BRM Reviews the 2/12/2015 Smackdown (bad)

[Big Red Machine]

KANE & BIG SHOW MEET WITH THE TAG TEAM DIVISION- a tag team turmoil match is booked involving the entire division. Also, Daniel Bryan & Roman Reigns will team up. And they will enter first.

BRAY WYATT vs. R-TRUTH- 3.75/10
Bray entered first, which meant that he had to sit through Truth's entire rap and his requests for the fans in Ohio to "make some noise." He sat there in the corner, looking bored as all hell.
The match itself went longer than I thought it would, with Truth actually getting some real offense in.

PAIGE WALKS DOWN THE HALL, SCARES SOMEONE, BUT THEN GIVES HIM A HUG- Isn't she such a practical jokester?! TOTAL DIVAS RUINS EVERYTHING!

PAIGE vs. SUMMER RAE- 4/10
I think Summer Rae might have finally gotten rid of that awful "Call to me! Call to me!" music. I can't tell for sure because we only heard the end, but it didn't sound like "Call to me" or whatever that song is called. She should go back to her NXT music. In fact, she should go back to her NXT character, too. The match was decent for what it was. They did some interesting new spots with Summer taking advantage of the length of her legs to help her offense.

They showed a replay of that humiliating angle from last week's Raw where the Bellas sprayed spray-on tan on Paige and Michael Cole told us that Paige said it was one of the most humiliating moments of her life. Jerry Lawler decided it was a good idea to use it as an excuse to make a pun.

Cole scolded the Bella Twins for apparently "bullying" Renee Young and Paige on the WWE App. I actually went to go look this segment up because I figured that Renee was good enough to actually sell something like this well, and what I saw... wow.

phpBB [video]

If THAT is our standard for what is considered "bullying" nowadays, we as a society have just collectively become a giant bunch of pussies. I'm not saying that bullying isn't a problem. I'm saying that calling something like that "bullying" belittles people who have actually been victims of bullying.

Michael Cole also scolded the Bellas for not talking about the match going on in the ring. Yes, really.

FANDANGO (w/Rosa Mendes) vs. ADAM ROSE (w/the Exotic Express)- 1.25/10
No trust-fall this week because the Rosebuds dropped Rose last week. Holy sh*t, someone finally learned something on this show!
Anyway, we had the same match as last week with the same result as last week... and what was the f*cking point? A LITTLE creativity! That's all I ask. You want Rose to have a match so that you can do the spot where he doesn't do the trust-fall during his entrance? That's fine. In fact, that's better than fine. That's called actually moving something forward. But why not book him against a guy like Dean Ambrose or Bad News Barrett or Rusev or someone you actually want to have look strong going into the PPV? Or even if, for some reason, Rose HAS to wrestle an undercard jabroni, AT LEAST PICK A DIFFERENT F*CKING JABRONI WHO WE DIDN'T JUST SEE HIM WRESTLE LAST WEEK!
Some Rosebuds tried to console Rose after his loss, so he hit them.

They played that Valentine's Day commercial, and something just kind of hit me. Miss Elizabeth f*cked her line up! It might well be the only line they ever gave her in WWE... AND SHE F*CKED IT UP! All she had to do was say "ooooo yeah!" but instead she said "oh yeah!" It's just astounding. And especially when you realize how many thousands of times she must have heard Randy say it... AND SHE STILL GOT THE LINE WRONG!


TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH- there were two parts to this. The actual wrestling part (everything until The Ascension match) was very good, especially the Bryan & Reigns vs. Usos match. Bryan and Reins both did a great job of getting the story across. Bryan is being the heelish one this week.
Then, once we got to the Ascension match, it was the same terrible finishes we always get. First The Ascension got kinda-sorta-maybe disqualified for... having both guys in the ring too long? I think? They never even rang the damn bell.
Then Kane and Big Show Kane out to finish our valiant babyfaces off... but they can't get along and so Big Show turns on Kane. Yes. Really.
This is the Big Show's EIGHT TURN IN UNDER THREE YEARS! Thirty-three months divided by eight turns is an average of one turn EVERY FOUR MONTHS. That's basically every two feuds.
This was a stupid finish that killed the past hour's worth of work by Bryan, Reigns, the Usos, and everyone else.

[cero2k]

TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH- there were two parts to this. The actual wrestling part (everything until The Ascension match) was very good, especially the Bryan & Reigns vs. Usos match. Bryan and Reins both did a great job of getting the story across. Bryan is being the heelish one this week.

how was he being heelish? by wrestling and actually trying to hurt his opponent? for all Reigns was more heelish for tagging himself in and avoiding wrestling when necessary

[Big Red Machine]

TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH- there were two parts to this. The actual wrestling part (everything until The Ascension match) was very good, especially the Bryan & Reigns vs. Usos match. Bryan and Reins both did a great job of getting the story across. Bryan is being the heelish one this week.

how was he being heelish? by wrestling and actually trying to hurt his opponent? for all Reigns was more heelish for tagging himself in and avoiding wrestling when necessary

He was kicking the guy's ass outisde of the ring. It's not heelish in and of itself until Roman starts telling him to "do it the right way. In the ring." Roman had a solid point, and Dragon's reply came off as "I am going to hurt this guy because I can."

[cero2k]

TAG TEAM TURMOIL MATCH- there were two parts to this. The actual wrestling part (everything until The Ascension match) was very good, especially the Bryan & Reigns vs. Usos match. Bryan and Reins both did a great job of getting the story across. Bryan is being the heelish one this week.

how was he being heelish? by wrestling and actually trying to hurt his opponent? for all Reigns was more heelish for tagging himself in and avoiding wrestling when necessary

He was kicking the guy's ass outisde of the ring. It's not heelish in and of itself until Roman starts telling him to "do it the right way. In the ring." Roman had a solid point, and Dragon's reply came off as "I am going to hurt this guy because I can."

but Roman was wrong, Bryan could have won the match outside the ring too, by countout, if Dragon hurts him enough and uses the time to get back to the ring, the Uso could get counted out and not have to tap out

[Big Red Machine]

how was he being heelish? by wrestling and actually trying to hurt his opponent? for all Reigns was more heelish for tagging himself in and avoiding wrestling when necessary

He was kicking the guy's ass outisde of the ring. It's not heelish in and of itself until Roman starts telling him to "do it the right way. In the ring." Roman had a solid point, and Dragon's reply came off as "I am going to hurt this guy because I can."

but Roman was wrong, Bryan could have won the match outside the ring too, by countout, if Dragon hurts him enough and uses the time to get back to the ring, the Uso could get counted out and not have to tap out

Not while being outside the ring and kicking the crap out of him. It's not that Bryan was 100% wrong, but Roman as certainly a lot more right that Bryan was (according to traditional wrestling values, anyway). A pinfall/submission is better than a count-out. That's always been the ay it is, all things being equal. That's why a count-out is usually a form of protecting someone: Because he/she didn't get pinned or made to submit.

[KILLdozer]

I can see where he's coming from somewhat. A countout victory could be seen as the smart in such a match. Conserves energy, after all.

[Big Red Machine]

I can see where he's coming from somewhat. A countout victory could be seen as the smart in such a match. Conserves energy, after all.

Good point.

[Big Red Machine]

I actually think it would have been really cool if, at the beginning of the match, you had Bryan in the ring and both Usos in the ring as they were trying to decide which one would start... so Reigns then gets into the right behind Bryan to back his partner up, but at exactly the wrong moment, Bryan turns around so he sees Reigns closing in on him from behind... and then realizes that he's surrounded by Roman and his cousins and gets into a very defensive position, quickly turning around to keep his eyes on all three guys, worried about a big horseman beatdown... only to have one of the Usos back off to the apron and then have Reigns do the same and stat the match. Just the tease, done in a way that was completely easy for Bryan (and us) to jump to the wrong conclusion, would have been brilliant.