KURT ANGLE PROMO- he tells the camera that if Spud manages to get out of this match (which Spud has been campaigning to do all week), Kurt will go after EC III instead. Why doesn’t Kurt just go after EC III anyway if he hates him so much?

MAGNUS & ABYSS SEGMENT- BAD!
Magnus blames Abyss for his loss to EY because... um… because nothing on this show is allowed to make sense. He then calls Abyss out and insults him a bunch. Abyss says he didn’t interfere because MVP said that anyone who interfered would be fired. Magnus responds by reminding everyone that Abyss works for him, not for TNA… and apparently Abyss did not realize that this meant that MVP could not fire him. To review: Abyss believed that he could be fired from his job by someone who was not his employer. At this point, I’ve actually got to agree with all of these terrible thing Magnus (the heel) is saying about Abyss (who is presumably about to turn babyface). He IS a f*cking idiot.
Abyss now reveals that it was never about the money. It was just about him finding a friend… and he now realizes that Magnus was just using him and that he is really nothing but a “jackass.” A hack segment we’ve seen a million times, but this time the story behind it was built to sooo poorly that no one could possibly care.
So Abyss threatens to beat Magnus up, but Magnus says that Abyss can’t do that because he now no longer has a contract, and thus, if he lays a hand on Magnus, Magnus will press charges. Since when has Abyss ever given a damn about legal charges?
MVP comes out and offers Abyss a full-time spot on the TNA roster… if he wins a match tonight against Magnus. I would normally be fine with something like this… except that the set-up for this totally kills it: Magnus does not want Abyss to hurt him, so he threatened legal action if Abyss did so because Abyss was not of the TNA roster. MVP said that if Abyss wins his match tonight, he will get a new contract with TNA. This means that until such time as the match ends with Abyss as the victor, Abyss is not under contract to TNA, which would make him (as Magnus termed it earlier) “a civilian,” and therefore susceptible to legal action if he attacks Magnus… which one would imagine he would need to do in order to beat him in a wrestling match.
This was all to build up a main event that was so important it wasn’t mentioned again for at least an hour.

EC III & SPUD BACKSTAGE- decent.
Ethan has a plan.

KURT ANGLE vs. ROCKSTAR SPUD (w/Ethan Carter III)- no rating. Awesome segment
Kurt destroys Spud. EC III comes in and clips Kurt’s leg, the goes for a submission, but Willow makes the save. The only thing I would change is having EC III actually lock the submission in for a while and have him sell it more afterwards.
Taz, of course, passes up this opportunity to use the term “sacrificial lamb” correctly.
VELVET & ANGELINA PROMO- they promise to give Madison a “make-over. Beautiful People-style.” This was fine until Angelina ended it with the phrase “Beautiful People-style.” I face-palmed. This was just a perfect example of trying to say something cool and totally failing.

KENNY KING & MVP BACKSTAGE- GREAT!
KENNY KING = STAR!

MADISON RAYNE CALLS OUT THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE- no rating. AWESOME segment!
Madison’s dialogue wasn’t good, but that’s fine with me because actions speak louder than words, and her actions here… THIS is how a babyface should act! She went up to right up to them, to their faces, and VALIANTLY fought them despite the odds being against her! Then when the numbers game caught up to her and Velvet was holding her down while Angelina insulted her and berated her, Brittney came out and made the save… but the numbers game caught up to her, too, and she eventually got laid out. Then Velvet laid Madison out with her finisher and Angelina put a paper bag over Madison’s head. The heel #1 contender has laid out and humiliated the valiant babyface champion heading into their title encounter on PPV. PERFECT! They should play this segment on an infinite loop in the offices of TNA Creative.

MR. ANDERSON VIDEO - I am filled with dread.
He said that he wanted to take Sam Shaw to the funny farm last week, but it didn’t work out. That actually happened two weeks ago. This was not edited out or reshot because TNA doesn’t give a sh*t about their product. Anyway, Anderson has dragged a cameraman to Sam Shaw’s hometown in order to find the house where he grew up. He is all smarmy and think he is being clever. He ended this by telling the cameraman “come with me” and I actually shouted “NO! DON’T GO WITH HIM!” at my TV in the vain hope of somehow influencing the cameraman to not get into Anderson’s car.

GAIL, MADISON & BRITTNEY BACKSTAGE- they ruined everything!
Gail turns babyface by saying that she respects Madison and asks Madison to be her tag partner tonight in a match against TBP (so TNA just booked TBP vs. Gail and told Gail to find her own partner? That’s pretty douchy of MVP). None of this needs to happen! You’ve already built up for the Knockouts Title match perfectly! Just do a quick backstage segment where Brittney tells Madison “I meant it when I said I would have your back. I had your back tonight, and I will have your back at Sacrifice” and it will be completely perfect!
Instead they are giving the babyface a chance to get her revenge, made Brittney look like a dork, and made their top babyface look like a b*tch for being angry at Brittney for helping.

KENNY KING vs. BOBBY LASHLEY- 6.5/10
THIS ROCKED! A referee actually enforces the “no punching with a closed fist” rule! HOORAY! Brian Stiffler is my new favorite ref.
Also the match was very, very good. They told their story very well, Kenny got his character across, and Lashley looked very impressive. I just wish Kenny King had been able to win.

ANDERSON VISITS SAM SHAW’S HOUSE- bad
Shaw’s mother answers the door. She is a redhead named Christy. Anderson thinks she’s hot, and I guess she is, if you are into 1950’s housewives. Anderson does not identify himself in any way... and she gives no indication that she recognizes him at all… which means that Impact is so low that NOT EVEN THE WRESTLERS’ MOTHERS WILL WATCH IT! He just tells her he is here about her son… and she just lets this stranger into her house.

ROODE & STORM BACKSTAGE- F*CKING AWESOME!
A real EXPLANATION for why they are teaming together!

MVP vs. AUSTIN ARIES- 6.75/10

SANADA VIDEO PACKAGE- good. If they did one of these for Tigre Uno, maybe someone might think that he actually has a chance of winning the X-Division Title.

ANDERSON & MRS. SHAW IN THE KITCHEN-
Remember about two months ago when this Sam Shaw character came across as being dangerous? Well not anymore! Apparently he still lives in his mother’s basement. WE SAW HIS F*CKING APARTMENT IN THE SEGMENT HE WAS INTRODUCED IN… AND THEN WE SAW HIS F*CKING HOUSE IN THE SEGMENT WHERE IT WAS REVEALED THAT HE HAS A CREEPY SHRINE TO CHRISTY HEMME!

BULLY RAY & GUNNER vs. JAMES STORM & BOBBY ROODE- 6/10
Gunner enters to Bully’s music because he isn’t a big enough star to warrant his own entrance. This would be the guy they were pushing as a top contender for the world title just a few months ago. Tenay actually kept referring to Bully and Gunner as a “newly-formed team.” So are they now a regular tag team? How does Tenay know this? And if this is true, it is a terrible idea. This would be a big step backwards for both of them. If they are a new team, they are off to a bad start, because they just did a bunch of Dudley Boyz spots, which will all but force people to compare them to one of the greatest tag teams of all time.
Gunner and Storm will be having a match at the PPV this weekend. For no real reason, the match will be an I Quit match.
Remember how I praised Brian Stiffler before? Well… on the other end of competence spectrum we have Senior Referee Earl Hebner, who randomly decided to turn around and look at the ground like he had dropped a f*cking quarter or something, all so Bully and Gunner could do the WHAZZUP.
The babyfaces then tried to put one of the heels through a table in the middle of the match, because they are cheaters. At least the WHAZZUP was in retaliation for the Storm crotching Bully on the ringpost.

MAGNUS PROMO- snore.

ANDERSON & SAM SHAW IN THE SHAW’S BEDROOM-
The camera pans around the room, and we see big colorful letters on the wall declaring this to be “Samuels room.” I know it’s a very small thing, but I’m sure none of you will be surprised to hear that the lack of an apostrophe really annoyed me.
So Sam Shaw shows up and screams “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!” and they start to fight, but we don’t get to see any of it because the cameraman runs away…. And I use the word “runs” very kindly here. I know that the camera is heavy, but this mother*cker didn’t get ten feet before he was panting and out of breath.
He gets up the stairs, and there is Shaw’s mother, standing there, smiling, holding a pie and cheerfully asking “what are you boys doing down there that is causing all of that ruckus?”
I almost threw my remote at the TV.
The cameraman tells her “I don’t want any of your pie.”
I actually did throw my remote at the TV.

So the basement door opens and Shaw stumbles up the stairs, bleeding from the mouth. He clutches his mother’s waist and she exclaims “oh Samuel!” in pity, showing no acknowledgement the her son got into a fight with a stranger that she let into her house. The cameraman then says “this is too weird. I’m getting out of here” and runs out the door. It’s good to see that there is a limit to even what the creepy stalker cameraman will film.
Of course, we still don’t know what happened to Ken Anderson. He could be DEAD in Sam Shaw’s basement right now, and we wouldn’t know.
Anyone who was involved in writing these segments should be beaten, fired, and then run over with a bus.

When we come back to the show, Tenay asks “how creepy is this Samuel Shaw guy? And what’s the deal with his mother?” He shows no concern at all for the now-missing Ken Anderson. When Taz brought this up, Tenay did not comment on this in any way. I wish Mike Tenay was lying dead in Sam Shaw’s basement right now.

THE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE vs. GAIL KIM & MADISON RAYNE- As a match: 3.75/10 As a segment- BAD!
The babyfaces beat the heels up all match, then Angelina rolls Madison up from behind and pulls the tights. What makes you want to see the babyface get revenge more? Being beaten up and humiliated? Or just having a win stolen? Madison beat the heels up, taking their heat away… then they just steal a match. So what? This whole thing was a horribly counter-productive waste of time.

THE KNUX DOCUDRAMA- more sh*t
I had totally forgotten that they were doing this crap. We got no recap of any kind, which there should have been because it has been three weeks since we last saw this. I was not sure if the girl he was all over was his sister or his ex-girlfriend (although that is more due to the fact that I don’t think they ever established which one it was. Or maybe there were two girls. It’s never been clear. I really hope she’s not both).
Anyway, they say they are proud of each other, and Knux says he can’t stay and he has to go back because wrestling is what he is best at. For his sake, I really hope that’s not true, because he had a grand total of FOUR WINS in TNA… and one of those was by DQ.
Anyway, his sister and/or girlfriend says that she made a mistake by not being supportive of him when he left to get into wrestling, but she won’t make that mistake again, because this time she is coming with him. This would be the same woman who criticized him for leaving his family in the first place… I think?

ABYSS PROMO- He basically repeated his earlier promo, then says that he made the mistake of hurting those who cared about him the most, “and tonight, this massacre is for him.” I assume he is talking about EY… and it wasn’t until this point that I realized that Eric Young, your freshly-minted babyface world champion… has not even been mentioned on tonight’s show.

WOLVES VIDEO PACKAGE-
They did a whole bunch of crappy, pointless visual effects which hurt my eyes. I’m really sure that the sound and the picture did not quite sync up at times.
Anyway, for the last two weeks, Bro-Mans have avoided losing the tag team titles via getting DQed by having someone interfere for them. Being the babyface authority figure, what does MVP do? Does he do what he did a few weeks ago for EY and declare that if Bro-Mans get DQed, they will lose the titles? Or maybe say that anyone who interferes in the match will be fired? Does he perhaps book a title match inside a steel cage, to prevent any interference?
Of course not! He gives Bro-Mans AN ADVANTAGE by giving them a third person on their team… and still does nothing to prevent them from intentionally getting disqualified to keep the titles! WORST BABYFACE AUTHORITY FIGURE EVER!

PPV RUNDOWN- always a good idea for a go-home show. Based on the logo, in addition to the pre-announced matches, I think Batman will be making an appearance.

IF ABYSS WINS, HE GETS A TNA CONTRACT- Magnus vs. Abyss- DUD!
EY came out to do commentary.
Magnus, who, as the opening segment set up, can prevent Abyss from getting revenge on him by defeating him here and thus denying him a TNA contract… gets himself DQed with a blatant low blow. He then beats Abyss down with a chair. The referee tried to stop him, so Magnus went after the ref. EY ran down to save the ref, but Magnus kicked him in the nuts and beat him down with a chair, too. This was fine, except that EY was dispatched so quickly that he just didn’t look like a main eventer.

Then at the end of the show, we got a little preview video telling us to make sure to tune in next week to see all of the fallout from Sacrifice. A few problems here:
1. Everybody knows this.
2. Wouldn’t they be better served by saying “make sure you order Sacrifice to see what happens!”? The matches are important; not just the results. (Also, this would actually make TNA some money).
3. The clips they showed here included Kenny King, who isn’t even on Sacrifice.

As you can tell by the minor nit-pick that #3 there was, I REALLY F*CKING HATED this show… which is very unfortunate because, for forty minutes there, TNA was putting on an AWESOME wrestling show (although more than half of that involved guys that weren’t on the PPV this go-home show is supposed to be selling)… but the next hour was not only so wretched that it made me forget all of the good will those awesome forty minutes build up, but some of the sh*t that they did actually UNDID some of the great build to the PPV!
And those Anderson segments… GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
F*CK TNA!

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Mike Tenay felt the need to inform us that putting a paper bag over someone’s face is, in fact, NOT a makeover. “IT’S NOTHING OF THE SORT!” he fumed angrily. No sh*t, Mike!

2. Tenay “a disqualification? What does that mean as far as the stipulation on the match where Abyss was supposed to earn his roster spot back.”
It means he won, Mike! He WON the match by disqualification! The stip was that if Abyss won, he would get his roster spot, and he just WON the match. Why is this so confusing for you?!
Eric Young, the TNA World Heavyweight Champion, was also confused by this concept.