BRM Reviews the 7/22/2015 Impact (is Russo back?)

[Big Red Machine]

DIXIE ANNOUNCES THE NEXT MEMBER OF THE TNA HALL OF FAME- it’s Jeff Jarrett, also known as the guy who should have been the FIRST inductee into the TNA Hall of Fame.

Tonight we are getting EY vs. Spud in a chain match, Bobby Roode vs. Matt Hardy in a tables match for #1 contendership (they’re also #1 and #2 in the top five… somehow). Where the hell did all of these random gimmick matches come from?!
And now they’re telling us tht we will be joining a Street Fight between Magnus and Bram that is already in progress. What the F*CK?! Is Russo booking the show again?

STREET FIGHT: BRAM vs. MAGNUS-5.75/10
Remember like five months ago when this was the hottest feud in the company and then they just dropped it with no explanation?
They had a decent if random hardcore match up until the point where they did an utterly pointless ref bump in a street fight. There was zero need to protect Magnus by having him get a visual pinfall here.
After the match, Storm came out and hit Magnus with a cowbell. If you wanted to protect Magnus so badly, why not just have Storm attack him to cost him the match? Storm then hyped up his intergender tag match against Magnus and Mickie.

ELI DRAKE & DREW GALLOW SEGMENT- AWESOME!
Awesome promo by Eli Drake. After Eli cut his promo, Drew Galloway came out and cut a pretty good promo as well. Then Drew the valiant babyface charged at Eli even though Eli was holding a weapon and still managed to get the better of him until Eli bailed. Awesome stuff.

We then got an advertisement for a “CONFRONTATION IN THE CAGE.” Yes. Apparently SEGMENTS now have stipulations. The reason this will happen in a cage “because Taryn demanded it.”

KNOCKOUTS SEGMENT- F*CKING TERRIBLE!
Taryn screams and whines and cries like a small child. Then Brooke came out and cut an atrocious promo, which ended in her blatantly stealing Paige’s catchphrase. Then Taryn continued to be annoying with her whining and screaming while Brooke recited terrible dialogue.
Brooke, the babyface, claimed to have both “out-wrestled” and “out-smarted” Taryn. This is, of course, a blatant lie because there was no way in hell Brooke was winning that match if hadn’t interfered.
Brooke challenged Taryn to come get the title from her so Taryn obliged. Then Gail used her newly-found magic powers to shut the lights off and takeover the screen and teleport into the ring and also magically lock the cage door. Then Gail beat up both Marti and Jade without even breaking a sweat. Then Brooke chased Taryn away… except then she just gave up chasing Taryn… so Taryn gave up running away and threw a temper-tantrum on the ramp. This was SUCH UTTER SH*T! That last segment was to an orgasm as this segment was to getting burned alive. This made me never want to see any of these women again.

TIGRE UNO DONALD TRUMP SEGMENT- not bad, but it felt a little off-topic and kind of pointless (Tigre Uno didn’t say anything that any reasonable person doesn’t already know). Then he challenged Trump to show up at the Impact Zone next week, and this all became either a publicity stunt or we’re getting Daffney in a trump wig and it’s an absolutely idiotic idea that will make TNA look stupid.
Josh called this generic “we are very proud of our culture” segment a “fascinating look into the life of Tigre Uno.” It wasn’t we learned NOTHING about him whatsoever. Oh, and I’m sorry, but Tigre Uno is not a “Lucha legend.” Not even close.

REVOLUTION SEGMENT- Serena got NO REACTION WHATSOEVER. It was utterly pitiful.
Also… HOLY F*CING SH*T she looks different! I don’t think I’ve ever seen her with both hair and breast enhancements at the same time. She cut an okay promo. So did Storm.

CHAIN MATCH: Eric Young vs. Rockstar Spud- 4/10
There has been literally NO BUILD FOR THIS AT ALL. We have no idea why these two are having a gimmick match and no idea why they are having a chain match. It’s just happening for the sake of happening. They did a bunch of basic stuff and that was it. Pretty much a waste of time.

#1 CONTENDERSHIP TABLES MATCH: Matt Hardy vs. Bobby Roode- 4.25/10
They went seven minutes. Roode did some stuff I’ve never seen before in a tables match, but nowhere near enough to justify the gimmick.

A very bad show from TNA. Yes, the Eli Drake/Drew Galloway segment was awesome, but everything else was random, disappointing or dumb. I mean it as a joke earlier, but this really felt a Russo-booked show with all of the random gimmicks. Also, whoever had the idea to air a crazy weapons match like King of the Mountain on this show is an idiot. It made the two other gimmicks matches still to come feel so tame.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Josh Matthews says that Magnus brought Bram into TNA.
Unless I’m much mistaken, there first interaction went something like this:
Bram: Hi Magnus
Magnus: What the hell are you doing here, Bram?
Bram: I’m with TNA now. MVP signed me to a contract.