BRM Reviews the 4/29/2013 Raw
Posted: May 1st, '13, 16:25
WINNER GETS TO PICK THE STIP FOR THE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH AT EXTREME RULES: Zeb Coulter (w/Jack Swagger) vs. Big E. Langston (w/Dolph Ziggler & AJ Lee) vs. Ricardo Rodriguez (w/Alberto Del Rio)- no rating, HORRIBLE segment.
Hold on a minute, here. If the person that Vickie dislikes the most in this feud is Ziggler, why would she make a match that will increase Ziggler’s chances of retaining at Extreme Rules? And what sort of stupid-ass booking gives the babyface the advantage?! The only time you do that is in a situation where it will help him get revenge on the heel, and even then it is usually in the form of a stip that is still fair, but just stops the heel from running away.
I guess I shouldn't have worried about the babyface having an advantage too much, though because Del Rio, for some reason, decides to pick a match type that he has a horrible record in (Del Rio and Swagger are both 1-3, Ziggler is 3-2).
Then they get the three guys who are actually in the title match physically involved with each other, which was good, but they started it by having the babyface be the first one to interfere! I also absolutely hate the whole “there are no DQs in a triple threat match” thing. Why can’t the referee just DQ the cheater and restart the match with the remaining two guys? The only thing I really liked in this match was Big E. no-selling the bucket (although I’m not sure exactly why Del Rio decided to bring a bucket to ringside tonight).
JOHN CENA MAKE-A-WISH THING- I really miss the old days, when you used to be able to used to be able to have a worked confrontation during something like this. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work nowadays (the confrontation between ANX and the Briscoes at ROH’s big press conference for Best in the World 2011… although I do think that the TNA press conference where Jarrett hit Hogan with the guitar back in 2004 did a good job of it).
RANDY ORTON vs. CODY RHODES- 6.75/10
Good post-match promo, too. The RKO to Cody did a great job of getting over Randy’s focus.
BELLAS PLUG THE UPCOMING DIVAS SHOW ON E!- what was the point of this? Why not just have the announcers put it over during the match? Why waste time that could have gone to something that needed it more?
COMMERCIAL FOR THE DIVAS SHOW- They are advertising that this will talk about the “personal lives: of the divas… but for a good chunk of them (the Bellas, Nattie, AJ), this will break kayfabe
NAOMI (w/Cameron) vs. BRIE BELLA (w/Nikki Bella)- DUD!
The referee reverses a decision based purely on the testimony of SOMEONE IN THE CORNER OF ONE OF THE WRESTLERS! GRRR! The post-match beatdown doesn’t do anything but keep this pointless, dull feud going.
SHIELD SEGMENT- this was going great until they ruined it with The Shield running away from Kane and Dragon. What the hell? They have beaten up Kane and Dragon tons of times before. At TLC they beat up not only Kane and Dragon, but Ryback, too, at the same time, and just last week they beat up Kane, Dragon, & THE UNDERTAKER! Why the hell are they running here!
For the record, I did like 3MB trying to get their revenge on The Shield and utterly failing. They do a great job of filling the same role that Robbie E does in TNA. I just wish WWE hadn’t picked such talented guys (especially McIntyre) to be jobbers.
CENA & RYBACK BACKSTAGE- decent segment. Cena says “I bet I’m more effective on one leg than you are on two.” (which seems slightly delusional for Cena… unless he is saying it to get under Ryback’s skin and fire him up or something). Ryback’s response “I can’t take that chance” hints at something, but I’m not sure what. Either Ryback will turn on Cena (which I expect), or Ryback will recruit Hell No to help him and Cena so as to prevent The Shield from possibly injuring him before his big match with Cena at Extreme Rules (I don’t expect this to happen, but it wouldn’t be out of character, either).
KOFI KINGSTON vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/AJ Lee & Big E. Langston)- 6.75/10
Great match. They actually had me when Kofi reversed the O’Connor Roll. I thought that was going to be it. Kofi even busted out some new stuff here, like the Best Kneedrop Ever. After the match, Big E. hits Kofi with his finisher. Twice.
During this match they announced that Cesaro will be cashing in his return match this week on Main Event… which means that he won’t be winning the belt back. Oh well.
TEAM ZIGGLER, KAITLYN, & NATTIE BACKSTAGE- good segment to set up a Divas Title match between Kaitlyn and AJ (although I didn’t like AJ’s lack of snapping when Kaitlyn called her “crazy”). Then Kaitlyn gets a present from a secret admirer. Um… okay…
RYBACK, VICKIE, & MADDOX BACKSTAGE- Vickie changes the main event The Shield vs. Ryback and Team Hell No… but Ryback just says “no” and walks off. So I guess he’s going the heel route on this thing then.
ZACK RYDER vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 3/10
RYBACK LEAVES THE ARENA- oh. I guess he could do that, too.
TUG OF WAR SEGMENT- DUD! Henry proves what we already know (that he is the strongest person in the WWE), then the babyface comes out lays him out, taking all of his heat.
TEAM HELL NO, VICKIE, & MADDOX BACKSTAGE- okay… now it’s Hell No vs. The Shield.
BRAD MADDOX & JOHN CENA SEGMENT- Okay, now it’s Hell No and Cena vs. The Shield. Plus… a Braden Walker joke!
Cole tells us that those of us who don’t have the WWE Active app were not able to hear Antonio Cesaro yodeling during the commercial break. And with endorsements like that, it’s a wonder that we all don’t have the app. Because we all really want to hear Cesaro yodel. And, of course, after this, rather than calling the beginning of the match, the announcers decide to tell us some random facts about yodeling. Even after the commercial break mid-match when they came back and showed us something that happened during the break that you can only see with the WWE Active app, Cole went back and put over that if you had the app, you could have heard Cesaro yodeling before.
ANTONIO CESARO vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)- 7/10
At one point when the fans had an “Ole! Ole!” chant going Del Rio charged from one corner of the ring towards Cesaro in the other and I marked out HUGE because I thought a Yakuza Kick was coming.
Anyway, the match itself was great (well… at least the wrestling was. The announcers sucked and the ref f*cked up and gave Del Rio until NINE to stop hitting Cesaro while he was in the ropes), but booking this match in the first place was a huge mistake. Cesaro has a title match coming up in two days. Don’t put him in a spot where you have to job him out! They should have put Cesaro in Swagger’s spot because Swagger, Del Rio, and Ziggler all don’t need to wrestle tonight. They already got their TV time and advanced their angle! Just have Del Rio come out and announce his stip (or, better yet, have him come out and say that he needs time to think and he will announce the stip next week. This lets you do the same exact thing with Swagger an Ryder that they did here on this week’s Smackdown, and Ryder making fun of Zeb will let the announcers plug the announcement of the stip for Raw. There are still two and a half more weeks worth of shows before the PPV and the only thing left after announcing the stip is screwing each other out of matches or having their buddies on the outside mess each other up, which is what we have been getting for three weeks already [even more in the case of Del Rio vs. Swagger]. Two more weeks of this is just boring. Your angles need to feel like they are actually progressing!).
Anyone else amused that Cesaro lasted much longer in this match than he usually did when they were regularly jobbing him out while he was the US Champion?
DEL RIO PICKS THE STIP FOR EXTREME RULES- NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Why the hell would you book a ladder match here? Aside from the kayfabe logical reasons I listed above, a ladder match is a mistake because there is a much, much, much better choice here: A submission match. Not only is it a good angle that lets you build things up while both giving you the option of keeping the guys in the match away from each other (during matches) if you want, but it also makes any post-match attacks (and even the action of the matches that these guys all have) mean a lot more… but just purely from a fan’s perspective… PATRIOT ACTS vs. SLEEPER HOLD vs. CROSS ARMBREAKER! HOW F*CKING AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?!
Anyway, if I haven’t made it clear yet, I think that WWE has missed a HUGE opportunity here. Look at the talent involved, the great matches they have had recently (especially with each other), the awesome story they could tell… I all of the ingredients are in place (or could be maneuvered into place with the time remaining until the PPV) for something truly special… and WWE is going a completely different, completely random direction that makes no sense.
DANCE-OFF: The Great Khali & Natalya vs. Fandango & The now-named Summer Rae- F*CKING HORRIFIC!
Okay. Please explain to me, from a kayfabe point of view, HOW THE F*CK A DANCE-OFF GETS BOOKED!
The first mistake here… well, I guess the first was booking it in the first place. The second mistake here was letting Khali talk. The man really isn’t intelligible in English, so why the hell would you have him talk?! The best possible reaction Khali talking will inspire in people is laughter that the foreigner can’t speak English, which really isn’t what you want. Then the fans (predictably) vote Khali as the winner so Fandango attacks him from behind… and all it takes to put the SEVEN FOOT TALL, 420 LBS GREAT KHALI down… IS A CHOP BLOCK AND A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! WHAT THE F*CK?! Then Fandango hits his diving leg drop, but it doesn’t f*cking matter because the concept of Khali going down after just a chop block and a Russian leg sweep has already killed things.
Seriously, if WWE is going to book Khali like this and he can’t speak English coherently… WHY THE F*CK ARE THEY STILL EMPLOYING HIM?! If the only reason is that he draws in his home country then just don’t use him unless you are in India! Don’t subject us to his sh*tty wrestling then kill the credibility of your big men in a way that really makes the whole show look farcical!
Oh, and a final note to the crowd: I understand wanting to cheer the babyface. I really do. If they do a bikini contest or a pose-off or something like that and you want to cheer the babyface even if the heel was hotter/hunkier… that’s great… but to say that Khali & Nattie were the winners in that particular dance-off… yeah, I know it’s all a work, but you make the whole thing, (and especially yourselves) look stupid.
THE SHIELD vs. TEAM HELL NO & JOHN CENA- 6.75/10
Very good match, but just not quite main event quality.
Raw was very up and down this week. The major matches were all very good, but the rest of show absolutely sucked.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. In a discussion about WWE Magazine’s list of the top heartbreaking romances in WWE history, Lawler says that he once wrote a song about one of his entitled “You Broke My Heart so I Broke Your Jaw.”
Did he just make a joke out of spousal abuse?
2. JBL says that Del Rio “has a proclivity for winning ladder matches.”
This is factually incorrect because Del Rio hasn’t won ladder “matches.” He has won a ladder “match.” Singular. Just one. Ever. Which, as I stated above, makes this silly option. This is the sort of mistake that I can see coming from Lawler or Cole but I really thought that JBL was the type of guy who did his research first before saying things (and it’s not like said research takes that much time to do. It took me about five minutes to find out Del Rio, Ziggler and Swagger’s ladder match/TLC match records [www.profightdb.com, if anyone is wondering])
Hold on a minute, here. If the person that Vickie dislikes the most in this feud is Ziggler, why would she make a match that will increase Ziggler’s chances of retaining at Extreme Rules? And what sort of stupid-ass booking gives the babyface the advantage?! The only time you do that is in a situation where it will help him get revenge on the heel, and even then it is usually in the form of a stip that is still fair, but just stops the heel from running away.
I guess I shouldn't have worried about the babyface having an advantage too much, though because Del Rio, for some reason, decides to pick a match type that he has a horrible record in (Del Rio and Swagger are both 1-3, Ziggler is 3-2).
Then they get the three guys who are actually in the title match physically involved with each other, which was good, but they started it by having the babyface be the first one to interfere! I also absolutely hate the whole “there are no DQs in a triple threat match” thing. Why can’t the referee just DQ the cheater and restart the match with the remaining two guys? The only thing I really liked in this match was Big E. no-selling the bucket (although I’m not sure exactly why Del Rio decided to bring a bucket to ringside tonight).
JOHN CENA MAKE-A-WISH THING- I really miss the old days, when you used to be able to used to be able to have a worked confrontation during something like this. Unfortunately, that doesn’t work nowadays (the confrontation between ANX and the Briscoes at ROH’s big press conference for Best in the World 2011… although I do think that the TNA press conference where Jarrett hit Hogan with the guitar back in 2004 did a good job of it).
RANDY ORTON vs. CODY RHODES- 6.75/10
Good post-match promo, too. The RKO to Cody did a great job of getting over Randy’s focus.
BELLAS PLUG THE UPCOMING DIVAS SHOW ON E!- what was the point of this? Why not just have the announcers put it over during the match? Why waste time that could have gone to something that needed it more?
COMMERCIAL FOR THE DIVAS SHOW- They are advertising that this will talk about the “personal lives: of the divas… but for a good chunk of them (the Bellas, Nattie, AJ), this will break kayfabe
NAOMI (w/Cameron) vs. BRIE BELLA (w/Nikki Bella)- DUD!
The referee reverses a decision based purely on the testimony of SOMEONE IN THE CORNER OF ONE OF THE WRESTLERS! GRRR! The post-match beatdown doesn’t do anything but keep this pointless, dull feud going.
SHIELD SEGMENT- this was going great until they ruined it with The Shield running away from Kane and Dragon. What the hell? They have beaten up Kane and Dragon tons of times before. At TLC they beat up not only Kane and Dragon, but Ryback, too, at the same time, and just last week they beat up Kane, Dragon, & THE UNDERTAKER! Why the hell are they running here!
For the record, I did like 3MB trying to get their revenge on The Shield and utterly failing. They do a great job of filling the same role that Robbie E does in TNA. I just wish WWE hadn’t picked such talented guys (especially McIntyre) to be jobbers.
CENA & RYBACK BACKSTAGE- decent segment. Cena says “I bet I’m more effective on one leg than you are on two.” (which seems slightly delusional for Cena… unless he is saying it to get under Ryback’s skin and fire him up or something). Ryback’s response “I can’t take that chance” hints at something, but I’m not sure what. Either Ryback will turn on Cena (which I expect), or Ryback will recruit Hell No to help him and Cena so as to prevent The Shield from possibly injuring him before his big match with Cena at Extreme Rules (I don’t expect this to happen, but it wouldn’t be out of character, either).
KOFI KINGSTON vs. DOLPH ZIGGLER (w/AJ Lee & Big E. Langston)- 6.75/10
Great match. They actually had me when Kofi reversed the O’Connor Roll. I thought that was going to be it. Kofi even busted out some new stuff here, like the Best Kneedrop Ever. After the match, Big E. hits Kofi with his finisher. Twice.
During this match they announced that Cesaro will be cashing in his return match this week on Main Event… which means that he won’t be winning the belt back. Oh well.
TEAM ZIGGLER, KAITLYN, & NATTIE BACKSTAGE- good segment to set up a Divas Title match between Kaitlyn and AJ (although I didn’t like AJ’s lack of snapping when Kaitlyn called her “crazy”). Then Kaitlyn gets a present from a secret admirer. Um… okay…
RYBACK, VICKIE, & MADDOX BACKSTAGE- Vickie changes the main event The Shield vs. Ryback and Team Hell No… but Ryback just says “no” and walks off. So I guess he’s going the heel route on this thing then.
ZACK RYDER vs. JACK SWAGGER (w/Zeb Coulter)- 3/10
RYBACK LEAVES THE ARENA- oh. I guess he could do that, too.
TUG OF WAR SEGMENT- DUD! Henry proves what we already know (that he is the strongest person in the WWE), then the babyface comes out lays him out, taking all of his heat.
TEAM HELL NO, VICKIE, & MADDOX BACKSTAGE- okay… now it’s Hell No vs. The Shield.
BRAD MADDOX & JOHN CENA SEGMENT- Okay, now it’s Hell No and Cena vs. The Shield. Plus… a Braden Walker joke!
Cole tells us that those of us who don’t have the WWE Active app were not able to hear Antonio Cesaro yodeling during the commercial break. And with endorsements like that, it’s a wonder that we all don’t have the app. Because we all really want to hear Cesaro yodel. And, of course, after this, rather than calling the beginning of the match, the announcers decide to tell us some random facts about yodeling. Even after the commercial break mid-match when they came back and showed us something that happened during the break that you can only see with the WWE Active app, Cole went back and put over that if you had the app, you could have heard Cesaro yodeling before.
ANTONIO CESARO vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO (w/Ricardo Rodriguez)- 7/10
At one point when the fans had an “Ole! Ole!” chant going Del Rio charged from one corner of the ring towards Cesaro in the other and I marked out HUGE because I thought a Yakuza Kick was coming.
Anyway, the match itself was great (well… at least the wrestling was. The announcers sucked and the ref f*cked up and gave Del Rio until NINE to stop hitting Cesaro while he was in the ropes), but booking this match in the first place was a huge mistake. Cesaro has a title match coming up in two days. Don’t put him in a spot where you have to job him out! They should have put Cesaro in Swagger’s spot because Swagger, Del Rio, and Ziggler all don’t need to wrestle tonight. They already got their TV time and advanced their angle! Just have Del Rio come out and announce his stip (or, better yet, have him come out and say that he needs time to think and he will announce the stip next week. This lets you do the same exact thing with Swagger an Ryder that they did here on this week’s Smackdown, and Ryder making fun of Zeb will let the announcers plug the announcement of the stip for Raw. There are still two and a half more weeks worth of shows before the PPV and the only thing left after announcing the stip is screwing each other out of matches or having their buddies on the outside mess each other up, which is what we have been getting for three weeks already [even more in the case of Del Rio vs. Swagger]. Two more weeks of this is just boring. Your angles need to feel like they are actually progressing!).
Anyone else amused that Cesaro lasted much longer in this match than he usually did when they were regularly jobbing him out while he was the US Champion?
DEL RIO PICKS THE STIP FOR EXTREME RULES- NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! Why the hell would you book a ladder match here? Aside from the kayfabe logical reasons I listed above, a ladder match is a mistake because there is a much, much, much better choice here: A submission match. Not only is it a good angle that lets you build things up while both giving you the option of keeping the guys in the match away from each other (during matches) if you want, but it also makes any post-match attacks (and even the action of the matches that these guys all have) mean a lot more… but just purely from a fan’s perspective… PATRIOT ACTS vs. SLEEPER HOLD vs. CROSS ARMBREAKER! HOW F*CKING AWESOME WOULD THAT BE?!
Anyway, if I haven’t made it clear yet, I think that WWE has missed a HUGE opportunity here. Look at the talent involved, the great matches they have had recently (especially with each other), the awesome story they could tell… I all of the ingredients are in place (or could be maneuvered into place with the time remaining until the PPV) for something truly special… and WWE is going a completely different, completely random direction that makes no sense.
DANCE-OFF: The Great Khali & Natalya vs. Fandango & The now-named Summer Rae- F*CKING HORRIFIC!
Okay. Please explain to me, from a kayfabe point of view, HOW THE F*CK A DANCE-OFF GETS BOOKED!
The first mistake here… well, I guess the first was booking it in the first place. The second mistake here was letting Khali talk. The man really isn’t intelligible in English, so why the hell would you have him talk?! The best possible reaction Khali talking will inspire in people is laughter that the foreigner can’t speak English, which really isn’t what you want. Then the fans (predictably) vote Khali as the winner so Fandango attacks him from behind… and all it takes to put the SEVEN FOOT TALL, 420 LBS GREAT KHALI down… IS A CHOP BLOCK AND A RUSSIAN LEG SWEEP! WHAT THE F*CK?! Then Fandango hits his diving leg drop, but it doesn’t f*cking matter because the concept of Khali going down after just a chop block and a Russian leg sweep has already killed things.
Seriously, if WWE is going to book Khali like this and he can’t speak English coherently… WHY THE F*CK ARE THEY STILL EMPLOYING HIM?! If the only reason is that he draws in his home country then just don’t use him unless you are in India! Don’t subject us to his sh*tty wrestling then kill the credibility of your big men in a way that really makes the whole show look farcical!
Oh, and a final note to the crowd: I understand wanting to cheer the babyface. I really do. If they do a bikini contest or a pose-off or something like that and you want to cheer the babyface even if the heel was hotter/hunkier… that’s great… but to say that Khali & Nattie were the winners in that particular dance-off… yeah, I know it’s all a work, but you make the whole thing, (and especially yourselves) look stupid.
THE SHIELD vs. TEAM HELL NO & JOHN CENA- 6.75/10
Very good match, but just not quite main event quality.
Raw was very up and down this week. The major matches were all very good, but the rest of show absolutely sucked.
STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. In a discussion about WWE Magazine’s list of the top heartbreaking romances in WWE history, Lawler says that he once wrote a song about one of his entitled “You Broke My Heart so I Broke Your Jaw.”
Did he just make a joke out of spousal abuse?
2. JBL says that Del Rio “has a proclivity for winning ladder matches.”
This is factually incorrect because Del Rio hasn’t won ladder “matches.” He has won a ladder “match.” Singular. Just one. Ever. Which, as I stated above, makes this silly option. This is the sort of mistake that I can see coming from Lawler or Cole but I really thought that JBL was the type of guy who did his research first before saying things (and it’s not like said research takes that much time to do. It took me about five minutes to find out Del Rio, Ziggler and Swagger’s ladder match/TLC match records [www.profightdb.com, if anyone is wondering])