BRM Reivews the 8/25/2014 Raw (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

WWE HALL OF FAME PANEL- Good for what it was, but maybe a little mistimed
It's Hogan, Flair, and HBK, and Cole asks them about Cena. This wasn't bad, but it was kind of boring. This is the sort of thing that they could use to draw on the Network's pre-game show. Actually, it would have been cool to do this on the pre-game show, then do it again on the post-game show after Cena's promo and return match.
I liked how everyone's anwers played into their career (well... Hogan's and HBK's anyway- Flair was pretty much the same random answer of the night we tend to get from people on WWE panels). Hogan believes in Cena's mantra of hustle, loyalty, and respect, which really is the new generations saying your prayers and eating your vitamins. HBK, on the other hand, thinks Cena has no chance and should maybe even retire, which is exactly how HBK felt after his loss to Taker at Wrestlemania XXV, which led to their retirement match at Wrestlemania XXVI, in which HBK was once again unable to defeat the Undertaker.

Then John Cena came out and interrupted them. His promo wasn't bad, but I'm am unsure of whether or not I like the final line. "I'm not going to Night of Champions to beat Brock Lesnar- I'm going to Night of Champions to beat Brock Lesnar's ass." I like that it frames this match a bit differently than last months' match, but I didn't like the fact that the title all of a sudden seems to be less important to Cena (the idea that Brock kicked Cena's ass but Cena won the match has been the way that their match at Extreme Rules 2012 has been portrayed). He's not going after the title at Night of Champions- he is trying to reclaim his pride. They really should have saved Cena's speech for the main event of this show. Cena didn't even need to wrestle on this show. In fact, he shouldn't have. He does need a strong win going into the PPV, but Bray isn't the right guy for it. Bray needs to be protected. Harper or Ryback would have been a better choice. Actually, Jericho would have worked even better

JACK SWAGGER vs. RUSEV (w/Lana)- 6.75/10
Rusev wins by ref stoppage. They seem to be building up to an I Quit match between these two.

BO & SWAGGER BACKSTAGE- good. Bo is annoying and tells Swagger that the only way to win is to Bolieve, but he makes sure to do so when Swagger is too hurt to kick his ass for it.

WINNER BECOMES #1 CONTENDER TO THE US TITLE: Rob Van Dam vs. Cesaro- 5.75/10
Didn't Rob just beat Cesaro clean eight days ago on the Summer Slam kick-off show?
Cesaro is now down to the point where he didn't even get his entrance shown on TV.
HOLY CRAP CESARO ACTUALLY WON!
The air raid sirens in Cesaro's entrance music have now been replaced by something that sounds like a car alarm. It sucks.
After the match, Cesaro grabbed the US Title belt from Sheamus, who was on commentary, then gave it back to him but throwing it in his face. Good stuff.

Next week they are going to be adding a 100 hours of Nitro to the Network. Well... subscriptions are up. Of course, I could probably find most of this on YouTube already, so how will this make me want to subscribe to the Network?

NATALYA vs. PAIGE- 3.75/10
Yes. Again. I swear if they do a distraction finish, I will break something
Michael Cole introduced this match by telling us that Nattie cut a promo on the app saying that she is hoping she will get a title shot if she beats Paige again tonight. Yes. Again. She has beaten Paige TWICE IN THE PAST WEEK, and still has not gotten a title shot, just like what happened with Eva Marie the week before. In fact, in the WWE Divas Champion has lost her past FIVE televised matches (including Summer Slam).
The match was good for the time it got, and for once the Paige Turner didn't look like crap. Paige won clean, so I guess they aren't doing anything with Nattie after all... because it's not like this feud needs a shake-up or anything.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- SH*T!
AJ shows up and starts skipping down the ramp. Paige tries to avoid her by going back in the ring. AJ holds Paige's attention while Nattie attacks her from behind for no reason- so she is both a coward and a sore loser.
Nattie is the woman in the company who comes off as the nicest and most likeable in just about every possible forum, be it on wrestling shows, Total Divas, media appearances, and who is also the Diva who I think fans really want to see succeed the most. Why fight momentum like that by making her act in a completely unlikeable manner?

POST-POST-MATCH SEGMENT-SEGMENT- AJ says she knows Paige was being sincere when she said she loved her, but not as sincere as AJ is now, and AJ hugs her, then kisses her hand. The people chant "CM Punk!," possibly because they think he's going to be riding the tricycle tonight.
At this point I have lost all patience with this feud. Either have them start to really show that they hate each other like in a real feud, or cut the crap, let Russo have his dream and book a Strap-on on a Pole Match, and just skip to the lesbian hate-f*cking.

A EULOGY FOR DEAN AMBROSE- pretty good segment
Great heel stuff from Rollins. Roman Reigns shows up and brawls with Kane, then with Rollins. Reigns was going to separ Rollins, but Kane pulls Rollins to safety. Reigns does not give chase because... um...

DUST BROTHERS PROMO- I guess they're getting tag title match tonight. I really don't want to see them win. And really... after watching these promos, who could possibly want to?

WWE TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Usos(c) vs. Goldust & Stardust- 4/10
They have an okay match, then one of the Usos gets counted out because he hurt his leg on his own dive. Terrible finish. If you want to save the big title match for the PPV (which they should), don't give us bad finishes that make the champs look bad to kill time! Instead use that time productively and build up Goldust and Stardust. They only have like, three wins. Yes, one of them was over the tag champs and they have earned this title shot, but that doesn't mean you have to do the title shot right away.
(And if you do want to book the title match right away and still have the title match on the PPV, either don't give them the win over the Usos so soon or LEARN TO BOOK TIME LIMIT DRAWS!)

POST-MATCH SEGMENT-
Goldust is unhappy because he thinks this was their only opportunity to challenge for the tag titles? Why does he think this? Was there a Last Chance stipulation that no one mentioned? You'd think Goldust would know that if you beat the champs by count-out, you're probably going to get a rematch, and even if that doesn't get you a rematch, you can still earn another rematch with some wins.
Goldust also accuses the Usos of taking a count-out on purpose, and he wants a rematch right now, both despite the fact that Jey Uso appears to be pretty hurt. Did he just randomly go crazy? Why is he acting like such a heel?
Oh. That's why. Goldust & Stardust turn heel.
This is a bad idea. The story that they had set up was one where the Cody was blaming their losses on himself, so he changed himself up a bit and now they are winning. This makes us want to see them reclaim their former glory (or at least try). Turning heel kills this desire before there is any sort of payoff (both in the metaphorical sense of a payoff to the story, and in the literal sense of a payoff for the company in terms of having a match that will theoretically draw).
If you want to turn Goldust and Stardust heel, you should have them lose clean to the Usos at Night of Champions. Realizing that their shift in personality hasn't help them win the tag team titles, they now decide to shift tactics instead, so over the next month they star to cheat to win, including another non-title win over the champs. Then, on the go-home show, they jump the champs. Now you have set-up the same match they are going for here, but you have gotten TWO payoffs out of it, told a better and more complete story, and have a whole extra month to build up your challengers for Survivor Series.

ROLLINS & KANE BACKSTAGE- Kane books them against Roman Reigns in a handicap match.

HEYMAN & BROCK VIDEO PACKAGE ABOUT CENA- awesome.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. DAMIEN MIZ-DOW- 2.25/10
Miz comes out introduces his "stunt double"- Damien Miz-Dow. I kind of like the idea, but I think they are squandering a lot of potential by wasting it on Sandow as a one-time gag. As Cole pointed out, no wrestler has ever needed a "stunt-double" to perform for him or her in the ring before, so why not use this as what it is: Miz being a pussy to get heat.
I would have had Miz come out with his new "stunt-double:" Titus O'Neil. I think there is both comedy and heat in Miz trying to pass off a man who is very physically different than he is (different skin color, bald vs. not bald) and most importantly, is much larger than he is (by four inches and fifty pounds) as a "stunt-double" so that he can have an enforcer for his matches or someone he can occasionally send to wrestle in his place.

JERRY LAWLER TRIES TO MAKE PEACE BETWEEN THE BELLAS- Nikki= good, Brie= bad
Brie says that her mom saw ultrasounds of them holding hands in the womb. That's... kind of weird. It makes them sound like Cersei and Jaime, but lesbians. It got worse when Nikki suggested that maybe instead of holding hands, Brie was doing what she always does: holding Nikki back. From going where, exactly? If your mom isn't dilated, you're not getting out of there (unless they're in the middle of a c-section, which would kind of defeat the point of the ultrasound, wouldn't it?).
Anyway, this wasn't as poorly acted as their past segments have been. Nikki was actually pretty good most of the time. She hates Brie, hates the fans who fantasize about her, hates Bryan and his hippie lifestyle.
It did go downhill a bit (not Nikki's delivery, but the content) when they started dipping into cliches like Nikki claiming that Brie stole all of her boyfriends when they were younger and that Brie would always do things and blame Nikki, resulting in Nikki getting trouble and not Brie (and Brie's terrible whine of "you're lying!" through a pathetically fake attempt at tears was just atrocious). Eight nights ago, Brie was a badass taking on Steph. Over the past week, they have turned her into a pathetic crier. Just atrocious.
I did enjoy Nikki telling Lawler to "stay out of it, old man!"
Brie sits there crying while Nikki shouts "I wish you had died in the womb!" Nikki then grabbed Brie by the hair and yanked her chair over backwards, which did get some reaction from the crowd. Nikki took of her heels, through them at Brie, then mounted her... and started throwing lame girly slaps until Lawler tired (and completely failed) to pull her off. We wound up with Lawler and three refs pulling Nikki off while she shouted "YOU'RE DEAD TO ME!" at Brie.

HANDICAP MATCH: Seth Rollins & Kane vs. Roman Reigns- 4.5/10
Reigns spears Kane and has the match won, but Rollins hits him with the MITB briefcase for the DQ. The heels beat Reigns down and go to kill him to death with the Curb Stomp into the cinderblocks, but Reigns fights it off. Then he PICKS UP A CINDERBLOCK AND CHUCKS IT AT ROLLINS' HEAD! Rollins ducks and it shatters against the ringpost. Rollins runs away. Kane eats a Superman Punch.

BRAY WYATT PROMO- decent

THEY ADVERTISE HENRY & BIGHSOW VS. HARPER & ROWAN FOR SMACKDOWN- This will be the third time we have seen this match, and the first two both had the babyfaces go over clean and weren't very good. Why should anyone care to see it again?

SLATER & THE GATOR vs. LOS MATADORES (w/El Torito)- 2/10
Heath Slater has apparently, never heard of Dr. Donald Blake.

KOFI KINGSTON vs. BO DALLAS- DUD!
Kofi kicked his butt, then got pinned after two moves one of which was the Bo-Dog, which Bo f*cked up, but Kofi saved him from looking like a total idiot. Bo said some stuff about Swagger, so Swagger came out and gave him a spinebuster.

JOHN CENA vs. BRAY WYATT (w/the Wyatt Family)- No rating.
They spent all night hyping Bray up as a "longtime rival" of Cena's. They only feuded for a few months, and the feud ended less than three months ago! The Wyatts decide to teleport to ringside because I guess they are too lazy to walk.
They did this spot where Bray was getting up and Cena was in the corner, poised and ready to pounce when he did so. Cena ran over and gave Bray a German Suplex, but I was actually marking out because I thought he was going to hit Bray with Randy Orton's punt. Speaking of Randy, where was he tonight?

Cena basically did to Bray what Lesnar did to him at Summer Slam, but not as brutal. Harper and Rowan ran in for the DQ, but Henry and Show made the save. When we came back from commercial, we had...

THE WYATT FAMILY vs. JOHN CENA, MARK HENRY, & BIG SHOW- 4/10
Same old tag formulaic tag match. You'd think they'd take this whole Cena thing as an opportunity to try something different, but all we got was Big Show and Henry both taking turns being the babyface in peril, Cena getting the hot tag and getting the win by making Harper tap (which does absolutely nothing to help sell the tag match on Smackdown because Harper and Rowan have lost again)
Rowan tried to attack Cean after the match, so he ate an AA. Bray tried to escape, but Henry and Big Show tossed him into the ring, too, and he ate an AA. Then Cena gave Harper an AA. The last two came off as heelish. It would have been much better to just have Cena murderize someone as the main event and go off the air with that.

A very bad Raw, especially in the ring.

[cero2k]

A EULOGY FOR DEAN AMBROSE- pretty good segment
Great heel stuff from Rollins. Roman Reigns shows up and brawls with Kane, then with Rollins. Reigns was going to separ Rollins, but Kane pulls Rollins to safety. Reigns does not give chase because... um...

i'm worried about a feud between reigns and rollins. Reigns shouldn't defeat rollins until after ambrose does, otherwise ambrose will look bad. this is why i hate reign's booking

If you want to turn Goldust and Stardust heel, you should have them lose clean to the Usos at Night of Champions.

a face v face feud in WWE? lol, we're more likely to see damien sandow win the world title

[Big Red Machine]

A EULOGY FOR DEAN AMBROSE- pretty good segment
Great heel stuff from Rollins. Roman Reigns shows up and brawls with Kane, then with Rollins. Reigns was going to separ Rollins, but Kane pulls Rollins to safety. Reigns does not give chase because... um...

i'm worried about a feud between reigns and rollins. Reigns shouldn't defeat rollins until after ambrose does, otherwise ambrose will look bad. this is why i hate reign's booking

Agreed. Keep in mind that Orton and Ambrose both weren't on this show, so this just might have been something for them to do this week. Orton cut a promo about Reigns on Smackdown, so they still could be going that way.

[WrestlingJoker]

DUST BROTHERS PROMO- I guess they're getting tag title match tonight. I really don't want to see them win. And really... after watching these promos, who could possibly want to?

I would. I fucking love the whole StarDust gimmick. Always have since they started it. Sadly, from what it seems like, I'm the only one here who actually likes it.

[KILLdozer]

No; you're not alone. "STAAAAAAARDUST!"

[Big Red Machine]

DUST BROTHERS PROMO- I guess they're getting tag title match tonight. I really don't want to see them win. And really... after watching these promos, who could possibly want to?

I would. I fucking love the whole StarDust gimmick. Always have since they started it. Sadly, from what it seems like, I'm the only one here who actually likes it.

IMO, the only way it would have worked is if they still kept losing and Cody got angry and turned on Goldust, shouting "I TRIED YOUR WEIRD CRAP AND IT STILL DIDN'T WORK!" and berated Goldust for being the real weak link in the team.
If that isn't the plan, then all they have done is have Cody be a total weirdo, which is what really killed the Goldust gimmick in the early 2000s.

[Big Red Machine]

If you want to turn Goldust and Stardust heel, you should have them lose clean to the Usos at Night of Champions.

a face v face feud in WWE? lol, we're more likely to see damien sandow win the world title

Which I totally don't get. What's the problem with half of the crown chanting for one team, and half of the crowd chanting for the other?

[WrestlingJoker]

DUST BROTHERS PROMO- I guess they're getting tag title match tonight. I really don't want to see them win. And really... after watching these promos, who could possibly want to?

I would. I fucking love the whole StarDust gimmick. Always have since they started it. Sadly, from what it seems like, I'm the only one here who actually likes it.

IMO, the only way it would have worked is if they still kept losing and Cody got angry and turned on Goldust, shouting "I TRIED YOUR WEIRD CRAP AND IT STILL DIDN'T WORK!" and berated Goldust for being the real weak link in the team.
If that isn't the plan, then all they have done is have Cody be a total weirdo, which is what really killed the Goldust gimmick in the early 2000s.

I think it works perfectly the way it is. It's almost like a weirdness runs in the whole family thing to me, and I love it. Like I said, I love the gimmick.

[KILLdozer]

Another gimmick of Cody's I've been entirely entertained by from the jump.