BRM Reviews the 2/14/2013 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Hogan comes out and runs down the card for tonight. This really felt like the sort of thing that should happen BEFORE the cameras start rolling to warm up the crown. One really odd thing here was that when Hogan announced Aries vs. Roode he described them as former TNA World Champions (well… what he actually said was “the final two champions,” which confused the hell out of me, but when he said Aries vs. Roode I figured out what he meant) instead of as the current TNA World Tag Team Champions
Oh. Okay. Apparently all of this is about finding someone to face Jeff Hardy at Lockdown. Hogan says that at the end of the night he will come out and pick one of the guys in the matches he mentioned to be the new #1 contender to the TNA World Heavyweight Title. This is a prime example of why Hulk Hogan is a horrible choice for the role of an authority figure. An authority figure needs to be someone who can get his or her ideas across clearly and without confusion. Hulk does pretty much the opposite of that.
Hogan also names Sting the captain of Team TNA for the Lethal Lockdown match against Aces & Eights (the one they made on Twitter… because it’s not like TNA has a TV show or anything).
This whole thing felt like a waste of time. Naming Sting the captain could have been done in a quick backstage segment and the whole first thing is the sort of thing that the announcers could have told us quickly in the beginning of the show.

MAGNUS vs. CHRISTOPHER DANIELS (w/Kazarian)- 5.5/10

BULLY & BROOKE BACKSTAGE- Bully is injured so he can’t wrestle, so apparently he and Brooke will be doing Valentine’s Day related things. Fine. Also, apparently he forgot his wedding ring, which I’m sure is supposed to be our innocuous first hint that something is up here with Bully.
This was shot in the secret spy-cam style. Yeah, I’m sure Bully Ray is the type of guy who definitely won’t kick someone’s ass for airing his private conversations with his wife on national TV.

MAGNUS PROMO- great

SAMOA JOE vs. KURT ANGLE- 5.75/10
In a twist that absolutely everyone saw coming, Garrett and Wes attack both men, causing a double DQ. Even though Joe and Angle are fatigued and down from their match, they still manage to make Wes and Garrett look like punks by dispatching them quickly. Rather than try to get the ref to let them continue their important match in which they are supposed to try to impress Hulk Hogan and earn a TNA World Heavyweight Title match, Joe and Kurt, both of whom have usually been portrayed and serious and hyper-competitive, just decide to call it a day.

JESSIE GODDERZ, TARA, & GAIL KIM vs. THE BLOSSOM TWINS & PARTY MARTY- 4.75/10
The Blossoms looked good. Marty’s only big spot in this match was a dive to the outside on Jessie, but he missed decently badly and clonked his head on the guardrail.

GAIL KIM PROMO- good promo, and then Brooke Hogan comes out and sets up a major match for next week. YAY!

DIXIE CARTER TALKS WITH THE MMA SHOW GUY- Dixie tells us that Jeff Hardy has signed a new long-term contract with TNA and that will be back in action in two weeks… which would put him in violation of the 30 days rule!

AUSTIN ARIES & BOBBY ROODE BACKSTAGE- good

ROB VAN DAM vs. JAMES STORM- 6/10
They told a decent little story with RVD working over Storm’s ribs, but I wish this had gotten about ten more minuntes.

JOSEPH PARK TRIES TO “POLITIC” TO GET A WORLD TITLE SHOT- decent.

HULK & BROOKE HOGAN BACKSTAGE- right before we went to commercial Hulk closed the door so that the cameraman wouldn’t hear/see/broadcast his private conversation with his daughter, yet when we come back from commercial, we get a camera shot from inside the room in a place where Hulk and Brooke would have to be completely blind not to see the cameraman. As for the actual content of this segment… TNA Knockouts Division executive Brooke Hogan appeals to her father’s nepotism in order to try to get her husband a TNA World Heavyweight Title shot.

BOBBY ROODE vs. AUSTIN ARIES- 6.5/10
This was a glorious mix of comedy and great wrestling… until the dumb finish. If you were going to do a dumb finish like this, why would you make this the main event?
The double Fingerpoke of Doom spot had me roiling on the floor laughing.

HOGAN & STING BACKSTAGE- entirely pointless, and became actively annoying because of the way they just beat a dead horse with this decision-making thing.

HOGAN NAMES A #1 CONTENDER- Hulk insists that it isn’t about him anymore… yet I can’t help but noticing that rather than doing something objective like having a match to determine who get the title shot, it is all about the wrestlers impressing Hulk Hogan so that Hulk Hogan will pick them to be the #1 contender.

Anyway, the Aces & Eights show up and we got some of the worst execution on a segment have seen in a very long time. The Aces & Eights guys all surround the ring on three sides… LEAVING THE SIDE OF THE RING WITH THE FREAKING RAMP ON IT TOTALLY UNGUARDED! Then they all slowly start to get into the ring, as if the large group of eight or so of them need to be cautious about engaging a single broken-down old man (and this isn’t just me hating here. This is kayfabe. Almost three years ago on the big March 8th 2010 Impact TNA spent the show having Hogan’s friends and family tell him that he is too old and broken down to safely wrestle again… and had Hogan agree with them!... and this BEFORE all of the biog back surgeries!). While Aces & Eights are taking their sweet time, the only guy who shows up to save him is Bully Ray. Yes, you read that right. Just Bully Ray. Not Samoa Joe, Kurt Angle, or Magnus, all of whom not only have outstanding issues with Aces & Eights but also have a vested interest in this segment because Hogan was going to announce who would get a World Title shot and they were among the top candidates… just Bully Ray.
Fortunately, Just Bully Ray with his chain is enough to scare the big mean biker gang… then, at the end, Sting finally decides to show up, too. The cricket bats were a great touch, but that doesn’t excuse Sting’s tardiness here.
Then the show ends without Hogan actually announcing who got the title shot. As I write this it is now 3AM Eastern Time so I hopped on over to TNA’s website and it appears that Hogan has not announced a #1 contender yet. What the hell? Did Hulk just see that the clock had struck ten and said “sorry everybody. The show is over. I’m going home now.” This is a major announcement that Hulk was about to make! Why the hell would he not make it?

Overall, this was decently enjoyable episode of Impact. I wish the wrestling had been better, but it was easy to sit through and until the final segment I didn’t have a major urge to bang my head against a wall, which is quite the accomplishment for Impact. Definitely a show worth watching, even If you have been avoiding Impact recently.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Keneley says “telekinesis” rather than “telepathy” to describe the Blossoms’ inherent ability to know where the other one was going to be without any oral or verbal communication. (I am open to the possibility that he was making fun of Taz with this one, though)

On a random side-note, Taz’s self-censoring really pisses me off. He won’t say “ass,” but he will say sh*t?

[KILLdozer]

Yea, Def something going on with Ray..When she first said to wear the ring, his reaction of close to "Aw man got dangit why?" , had me thinking for a minute, then they covered that with him finding out he forgot it...Hm

And Brooke appealing to the nepotism thing got me thinking...Several ppl have said Ray was A n E, and also fewer ppl have said Brooke is also along with him...Made me think regarding that...What if? And then this was her, and their, way, of getting their boy Ray a shot at the big title...Cuz think about it...they yet to have someone who's a world title typle of player...Other than Anderson, and slightly Devon...But Anderson certainly had made no instances about wanting it or them going after it...So...Very interesting just where it all goes.

Yea, you hate the whole "Secret cam", you say so EVERY SINGLE review,we get it, enough already. :p

About Dixie and Bellator...I read somewhere AJ was actually at the last event like last week or the week before, it was in a Dixie interview( GO KAYFABE!) , and it wasn't mentioned on the air of course, it was when she made the on the road announcement, and she said something along the lines of "It was like I didn't know him or recognize him, I certainly had to do a double take, It was very weird."....Thoughts on that? Love it myself. Some good is actually coming from the mutual relationship.

Yea, Loved Roode And Aries , I can cheat better than you , Part II....Just thought the Chernavo finish was dumb...Taz was right...In a kayfabe world, where did they get those shirts from? And it just seemed an incredibly moronic and (Now i really hate this word and all its variants, so that should further explain my thoughs.) douchey thing to do.

You also didn't mention, nevermind the fact its just OId Man River out there with Ray, but also bad leg Ray as well...So an old man and an injured guy with ONE weapon, take it away he can't hit everyone at once, is enough to handle em all so much they won't even try? Yea ok, I'm so sick of this big bad Ray with the chain thing...granted he COULD swing the chain helicopter fashion and crack two or more at once, but damn....

[Big Red Machine]

Yea, Def something going on with Ray..When she first said to wear the ring, his reaction of close to "Aw man got dangit why?" , had me thinking for a minute, then they covered that with him finding out he forgot it...Hm


And Brooke appealing to the nepotism thing got me thinking...Several ppl have said Ray was A n E, and also fewer ppl have said Brooke is also along with him...Made me think regarding that...What if? And then this was her, and their, way, of getting their boy Ray a shot at the big title...Cuz think about it...they yet to have someone who's a world title typle of player...Other than Anderson, and slightly Devon...But Anderson certainly had made no instances about wanting it or them going after it...So...Very interesting just where it all goes.

I don't think so. If having a title was important to them, Devon would be doing something with his title.

Yea, you hate the whole "Secret cam", you say so EVERY SINGLE review,we get it, enough already. :p

This was just a whole new misapplication of it (really more a logical flaw in the segment production than an issue with the concept itself), so I decided to comment on it.

="KILLdozer"]
About Dixie and Bellator...I read somewhere AJ was actually at the last event like last week or the week before, it was in a Dixie interview( GO KAYFABE!) , and it wasn't mentioned on the air of course, it was when she made the on the road announcement, and she said something along the lines of "It was like I didn't know him or recognize him, I certainly had to do a double take, It was very weird."....Thoughts on that? Love it myself. Some good is actually coming from the mutual relationship.

Haven't heard about this, but it sounds good.

[KILLdozer]

Here it is, from PWTorch:


Friday evening, TNA issued a press release expanding on TNA president Dixie Carter's appearance on Bellator MMA Thursday night to announce new TV taping dates.

-- Newly re-signed TNA World Hvt. champion Jeff Hardy's official TV return date is Thursday, February 28, which is when TNA returns to Orlando.

-- TNA played up A.J. Styles's storyline-driven feud with Dixie Carter, saying there was an "unusual ringside interaction" between Styles and Carter at the Bellator event in Georgia.

"I had to do a double take when I saw A.J.,” said Carter in the press release. “He was cold, distant and unapproachable.”

-- Dixie Carter commented on her Bellator appearance, as well as brining TNA to new towns for television.

"Being able to make these announcements on Bellator last night shows the synergy between our two brands,” said Carter. “Jonesboro (Arkansas) has not broadcasted a pro wrestling worldwide TV taping in more than a decade, and with the return of Hulk Hogan, this will truly be a historic night. This will be our second consecutive, live broadcast from the road after leaving the Impact Zone in early March. We are expecting to have a great crowd in Chicago on March 14 and continue the excitement in Jonesboro and Corpus Christi (on April 11)."

[Big Red Machine]

Here it is, from PWTorch:



"Being able to make these announcements on Bellator last night shows the synergy between our two brands,” said Carter. “Jonesboro (Arkansas) has not broadcasted a pro wrestling worldwide TV taping in more than a decade, and with the return of Hulk Hogan, this will truly be a historic night. This will be our second consecutive, live broadcast from the road after leaving the Impact Zone in early March. We are expecting to have a great crowd in Chicago on March 14 and continue the excitement in Jonesboro and Corpus Christi (on April 11)."

SO they are going from Chicago to Bumblef*ck, Arkansas?

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

One thing that makes me laugh is Rockstar Spud won British bootcamp

Yet Blossom Twins and Party Marty have a match on Impact before he does!! WTF???

[cero2k]

One thing that makes me laugh is Rockstar Spud won British bootcamp

Yet Blossom Twins and Party Marty have a match on Impact before he does!! WTF???

lol yes, i wanted to bring this up!

[Phreak]

If i heard it right i think she told Party Marty and the twins they still have a shot....but i could be wrong...its happend before

[Big Red Machine]

One thing that makes me laugh is Rockstar Spud won British bootcamp

Yet Blossom Twins and Party Marty have a match on Impact before he does!! WTF???

lol yes, i wanted to bring this up!

TNA thought these tree did well enough to at least deserve a match on Impact. Spud will be able to have many, but if TNA doesn't want to pay to fly these three in, they need to have their match now.

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

One thing that makes me laugh is Rockstar Spud won British bootcamp

Yet Blossom Twins and Party Marty have a match on Impact before he does!! WTF???

lol yes, i wanted to bring this up!

TNA thought these tree did well enough to at least deserve a match on Impact. Spud will be able to have many, but if TNA doesn't want to pay to fly these three in, they need to have their match now.

Good point, although tbh The Blossom twins seem to only do arm drags and drop kicks so not to disheartened if I don't seem them again.

Interesting fact for u, last year when TNA was over here. I was on the table next to Party Marty in Hooters. I actually didn't know who he was til I saw him having a tryout match in the ring, when I was at the arena!!

I didn't know what he was called til British boot camp started and I recognised him