BRM Reviews the 8/29/2013 Imapct (never trust TNA. Ever.)
Posted: Aug 30th, '13, 01:39
So apparently tonight is “Must-Win Thursday” because tonight is the final four matches in the BFG Series before the semifinals at No Surrender. That’s right. With no explanation whatsoever, we are not getting about HALF of the matches that should have happened in the BFG Series because TNA is completely incompetent. Seriously! This is a ROUND ROBIN tournament that is supposed to take place over THREE MONTHS! You don’t f*cking start the thing unless you have all of the matches planned out! But TNA, in their infinite incompetence, manages to screw up the only new idea they have had in years that is even half-decent.
Okay… now I’m even more confused. A few minutes ago Tenay said there would be four BFG Series matches tonight. Now he is saying three.
OPENING SEGMENT- Crappy.
So the male members of Aces & Eights come out to the ring, and Bully starts his promo by saying “I’m in a really, really, really bad mood. As you can see, somebody is missing from this ring.” So my first thought was “Yeah! That’s right. Where’s Tessmacher? She just turned heel last week so you’d think TNA would want to put her front and center with the Aces & Eights tonight.”
But apparently Bully is talking about Devon because as a result of losing taking the fall in last week’s match, Devon is gone from TNA forever. Why?
Correct me if I am wrong but
1) Aces & Eights won access to all TNA shows for their guys, as per the stipulations of the match at Bound For Glory 2012 (well… at least the way TNA has been playing it off. The stips were actually just access to the Impact Zone, but don’t even get me started on that).
2) A chunk of the Aces & Eights guys aren’t under contract to TNA. Knux isn’t. Doc and Devon weren’t. I don’t think Tito Ortiz is, either (he showed up as a show-crasher a few weeks ago). That was why Aces & Eights needed the above stipulation in the BFG match.
3) Aces & Eights are heels, and do not play by the rules.
So what is to stop Devon from showing up this week anyway?
Bully asks the other four guys in the match why this happened. Yeah, apparently in the past week this band of brothers who “ride together” everywhere have not been together at all so Bully hasn’t had a chance to address this important club business, which he decides to address in public, instead of in the privacy of their clubhouse (Taz even pointed this out later on in the segment, though he didn’t give any reason why this was happening in public, on live TV). He starts with Garrett, who tells Bully “I’m just as mad about this as you are,” but he does so in a tone of voice that conveys no emotion whatsoever.
He then turns to Knux and asks him the same question. Major props to Knux here for not only coming up with an excuse for why this wasn’t his fault, but for one that makes him look good (he claimed that he was on the floor brawling with both Rampage and Magnus at once).
He then asks Wes Brisco what happened, and Wes gives a Razzie-worthy performance, shouting "I’m sorry, Prez! I don’t know! I don’t know!" It’s segments like these that make me wonder how the f*ck even the dumb sh*ts that run this company thought this guy was ready for TV (the only reason I’m not picking on Garrett is because I assume he has been forced on them by Eric Bischoff).
Then he turns to Anderson and Anderson cuts an almost babyface-like promo saying that Devon knew the risks, as did all of them, and when this happens, it is disappointing, but you have to take it on the chin and move on. Based on their conversation last week, I expected the loss of Devon to cause some friction between Bully and Anderson, but instead we get another pointless TNA swerve. Bully says that Devon has always been a disappointment. Yeah. That’s right. He cut basically the same promo he cut after turning on Devon almost three years ago. Well, Bully, if Devon has always been a disappointment, why did you make him a top-ranking officer in you f*cking biker gang?!
The fact that Devon being forced to leave the company didn’t cause any friction between Bully and Anderson is a HUGE mistake on TNA’s part. Not only would it have played off of Bully and Anderson’s conversation from last week, but more importantly, they hyped up this match and someone being forced out of the company as being very important, and now that Devon lost the match and was forced out of the company, it doesn’t matter at all. If they claimed that this was important and it wound up not mattering, why should we care when they hype the next thing up as important.
Bully says that the only person he needs is Tito Ortiz, and he says that he is going to give Tito his own cut. This[/i ] is what sets Anderson off. Not the fact that Bully just crapped all over the contributions of the entire rest of the gang by saying that the only person he needs is Tito. Anderson is annoyed because Bully wants to make Tito a member of the gang without voting on it first.
Now as I’m sure my anger whenever the kayfabe rules of a promotion are ignored has told you, I am a big fan of rules and regulations and stuff. I have a degree in government. I actively enjoy it when people follow procedure. That being said, there are times when it is worthwhile to make a big deal about someone not following procedure, and there are times when it isn’t. This is a perfect example of a time when it just isn’t worth it, and here’s why: Who is going to object to a UFC Hall of Famer joining the group? Tito has certainly earned their trust and paid his dues so far (especially when you compare him to AJ, who didn’t do sh*t for the gang and Anderson wanted to give him a cut).
Anyway, Bully and Anderson shout at each other, rather than Bully doing the intelligent thing and saying “Okay then. Let’s vote.” Because as I said, who the hell is going to vote to not let Tito into the club?
Bully then says that he wants his girl to come out to the ring, and calls her “the hottest piece of you know what in the wrestling business.” So the big bad biker gang leader named Bully won’t say the word “ass?” Come on! Anyway, the purpose of this big production of bringing out Tessmacher was not to make Tessmacher seem important in any way, but rather so that she could bring an Aces & Eights cut for Tito. Apparently not only is Bully a heel, but he is a very cheap guy because rather than get Tito his own cut… they give him Devon’s. Did Devon just leave it behind or something? No one knew that Devon was out of the club until a few minutes ago (Aces & Eights might be a brotherhood, but God forbid that you lose a professional wrestling match or your ass is out of the group!). It’s just a fortunate coincidence that Devon and Tito happen to be the same size, despite Devon weighing 75lbs more than Tito does.
Bully then yells at Anderson some more and then says that he is now going to sit back, relax, and see who wins the BFG Series because he doesn’t have to wrestle until he faces that guy. Um… Thirty Days Rule?
JEFF HARDY PROMO- decent
BFG SERIES MATCH: Kazarian vs. Jeff Hardy- 4.25/10
Tenay informs us that Hogan has told Kaz, Roode, and Daniels that if they interfere in these BFG Series matches, they will be kicked out of the BFG Series. So after just two weeks, they have already neutered this stable by taking their gimmick away, and they have done so via a completely off-screen dictate from the GM. And if Hogan had a problem with them interfering, why didn’t he issue this order two weeks ago after the first interference?
If you really want to know how badly TNA f*cked up the BFG Series this year, consider the following. This was Kaz’s fifth BFG Series match (not counting the Hardcore Justice matches, which everyone had), and he is now done. Ken Anderson has already had six matches. Even if you don’t complete the round robin, in order to preserve a shred of integrity, everyone needs to have the same number of matches. TNA couldn’t even do that
Okay. There are people in the crowd dressed up like Hogan. They have to be plants. I just cannot believe that anyone would go to a wrestling show and dress up like Hulk Hogan (complete with a fake mustache and a muscle suit) in 2013. Is the Hulkster’s ego really that fragile that they have to do this? Or are these orders coming from Hogan and Bischoff to try to make Hogan seem like a bigger star.
I was actually paying attention to the graphic about upcoming live shows and apparently tickets for the 10/8 Impact don’t go on sale until NEXT FRIDAY. WTF?! Has it occurred to anyone in TNA that maybe their attendance wouldn’t be so disappointing if they actually put the tickets on sale an intelligent amount of time beforehand?
KNUX, GARRETT, ANDERSON, & WES BACKSTAGE- very good segment.
Wes and Garrett were thirty times better here than they were in the ring earlier. Garrett complains about Bully burying Devon and says “if that’s what he thinks about his tag team partner of fifteen years, what do you think he thinks about us?” They complained about fast-tracking Tito in (though, to be fair, he did do something major for them), and about the lack of voting (Knux even told us that there was a vote about Anderson), then tease possibly kicking Bully out.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH TO DETERMINE THE #1 CONTENDERSHIP FOR THE KNOCKOUTS TITLE: Gail Kim vs. ODB- 5.75/10
Christy says that this is a “#1 Contenders’ match.” If that were true, this match wouldn’t be happening and they would both be getting a title shot at the same time. If they have to have this match to determine which one of them will be the number contender, then neither of them is already the number one contender. I cannot believe that they got rid of SoCal Val but decided to keep Christy around, when she can’t even READ THINGS OFF OF A F*CKING CARD CORRECTLY.
Gail has been working over ODB’s leg all match. She has already gotten one fall via submission because of it, and she now goes to the outside to lock in the Figure Four around the ringpost, the big move she has spent the last six months getting over… and rather than call this, Tenay plugs Bellator. Could the Bellator plug really not have waited thirty seconds?
Anyway, this was a good match. Gail worked the knee the whole match and ODB sold well, but I absolutely hated the finish. Gail has spent the whole match putting ODB in various leg submissions and only got her to tap once. ODB then locks Gail in a leg submission for the fisrt time in the match and Gail taps. WTF?!
ONE NIGHT ONLY: KNOCKOUTS KNOCKDOWN COMMERCIAL- This started with the announcer claiming that Gail vs. Taryn from Slammiversary was “the most ferocious women’s wrestling match of all-time.” That’s an exaggeration if I’ve ever heard one (unfortunately it is not even the most ridiculous exaggeration of the month, as nothing will beat Kevin Kelly’s claim that Mike Mondo vs. Matt Taven from the ROH TV show was “one of the best matches of 2012.”
Anyway, this commercial flashes the names of all of the knockouts who will be on the show who are employed by TNA… and while the names of the women flash on the screen and we are getting all of these action shots, whose name is the last name to appear? You guessed it! Brooke Hogan. As if her presence would in some way make someone want to buy the PPV. Why not hype up some of the outside talent coming in. Serena Deeb and Jillian Hall are both decently-sized names. Or why not hype up some of the girls in development like Lei’D Tapa or Hannah Blossom. Or maybe some returning talent like Jackie Moore or Sojo Bolt or ALISSA F*CKING FLASH!
But no. Apparently Brooke Hogan, WHO ISN’T EVEN WITH THE COMPANY ANYMORE, is more important.
THE CAMERA GUY INTERVIEWS VELVET SKY- great. Velvet puts over ODB as someone who can take the title from Mickie, puts over the Knockouts Knockdown, and explains why she wasn’t at Hardcore Justice (though it would have been nice if us fans who had tuned in to see Velvet wrestle as advertised were given a reason for her absence sooner than two weeks later). Velvet says she was at home dealing with some personal issues at home. The announcer implies that these might be personal issues between her and Sabin. Velvet shoots this down. Well… that was a totally random mention of a relationship that hasn’t even been acknowledged on screen for years.
ROODE & DANIELS BACKSTAGE- good.
AUSTIN ARIES PROMO- awesome. Then Daniels comes up and yells at him and they have a great exchange that ends with Aries telling Daniels “I’m gonna slap you so hard that that bald head of yours will start growing hair again. AWESOME!
MAIN EVENT MAFIA PROMO- eh.
Apparently after the women’s match, when Tenay told us that this was “up next” he meant after two commercials, three backstage segments, and a clip from earlier of the camera guy pestering Hogan.
Rampage starts off saying that he wants to talk about Tito hitting him with the hammer two weeks ago. This would have been a good promo, but I was quite unhappy that, in their recent interview with ESPN, Tito and Rampage hyped up their MMA fight but didn’t mention TNA once. If, as Rampage claims, he “likes it over here,” then he should have helped hype the company up when he had the chance!
Then Joe cut his promo, which he started off by saying that last week the MEM “was outnumbered and outgunned” but then AJ stepped up and changed everything. Well he might be a Samoan Submission Machine, but Joe is apparently not a Samoan Basic Math Machine because they are still outnumbered six to five (eight to five, if you want to be technical and count Taz and Tessmacher).
Sting then offers AJ a place in the MEM. AJ did the same “transformation” into happy babyface AJ with the entrance music changing in the middle like he did last week. It was alright last week (I had some kayfabe problems with it, but it worked thematically), but for this week it makes no sense thematically. AJ tells the MEM that he has to do things himself, so he sends the MEM to the back.
AJ STYLES PROMO- Delivery-wise, this was awesome (aside from breaking kayfabe by mentioning his real name).
AJ talks about being “shafted by upper management when you’re the hardest working guy in the building,” then says “Hey, Dixie! I deserve better.” Then he made a whole bunch of comments that I’m sure are a lot more legit than TNA wishes they were about the way he feels about TNA. Anyway, a great babyface promo by AJ that will make a lot of people extremely disappointed if he doesn’t win the BFG Series.
BFG SERIES MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Bobby Roode- 6.75/10
Great until the finish. If you’re AJ and you need ten points to get into the top four, why wouldn’t you release your small package so Roode doesn’t get pinned?
JB tells us that after the next BFG Series match, Hogan will come out and talk. Of course the Hulkster will steal the main event spot. Did you seriously expect the main event of “Must-Win Thursday,” the show with the final BFG Series matches before No Surrender to be a match that will determine who will get the fourth and final spot in the final four? No when the Hulkster is in town, because he needs to ramble and that’s what everyone tunes in for.
BFG SERIES MATCH: Austin Aries vs. Christopher Daniels- 7.25/10
I don’t think is was once mentioned that any sort of victory for Aries here would get him into the final four, and that doing so would knock Daniels out of the final four. That is exactly the sort of thing that the announcers should have been pushing… and to be honest, some of their comments here (particularly Taz saying “both of these guys would love either seven or ten”) made me wonder if they honestly even knew.
AJ didn’t make it into the top four?! WHAT THE F*CK?!
BULLY RAY, TESSMACHER, & TITO BACKSTAGE- more built to a split within Aces & Eights. Does anyone really care?
CLOSING SEGMENT-
First Hogan tells us that when he was meeting with Spike TV executives, it was decided that next week there will be one final BFG Series match next week, which will be a gauntlet match for 20 points. This pissed me off for several reasons:
1) What the f*ck do Spike TV executives have to do with booking wrestling matches? (and did it really take TWO WEEKS worth of meetings to get this one match signed?)
2) Hogan was meeting with Spike TV executives during the tapings in Texas, which were way back at the beginning of month… meaning that Hogan has known about this major change for a few weeks now, but never bothered to tell anyone, which leads me to…
3) All the hype for tonight’s show (from an in-ring POV, at least) was built around tonight being the final night of the BFG Series and tonight’s matches determining who would get in to the final four… but it turns out that’s not really the case because this gauntlet match will put anyone who wins it (aside from Jay Bradley, or Hernandez) into the top four. This is just another case of TNA not delivering what they hype (though in this case Hogan and TNA management look jackasses for deliberately misleading us).
Hogan is then interrupted by Bully Ray and Tessmacher. Hogan tells Bully that he got a divorce made official between Bully and Brooke Hogan. And throws the divorce papers at him. Meanwhile, standing next to Bully is BROOKE FREAKIN’ TESSMACHER, so the only thing running through my mind is “So now that the divorce is official and Bully is no longer married to your ugly, plastic-faced daughter who he says he never cared about, he is free to (if he so chooses) get hitched to the much, much, much hotter woman standing right next to him. Yeah, Hulkster, you sure showed him.”
Bully then says that he doesn’t care because he never loved Brooke and he used her and he used the Hulkster to get the TNA World Heavyweight Title and he has Aces & Eights behind him… and I thought “Great. We’re right back to where we were after Lockdown.”
Hogan reminds Bully that he is in charge around here (although you wouldn’t know it because he’s been gone for a month doing things that almost certainly could have been done during the other 166 hours of the week) and says that in two weeks at No Surrender, he will rip Bully’s family apart by making Bully defend the title against a member of the Aces & Eights (actually he said “Aces of Eights.” Way to fail, Hulkster).
First of all, this means that the BFG Series finals will not be the main event of No Surrender, the show which has been built around them since the beginning of the BFG Series (assuming that they are smart enough to do the finals of the BFG Series on a live show, that is).
Secondly, does anyone remember the last time Hogan tried to rip Aces & Eights apart by making them fight? They pulled an eight-person Fingerpoke of Doom. So why does Hulk think that will work here?
Thirdly, if another member of Aces & Eights wins the title, it doesn’t solve the overall problem of getting the belt off of the evil heel invaders.
Hogan walks up the ramp while Bully whines and refuses to do it. Hogan tells him it is too bad, and he’ll have to do it anyway. Hogan then tells Bully that he will also have to defend the title this week… against Sting. Yeah. That Sting. The one who lost a match a few months ago with the stipulation that he could never challenge for the title again. They couldn't even go THREE F*CKING MONTHS without going back on the stipulation of the main event of Slammiversary... and they wonder why fans don't care about their angles.
So Sting comes out and he and Bully fight… and apparently when the Hulkster said “this week” he meant “next week” because Sting gets the better of Bully and then Bully runs away.
Good in the ring, bad out of it, especially where Hogan and Aces & Eights are concerned. I don’t think I have ever seen an angle drag an entire promotion down so low on every single f*cking show.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. “Professor” Tenay cannot correctly call a f*cking bicycle kick. He referred to it as a “single leg thrust kick.” My particular favorite part of that is the word “thrust.” Is there any type of kick that does not involve thrusting your leg?
He also later called a Texas Cloverleaf a Sharpshooter.
2. Taz makes a baseball reference by referring to everyone below the final four of the BFG Series as being below the Mendoza Line. For those not familiar, the Mendoza Line is a threshold below which a player’s hitting is considered to be so bad that no matter how great he is at everything else, his presence on the roster cannot be justified. Way to bury everyone, Taz.
Okay… now I’m even more confused. A few minutes ago Tenay said there would be four BFG Series matches tonight. Now he is saying three.
OPENING SEGMENT- Crappy.
So the male members of Aces & Eights come out to the ring, and Bully starts his promo by saying “I’m in a really, really, really bad mood. As you can see, somebody is missing from this ring.” So my first thought was “Yeah! That’s right. Where’s Tessmacher? She just turned heel last week so you’d think TNA would want to put her front and center with the Aces & Eights tonight.”
But apparently Bully is talking about Devon because as a result of losing taking the fall in last week’s match, Devon is gone from TNA forever. Why?
Correct me if I am wrong but
1) Aces & Eights won access to all TNA shows for their guys, as per the stipulations of the match at Bound For Glory 2012 (well… at least the way TNA has been playing it off. The stips were actually just access to the Impact Zone, but don’t even get me started on that).
2) A chunk of the Aces & Eights guys aren’t under contract to TNA. Knux isn’t. Doc and Devon weren’t. I don’t think Tito Ortiz is, either (he showed up as a show-crasher a few weeks ago). That was why Aces & Eights needed the above stipulation in the BFG match.
3) Aces & Eights are heels, and do not play by the rules.
So what is to stop Devon from showing up this week anyway?
Bully asks the other four guys in the match why this happened. Yeah, apparently in the past week this band of brothers who “ride together” everywhere have not been together at all so Bully hasn’t had a chance to address this important club business, which he decides to address in public, instead of in the privacy of their clubhouse (Taz even pointed this out later on in the segment, though he didn’t give any reason why this was happening in public, on live TV). He starts with Garrett, who tells Bully “I’m just as mad about this as you are,” but he does so in a tone of voice that conveys no emotion whatsoever.
He then turns to Knux and asks him the same question. Major props to Knux here for not only coming up with an excuse for why this wasn’t his fault, but for one that makes him look good (he claimed that he was on the floor brawling with both Rampage and Magnus at once).
He then asks Wes Brisco what happened, and Wes gives a Razzie-worthy performance, shouting "I’m sorry, Prez! I don’t know! I don’t know!" It’s segments like these that make me wonder how the f*ck even the dumb sh*ts that run this company thought this guy was ready for TV (the only reason I’m not picking on Garrett is because I assume he has been forced on them by Eric Bischoff).
Then he turns to Anderson and Anderson cuts an almost babyface-like promo saying that Devon knew the risks, as did all of them, and when this happens, it is disappointing, but you have to take it on the chin and move on. Based on their conversation last week, I expected the loss of Devon to cause some friction between Bully and Anderson, but instead we get another pointless TNA swerve. Bully says that Devon has always been a disappointment. Yeah. That’s right. He cut basically the same promo he cut after turning on Devon almost three years ago. Well, Bully, if Devon has always been a disappointment, why did you make him a top-ranking officer in you f*cking biker gang?!
The fact that Devon being forced to leave the company didn’t cause any friction between Bully and Anderson is a HUGE mistake on TNA’s part. Not only would it have played off of Bully and Anderson’s conversation from last week, but more importantly, they hyped up this match and someone being forced out of the company as being very important, and now that Devon lost the match and was forced out of the company, it doesn’t matter at all. If they claimed that this was important and it wound up not mattering, why should we care when they hype the next thing up as important.
Bully says that the only person he needs is Tito Ortiz, and he says that he is going to give Tito his own cut. This[/i ] is what sets Anderson off. Not the fact that Bully just crapped all over the contributions of the entire rest of the gang by saying that the only person he needs is Tito. Anderson is annoyed because Bully wants to make Tito a member of the gang without voting on it first.
Now as I’m sure my anger whenever the kayfabe rules of a promotion are ignored has told you, I am a big fan of rules and regulations and stuff. I have a degree in government. I actively enjoy it when people follow procedure. That being said, there are times when it is worthwhile to make a big deal about someone not following procedure, and there are times when it isn’t. This is a perfect example of a time when it just isn’t worth it, and here’s why: Who is going to object to a UFC Hall of Famer joining the group? Tito has certainly earned their trust and paid his dues so far (especially when you compare him to AJ, who didn’t do sh*t for the gang and Anderson wanted to give him a cut).
Anyway, Bully and Anderson shout at each other, rather than Bully doing the intelligent thing and saying “Okay then. Let’s vote.” Because as I said, who the hell is going to vote to not let Tito into the club?
Bully then says that he wants his girl to come out to the ring, and calls her “the hottest piece of you know what in the wrestling business.” So the big bad biker gang leader named Bully won’t say the word “ass?” Come on! Anyway, the purpose of this big production of bringing out Tessmacher was not to make Tessmacher seem important in any way, but rather so that she could bring an Aces & Eights cut for Tito. Apparently not only is Bully a heel, but he is a very cheap guy because rather than get Tito his own cut… they give him Devon’s. Did Devon just leave it behind or something? No one knew that Devon was out of the club until a few minutes ago (Aces & Eights might be a brotherhood, but God forbid that you lose a professional wrestling match or your ass is out of the group!). It’s just a fortunate coincidence that Devon and Tito happen to be the same size, despite Devon weighing 75lbs more than Tito does.
Bully then yells at Anderson some more and then says that he is now going to sit back, relax, and see who wins the BFG Series because he doesn’t have to wrestle until he faces that guy. Um… Thirty Days Rule?
JEFF HARDY PROMO- decent
BFG SERIES MATCH: Kazarian vs. Jeff Hardy- 4.25/10
Tenay informs us that Hogan has told Kaz, Roode, and Daniels that if they interfere in these BFG Series matches, they will be kicked out of the BFG Series. So after just two weeks, they have already neutered this stable by taking their gimmick away, and they have done so via a completely off-screen dictate from the GM. And if Hogan had a problem with them interfering, why didn’t he issue this order two weeks ago after the first interference?
If you really want to know how badly TNA f*cked up the BFG Series this year, consider the following. This was Kaz’s fifth BFG Series match (not counting the Hardcore Justice matches, which everyone had), and he is now done. Ken Anderson has already had six matches. Even if you don’t complete the round robin, in order to preserve a shred of integrity, everyone needs to have the same number of matches. TNA couldn’t even do that
Okay. There are people in the crowd dressed up like Hogan. They have to be plants. I just cannot believe that anyone would go to a wrestling show and dress up like Hulk Hogan (complete with a fake mustache and a muscle suit) in 2013. Is the Hulkster’s ego really that fragile that they have to do this? Or are these orders coming from Hogan and Bischoff to try to make Hogan seem like a bigger star.
I was actually paying attention to the graphic about upcoming live shows and apparently tickets for the 10/8 Impact don’t go on sale until NEXT FRIDAY. WTF?! Has it occurred to anyone in TNA that maybe their attendance wouldn’t be so disappointing if they actually put the tickets on sale an intelligent amount of time beforehand?
KNUX, GARRETT, ANDERSON, & WES BACKSTAGE- very good segment.
Wes and Garrett were thirty times better here than they were in the ring earlier. Garrett complains about Bully burying Devon and says “if that’s what he thinks about his tag team partner of fifteen years, what do you think he thinks about us?” They complained about fast-tracking Tito in (though, to be fair, he did do something major for them), and about the lack of voting (Knux even told us that there was a vote about Anderson), then tease possibly kicking Bully out.
2 OUT OF 3 FALLS MATCH TO DETERMINE THE #1 CONTENDERSHIP FOR THE KNOCKOUTS TITLE: Gail Kim vs. ODB- 5.75/10
Christy says that this is a “#1 Contenders’ match.” If that were true, this match wouldn’t be happening and they would both be getting a title shot at the same time. If they have to have this match to determine which one of them will be the number contender, then neither of them is already the number one contender. I cannot believe that they got rid of SoCal Val but decided to keep Christy around, when she can’t even READ THINGS OFF OF A F*CKING CARD CORRECTLY.
Gail has been working over ODB’s leg all match. She has already gotten one fall via submission because of it, and she now goes to the outside to lock in the Figure Four around the ringpost, the big move she has spent the last six months getting over… and rather than call this, Tenay plugs Bellator. Could the Bellator plug really not have waited thirty seconds?
Anyway, this was a good match. Gail worked the knee the whole match and ODB sold well, but I absolutely hated the finish. Gail has spent the whole match putting ODB in various leg submissions and only got her to tap once. ODB then locks Gail in a leg submission for the fisrt time in the match and Gail taps. WTF?!
ONE NIGHT ONLY: KNOCKOUTS KNOCKDOWN COMMERCIAL- This started with the announcer claiming that Gail vs. Taryn from Slammiversary was “the most ferocious women’s wrestling match of all-time.” That’s an exaggeration if I’ve ever heard one (unfortunately it is not even the most ridiculous exaggeration of the month, as nothing will beat Kevin Kelly’s claim that Mike Mondo vs. Matt Taven from the ROH TV show was “one of the best matches of 2012.”
Anyway, this commercial flashes the names of all of the knockouts who will be on the show who are employed by TNA… and while the names of the women flash on the screen and we are getting all of these action shots, whose name is the last name to appear? You guessed it! Brooke Hogan. As if her presence would in some way make someone want to buy the PPV. Why not hype up some of the outside talent coming in. Serena Deeb and Jillian Hall are both decently-sized names. Or why not hype up some of the girls in development like Lei’D Tapa or Hannah Blossom. Or maybe some returning talent like Jackie Moore or Sojo Bolt or ALISSA F*CKING FLASH!
But no. Apparently Brooke Hogan, WHO ISN’T EVEN WITH THE COMPANY ANYMORE, is more important.
THE CAMERA GUY INTERVIEWS VELVET SKY- great. Velvet puts over ODB as someone who can take the title from Mickie, puts over the Knockouts Knockdown, and explains why she wasn’t at Hardcore Justice (though it would have been nice if us fans who had tuned in to see Velvet wrestle as advertised were given a reason for her absence sooner than two weeks later). Velvet says she was at home dealing with some personal issues at home. The announcer implies that these might be personal issues between her and Sabin. Velvet shoots this down. Well… that was a totally random mention of a relationship that hasn’t even been acknowledged on screen for years.
ROODE & DANIELS BACKSTAGE- good.
AUSTIN ARIES PROMO- awesome. Then Daniels comes up and yells at him and they have a great exchange that ends with Aries telling Daniels “I’m gonna slap you so hard that that bald head of yours will start growing hair again. AWESOME!
MAIN EVENT MAFIA PROMO- eh.
Apparently after the women’s match, when Tenay told us that this was “up next” he meant after two commercials, three backstage segments, and a clip from earlier of the camera guy pestering Hogan.
Rampage starts off saying that he wants to talk about Tito hitting him with the hammer two weeks ago. This would have been a good promo, but I was quite unhappy that, in their recent interview with ESPN, Tito and Rampage hyped up their MMA fight but didn’t mention TNA once. If, as Rampage claims, he “likes it over here,” then he should have helped hype the company up when he had the chance!
Then Joe cut his promo, which he started off by saying that last week the MEM “was outnumbered and outgunned” but then AJ stepped up and changed everything. Well he might be a Samoan Submission Machine, but Joe is apparently not a Samoan Basic Math Machine because they are still outnumbered six to five (eight to five, if you want to be technical and count Taz and Tessmacher).
Sting then offers AJ a place in the MEM. AJ did the same “transformation” into happy babyface AJ with the entrance music changing in the middle like he did last week. It was alright last week (I had some kayfabe problems with it, but it worked thematically), but for this week it makes no sense thematically. AJ tells the MEM that he has to do things himself, so he sends the MEM to the back.
AJ STYLES PROMO- Delivery-wise, this was awesome (aside from breaking kayfabe by mentioning his real name).
AJ talks about being “shafted by upper management when you’re the hardest working guy in the building,” then says “Hey, Dixie! I deserve better.” Then he made a whole bunch of comments that I’m sure are a lot more legit than TNA wishes they were about the way he feels about TNA. Anyway, a great babyface promo by AJ that will make a lot of people extremely disappointed if he doesn’t win the BFG Series.
BFG SERIES MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Bobby Roode- 6.75/10
Great until the finish. If you’re AJ and you need ten points to get into the top four, why wouldn’t you release your small package so Roode doesn’t get pinned?
JB tells us that after the next BFG Series match, Hogan will come out and talk. Of course the Hulkster will steal the main event spot. Did you seriously expect the main event of “Must-Win Thursday,” the show with the final BFG Series matches before No Surrender to be a match that will determine who will get the fourth and final spot in the final four? No when the Hulkster is in town, because he needs to ramble and that’s what everyone tunes in for.
BFG SERIES MATCH: Austin Aries vs. Christopher Daniels- 7.25/10
I don’t think is was once mentioned that any sort of victory for Aries here would get him into the final four, and that doing so would knock Daniels out of the final four. That is exactly the sort of thing that the announcers should have been pushing… and to be honest, some of their comments here (particularly Taz saying “both of these guys would love either seven or ten”) made me wonder if they honestly even knew.
AJ didn’t make it into the top four?! WHAT THE F*CK?!
BULLY RAY, TESSMACHER, & TITO BACKSTAGE- more built to a split within Aces & Eights. Does anyone really care?
CLOSING SEGMENT-
First Hogan tells us that when he was meeting with Spike TV executives, it was decided that next week there will be one final BFG Series match next week, which will be a gauntlet match for 20 points. This pissed me off for several reasons:
1) What the f*ck do Spike TV executives have to do with booking wrestling matches? (and did it really take TWO WEEKS worth of meetings to get this one match signed?)
2) Hogan was meeting with Spike TV executives during the tapings in Texas, which were way back at the beginning of month… meaning that Hogan has known about this major change for a few weeks now, but never bothered to tell anyone, which leads me to…
3) All the hype for tonight’s show (from an in-ring POV, at least) was built around tonight being the final night of the BFG Series and tonight’s matches determining who would get in to the final four… but it turns out that’s not really the case because this gauntlet match will put anyone who wins it (aside from Jay Bradley, or Hernandez) into the top four. This is just another case of TNA not delivering what they hype (though in this case Hogan and TNA management look jackasses for deliberately misleading us).
Hogan is then interrupted by Bully Ray and Tessmacher. Hogan tells Bully that he got a divorce made official between Bully and Brooke Hogan. And throws the divorce papers at him. Meanwhile, standing next to Bully is BROOKE FREAKIN’ TESSMACHER, so the only thing running through my mind is “So now that the divorce is official and Bully is no longer married to your ugly, plastic-faced daughter who he says he never cared about, he is free to (if he so chooses) get hitched to the much, much, much hotter woman standing right next to him. Yeah, Hulkster, you sure showed him.”
Bully then says that he doesn’t care because he never loved Brooke and he used her and he used the Hulkster to get the TNA World Heavyweight Title and he has Aces & Eights behind him… and I thought “Great. We’re right back to where we were after Lockdown.”
Hogan reminds Bully that he is in charge around here (although you wouldn’t know it because he’s been gone for a month doing things that almost certainly could have been done during the other 166 hours of the week) and says that in two weeks at No Surrender, he will rip Bully’s family apart by making Bully defend the title against a member of the Aces & Eights (actually he said “Aces of Eights.” Way to fail, Hulkster).
First of all, this means that the BFG Series finals will not be the main event of No Surrender, the show which has been built around them since the beginning of the BFG Series (assuming that they are smart enough to do the finals of the BFG Series on a live show, that is).
Secondly, does anyone remember the last time Hogan tried to rip Aces & Eights apart by making them fight? They pulled an eight-person Fingerpoke of Doom. So why does Hulk think that will work here?
Thirdly, if another member of Aces & Eights wins the title, it doesn’t solve the overall problem of getting the belt off of the evil heel invaders.
Hogan walks up the ramp while Bully whines and refuses to do it. Hogan tells him it is too bad, and he’ll have to do it anyway. Hogan then tells Bully that he will also have to defend the title this week… against Sting. Yeah. That Sting. The one who lost a match a few months ago with the stipulation that he could never challenge for the title again. They couldn't even go THREE F*CKING MONTHS without going back on the stipulation of the main event of Slammiversary... and they wonder why fans don't care about their angles.
So Sting comes out and he and Bully fight… and apparently when the Hulkster said “this week” he meant “next week” because Sting gets the better of Bully and then Bully runs away.
Good in the ring, bad out of it, especially where Hogan and Aces & Eights are concerned. I don’t think I have ever seen an angle drag an entire promotion down so low on every single f*cking show.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. “Professor” Tenay cannot correctly call a f*cking bicycle kick. He referred to it as a “single leg thrust kick.” My particular favorite part of that is the word “thrust.” Is there any type of kick that does not involve thrusting your leg?
He also later called a Texas Cloverleaf a Sharpshooter.
2. Taz makes a baseball reference by referring to everyone below the final four of the BFG Series as being below the Mendoza Line. For those not familiar, the Mendoza Line is a threshold below which a player’s hitting is considered to be so bad that no matter how great he is at everything else, his presence on the roster cannot be justified. Way to bury everyone, Taz.