BRM Reviews the 9/16/2013 Raw (what the f*ck are they doing?
Posted: Sep 17th, '13, 23:35
OPENING SEGMENT- Dragon comes out to celebrate with the belt, but Hunter comes out and claims that there was a fast-count. This is idiotic. The babyface wins the belt on PPV, then, the next night they come out, and make the decision irrelevant?! WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS WCW BULLSHIT?!
Don’t they realize that if they keep putting the belt on Dragon and then immediately taking it away from him, it won’t mean anything when he finally wins it for a proper run because people will just assume they are going to screw him again?
ORTON, STEPH, & HUNTER BACKSTAGE- oh come on! This is idiotic! What is so hard about just having Orton be a f*cking heel?! There is no reason to do this unless they are making him a babyface which would be idiotic!
DEAN AMBROSE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.25/10
Better than last night’s PPV match.
MADDOX, THE MCMAHONS, & BIG SHOW BACKSTAGE- This is the sort of thing that scares me that they really want Big Show to be the top babyface here instead of Dragon.
R-TRUTH vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 4/10
We got some Summer Rae chants, which are well-deserved. Aside from Paul Heyman, she is easily the best non-wrestler in WWE. Also, she looked REALLY f*cking hot tonight.
To hype up Dusty’s in-ring segment, we saw Dusty backstage, interacting with a gaggle of superstars, and the whole time Nattie has her hand on Hornswoggle’s shoulder like he was a child and she was his mother. It was just weird.
DUSTY SEGMENT- he starts off by breaking kayfabe for no reason. He also used Hunter’s legit last name to refer to Steph. WHY?! Other than that, this promo was great, but the breaking of kayfabe, especially when it is done for no reason at all, really pisses me off.
Great. Now Steph is doing it, too. Anyway, Steph says that Dusty can choose which one of his sons WWE will employ. Great heel stuff from Steph. Dusty tells Steph to go to hell, so Steph calls The Shield out… then calls Big Show out, too, and has Show knock Dusty out. Show won’t do it, so Steph orders The Shield in. The Shield grab chairs and get ready to destroy Dusty. Show screams something that needed to be bleeped, and then knocks Dusty out himself. Dusty has to be stretchered into an Ambulance.
ALICIA FOX, LAYLA EL, & AKSANA vs. THE FUNKADACTYLS, & BRIE BELLA (w/Nikkie Bella, JoJo, & Eva Marie)- 2/10
Nattie and AJ are on commentary, but Nattie’s headset doesn’t work… and both Lawler and Nattie are seriously accusing AJ of sabotaging Nattie’s headset! Really?
Lawler finally gave Nattie his headset, which was great because it meant that we wouldn’t have to listen to Lawler.
Anyway, Nattie came off sounding like the heel here, which hurt this a lot. 98% of the focus seemed to be on the argument between Nattie and AJ, which makes me wonder why they didn’t just do a promo segment between these two? It would put the focus where they want it and also not make one of the other divas look pathetic by losing in two minutes in a six woman tag team match.
At one point during this show, Cole referred to Miz as “the awesome Miz,” which makes him sound like some sort of corny magician.
DAMIEN SANDOW vs. ROB VAN DAM (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)- 4/10
HUNTER FIRES SCOTT ARMSTRONG- you this whole thing actually was a kayfabe f*ck-up rather than an evil plot by the McMahons? WHAT THE F*CK?!
Anyway, Lawler then blasts Hunter for firing Armstrong. He is a referee who claims that he entered into a conspiracy to fix a WWE Title match! Whether Dragon was actually in on this or not (we all know he isn’t, but for kayfabe argument’s sake, he might be), Armstrong still PURPOSELY CHEATED SOMEONE DURING THE FINISH OF A WWE TITLE MATCH! That is ground for firing a referee if I have ever heard of any!
Lawler really pissed me off on this show. He kept saying that Orton didn’t deserve the title back, which, given the circumstances, seems ridiculous. Orton lost the title because a rogue ref made a fast-count on him. How does he not deserve to the champion right now if he didn’t lose the belt fairly?
And Lawler’s justification for this is equally stupid: Because STEPHANIE said it. Stephanie also thinks that Dragon doesn’t deserve to be the face of the WWE! Are you going to start preaching that, too, Lawler?
THE MIZ vs. RANDY ORTON- No rating. Great segment.
I figured something like this was coming after Steph’s speech earlier.
HEYMAN & RYBACK PROMOS- good heat-getting promo, but nothing you actually need to see.
#1 CONTENDERSHIP ELIMINATION MATCH: The Usos vs. Tons of Funk vs. The Real Americans (w/Zeb Coulter)- 6.5/10
All three of these teams were in a #1 contendership match last night, and all three of them lost. What have they done since then to earn this opportunity? This is freakin’ TNA-level sh*t right here.
Anyway, once Tons of Funk got eliminated, this was got good. The Usos are super-over and after their showing the last time they faced The Shield, giving them another PPV shot is a good idea.
Cole tells us that Miz has a “damaged thorax.” Not a “chest.” A “thorax.” I didn’t realize that Miz was a fruit fly. Either that or Michael Cole randomly slipped into Latin. I’m also wondering how a Pillmaizer on the neck somehow injured Miz’s chest.
BRAY WYATT PROMO- awesome.
I need to learn to stop watching Raw late at night because these Bray Wyatt promos make it impossible for me to go to sleep.
DANIEL BRYAN vs. ROMAN REIGNS (w/The Shield)- 7/10
Good post-match beatdown. I loved Dragon immediately locking Randy in the Yes Lock and The Shield having to save Randy. The beatdown was great and the most of the locker room coming out to make the save really felt like great babyface moment. I’m just wondering why, of all the people who had to take a finisher from The Shield, why they had Kofi do it instead of a jobber like Ryder or a low-level guy like R-Truth.
Overall, not a good episode of Raw. There was some entirely stupid sh*t on this show that really eroded my confidence in the direction of the WWE.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Jerry Lawler, the babyface announcer, says that the only good decision Triple H has made is not giving the title back to Randy Orton.
So now that we have established beyond a shadow of a doubt that a fast-count occurred, Jerry Lawler does not believe that we should give the title back to the man who never really lost it?
Don’t they realize that if they keep putting the belt on Dragon and then immediately taking it away from him, it won’t mean anything when he finally wins it for a proper run because people will just assume they are going to screw him again?
ORTON, STEPH, & HUNTER BACKSTAGE- oh come on! This is idiotic! What is so hard about just having Orton be a f*cking heel?! There is no reason to do this unless they are making him a babyface which would be idiotic!
DEAN AMBROSE vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER- 6.25/10
Better than last night’s PPV match.
MADDOX, THE MCMAHONS, & BIG SHOW BACKSTAGE- This is the sort of thing that scares me that they really want Big Show to be the top babyface here instead of Dragon.
R-TRUTH vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 4/10
We got some Summer Rae chants, which are well-deserved. Aside from Paul Heyman, she is easily the best non-wrestler in WWE. Also, she looked REALLY f*cking hot tonight.
To hype up Dusty’s in-ring segment, we saw Dusty backstage, interacting with a gaggle of superstars, and the whole time Nattie has her hand on Hornswoggle’s shoulder like he was a child and she was his mother. It was just weird.
DUSTY SEGMENT- he starts off by breaking kayfabe for no reason. He also used Hunter’s legit last name to refer to Steph. WHY?! Other than that, this promo was great, but the breaking of kayfabe, especially when it is done for no reason at all, really pisses me off.
Great. Now Steph is doing it, too. Anyway, Steph says that Dusty can choose which one of his sons WWE will employ. Great heel stuff from Steph. Dusty tells Steph to go to hell, so Steph calls The Shield out… then calls Big Show out, too, and has Show knock Dusty out. Show won’t do it, so Steph orders The Shield in. The Shield grab chairs and get ready to destroy Dusty. Show screams something that needed to be bleeped, and then knocks Dusty out himself. Dusty has to be stretchered into an Ambulance.
ALICIA FOX, LAYLA EL, & AKSANA vs. THE FUNKADACTYLS, & BRIE BELLA (w/Nikkie Bella, JoJo, & Eva Marie)- 2/10
Nattie and AJ are on commentary, but Nattie’s headset doesn’t work… and both Lawler and Nattie are seriously accusing AJ of sabotaging Nattie’s headset! Really?
Lawler finally gave Nattie his headset, which was great because it meant that we wouldn’t have to listen to Lawler.
Anyway, Nattie came off sounding like the heel here, which hurt this a lot. 98% of the focus seemed to be on the argument between Nattie and AJ, which makes me wonder why they didn’t just do a promo segment between these two? It would put the focus where they want it and also not make one of the other divas look pathetic by losing in two minutes in a six woman tag team match.
At one point during this show, Cole referred to Miz as “the awesome Miz,” which makes him sound like some sort of corny magician.
DAMIEN SANDOW vs. ROB VAN DAM (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)- 4/10
HUNTER FIRES SCOTT ARMSTRONG- you this whole thing actually was a kayfabe f*ck-up rather than an evil plot by the McMahons? WHAT THE F*CK?!
Anyway, Lawler then blasts Hunter for firing Armstrong. He is a referee who claims that he entered into a conspiracy to fix a WWE Title match! Whether Dragon was actually in on this or not (we all know he isn’t, but for kayfabe argument’s sake, he might be), Armstrong still PURPOSELY CHEATED SOMEONE DURING THE FINISH OF A WWE TITLE MATCH! That is ground for firing a referee if I have ever heard of any!
Lawler really pissed me off on this show. He kept saying that Orton didn’t deserve the title back, which, given the circumstances, seems ridiculous. Orton lost the title because a rogue ref made a fast-count on him. How does he not deserve to the champion right now if he didn’t lose the belt fairly?
And Lawler’s justification for this is equally stupid: Because STEPHANIE said it. Stephanie also thinks that Dragon doesn’t deserve to be the face of the WWE! Are you going to start preaching that, too, Lawler?
THE MIZ vs. RANDY ORTON- No rating. Great segment.
I figured something like this was coming after Steph’s speech earlier.
HEYMAN & RYBACK PROMOS- good heat-getting promo, but nothing you actually need to see.
#1 CONTENDERSHIP ELIMINATION MATCH: The Usos vs. Tons of Funk vs. The Real Americans (w/Zeb Coulter)- 6.5/10
All three of these teams were in a #1 contendership match last night, and all three of them lost. What have they done since then to earn this opportunity? This is freakin’ TNA-level sh*t right here.
Anyway, once Tons of Funk got eliminated, this was got good. The Usos are super-over and after their showing the last time they faced The Shield, giving them another PPV shot is a good idea.
Cole tells us that Miz has a “damaged thorax.” Not a “chest.” A “thorax.” I didn’t realize that Miz was a fruit fly. Either that or Michael Cole randomly slipped into Latin. I’m also wondering how a Pillmaizer on the neck somehow injured Miz’s chest.
BRAY WYATT PROMO- awesome.
I need to learn to stop watching Raw late at night because these Bray Wyatt promos make it impossible for me to go to sleep.
DANIEL BRYAN vs. ROMAN REIGNS (w/The Shield)- 7/10
Good post-match beatdown. I loved Dragon immediately locking Randy in the Yes Lock and The Shield having to save Randy. The beatdown was great and the most of the locker room coming out to make the save really felt like great babyface moment. I’m just wondering why, of all the people who had to take a finisher from The Shield, why they had Kofi do it instead of a jobber like Ryder or a low-level guy like R-Truth.
Overall, not a good episode of Raw. There was some entirely stupid sh*t on this show that really eroded my confidence in the direction of the WWE.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Jerry Lawler, the babyface announcer, says that the only good decision Triple H has made is not giving the title back to Randy Orton.
So now that we have established beyond a shadow of a doubt that a fast-count occurred, Jerry Lawler does not believe that we should give the title back to the man who never really lost it?