BRM Reviews the 11/1/2016 Smackdown (terrible, even with an awesome main event)

[Big Red Machine]

T-Minus 7 days until Alexa Bliss! becomes the WWE Smackdown Women’s Champion:

T-Plus 23 days since Alexa Bliss! should have become the WWE Smackdown Women’s Champion:


OPENING SEGMENT- good
Ellsworth comes out to apologize to Dean. Dean is treating the whole thing like a joke. He tells Ellsworth not to worry about it. Then AJ comes out and saves the segment. After a great promo he shoved Ellworth into Ambrose get the advantage on Dean, then tossed Ellsworth out of the ring and the laid Dean out with the Phenomenal Forearm.

Okay… that Kane/Orton/Wyatt video package felt like it last forever.

DEAN, ELLSWORTH, & DRAGON BACKSTAGE- Okay… Ellsworth is WAY too over the top here. It’s really annoying. Dragon tells Dean that we’re having a match with the same stips as last week, but this is Dean’s last chance. He also bars Ellworth from ringside. If Dean gets a rematch of this stip because he lost by DQ, then shouldn’t Ellworth get a rematch for the title match he WON by DQ?

NO DISQUALIFICATIONS MATCH: Randy Orton vs. Kane- DUD!
Really? We’re not even going to have a regular match, first? Well… at least this week when the Wyatts interfere it won’t be a disqualification.
Well, that didn’t take long. Barely a minute before the Wyatt’s took over the TV screen and the lights and did their magical bullsh*t. Kane beat them all up for fifty seconds or so before Randy saved Bray from a chokeslam by hitting an RKO, which might have been the first move Kane was hit with all match. The match barely made it past the two minute mark. Then Orton and the Wyatts had a post-match stare-down that was half as long as the match itself. It was interrupted when Kane got up so he could wander into Harper’s finisher. Then the stare-down continued. Then Harper tossed Kane to Bray so he could hit him with Sister Abigail while the stare-down continued once again. This is terrible.

ALEXA BLISS! & CARMELLA WALK DOWN A HALLWAY- Carmella knocked a random person’s coffee out of his hand and onto the floor because she’s a heel. Alexa laughed at this because she, too, is a heel. I only bring this up to point out that Dean Ambrose did basically the same thing a few weeks ago and he is supposed to be a babyface.

BARON CORBIN VIDEO PACKAGE- good, although the wolf snarling was a bit too much, IMO.

ALEXA BLISS! & CARMELLA vs. NIKKI BELLA & BECKY LYNCH- 0.5/10
Um… why is Becky wrestling in this random tag team match instead of defending the title against Alexa?
So we’re trying to build up to this title match next week where Alexa is challenging Becky… and they felt that the best way to do this would be by having Becky get a visual pinfall on Alexa before Alexa got the pin. Mauro, being great at his job, pretty much ignored this fact. (Also, Alexa can be added to the extremely long list of wrestlers who have used a plain old DDT as a finisher).

DASHA FUENTES TRIES TO INTERVIEW ALEXA BLISS!- but Alexa grabs the mic and kicks her out of the ring. Then Alexa and Carmella cut promos on… the Raw women. Right. Because it’s not like Alexa should be cutting a promo to build up her title match next week or anything. These women definitely care more about insulting women they have rarely interacted with than they do about insulting their hated rivals.
Carmella’s promo in particular was astounding. She heeled on Bayley, who, as we last saw on NXT, was her best friend. Then she called out Charlotte by calling her an “over-hyped daddy’s girl.” I can just see the headlines now: “Botch-Prone Daughter of Forgettable Jobber Calls Out Good-Worker Daughter of 16-Time World Champion.”
I really do think the Bayley-Carmella thing here was a mistake as it could have been a great spot for the Survivor Series match to have them get in there together and the announcers can talk about how they are best friends, but Carmella has been an asshole to Nikki Bella lately so we don’t know if this heelish attitude will carry over to Bayley and we can build up to this spot where Carmella does something to take advantage of Bayley’s trust to gain an advantage. It would have been really cool.
Also, please note how no one in the crowd gave a crap about this Raw vs. Smackdown feud, but they did care about the one line Carmella added in about Nikki.

ALEXA BLISS! FINALLY CUTS A PROMO ABOUT THE THING SHE SHOULD BE CUTTING A PROMO ABOUT- yeah… Alexa did the best she could with what she was given, but what she was given should have resulted in whoever wrote it being flogged, fired, and then thrown out a second floor window. The fact that this made it to air is mind-boggling.

NAOMI, SHANE, & BRYAN BACKSTAGE- Nice of Shane to actually show up to work today. Naomi will be on the Smackdown women’s team, along with, Carmella, Nikki, Alexa, and Becky. So basically the story will be “will these enemies be able to work together?” Which is exactly the story we’ll be getting on the Raw side of things. And on both sides of the men’s match, and at least on the Smackdown side of the tag match (and it’s also the story we’ve been getting for a full month on Raw with Cesaro and Sheamus). I don’t think there has ever been a more lazily-booked WWE PPV than this one.
Bryan pretty much admitted this. Then Nattie showed up and said they should let her be the “coach” of the team so that she could keep all of the women on one page. Shane said this was a good idea because Alexa and Carmella “look up to” Nattie, and because Nattie gets along with Naomi and Nikki well ON TOTAL DIVAS. Oh. You mean that show where they tell me that all of this wrestling stuff is fake? Is that canon? That the company is a work? Because unless you’re prepared to deal with that question, you can’t use Total Divas as kayfabe evidence of anything!
Natalya then continued her gimmick of reciting song lyrics as spoken word. Because that’s what these writers think is the best thing to do with NATTIE F*CKING NEIDHART.

SURVIVOR SERIES QUALIFYING MATCH: Spirit Squad vs. American Alpha- 2.5/10 (but fine for the time it got)
Hey Mike Mondo? How does it feel to know that in just two years Chad Gable is already both better and more over than you have been in your entire fourteen years in the business combined? And if you think I’m being mean, go listen to a Mike Mondo promo and you, too, will come to hate him as I have.

MIZ TV WHERE SPECIAL GUEST DANIEL BRYAN WILL REVEAL THE SMACKDOWN MEN’S SURVIVOR SERIES TEAM- The team will be AJ, Dean, Corbin, Orton, & Bray. A strong team, but now it means that the WWE World Heavyweight Title won’t be on the line at this PPV either.
They annoy each other. Bryan goes on a dumb tangent saying that they can’t pick Miz because “we need Superstars who are willing to fight at any time.” No you don’t! You just need people who are willing to wrestle this one match at the PPV. He kept spouting this BS about Miz being “afraid to fight,” but that’s ridiculous, too! He’s a f*cking PROFESSIONAL COMBAT ATHLETE, and he has clearly indicated that he WANTS to be in this match! Also, Bryan keeps bringing up these times when Miz didn’t want to fight when Dolph challenged him to one, but seems to forget the big main event from a few months ago where Miz voluntarily stepped into a main event he wasn’t scheduled to be part of. That situation seems much more analogous to the one we have here than Miz wanting to wait a bit before cashing in his contractually obligated rematch.
This basically turned in to a lamer, tamer version of the angle they did on Talking Smack. This time it ended with Bryan ordering Miz to do commentary while Dolph defends the IC Title in an open challenge, next.

WWE INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH: Dolph Ziggler(c) vs. Curt Hawkins- DUD!
Hawkins got beat by one superkick. The amount of time they spent on Hawkins video packages makes this actively offensive to me.

RENEE YOUNG INTERVIEWS DOLPH ZIGGLER- Dolph is annoying.

DASHA FUENTES INTERVIEWS DEAN AMBROSE- she f*cks up Ellsworth’s name in her very first sentence. Back down to NXT with you, Dasha!
Ellsworth shows up and asks Dean to let him be at ringside. Dean explains to him that he has been banned and that’s it.

BRAY TALKS TO RANDY IN HIS MAGICAL ROOM- lame. Randy declares his firm belief in Bray Wyatt’s divinity. Then Randy’s eyes caught fire for a few seconds and everyone booed because it was lame.

SURVIVOR SERIES QUALIFYING MATCH: The Usos vs. The Headbangers- 0.25/10

DASHA INTERVIEWS AJ STYLES- he buries her for asking a dumb question, then cuts a good promo.

MORE OF AMBROSE & ELLSWORTH- Dean kicks him out the back door of the Prudential Center.

IF AMBROSE WINS, HE EARNS A SHOT AT THE WWE WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE: Dean Ambrose vs. AJ Styles- 8.25/10
They had an awesome match until Ellsworth showed up to ruin it, but he failed at ruining it and was chased off by security. Then the match resumed its awesomeness. Then Ellsworth came back and AJ distracted himself with beating Ellsworth up, which allowed Dean to take advantage of AJ’s distraction to hit Dirty Deeds and pin him. So basically, Dean is a getting a title shot even though he couldn’t beat the champion on his own.

A horrible episode of Smackdown aside from the main event.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. JBL advises Ambrose to “throw Jonah overboard. You’ll never make it to Nineveh.”
Those of us who know our Bible know that the boat wasn’t going to Nineveh. In fact, it was going in the complete opposite direction (G-d told Jonah to go to Nineveh and Jonah got on the boat to run away).

[NWK2000]

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be salivating at the thought of Corbin vs Brawn
also why would anyone want Dean on a team of any kind. He clearly delights at messing things up. At least some of the other combustible elements will be intelligent enough to work together.

[Big Red Machine]

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be salivating at the thought of Corbin vs Brawn

Really? Based on what we've seen over the past few months, I can't envision any end result other than Braun destroying Corbin.

also why would anyone want Dean on a team of any kind. He clearly delights at messing things up. At least some of the other combustible elements will be intelligent enough to work together.

An excellent point.

A similar one could probably be made about Owens with his propensity for walking out on matches (although Bryan and Shane have been portrayed as smarter than Foley and Steph, so I'd expect them to think of this more than Foley and Steph would. Actually, "smarter" isn't quite fair as it's not that Foley and Steph are dumb so much as Steph is devious and willing to show favor to her favorites while Mick wants to believe the best in everyone so bad that he'll ignore all evidence to the contrary. But still, Bryan and Shane should have seen this coming with Ambrose).

[NWK2000]

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be salivating at the thought of Corbin vs Brawn

Really? Based on what we've seen over the past few months, I can't envision any end result other than Braun destroying Corbin.

also why would anyone want Dean on a team of any kind. He clearly delights at messing things up. At least some of the other combustible elements will be intelligent enough to work together.

An excellent point.

A similar one could probably be made about Owens with his propensity for walking out on matches (although Bryan and Shane have been portrayed as smarter than Foley and Steph, so I'd expect them to think of this more than Foley and Steph would. Actually, "smarter" isn't quite fair as it's not that Foley and Steph are dumb so much as Steph is devious and willing to show favor to her favorites while Mick wants to believe the best in everyone so bad that he'll ignore all evidence to the contrary. But still, Bryan and Shane should have seen this coming with Ambrose).

Owens has at least been portrayed as intelligent enough to understand that screwing his team might be a bad idea. If he did, at least it would be well justified.

[Big Red Machine]

Now if you'll excuse me I'll be salivating at the thought of Corbin vs Brawn

Really? Based on what we've seen over the past few months, I can't envision any end result other than Braun destroying Corbin.

also why would anyone want Dean on a team of any kind. He clearly delights at messing things up. At least some of the other combustible elements will be intelligent enough to work together.

An excellent point.

A similar one could probably be made about Owens with his propensity for walking out on matches (although Bryan and Shane have been portrayed as smarter than Foley and Steph, so I'd expect them to think of this more than Foley and Steph would. Actually, "smarter" isn't quite fair as it's not that Foley and Steph are dumb so much as Steph is devious and willing to show favor to her favorites while Mick wants to believe the best in everyone so bad that he'll ignore all evidence to the contrary. But still, Bryan and Shane should have seen this coming with Ambrose).

Owens has at least been portrayed as intelligent enough to understand that screwing his team might be a bad idea. If he did, at least it would be well justified.

Yeah. I just wish they could portray it as being a bad idea because it would cause some sort of consequence for Owens as a result of being on the losing team instead of it causing some sort of consequence for Owens because Stephanie will be unhappy.