them coming out and murdering Kelly, Hoda, Adam Rose, the Bunny, and all of the other Rosebuds. Sadly, that didn’t happen. Instead we got the same video package as last week.
BO DALLAS vs. MARK HENRY- 1.5/10
WOW! We learned about TWO THINGS that happened on Main Event, both of which furthered this story (Bo beat Henry by DQ, and Henry later admitted that he had an emotional breakdown after losing to Rusev). If they keep this up, I might actually have to start watching Main Event and Smackdown again.
Mark kicked Bo’s ass, but Bo was able to avoid an attempted World’s Strongest Slam on the outside and get back in the ring before the count of ten for the count-out win.
On commentary, we got the following exchange:
Lawler: Do you know what the difference is between Bo Dallas and a pothole?
Cole: No.
Lawler: I’d swerve when I see a pothole.
Yes. For some reason, of all of the despicable heels on this show, it is BO DALLAS who Lawler dislikes enough to say that he would commit VEHICULAR HOMICIDE on.
CENA & AMBROSE SEGMENT- not good.
It dragged on way too long, and instead of coming off like two badasses, it came off like one rebellious loner badass (Ambrose), and one guy being scripted to play a badass. If they had let Cena cut his own promo, this probably would have been a lot better.
They ended it with Ambrose decided to go hang out on Coney Island instead of team with Cena tonight. The idea was that he is abandoning Cena because he heels that Cena abandoned him on Smackdown, but I really didn’t get that until Lawler flat out explained it after the segment ended.
When we come back from the break, they try to really sell the angle to us by showing us footage of Ambrose getting on the subway. Who took this footage?
CENA & TRIPLE H BACKSTAGE- boring. Hunter tries to get Cena to be annoyed at Ambrose. Cena vows to fight on by himself. Hunter promises Cena that Rollins will start the match as the legal man.
BRIE BELLA vs. SUMMER RAE (w/Layla) IN A MATCH WHERE BRIE MUST WRESTLE WITH ONE ARM TIED BEHIND HER BACK- DUD!
A completely random gimmick match in a soap-opera feud with not even a single SECOND of hype. What is this Vince Russo sh*t? Maybe he’s booking, and that “Russo writes Raw” thing is his new attempt at the ultimate swerve.
Oh. Okay. Cole explains that there actually is a story here: The Authority is booking Brie in matches that Nikki was forced to wrestle in after Brie quit. Well maybe if that had been explained in a segment before this angle started and then reiterated on TV by the announcers, I wouldn’t have had the above reaction to it as soon as it came on.
Lawler tried to sell it to us that this was somehow more evil than The Authority booking Nikki in these matches because back then it was The Authority doing it, but here it is Nikki doing it because The Authority is letting her. Who gives a sh*t whose idea it was? How does that make it any more evil?
Anyway, Brie wins in about a minute after Summer and Layla bonk heads, because it’s not like we want there to be any heat or anything in this feud, right? Also, this made Summer look like a total chump. They should really send her back down to NXT where she will actually be used well and be allowed to have entertaining matches.
The fans were so into this that they were chanting for Derek Jeter.
KANE, SANDOW, & MIZ-DOW BACKSTAGE- HORRENDOUS
This is a perfect example of why having “writers” who “script” the show is a terrible idea. Kane’s promo here was so atrociously generic that it sounded extremely out of place coming from Kane. If you want to write a brief outline for a young guy, that’s fine, but why the f*ck are we letting “writers” script lines for a 22 year veteran of the business, who has been this character for SEVENTEEN YEARS (almost to the very day, in fact), and who understands the character better than anyone, even devoted fans like myself, ever could.
Anyway, the result of this is Miz vs. Sheamus tonight. Also we learned that something else relevant happened on Smackdown, which was Miz hitting Sheamus with a chair.
JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter) vs. TYSON KIDD (w/Natalya)- 4/10
FANTASTIC for the time it got. I was so sure Tyson was actually going to be allowed to in a match on the main roster. I particularly enjoyed JBL commenting that there is no shame in having your wife be a bigger star than you, because to the non-wrestling world, that is exactly the situation he is in.
EDGE & CHRISTIAN PLUG THEIR BST OF SMAKDOWN CLIP SHOW- it was what it was.
ROMAN REIGNS INTERVIEW- short, sweet, and great. They really should be doing things like this with Dragon, too.
EL TORITO (w/Los Matadores) vs. MINI-GATOR (w/Slater-Gator)- to quite the crowd “THIS IS STUPID!” *clap*clap* *clap*clap*clap* “THIS IS STUPID!” *clap*clap* *clap*clap*clap*
MAIN EVENT’S MAIN EVENT WILL BE… Dolph Ziggler vs. Bo Dallas for the IC Title… and Cole flat out said that Bo is being given this title match BECAUSE HE WON A COUPLE OF MATCHES! HOORAY FOR LOGIC!
RUSEV & LANA PROMO- standard stuff. Lana said that the fans’ dislike of them constitutes a hate crime. Rusev claimed Big Show was afraid of him. He called Big Show out, and when Show wouldn’t come, Rusev said that Big Show was a coward, just like the fans.
WHAT THE F*CK?!!!!!!!!!!!
THE ROCK IS HERE!
He got “HOLY SH*T!” chants. He did his thing. He told us the story of what he did all day around the city. He called Lana a “Soviet Streetwalker,” then proceeded to talk about how hot he thought she was. The Rock is clearly into some weird sh*t, because he also claimed that Rusev’s breath smelled like “Chewbacca’s beanbag.” I don’t even want to speculate on how he knows what Wookie scrotum smells like. He also talked about shoving something up someone’s “Putin,” so let it be known that The Rock stole material from MOJO RAWLEY. He also said the word “fact about eighty times in the span of five sentences. I guess he’s been watching some NXT (available on the WWE Network for $9.99).
The Rock then beat Rusev up. There goes all of Rusev’s heat. Could they really not find something more productive for The Rock to do?
AJ LEE & EMMA vs. ALICIA FOX & PAIGE- 0.25/10
For some unexplained reason, AJ doesn’t like Emma, so AJ, the babyface, walks out on her partner. What a douche. Why I am supposed to cheer for her again? The announcers spent the whole match making fun of Emma and the names of her moves, rather than putting over the fact that Emma was taking it to a former Divas Champion. Emma got pinned by Paige. No mention has been made of Alicia Fox getting any sort of title shot for pinning AJ last week.
WYATTS VIDEO PACKAGE- this one was about Erick Rowan. It, too, was good. Then we saw a pregnant women with “it’s coming” written across her pregnant belly. That could be interesting.
SHEAMUS vs. THE MIZ (w/Damien Miz-dow)- 5.25/10
The crowd loved Miz-dow and hated everyone else.
HANDICAP MATCH: Randy Orton, Seth Rollins, & Kane vs. John Cena- DUD!
Rollins starts the match, as promised, but the first thing he does is tag in Kane. It was so obvious from the moment that Hunter ruled that Rollins had to start the match that Michael Cole flat out said how obvious it was… which is lightyears better than what Taz and Tenay would have done, which would be try to act shocked, then a little outraged, then ask each other if maybe this was the plan all along.
Stuff happened. Cena got his hands on Rollins. He hit his finishing sequence, then went for the AA, but Kane hit him with a big boot… and the ref called for a DQ. And then I blew a gasket.
I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS DQ SH*T, and this one didn’t even make any f*cking sense! Kane is a legal participant in the match. He didn’t hit Cena with any weapons. He kicked him, so there were no closed-fist issues, and he hit him right in the head, so it wasn’t a low blow. Hell… he wasn’t even in the ring for five seconds, and no one ever even enforces that rule anymore! There only reason they did a DQ here was so Cena wouldn’t have to lose a match that he completely and totally should have. And why? Because of some perception that somehow losing a three-on-one handicap match will make him look weak? GIMME A F*CKING BREAK!
To make matters worse, this match showed that Cena getting an ass-kicking here was EXACTLY the right call. They have been building up to Cena getting his hands on Rollins. Well Cena did that in this match… and the crowd didn’t give a sh*t.
So Cena got beaten down. Ambrose showed up with a hotdog cart to make the save. The people popped huge for Ambrose. When Ambrose got his hands on Rollins, the people popped bigtime. Cena popped back up and the babyfaces ran wild. Cena gave Orton an AA. This got no reaction. Ambrose did terrible things to Rollins with the contents of the hotdog cart. Cena gave Kane an AA, too. The Authority came out and booked a match for Hell in a Cell: Cena vs. Ambrose, with the winner getting to face Rollins in the cell.
If they put Cena over in this match, it will be a total disaster.
Ambrose then attacked Cena from behind and laid him out with his finisher, because… um… I guess he thinks hitting Cena here with this one move will help him in a match that takes place twenty days from now. That was dumb.
An utterly atrocious episode of Raw.
Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Michael Cole’s evidence that Stardust is weird is that fact that he Tweeted out a riddle earlier today. Yeah. Because of all of the stuff Stardust does, THAT is the one that makes him certifiably weird. And it’s not even like the riddle would only make sense to an insane person, because JBL figured it out right there on the spot.