BRM Reviews the 1/20/2014 Raw

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- this whole thing felt very forced. Obviously it makes sense, logically, but it really felt like the only that Orton came out and interrupted them was so Steph could reprimand him for attacking Cena's dad, and so that he could use that to complain about (and thus hype up) Hunter bringing in Batista and Lesnar. His line about Batista was particularly silly. "G-d only knows what his true ambitions are?"
While this is technically true, I think we can use the facts we have and assume that the reason he has returned to the WWE and entered himself into the Royal Rumble is because he wants to win the Rumble and then win the WWE World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlemania, rather than because he wants to plug a yoga studio or recruit a team of WWE superstars to help him pull off a casino heist.
So Hunter gives Randy a lecture, books him in a rematch against Kofi Kingston tonight, and also sets up a cam to the wrestler's entrance to the arena (or whatever) so Orton will know when Cena shows up to kick his ass).
The Batista shows up and says he is back to win the WWE World Heavyweight Title at Wrestlemania. Hey, look at that. I was right.

THE RHODES BROTHERS & BIG E. LANGSTON vs. THE SHIELD- 6.5/10
Big E. looked dominant here. So much so that i was extremely surprised when he ate the clean pin. I'm always happy when the Shield wins (especially in a six man tag), but if you wanted the Shield to go over, don't put them against three champions unless the win will lead to something (which I doubt it will), and certainly don't have them pin your big superstar of the future. Why not have Rollins pin Goldust, then Ambrose and Reigns can fight over gets to team with Rollins in their title shot. Then you can have infighting cost them the title shot to really kick off their break-up for Wrestlemania.

NAO will challenge for the tag title son the Royal Rumble Kick-off show. I would have thought this would be on the main show because people would want to pay to see NOA challenge for the titles for the first time in probably about fifteen years, but it's not like the Royal Rumble has ever had trouble drawing on its own, so doing this on the pre-show is fine.
Lawler asks why NAO are getting a title shot... so I guess he doesn't watch Smackdown, and if one of the announcers doesn't even watch Smackdown, why should we?

DANIEL BRYAN PROMO- decent, aside from one thing: Why does Harper and Rowan being in the Royal Rumble mean that they can't interfere when Dragon and Bryan are having their match?
Unfortunately, this also means that Dragon won't be in the Royal Rumble
BRAY WYATT PROMO- very good

XAVIER WOODS vs. FANDANGO (w/Summer Rae)- 2/10
Fandango wins convincingly. This seemed kind of counter-productive. At least let Woods get something big in.

KANE, MADDOX, & STEPH BACKSTAGE-
Maddox says that Batista's return has to be the biggest one they've ever had on Raw. Really, Brad?

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And that's just off the top of my head.

Anyway, Steph lectures Kane for chokeslamming Punk. She says that Kane cannot put his hands on a WWE Superstar because he is management now. WHAT?! How man times have we seen authority figures attack people? It has to be in the hundreds!
Steph tells Kane he has to go apologize to Punk.

KANE & CM PUNK SEGMENT- if they want to turn Kane into a wrestler again, there are probably much better ways to do it. Maddox comes out and announces that Punk will now wrestle one of the New Age Outlaws.

BILLY GUNN vs. CM PUNK- 5.5/10
They made excellent use of Road Dogg throughout the match, but the wrong guy went over. NAO are going into a title shot. Let them screw Punk out of a win so they can look better going into their title shot and Punk can still want revenge on them. Why beat them right now?
After the match, Kane announces that Punk will enter the rumble from #1.

REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. ALBERTO DEL RIO- 7/10
Great match!

AFTERMATH- Batista comes out to confront Del Rio. Del Rio tried to attack him, but Batista got the better of Del Rio. This was good, but I would have had Del Rio leave the cross armbreaker locked in on Rey so that instead of coming out to confront a man who just wrestled a grueling match, Batista was coming out to save his friend. It's just more babyface-ish.

LESNAR & BIG SHOW SEGMENT- Show making fun of Heyman's voice was just annoying and unfunny. I also wasn't thrilled with Brock walking away at first, but once they got down to brawling, this was great!

AJ’S PARTY & BAD NEWS BARRETT ON THE WWE APP- stupid.
I was pretty sure that AJ already knew that she had no friends aside from Tamina… and even if she didn’t, what does having AJ wail like a child throwing a temper tantrum and accidentally shove a cake in Tamina’s face get you? A cheap laugh (if anyone actually laughed- cake in the face is a lot less funny when you know it’s coming) at the expense of making your champ look bad.

AJ LEE & TAMINA vs. THE FUNKADACTYLS- 0.5/10
Probably should have been a dud, but there was a Tamina superkick in this match, so I can’t give it a dud. Naomi pins AJ clean with a roll-up. How much do you want to bet that they will just do AJ vs. Naomi at Royal Rumble without even bothering to announce it?

THE USOS vs. THE WYATT FAMILY (w/Bray Wyatt)-
I’ve seen this match so many times recently that I just don’t care. Bray cut a promo on Dragon in the middle of the match Dragon would later attack Bray, allowing the Usos, the babyfaces, to get a dirty victory, helping absolutely no one.

RANDY ORTON vs. KOFI KINGSTON- 4.75/10
Nothing more than a time-filler until Cena showed up. They brawled, and Orton ran off in a car. JBL says that Orton stole the car, but Cole, being intelligent, notes that Orton got in the PASSENGER SIDE DOOR. This did nothing to make me want to see the WWE World Heavyweight Title match.
The first two thirds of this show was good, but it stunk after that.

[badnewzxl]

Someone got Batista's wardrobe mixed up with Pharell's; where in the BLUE HELL did he get that jacket/shirt? Had to be the little boys section or maybe the petite males section or something. He looked ridiculous!

[Big Red Machine]

Someone got Batista's wardrobe mixed up with Pharell's; where in the BLUE HELL did he get that jacket/shirt? Had to be the little boys section or maybe the petite males section or something. He looked ridiculous!

LOL

[cero2k]

you're biased Red! you don't mention how Cena is allowed to be late for work!

[Big Red Machine]

you're biased Red! you don't mention how Cena is allowed to be late for work!

I assume he got time off to be with his ailing father. I was actually going to complement him on his work ethic. He knew that, with the flight he took, he would only get there for the very end of the show, but instead of staying with his dad, which the Authority would certainly understand, he didn't want to let the fans down by not being on Raw, so he flew in just for the end of the show.