BRM Reviews the 8/15/2013 Impact (HardCore Justice)

[Big Red Machine]

Tenay says that he was told that last was the last time that Taz will ever be in charge of announcer assignments. So was Taz in charge of them before? Why the hell would TNA let Taz be in charge of something like that? And if he was in charge of announcer assignments, why could he not get into the building two weeks ago? The only way this makes sense is if being in charge of assigning announcers is a rotating thing. If it is, though, why has TNA continue to let Taz sit at the announce desk after everything Aces & Eights have done? Taz responds by saying that if he was in charge of announcer assignments, he would fire Tenay. Well… apparently you were in charge last week, Taz; so why didn’t you? All of this sh*t with the announcers over the past two weeks makes no sense whatsoever.

BFG SERIES LADDER MATCH FOR 20 POINTS: Jeff Hardy vs. Kazarian vs. AJ Styles vs. Austin Aries- 7.25/10
Taz refers to Jeff Hardy as the “Charismatic Egomaniac Enigma,” then laughs like he thinks that is F*cking clever or something. I hate Taz.
Aries is inches away from winning the match and Daniels and Roode could not possibly have walked any slower if they had tried. They later had Daniels distract the referee while Roode interfered and while Kaz threw an appletini in Hardy’s eyes. Why? There are no DQs in a ladder match. Come to think of it, why weren’t they out here helping Kaz win from the very beginning?

CHRIS SABIN PROMO- good

MEM PROMO- Apparently Dixie will be out here, too. Oh goody.
Dixie tells us that Kurt entered a rehab facility “two weeks ago.” Well he was on the show and wrestling last week, so what happened? Did his rehab facility really think it was a good idea to let him go have a professional wrestling match? And if you knew he was in rehab, why did you let him wrestle?! It would have been much easier for Dixie to just say “Kurt has entered a rehab facility” without giving a date. This would be both entirely truthful and wouldn’t screw up kayfabe.
Then the Aces & Eights job squad comes out and Anderson says that Aces & Eights would be super-happy to end the career of one of the MEM guys. This would have been an okay segment if Brooke’s promo from last week hadn’t told us that TNA only holds people to their stips if they really, really don’t like them… so why the hell should we believe that anyone of the MEM guys’ careers are actually in jeopardy?
Then Aces & Eights beat up the MEM five on four. As I said before, this would have been great if they hadn’t completely killed the stip last week.

NO COUNT-OUTS, NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: ODB vs. Mickie James vs. Gail Kim- 4.5/10
Mickie has what is clearly just a piece of wood, like a broom handle or something, but Taz and Tenay insist that it is a kendo stick.
It was mentioned that we will be getting a big episode of Impact called “No Surrender” on September 12, meaning that the result of TNA’s new PPV strategy is that instead of having four weeks of Impact to build up to a three hour commercial-free PPV where they can make money every month, they now have only three weeks Impact to build up to a two hour supercard with commercials that doesn’t make them any money that a normal episode of Impact wouldn’t. Do I really need to remind everyone that this company is run by the same morons who ran WCW into the ground, but with an even dumber money mark this time around?

Tenay also told us that Hulk Hogan isn’t here this week because he is currently meeting with SPIKE TV executives in New York. At nine o’clock on Thursday night? You would think that SPIKE TV would make a point to not schedule a meeting with Hulk Hogan at a time that would prevent him running a show which airs on their network.

MEM BACKSTAGE- Sting says he is going to go try to recruit Austin Aries to be in the MEM. Joe says that one of their careers could be on the line “tonight.” Whoops.

STING TRIES TO RECRUIT ARIES- okay

BOBBY ROODE PROMO- great.

MEM BACKSTAGE AGAIN- Magnus, Rampage, and Joe were discussing something. Sting then comes in and tells them that Aries turned him down. Rampage says that he has a solution, but he has “to go address it in the ring right now.” Rampage’s line was just so corny that it killed the segment.

BULLY IS TALKING TO ‘BROOKE” ON THE PHONE- this pretty much outright told us that Brooke is turning heel next week. Either that, or there will be a swerve in which Bully, who has been claiming that he still loves Brooke Hogan for months, is banging some other chick named Brooke. Taz then repeated that “the truth comes out next week” and Tenay somehow completely ignores this implication that Brooke Hogan is aligned with the Aces & Eights because he is an idiot.

RAMPAGE ASKS TITO TO JOIN THE MEM- Rampage’s promo was pretty good, considering it was his first. Tito was not so good. I love how the MEM thinks that their only two options here were Austin Aries or Tito Ortiz. Jeff Hardy, James Storm, Gunner, and everyone else in TNA was completely off their radar?
Then Bully Ray came out and warned Tito not to do it and said he would make Tito his bitch. Tito wanted to go fight Bully, but for some inexplicable reason, Joe and Rampage held him back. The MEM wants to get Aces & Eights out of TNA and ensure that Bully does not get the TNA World Heavyweight Title. Bully has a title match later tonight with the stipulation that if he loses, he won’t ever get another title shot again. Tito beating Bully up CAN ONLY FURTHER THE MEM’S GOALS?! So why the hell are Joe and Rampage holding Tito back?! They should all be chasing after Bully and trying to injure him!

BFG SERIES TABLES MATCH FOR 20 POINTS: Bobby Roode vs. Mr. Anderson vs. Magnus vs. Samoa Joe- 5.25/10
Roode and Joe did one of those spots that every time I see it, it just completely pisses me off. Joe put the ring bell on top of Roode’s testicles and hit the bell with the hammer. Roode then sold it as if Joe had hit him directly in the nuts with the hammer. PHYSICS DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY! The bell distributes the force of the blow evenly across all points of contact. That’s why it hurt a lot more when someone steps on you foot with a stiletto as opposed to a sneaker: because the area of contact is smaller and thus the force distributed in that area is much greater.
Anyway, we got the same sort of appletini finish as the ladder match. Could they really not think of anything else to do?

STING PROMO- okay

BULLY RAY & MR. ANDERSON BACKSTAGE- crap. They just yelled over each other a lot. Bully seems to be unhappy with Aces & Eights all of a sudden for no rational reason.

STEEL CAGE LAST CHANCE MATCH FOR THE TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Chris Sabin(c) vs. Bully Ray- 6.75/10
Between the end of the last match and the beginning of this match there were at least three commercials with just the two backstage segments between them, accounting for over twelve minutes of this two-hour show, but they couldn’t keep this match commercial free? That annoyed me.
They had a decent match until the overbooking. For some reason, only Anderson came out to help Bully. Where was the rest of the group? Well… it didn’t matter because Aces & Eights got lucky that only two MEM guys, Rampage and Tito, came out to fight off Anderson. Tito turned on the MEM, hitting Rampage with a hammer. What was the plan going to be if Sting, Joe, and Magnus had all come out? And why didn’t Sting, Magnus, and Joe come out? Wasn’t part of the purpose of forming the faction to make sure that Bully wouldn’t be the TNA World Heavyweight Champion?
Furthermore, this whole plan is more stupidity on Aces & Eights part. We saw earlier that five Aces & Eights guys could beat up the four MEM guys, so why not send the whole gang out there and have Tito just not show up for the MEM? Then you can have Tito turn on the MEM next week when you also get to force one of them to retire. You still have Tito as backup if things start going poorly this week, but you save a major tactical advantage for next week.
Bully pins Sabin with what Tenay calls the Bully Bomb, but is an entirely different move from the move that has always been the Bully bomb in the past. All-in-all, Chris Sabin’s title reign was entirely pointless. He won the belt from Bully, then lost it back in his first defense. Nothing has really changed at all.

A better episode of Impact than usual, but still not so good.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Tenay “That’s the beauty of this match here at HardCore Justice. No disqualifications, no count-outs: Just one winner here in this three-way showdown.”
One winner? How is that any different from a triple threat match that does have DQs and countouts? Or from ANY match that isn’t a tag team match (and if you want to get really nit-picky, tag team matches only have one winner, too: the team)

2. Tenay says that Anderson is the first guy from the tables match to head to the ring… but Samoa Joe is in the match, and he is already in the ring.

[badnewzxl]

Furthermore, this whole plan is more stupidity on Aces & Eights part. We saw earlier that five Aces & Eights guys could beat up the four MEM guys, so why not send the whole gang out there and have Tito just not show up for the MEM? Then you can have Tito turn on the MEM next week when you also get to force one of them to retire. You still have Tito as backup if things start going poorly this week, but you save a major tactical advantage for next week.
Bully pins Sabin with what Tenay calls the Bully Bomb, but is an entirely different move from the move that has always been the Bully bomb in the past. All-in-all, Chris Sabin’s title reign was entirely pointless. He won the belt from Bully, then lost it back in his first defense. Nothing has really changed at all.

You're missing the point here; the point of tonight was to get Bully back the title, not just to focus on the MEM. I think this was actually a pretty good idea bc it gave the rest of A&8s a chance to keep an eye on MEM while Bully still had a plan to get his belt back. Anderson coming down as bait was a good choice. It'd prolly been better if both entire groups came down and brawled for a while until Tito finally turned, but I'm sure they didn't wanna risk Tito being out of position and screwing up the finish.

btw, anyone else think Tito was HORRIBLE after the match? He was lumbering around the ring like an ape, trying to look tough in the same way my little brother did when he was 9, lol.

[Big Red Machine]

Furthermore, this whole plan is more stupidity on Aces & Eights part. We saw earlier that five Aces & Eights guys could beat up the four MEM guys, so why not send the whole gang out there and have Tito just not show up for the MEM? Then you can have Tito turn on the MEM next week when you also get to force one of them to retire. You still have Tito as backup if things start going poorly this week, but you save a major tactical advantage for next week.
Bully pins Sabin with what Tenay calls the Bully Bomb, but is an entirely different move from the move that has always been the Bully bomb in the past. All-in-all, Chris Sabin’s title reign was entirely pointless. He won the belt from Bully, then lost it back in his first defense. Nothing has really changed at all.

You're missing the point here; the point of tonight was to get Bully back the title, not just to focus on the MEM. I think this was actually a pretty good idea bc it gave the rest of A&8s a chance to keep an eye on MEM while Bully still had a plan to get his belt back. Anderson coming down as bait was a good choice. It'd prolly been better if both entire groups came down and brawled for a while until Tito finally turned, but I'm sure they didn't wanna risk Tito being out of position and screwing up the finish.

I guess you're right. I was about to say that if they were going to switch the belt back to Bully, what was the point of doing the switch in the first place, but the point of the switch was to prove that MEM could be a threat to Aces & Eights (yeah, that was already established because these are the same guys that have been kicking Aces & Eights' asses for the past nine months, but whatever).

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

One of the things that annoyed me on impact was when Jackson called out Ortiz and Tenay said "Ortiz?? The MMA guy" like he was asking a question. Sorry which other Tito Ortiz guy is there??


Bully on the phone to "Brooke"!! Gotta go with Miss Tessmacher coming back as a heel, I'm calling it now!!

Chris Sabin loosing in his first defence!! I like, I think he is so boring when cutting a promo, he's not world title material, and shouldn't have beaten Bully Ray in the first place!!

[cero2k]

Bully on the phone to "Brooke"!! Gotta go with Miss Tessmacher coming back as a heel, I'm calling it now!!

he's bringing in the Brooklyn Brawler and he calls him Brooke as friends

[badnewzxl]

Bully on the phone to "Brooke"!! Gotta go with Miss Tessmacher coming back as a heel, I'm calling it now!!

he's bringing in the Brooklyn Brawler and he calls him Brooke as friends

:))

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

Bully on the phone to "Brooke"!! Gotta go with Miss Tessmacher coming back as a heel, I'm calling it now!!

he's bringing in the Brooklyn Brawler and he calls him Brooke as friends

That's fucking awesome!!!