BRM Reviews the 3/21/2014 Smackdown

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- I don’t know why I didn’t notice this before, but Kane is REALLY getting gray. Anyway, Kane cut an awesome promo. I’m sure that the “better than you” lines were a shot at Punk. Kane then read a letter from Hunter, which was also awesome.

FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae) vs. FERNANDO (w/Diego & El Torito)- no rating.
As Summer and Fandango were dancing down the ramp, Kane was walking up, and Summer looked scared of Kane… until he passed by them and she just blew it off like she was never really afraid of him. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a million times. Summer Rae is the next big star in women’s wrestling.
The match itself was really just an excuse to set up a spot where El Torito chased Summer Rae around the ring, which had me rolling with laughter.

DOLPH ZIGGLER vs. DAMIEN SANDOW- 4.5/10
Ziggler got the win the Fame-asser.

WYATTS PROMO- Harper was good. Bray wasn’t.

FATAL FOUR WAY MATCH TO DETERMINE THE #1 CONTENDERS TO THE TAG TEAM TITLES: Curtis Axel Ryback vs. The Real Americans (w/Zeb Coulter) vs. 3MB (w/Heath Slater) vs. The Shield (w/Roman Reigns)- 6/10
The Rollins-Ambrose pairing feels weird here. Rollins & Reigns were always the tag team. Also, HOW THE F*CK DID 3MB GET INTO A #1 CONTENDERSHIP MATCH?! Were Cody and Goldust sick or something?
I assume that the reason for booking four heel teams in this match was to make sure that everyone got behind the Shied. They did some stuff for a while, then Kane attacked Roman Reigns on the outside… and apparently this caused a DQ. Kane and the New Age Outlaws beat down Reigns while the other two non-jobber teams beat down the other two Shield members. Then Kane and NAO beat down all three Shield members in the ring. This was good, except that it went on for way too long.

MIZ TV TO HYPE UP THE ANDRE BATTLE ROYALE- Miz announced himself as a competitor, then Big Show came out and he is also going to be in the battle royale. They banter. Then pretty much everyone in the battle royale came out (including Cody & Goldust). So the all come out to the ring, and the last guy out was Sheamus, who said (paraphrasing) “Hey! We’re all in the ring, so let’s fight!”
They all had a big brawl (though Miz managed to escape). Big Show was standing tall at the end. I didn’t care.

BIG E. LANGSTON vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO- 4/10
Del Rio went over Big E. Didn’t see that coming.

SANTINO & EMMA CRAP- DUD!
Well, they’ve killed Emma, and it only took them a few weeks to do it. You’d think I would know not to underestimate how bad WWE can be when they try to write “comedy.”

THE BELLA TWINS vs. NATALYA & SUMMER RAE- 3.5/10
Why are Nattie and Summer Rae teaming up? You know what? I don’t care, because this might well be the first women’s match in about nine months that wasn’t Total Divas vs. Others.
The match was short but wasn’t bad. Nattie and Summer worked over Nikki’s leg. AJ was fun on commentary. Nattie and Summer don’t get along, causing them to lose. Cole then informs us that they haven’t been getting along on Total Divas, either. Oh. So that’s why they’re teaming together.


KANE & THE HEEL TAG TEAMS BACKSTAGE- AHA! It was all a set-up! Kane gives RybAxel and the Real Americans both tag title shots at an unspecified time. He then enters 3MB into the Andre Battle Royale. Then the New Age Outlaws show up and they and Kane put over the success of their evil plan.

LANA & RUSEV- different than normal, and thus not as boring.

COLE GIVES US AN UPDATE ON DRAGON’S CONDITION- he has some injuries, but he is such a warrior that he has vowed not only to be on Raw, but to be on this weekend’s house shows, too.

JOHN CENA vs. LUKE HARPER- 6/10
The match was too short. Cena beating Harper needed to happen on the road to Mania, but it shouldn’t have happened so quickly. I’m going to give them a pass on reducing the specialness of the Cena-carana by saying he did it as a counter, so it doesn’t count. I will, however, go nuts over the HARPER-CARANA!.

A decently boring Smackdown, but at least something important happened.

[badnewzxl]

I don't get why you love Summer Rae so much, lol; and I also don't see how they've killed Emma. This seems to be the same gimmick she does in NXT, where she was apparently awesome. Santino's doing all the slapstick stuff. And the Divas match was OBVIOUSLY just done for some Total Divas bs (why don't they just do this during the dark matches or on Superstars?).

Also, I thought Bray's promo was good; it wasn't as good as his others but it was good. Harper is GOLD!

[Big Red Machine]

I don't get why you love Summer Rae so much, lol; and I also don't see how they've killed Emma. This seems to be the same gimmick she does in NXT, where she was apparently awesome. Santino's doing all the slapstick stuff. And the Divas match was OBVIOUSLY just done for some Total Divas bs (why don't they just do this during the dark matches or on Superstars?).

Also, I thought Bray's promo was good; it wasn't as good as his others but it was good. Harper is GOLD!

Her facial expressions are always f*cking PERFECT, and her body language on the outside is AWESOME. She clearly KNOWS how to be a character, and it makes her so fun to watch. Go back and watch next feud with Emma on NXT from over the summer.

As for Emma, her personality is gone. When she is in the ring doing comedy spots, I enjoy it, but as a character, she just comes off as "Santino's ditzy girlfriend" more than anything else.

The reason they don't do the Total Divas BS on Superstars is that they assume that seeing a Total Divas-based feud on TV will make people want to watch Total Divas, and thus they do it where as many people as possible will see it.