BRM Reviews the 7/17/2014 Impact
Posted: Jul 18th, '14, 00:35
KURT & TAZ PROMOS- Kurt did his best, especially reminding everyone that it’s the TALENT that matters, not the number of sides of the ring. Taz cuts a promo that gets people chant ECW. SNORE. He also says that wrestling matters. If the other guy’s product sucks, then you make that your slogan. When the other guy’s product is miles better than yours, you probably shouldn’t be wasting TV time like this. In fact, Taz’s whole promo, IMO, is the sort of thing that is awesome for the live crowd, but doesn’t need to be on TV. I’d rather get two more minutes of wrestling.
TOMMY DREAMER & BULLY RAY PROMO- snore.
My brother, who was a fan from about 2002-2004, was watching part of this show with me. His first comment was “Tommy Dreamer? Isn’t that guy really old by now?”
Bully Ray said that tonight TNA was going to “grab the wrestling world by the balls and rip them off.” So let me get this straight: TNA is going to castrate professional wrestling. They’re going to make it unmanly and wimpy and not cool. Yeah. That sounds about right.
And even if I wasn’t… well… me… WHY WOULD THEY SAY THAT? Does anyone really believe that tonight will somehow be different from any other TNA show? Really? I know this is really more Hogan’s fault than anyone else, but how many times have we heard that “thing x/this show will change TNA/professional wrestling forever!”? No one believes it anymore. TNA is at the point where they need to do something before they can start talking again.
Bully then vows that he will put Dixie through a table tonight. The crowd pops.
The first sentence out of Tommy Dreamer’s mouth is talking about ECW. Then he thanks the fans for supporting him and his ECW buddies. Tommy then puts over the locker room. His voice cracks.
Then EC III and Rhino show up and EC III cuts a promo saying that Bully won’t put Dixie through a table. I have heard this exchange a million times over the past three months. Ethan and Rhino were fun. Ethan responded to the fan’s chants of “you can’t wrestle!” by chanting “I disagree!” and “I’m very good!” He called New York City “the Big Crapple” and then laughed uproariously as if this was the funniest, most clever thing anyone had ever thought of.
Tommy lets us know that “this isn’t a PG product.” I’m going to do the world a favor and not rant on that particular criticism of WWE, but I will once again say that WWE’s PG product is a million times better than TNA’s non-PG product, so for them to call WWE out for being PG is quite ridiculous. Tommy says that he wants less talking, and more action in pro wrestling. Says the guy who started a show off by coming out to the ring and talking about irrelevant stuff that happened in 1997.
Bully and Tommy start a brawl, and apparently there is a scheduled match will start when we get back from commercial.
TOMMY DREAMER & BULLY RAY vs. ETHAN CARTER III & RHINO- 4/10
KURT ANGLE & AUSTIN ARIES- Kurt books Aries in an eight man X-Division gauntlet. It might be a title match. I can’t tell. If it is, that is extremely stupid.
JAMES STORM & SANADA SEGMENT- Storm puts Sanada over and then smacks him. He tells him that if he keeps listening to Muta, he will be a loser. This is all really weird.
GAUNTLET MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Austin Aries(c) vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Manik vs. Davey Richards vs. Zema Ion vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Tigre Uno vs. Sanada- 7.25/10
Oh look. It’s a random title match between the champ, the former champ, and a bunch of guys who CONSTANTLY LOSE TITLE MATCHES.
Eddie and Aries started off, so we got loud “ROH!” chants.
Christy would randomly stop in the middle of the countdowns. How lazy can you get?
The Wolves worked together to control the match. They did a leg sweep/chop version of Total Elimination. That made me pop.
We missed Crazzy Steve’s entrance, which disappointed me because I wanted to see the sh*t booed out of him. He used silly string to blind Tigre Uno. I thought that was a clever use of his clown gimmick. He also eliminated Tigre Uno from the match, which is the first positive thing he has done in the two months he has been with TNA.
Sanada eliminated both Wolves, leaving him and Aries as the final two. The action in the battle royale was good, and the mini-match at the end was good.
Apparently it was only confirmed to TNA during this match that Dixie is “en route to the building.” So the owner of the company didn’t even bother to show up on time for such an important show?
EY & ROODE BACKSTAGE- okay
STORM CALLS SANADA A LOSER AND BEATS HIM UP- Then he says that Muta and Sanada are both frauds.
JEFF HARDY PROMO- good
BOBBY ROODE & ERIC YOUNG vs. KENNY KING & MVP- 3.5/10
MVP IS ON CRUTCHES! HOW THE F*CK DID HE GET BOOKED IN A MATCH?! Does seem to stretch credibility to anyone else? This is supposed to be a kayfabe legitimate sport!
And even worse… the heels have a valid point! Kurt IS abusing his power by making MVP wrestle this match! Hell, I’d even say that forcing MVP to wrestle with a torn meniscus is putting a talent in MUCH more danger than anything MVP or even Dixie ever did! I was LEGITIMATELY CONCERNED for MVP every time he did a move. It’s hard to get any heat that way.
The babyfaces wind up getting laid out with crutches for a DQ, and you really can’t blame MVP at all because of this unfair situation he has been placed in.
MUTA WILL BE ON TV NEXT WEEK- COOL!
NO DQ’S NO COUNT-OUTS MATCH: Madison Rayne vs. Brittany- 5/10
THEY HAVEN’T EVEN HAD A REGULAR SINGLES MATCH YET! And even worse, THEY DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING THAT NEEDED THESE STIPS!
Madison wins clean.
DIXIE TALKS TO THE CAMERAMAN- The cameraman asked Dixie “why are you here?” I actually popped when Dixie treated this idiotic question when with the disdain it should have garnered. Dixie then cut a good promo on Bully.
ARIES & KURT BACKSTAGE- great segment. Aries in particular was great. They also build up next week by saying that Aries would make his decision regarding Option C next week.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Bobby Lashley(c) vs. Jeff Hardy-7/10
At one point early on, Tenay asked “does Jeff Hardy have the style to defeat Bobby Lashley?” and I know what he meant, but it came out sounding like he was asking if Jeff was a snazzy enough dresser to win the match. It made me laugh.
Lashley got “Batista’s better!” chants. Those were unfair. There were also some “this match sucks” chants, which were extremely unfair. Also “CM Punk!” chants, too. I don’t know what got into the crowd. They were pretty good before.
Jeff took an EXTREMELY scary bump here. That man is INSANE. I really hope he didn’t f*ck his back up. The same assholes who were just chanting “this match sucks!” are now chanting “this is awesome!”
KURT & DIXIE BACKSTAGE- pointless.
MVP & PALS BACKSTAGE- Kurt comes out and yells at them and books MVP vs. Bobby Roode in a falls count anywhere match for next week. Why is Kurt allowed to book this injured man (who owns the company, no less!) in a match? How is this not an abuse of power?
CLOSING SEGMENT- good
Dixie and her faction come out to the ring and Dixie cut a very good heel promo. Bully and Dreamer came out with a table and beat up EC III and Rhino. Then they tossed Spud out of the ring. Dixie was somehow trapped in the wrestling ring. Apparently she is too stupid to ROLL OUT OF THE RING. She was about to get put through a table but EC III made the save. Then 3-D’s music played and Devon came out (big pop) and brawled with Ethan. Ethan then ate a Whazzup?! and finally a 3-D through a table.
A pretty good show from TNA.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay notes that EC III was “barely a teenager when ECW was in its prime. Do you think he has any idea who he’s in the ring with in terms of Bully and Tommy.”
SO MUCH HERE:
A) Yeah. Him being a teenager means he might not have watched ECW… because what teenage guy doesn’t want to watch a product built around action, violence, cursing, and hot chicks?
B) What pro wrestler today does not know the legacy of ECW?
C) Both men have, in the past, worked for the company his aunt owns. I’m pretty sure he’s seen what they can do.
D) I love how Tenay decides to actually bring up just how old ECW and the babyfaces are by pointing out how young EC III would have been when they were relevant.
E) And I love the way that Mike feels the need to specify that he means Tommy and Bully when he says “who he’s in the ring with” as if we might have thought he was talking about THE F*CKING REFEREE.
2. Taz- “he [Aries] don’t [sic] have to be defeated to lose.”
What? Of course he does! Getting eliminated counts as losing.
3. Tenay tried to play it off as if MVP was being a coward by only asking for a tag when Bobby Roode was down. The problem with this is that MVP IS A WRESTLING THE MATCH WITH A TORN MENISCUS! NOTHING he can do can warrant calling him a coward.
TOMMY DREAMER & BULLY RAY PROMO- snore.
My brother, who was a fan from about 2002-2004, was watching part of this show with me. His first comment was “Tommy Dreamer? Isn’t that guy really old by now?”
Bully Ray said that tonight TNA was going to “grab the wrestling world by the balls and rip them off.” So let me get this straight: TNA is going to castrate professional wrestling. They’re going to make it unmanly and wimpy and not cool. Yeah. That sounds about right.
And even if I wasn’t… well… me… WHY WOULD THEY SAY THAT? Does anyone really believe that tonight will somehow be different from any other TNA show? Really? I know this is really more Hogan’s fault than anyone else, but how many times have we heard that “thing x/this show will change TNA/professional wrestling forever!”? No one believes it anymore. TNA is at the point where they need to do something before they can start talking again.
Bully then vows that he will put Dixie through a table tonight. The crowd pops.
The first sentence out of Tommy Dreamer’s mouth is talking about ECW. Then he thanks the fans for supporting him and his ECW buddies. Tommy then puts over the locker room. His voice cracks.
Then EC III and Rhino show up and EC III cuts a promo saying that Bully won’t put Dixie through a table. I have heard this exchange a million times over the past three months. Ethan and Rhino were fun. Ethan responded to the fan’s chants of “you can’t wrestle!” by chanting “I disagree!” and “I’m very good!” He called New York City “the Big Crapple” and then laughed uproariously as if this was the funniest, most clever thing anyone had ever thought of.
Tommy lets us know that “this isn’t a PG product.” I’m going to do the world a favor and not rant on that particular criticism of WWE, but I will once again say that WWE’s PG product is a million times better than TNA’s non-PG product, so for them to call WWE out for being PG is quite ridiculous. Tommy says that he wants less talking, and more action in pro wrestling. Says the guy who started a show off by coming out to the ring and talking about irrelevant stuff that happened in 1997.
Bully and Tommy start a brawl, and apparently there is a scheduled match will start when we get back from commercial.
TOMMY DREAMER & BULLY RAY vs. ETHAN CARTER III & RHINO- 4/10
KURT ANGLE & AUSTIN ARIES- Kurt books Aries in an eight man X-Division gauntlet. It might be a title match. I can’t tell. If it is, that is extremely stupid.
JAMES STORM & SANADA SEGMENT- Storm puts Sanada over and then smacks him. He tells him that if he keeps listening to Muta, he will be a loser. This is all really weird.
GAUNTLET MATCH FOR THE TNA X-DIVISION TITLE: Austin Aries(c) vs. Eddie Edwards vs. Manik vs. Davey Richards vs. Zema Ion vs. Crazzy Steve vs. Tigre Uno vs. Sanada- 7.25/10
Oh look. It’s a random title match between the champ, the former champ, and a bunch of guys who CONSTANTLY LOSE TITLE MATCHES.
Eddie and Aries started off, so we got loud “ROH!” chants.
Christy would randomly stop in the middle of the countdowns. How lazy can you get?
The Wolves worked together to control the match. They did a leg sweep/chop version of Total Elimination. That made me pop.
We missed Crazzy Steve’s entrance, which disappointed me because I wanted to see the sh*t booed out of him. He used silly string to blind Tigre Uno. I thought that was a clever use of his clown gimmick. He also eliminated Tigre Uno from the match, which is the first positive thing he has done in the two months he has been with TNA.
Sanada eliminated both Wolves, leaving him and Aries as the final two. The action in the battle royale was good, and the mini-match at the end was good.
Apparently it was only confirmed to TNA during this match that Dixie is “en route to the building.” So the owner of the company didn’t even bother to show up on time for such an important show?
EY & ROODE BACKSTAGE- okay
STORM CALLS SANADA A LOSER AND BEATS HIM UP- Then he says that Muta and Sanada are both frauds.
JEFF HARDY PROMO- good
BOBBY ROODE & ERIC YOUNG vs. KENNY KING & MVP- 3.5/10
MVP IS ON CRUTCHES! HOW THE F*CK DID HE GET BOOKED IN A MATCH?! Does seem to stretch credibility to anyone else? This is supposed to be a kayfabe legitimate sport!
And even worse… the heels have a valid point! Kurt IS abusing his power by making MVP wrestle this match! Hell, I’d even say that forcing MVP to wrestle with a torn meniscus is putting a talent in MUCH more danger than anything MVP or even Dixie ever did! I was LEGITIMATELY CONCERNED for MVP every time he did a move. It’s hard to get any heat that way.
The babyfaces wind up getting laid out with crutches for a DQ, and you really can’t blame MVP at all because of this unfair situation he has been placed in.
MUTA WILL BE ON TV NEXT WEEK- COOL!
NO DQ’S NO COUNT-OUTS MATCH: Madison Rayne vs. Brittany- 5/10
THEY HAVEN’T EVEN HAD A REGULAR SINGLES MATCH YET! And even worse, THEY DIDN’T EVEN DO ANYTHING THAT NEEDED THESE STIPS!
Madison wins clean.
DIXIE TALKS TO THE CAMERAMAN- The cameraman asked Dixie “why are you here?” I actually popped when Dixie treated this idiotic question when with the disdain it should have garnered. Dixie then cut a good promo on Bully.
ARIES & KURT BACKSTAGE- great segment. Aries in particular was great. They also build up next week by saying that Aries would make his decision regarding Option C next week.
TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Bobby Lashley(c) vs. Jeff Hardy-7/10
At one point early on, Tenay asked “does Jeff Hardy have the style to defeat Bobby Lashley?” and I know what he meant, but it came out sounding like he was asking if Jeff was a snazzy enough dresser to win the match. It made me laugh.
Lashley got “Batista’s better!” chants. Those were unfair. There were also some “this match sucks” chants, which were extremely unfair. Also “CM Punk!” chants, too. I don’t know what got into the crowd. They were pretty good before.
Jeff took an EXTREMELY scary bump here. That man is INSANE. I really hope he didn’t f*ck his back up. The same assholes who were just chanting “this match sucks!” are now chanting “this is awesome!”
KURT & DIXIE BACKSTAGE- pointless.
MVP & PALS BACKSTAGE- Kurt comes out and yells at them and books MVP vs. Bobby Roode in a falls count anywhere match for next week. Why is Kurt allowed to book this injured man (who owns the company, no less!) in a match? How is this not an abuse of power?
CLOSING SEGMENT- good
Dixie and her faction come out to the ring and Dixie cut a very good heel promo. Bully and Dreamer came out with a table and beat up EC III and Rhino. Then they tossed Spud out of the ring. Dixie was somehow trapped in the wrestling ring. Apparently she is too stupid to ROLL OUT OF THE RING. She was about to get put through a table but EC III made the save. Then 3-D’s music played and Devon came out (big pop) and brawled with Ethan. Ethan then ate a Whazzup?! and finally a 3-D through a table.
A pretty good show from TNA.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay notes that EC III was “barely a teenager when ECW was in its prime. Do you think he has any idea who he’s in the ring with in terms of Bully and Tommy.”
SO MUCH HERE:
A) Yeah. Him being a teenager means he might not have watched ECW… because what teenage guy doesn’t want to watch a product built around action, violence, cursing, and hot chicks?
B) What pro wrestler today does not know the legacy of ECW?
C) Both men have, in the past, worked for the company his aunt owns. I’m pretty sure he’s seen what they can do.
D) I love how Tenay decides to actually bring up just how old ECW and the babyfaces are by pointing out how young EC III would have been when they were relevant.
E) And I love the way that Mike feels the need to specify that he means Tommy and Bully when he says “who he’s in the ring with” as if we might have thought he was talking about THE F*CKING REFEREE.
2. Taz- “he [Aries] don’t [sic] have to be defeated to lose.”
What? Of course he does! Getting eliminated counts as losing.
3. Tenay tried to play it off as if MVP was being a coward by only asking for a tag when Bobby Roode was down. The problem with this is that MVP IS A WRESTLING THE MATCH WITH A TORN MENISCUS! NOTHING he can do can warrant calling him a coward.