DIXIE, ANDERSON, & PACMAN- Anderson asks Dixie for a match with Bully. For some reason Dixie apparently hasn’t booked this match already, because even in kayfabe, she knows nothing about being a promoter. She then introduces Anderson to Pacman Jones. There will be a rant on Pacman later.

Some fan in the front row has brought a sign supporting Pacman Jones. I cannot possibly believe that anyone would do this. Seriously. Who the f*ck goes to a wrestling show and brings a sign supporting a random celebrity’s appearance?

MAIN EVENT MAFIA PROMO- I’ve broken this up into each separate promo.

STING PROMO- horrendous, and non-sensical!
Sting starts this promo off by reminding us that he put the group together to get the world title off of Bully and to “keep the Aces & Eights at bay.”
Yeah… I’m calling BS on this one, Stinger. You formed the MEM to “get rid of” the Aces & Eights. Now you’re just settling for “keeping them at bay” because… I don’t know. I guess you’re just too lazy to finish the job.
Sting then talks about the “hardships” and “tribulations” that they had to face while doing these things, and once again I have to call BS. They didn’t do SH*T! They got rid of Devon. That’s it. The rest of it was due to Bully’s own horrible leadership. It really looks like Sting is just taking credit for something he didn’t do. Along the same lines, if their goal was to make sure Bully Ray lost the title, why didn’t they try to get it off of him after he won the title back? Bully had a Last Man Standing match against Anderson and a NO DQ’s match against AJ and the Main Event Mafia was nowhere to be found.

Sting announces that they have “talked it over as a family” and because of all of the “hardships” and “tribulations” they have gone through, it has sent them all off in different directions, so they are going to disband the group.
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
They always make it such a big point to refer to the MEM as a “family” (later in the promo, Sting said “I love you like you are my brothers”), and this is not what a family does. When the going gets tough, a family STICKS TOGETHER! They are there for each other through “hardships” and “tribulations!”
Also, what are these “different directions” that they are supposedly going in? As Tenay just told us, three of them are in the World Title Tournament, and the fourth won was trying to get into the tournament, but lost a qualifying match. Seems like they’re all going in the exact same direction to me. Sting then puts them all over by saying that each one of them will “seize the moment” and become World Heavyweight Champion. Way to be non-committal, there, Stinger.
Sting then says that he is going to “deal with this thing called ‘entitlement.’” OH COME THE F*CK ON! Two minutes ago you wanted us to feel sorry for you for this “hardship” that you faced, which you said was someone giving you a one-time chance to earn a shot at the world title… which you had already lost a match stipulating that you could never compete for again! If you want to fight “entitlement,” Stinger, you had better start at home.
Anyway, Sting’s promo implies that he is going to be feuding with EC III, which brings up another problem: Is EC III overly-entitled? Yeah, I guess so. But the stuff Sting was talking about; not having respect for those who came before you, not paying your dues, thinking you can just come in on top… we haven’t ever seen EC III do any of that! If that’s your angle, then you need to show us EC III doing these things. Show, don’t tell.
Also, does anyone else find it ironic that Sting is disbanding the MEM so he can go off and due exactly what the original MEM was formed to do?

SAMOA JOE PROMO- very good
He cuts a promo saying that he'll win the title and that he will have to go through both guys to win the title. A good, simple wrestling promo.

MAGNUS PROMO- similar to Joe’s and also very good

KURT ANGLE PROMO- horrible!
Kurt says that he wants to win the world title tournament in order to prove that he is Hall of Fame worthy. Excuse me? What about all of those other championships you have won? You have more TNA World Heavyweight Title reigns than anyone in history. You are one of just six men in the promotion’s history to win the triple crown. You are a former IWGP Heavyweight Champion and also held a bunch of belts in WWE! How will this one other world title reign suddenly make you hall of fame worthy?
But even if that weren’t the case, at Bound For Glory Kurt said that he declined his TNA Hall of Fame induction because of personal failings… so now winning the world title will magically fix those personal issues? COME ON! Do these people not even remember what happened at their last f*cking PPV?! IT WAS LESS THAN THREE WEEKS AGO!
Kurt starts talking about being cleared to wrestle, but he is interrupted by Roode who says that Kurt is making excuses for losing to him. He and Angle both tease that they will meet in the finals, and then Kurt, the babyface, sucker-punches Roode. They start brawling and… well… you know those Atlas Security guys that TNA uses? Well it took them more time to get into the ring from ringside than it took for the referee to run from backstage, down the ramp, and into the ring. Then they completely fail at breaking up the fight. Why does Dixie continue to pay these chumps. If you have a million of them, that’s fine, but if you are paying for just two chumps who can’t do their jobs, why pay for any?

So we got to commercial, and when we get back from commercial, Kurt is in the ring with a mic. He says that he isn’t going anywhere until Roode comes out and fights him, so Roode comes out and they start to brawl again! SO WHAT THE F*CK WAS THE POINT OF BREAKING IT UP IN THE FIRST PLACE?!
This time, they are broken up by the same four refs (who once again outrun the security chumps) and also the TNA agents. Kurt breaks free again and they start brawling once again, and it takes Joe, Magnus, and Bad Influence to break them up.
What did this entire second brawl achieve? It told us absolutely nothing that the first brawl didn’t. All it did was waste five minutes of TV time.

Apparently Kaz and Daniels have been at ringside all of this time, but cameraman decided to focus on the two announcers instead of the wrestlers. Kaz and Daniels get into a shoving match with Pacman Jones and DeQuin Evans (who Wikipedia tells me is a member of the Bengals practice squad). Bad Influence shove them, so the football players jump the guardrail wind up giving Bad Influence body slams. A promised a Pacman rant, and this seems like as good a time as any.
It is no secret that TNA is losing money by the truckload right now, and have been for a while. So WHY THE F*CK WOULD YOU SPEND MONEY BRINGING IN A CELEBRITY WHO NOT ONLY COSTS A LOT MORE MONEY THAN ANY WRESTLER ON THE ROSTER WOULD, BUT WILL ALSO CERTAINLY BOT PUT ON AS GOOD OF A WRESTLING MATCH, AND WHO HAS ALREADY COMPLETELY FAILED IN YOUR COMPANY ONCE?! Wasting money on celebrities is the kind of sh*t that WCW did and failed with, so why would a company with a lot less money and mainstream notoriety behind it than WCW had even try it?

ANDERSON, KNUX, & GARRETT BACKSTAGE- Anderson tells them that they should leave Aces & Eights.

#1 CONTENDERHSIP MATCH: Brooke Tessmacher vs. ODB vs. Velvet Sky- 2/10
Let’s ignore the fact that this match had no hype at all aside from Tenay mentioning it right before the commercial directly proceeding it, and just look at the logic of it: Only one of these women has even WON a match since her last title match or #1 contendership match, and that was Tessmacher winning a tag team match in which she didn’t even get the pin. In fact, ODB lost a title match JUST LAST WEEK! Apparently all you need to do to earn a title shot in TNA is win ONE MATCH! The line of people who want title shots is shorter than lines I have been on at the bank. Some important title that must be. In fact, the title is so important that the three women who are vying to be the #1 contender start off their #1 contendership match by taking turns gyrating for the crowd.
So they have a crappy match. Gail and Tapa come out to watch, and the moment that they did, you knew they were just going to attack everyone. For some reason, though, they waited a while to do that. The referee was so horribly impotent that he just LET THEM STAND THERE, ON THE RING APRON!
They only attacked ODB first, and the ref ordered the bell rung, and I’m not sure if ODB won by DQ or if the match was called a triple DQ or a no-contest or whatever because there was no official announcement (way to do your job there, Christy).
Gail grabs a mic and points out that she has beaten all of these chumps already… so she is basically saying that there are no fresh match-ups in the entire Knockouts Division. Then she announces that she will be taking open challenges from any female wrestler in the world from now on. The only good part of this was that, when Gail said this, a woman in the second row immediately shot her hand up into the air, volunteering to wrestle Gail. That was awesome.
This whole thing was a giant waste of time. If the whole purpose of the match was as a set up for Gail to cut a promo saying that she has beaten everyone in TNA already and so she is issuing an open challenge to people not in the company, just have her cut the f*cking promo. It would save you a bunch of time (which the other matches could have used), not devalue the title by showing how little it takes to earn a title shot, and get you out of explaining how management is going to now not do anything about the fact that this “#1 contendership match” ended with no clear winner.

COMMERCIAL BROUGHT TO US BY THE “FRIENDS OF AJ”- AJ talks about defending the title in Mexico. My only problem with this was that they used clips of TNA-owned footage without TNA’s permission. Given Dixie’s current bent, I’d assume that these “friends of AJ” will likely find themselves receiving a cease and desist letter very soon.

BULLY TALKS TO KNUX AND GARRETT BACKSTAGE-
They argue about the lack of voting. Knux specifically says “for the last year, there haven’t been votes.” Didn’t they just vote on a new Vice President a few months ago? A vote in which Bully willingly did not take part so as to allow the others to make the decision… a decision that actually came down to Knux’s vote! Also, both Doc and Knux himself had to be voted back in after losing their masks. You’d think that almost getting kicked out of his beloved club isn’t something that KNux would have forgotten, but apparently it is.
This was more of the same crap we have gotten from Aces & Eights since this internal dissension started back in the early summer, until Knux gets angry and declares that they are ALL voting tonight “us three and Taz!” This caused me to laugh my ass off because this is the first time in months that anyone in Aces & Eights has acknowledged Taz’s membership in the group.
Earlier tonight, Knux and Garrett had warned the cameraman to keep his nose out of their club business, so he thought it would be a good idea to spy on their secret meeting and broadcast it on national TV.
DIXIE ON THE PHONE- she is on the phone demanding that someone fix something (presumably the AJ commercial).

EC III & DIXIE BACKSTAGE- she says that tonight she will let EC III pick his opponent tonight. IN an entirely serious tone, he says that the guys Dixie has gotten to face him are world class competitors and that he might lose tonight. Dixie, also in a perfectly serious tone, says that that cannot be allowed to happen and that EC III needs to pick the right opponent. The serious tones made NO sense here! They are alone backstage! Who are they playing to? They should be joking around about this!

ACES & EIGHTS SEGMENT- dumb
This starts off with Garrett telling us that “we are here to decide to have a club vote that decides the future of this club.” Yeah. That bad.
Speaking of bad, twelve seconds later, as Bully is walking to the ring, Tenay says “we heard earlier that they plan to vote to determine the future of Aces & Eights.” WE KNOW, MIKE! Garrett JUST SAID THAT! Just because no one else is talking doesn’t mean that you have to, and repeating things we just heard someone say as if the audience has the memory of a goldfish is insulting to the viewers.
So Bully comes out and spouts his awful catchphrase… and then a disturbing thing happened. Garrett Bischoff said something that made me pop. He grabbed the mic and said the same thing I have been shouting at my TV since Bully started using this idiotic catch phrase. “Yes. We all know who you are.”
Then Anderson came out to watch. Garrett says it is time to vote, and this vote is happening whether Bully likes it or not. Garrett says that he votes to quit. Knux, too, votes to quit. Bully votes that the group stays together, then talks up Taz’s loyalty and obedience to his president… so of course, in a swerve that only fooled someone who has never seen a wrestling show before, Taz also voted to quit the group.
Garrett and Knux both leave the ring, allowing Taz and Bully to have a tense stare-down (because G-d forbid we should let Knux do this and actually try to make a new star), then Bully blames all of this on Anderson. Anderson says that he wants a No Disqualifications “fight” with Bully in two weeks at turning point. That’s right. Anderson hates Bully so much that he wants to fight him in a match where anything is legal… but he apparently doesn’t hate him so much that he isn’t willing to wait two weeks to have a fight that he could start at this very moment.
BUT WAIT! This has all been one giant f*cking Russo-esque swerve and the worst, most pathetic stable in the history of wrestling is still together.


Bobby Roode comes out and demands that Kurt come out so Angle can kick his ass. The crowd chants for Angle, but instead, out comes EC III… and apparently Bobby Roode just went away. So much for calling Kurt out.

EC III vs. DEWEY BARNES- a DUD on principle. I just saw this sh*t two weeks ago!

BAD INFLUENCE HARASS JOSEPH PARK- They note that Abyss only shows up when Joseph is not present. They start to bully Joseph, but once again run off when ERIC YOUNG shows up. What type of f*cking punk-ass losers are afraid of ERIC YOUNG? EY challenges them to a tag team match tonight. When we get back from commercial, we learn that that match is happening now. Doesn’t someone official have to sign off on the match?

BAD INFLUENCE vs. JOSEPH PARK & ERIC YOUNG- 3.25/10
A short match that ended in a horrific-looking pin. Kaz was placing no weight whatsoever on Joseph’s shoulders. It looked the only reason Joseph got pinned was that he was, for some reason, physically unable to lift his shoulder off the mat. The referee was also positioned in such a way that he could not have possibly seen Joseph’s right shoulder.

KURT ANGLE PROMO- he says that he isn’t a hard man to find, (apparently he is, because Roode hasn’t found him yet). He says that he’ll be out here waiting for Roode. Aries comes out and tells us that his TNA World Heavyweight Title Tournament match against Angle will be next week. So with Aries vs. Kurt being next week, they have decided to spent all of their time building to Angle vs. Roode. FAIL!
Dixie Carter shows up on the big screen and spins the Raw Roulette™ Rip-off wheel to determine that Aries vs. Angle will be a submission match. Then Roode comes out and we wind up with a three-way brawl. Then the same two fat security guards and four referees who couldn’t keep Roode and Angle apart earlier in the show are now able to quickly break up a brawl involving not only those two, but also Austin Aries.

So it turns out that the Full Metal Mayhem match that Tenay promised was “up next’ before the last commercial break, will actually be happening after this commercial break.

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE FIRST ROUND FULL METAL MAYHEM MATCH: Jeff Hardy vs. Chris Sabin- 7.75/10
At the moment the bell rings, according to my DVD, we are ONE HOUR AND FIFTY-ONE MINUTES INTO THE SHOW. This utterly moronic company booked a main event world heavyweight title tournament full-metal mayhem match… and only gave it ten minutes!
That being said, Jeff and Sabin went all out here and did the very best they possibly could in the time they were given.

Overall, a horrendous show from TNA. On the wrestling side of things, there were four matches on this show. One was as squash we had just seen two weeks ago, and one was an entirely pointless match with no finish. The fourth was an extremely short tag match, and the final match was a ten minute main event gimmick match.
On the non-wrestling side of things, we got a bunch of inconsistent crap that made no sense, and a swerve that has invalidated weeks of TV and means that TNA has inexplicably decided to keep the most pathetic stable in wrestling history around for even longer. If not for Sabin and Hardy’s extremely hard work, this show would have been a complete and total disaster (and TNA really didn’t make it easy for them by only giving them ten minutes).

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay (about the Sabin vs. Hardy match)- “This is a must-win situation for both of these individuals, because you’ve gotta win to move on in the tournament.”
Really? You have to win to advance in the tournament? NO SHIT, MIKE!

2. Tenay- “Usually these Aces & Eights votes are held behind closed doors in the clubhouse, but it looks like they’re about to air all of their dirty laundry right here live.”
Right. These votes are usually held in secret and have never been aired before… except for all of those times that the cameraguy was in their clubhouse and broadcast their votes on Impact.

3. Tenay “Stakes at an all-time high in this first match in the world heavyweight championship tournament.”
It’s only the first match in the tournament, so by the very definition of that, the stakes are not at an “all-time high.”