BRM Reviews the 2/7/2013 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- crap.
We start off with Aces & Eights walking to the ring through the crowd… and yet somehow the sound guy knows to play their music. There is no scheduled match, so the only way the sound guy could have known to play their music would be if they had scheduled interview time… but that wouldn’t make sense because why would TNA officials (you know… Hogan & Sting) give them interview time? Anyway, as they come to the ring it becomes abundantly clear that Garrett Bischoff is only a good fit for this group in that he is a loser, just like Aces & Eights. Physically, he just looks so out of place. He looks like a prep-school douche in a group of tough-guy bikers.

Devon starts off by spouting off a lame attempt at soundbyte fodder, then has the guys in the truck play a video recap of Aces & Eights beating up Kurt Angle a few times… and for some reason the guys in the truck listen to him even though he isn’t a TNA employee and is part of a group that is actively trying to destroy TNA (or something. We’re still not sure that they’re supposed to be trying to accomplish. We just know that they don’t like TNA and Hulk Hogan). He then introduces Wes and Garrett as the newest members of Aces & Eights. So let me get this straight: When Knox and Doc lose their masks, they get yelled at and have to earn their way back into the group… but when Wes and Garrett reveal themselves for no reason, they get rewarded?

Now that we have gotten stuff that doesn’t make sense and lameness out of the way, it is time another pillar of bad writing: random character assassination. Wes Brisco, who has until now been portrayed as very polite “yes sir, no sir” young-boy type of character backstage… is angry at Hogan because Hulk demanded that he actually prove himself on his own merits rather than just get promoted through nepotism because of who is father is. The segment then ends with Devon botching the line “and ace up our sleeve.”

TARA & JESSIE BOTHER BROOKE IN HER OFFICE- Tara and Jessie have, for some reason, decided to wait over a week before complaining to Brooke about their seating on the plane ride over to the UK, and Tara then claims that not being able to sleep on the plane ride (which, again, was LAST WEEK) will somehow prevent her from performing at her best in tonight’s match. Brooke responds to this complaint with painfully scripted dialogue that bars Jessie from ringside. Based off the quality of the writing so far, it is going to be a long night.

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Rob Van Dam(c) vs. Kenny King vs. Zema Ion- 5/10
This was one of those “two guys wrestle while one takes a break” type of three way matches, but they did a good job with it. The finish was weird, though. King hit Ion with a Bridging Northern Lights Suplex, so Van Dam broke it up with a Five Star Frog Splash to King… but then pinned Ion instead of King.

ARIES & ROODE BACKSTAGE- eh

BRITISH BOOTCAMP SEGMENT- very good. I already care a lot more about these guys than I do about any of the Gut Check contestants.

BRUCE PRICHARD & D’LO BROWN TALK ABOUT HOW SHOCKED THEY ARE THAT GARRETT & WES JOINED ACES & EIGHT- This was shot in the secret spy-cam peeking through the door-type style, and I every team I see it, I want to scream. You would think that, after years of this, TNA employees would make sure to CLOSE THE DOOR OF THE ROOM THEY ARE IN before having a private conversation.
Anyway, the whole purpose of this conversation was for them to tell the audience that Kurt Angle will be pissed off when he gets back… which we already knew, making this a waste of time.

JESSIE GODDERZ & JAMES STORM SEGMENT- I like seeing James Storm kick Jessie’s face off as much as the next guy, but I really think the fans in the UK would appreciate getting to see a top babyface like James Storm in a match that lasts more than five minutes. Storm’s promo was absolutely awesome, though.

JAMES STORM vs. JESSIE GODDERZ- squash. Jessie botched taking the spinebuster but he made up for it by selling the Closing Time better than I’ve seen anyone in TNA sell it recently.

TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: Chavo Guerrero Jr. & Hernandez(c) vs. Bobby Roode & Austin Aries- 6.75/10
Props to Aries for getting visibly upset about them coming up to Roode’s music. This is the sort of thing that Team Hell No should have been doing. They also kept interactions like this throughout the match.
They really had me here. When Roode walked out, I figured that they would have Chavo and Hernandez retain.

HULK HOGAN & BULLY RAY BACKSTAGE- Hogan says that Bully has to prove to “the whole world” tonight that he is the good guy that he has been saying that he is. Except that the only person who has been doubting Bully for the past month has been Hogan! Bully managed to salvage this with a great promo, though.

AJ STYLES VIDEO PACKAGE-okay

MISS TESSMACHER vs. TARA- 4.25/10
So once again the champ gets pinned. Tara is really looking like a paper champion right now.

ROCKSTAR SPUD & THE ROBBIES SEGMENT- GREAT segment! This was perfectly done. The Rob Terry face turn continues in a believable and amusing way that actually manages to make Robbie E. a useful part of the show.

BULLY, STING, & BROOKE BACKSTAGE- entirely pointless.

TABLES MATCH: Bully Ray & Sting vs. Aces & Eights (Devon & Doc)- 5/10
A mostly uninspired matchup. They really didn’t do much of anything here (although the WHAZZZUUUUUPPP on Devon was a great spot). Devon talked about how the Aces & Eights always have back-up and there six of them at the beginning of the show, but only Knox shows up to help, and Aces & Eights lose despite having this 3-on-2 advantage, making Devon’s statements at the beginning of the show seem empty. How can we take the numbers advantage seriously as a threat anymore if it doesn’t even help them win? The match ends when Bully Hulks up and chokeslams (yes chokeslams, not powerbombs) Devon through a table.

Overall, this was pretty good by Impact standards. The matches got a lot more time than usual, which makes me not as angry at all of the other crap. One major issue I have with this shows was the absence of two men in particular:
First, where was Kurt Angle? He got mugged by about six Aces & Eights guys back in August and was on the show and ready to fight the very next week… but GARRETT BISCHOFF AND WES BRISCO put him out of action? Really?
Secondly, where the hell was Samoa Joe this week? The two guys he has been teaming with but didn’t like very much turn heel and he is nowhere to be found? That doesn’t seem very much like Samoa Joe to me. You’d think he would at least show up to even the odds between Aces & Eights and Sting & Bully after Knox showed up

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
Tenay tries to put over “GET THE TABLES” as being part of “international language” and is impressed that people shout the catchphrase “even here in England.”
It’s not that impressive that they would shout the catchphrase here because THEY SPEAK ENGLISH IN ENGLAND, YOU MORON!

[KILLdozer]

"Now that we have gotten stuff that doesn’t make sense and lameness out of the way, it is time another pillar of bad writing: random character assassination. Wes Brisco, who has until now been portrayed as very polite “yes sir, no sir” young-boy type of character backstage… is angry at Hogan because Hulk demanded that he actually prove himself on his own merits rather than just get promoted through nepotism because of who is father is"

This isn't character assassination ,or bad writing. This happens with a heel turn, I think you're honestly just looking for ridiculous excuses to down-talk things you hate.

And the Tenay stupid quote is another example...Surely you didn't take it literally right? I mean "International language." , All he meant was that it's surprising they know the saying in England.

[cero2k]

We start off with Aces & Eights walking to the ring through the crowd… and yet somehow the sound guy knows to play their music. There is no scheduled match, so the only way the sound guy could have known to play their music would be if they had scheduled interview time… but that wouldn’t make sense because why would TNA officials (you know… Hogan & Sting) give them interview time? Anyway, as they come to the ring it becomes abundantly clear that Garrett Bischoff is only a good fit for this group in that he is a loser, just like Aces & Eights. Physically, he just looks so out of place. He looks like a prep-school douche in a group of tough-guy bikers.

Devon starts off by spouting off a lame attempt at soundbyte fodder, then has the guys in the truck play a video recap of Aces & Eights beating up Kurt Angle a few times… and for some reason the guys in the truck listen to him even though he isn’t a TNA employee and is part of a group that is actively trying to destroy TNA (or something. We’re still not sure that they’re supposed to be trying to accomplish. We just know that they don’t like TNA and Hulk Hogan). He then introduces Wes and Garrett as the newest members of Aces & Eights. So let me get this straight: When Knox and Doc lose their masks, they get yelled at and have to earn their way back into the group… but when Wes and Garrett reveal themselves for no reason, they get rewarded?

If I was a sound guy or one of the guys that work at the broadcast truck and Devon says to play something, i probably would have just to avoid getting jumped outside my job, or my car getting destroyed by Aces and Eights, it's not like Hogan is gonna rush to help me, i may rather risk losing my job than getting my ass kicked.

not all MC members are suppose to be rough looking, look at Taz or pretty boy Anderson.

You could be right about the unmasking thing, if they continue talking about how hidden is important, if they don't, then it's just that Knox and DOC where one of the first to lose the masks and maybe they don't care anymore. Plus Taz, Briscoe, Garrett all unmasked by their own means, allowed by the club. Knox and DOC got unmasked by someone else, not to the club's plans, good reason to be yelled at.

[Serujuunin]

Sounds like I haven't missed anything in the last, iunno, two months.

[KILLdozer]

^ Couldn't be more wrong. ALOT's changed in the last two monthes. One review can't tell you that anyways.

[Serujuunin]

^ Couldn't be more wrong. ALOT's changed in the last two monthes. One review can't tell you that anyways.

I've been reading all of them. -_-

[KILLdozer]

^ Couldn't be more wrong. ALOT's changed in the last two monthes. One review can't tell you that anyways.

I've been reading all of them. -_-

And plenty titles have changed hands, new members of Aces and 8's, Joseph Park made his return from OVW, Rob Terry's in the middle of turning face, the winner of British Boot Camp debutted, I get what you're saying, but you act like nothing has changed at all and nothing new has happened at all. And how was I supposed to know that? I guess I was wrong. And no need for the face, not bashing you :p

[KILLdozer]

And to add to that, All I'm trying to say is I don't know how you can say you haven't missed anything when so many new and interesting things have happened in the past month and a half to two months alone. And if you say you've read every single review, you would know this. I just can't really grasp what you're saying.

[Serujuunin]

To be fair, our ideas of interesting vary greatly.

[KILLdozer]

Regardless of that, you can't tell me nothing new has happened at all.

[KILLdozer]

And you don't like the new teaming of Roode and Aries?

[Big Red Machine]

Now that we have gotten stuff that doesn’t make sense and lameness out of the way, it is time another pillar of bad writing: random character assassination. Wes Brisco, who has until now been portrayed as very polite “yes sir, no sir” young-boy type of character backstage… is angry at Hogan because Hulk demanded that he actually prove himself on his own merits rather than just get promoted through nepotism because of who is father is

This isn't character assassination ,or bad writing. This happens with a heel turn, I think you're honestly just looking for ridiculous excuses to down-talk things you hate.

Just because it has become par for the course with heel turns in many companies does not mean that it isn't bad writing.

And the Tenay stupid quote is another example...Surely you didn't take it literally right? I mean "International language." , All he meant was that it's surprising they know the saying in England.

I didn't take it literally. What I'm saying is that there is no reason at all for it to be surprising that they know the saying in England. It is an English phrase in an English-speaking country that has had access to North American Wrestling TV since before the Dudleys ever started using that quote. Why would anyone think they were unfamiliar with it?

Tenay has also just horribly misused the phrase international language here. International/Universal language is used to refer to something that is not actually works but it still able to convey the emotions, like a hand gesture, a primal grunt, tears, or music.

[Big Red Machine]

We start off with Aces & Eights walking to the ring through the crowd… and yet somehow the sound guy knows to play their music. There is no scheduled match, so the only way the sound guy could have known to play their music would be if they had scheduled interview time… but that wouldn’t make sense because why would TNA officials (you know… Hogan & Sting) give them interview time? Anyway, as they come to the ring it becomes abundantly clear that Garrett Bischoff is only a good fit for this group in that he is a loser, just like Aces & Eights. Physically, he just looks so out of place. He looks like a prep-school douche in a group of tough-guy bikers.

Devon starts off by spouting off a lame attempt at soundbyte fodder, then has the guys in the truck play a video recap of Aces & Eights beating up Kurt Angle a few times… and for some reason the guys in the truck listen to him even though he isn’t a TNA employee and is part of a group that is actively trying to destroy TNA (or something. We’re still not sure that they’re supposed to be trying to accomplish. We just know that they don’t like TNA and Hulk Hogan). He then introduces Wes and Garrett as the newest members of Aces & Eights. So let me get this straight: When Knox and Doc lose their masks, they get yelled at and have to earn their way back into the group… but when Wes and Garrett reveal themselves for no reason, they get rewarded?

If I was a sound guy or one of the guys that work at the broadcast truck and Devon says to play something, i probably would have just to avoid getting jumped outside my job, or my car getting destroyed by Aces and Eights, it's not like Hogan is gonna rush to help me, i may rather risk losing my job than getting my ass kicked.

not all MC members are suppose to be rough looking, look at Taz or pretty boy Anderson.

You could be right about the unmasking thing, if they continue talking about how hidden is important, if they don't, then it's just that Knox and DOC where one of the first to lose the masks and maybe they don't care anymore. Plus Taz, Briscoe, Garrett all unmasked by their own means, allowed by the club. Knox and DOC got unmasked by someone else, not to the club's plans, good reason to be yelled at.

With Garrett it is actually more the haircut and his douchy smirk than anything else. Taz and Anderson both look tough enough, but Garrett really just looks out of place.

[Big Red Machine]

^ Couldn't be more wrong. ALOT's changed in the last two monthes. One review can't tell you that anyways.

I've been reading all of them. -_-

And plenty titles have changed hands, new members of Aces and 8's, Joseph Park made his return from OVW, Rob Terry's in the middle of turning face, the winner of British Boot Camp debutted, I get what you're saying, but you act like nothing has changed at all and nothing new has happened at all. And how was I supposed to know that? I guess I was wrong. And no need for the face, not bashing you :p

Things have changed, but a lot of them haven't felt important at all. There was really no change at all with the Aces & Eights from BFG until the wedding.
The "Hogan doesn't trust Bully" thing was never brought up until the Brooke relationship became public, so from the viewer's POV things have changed, but where we are now doesn't feel much different from where were before thanksgiving.

The Rob Terry thing is the only change that really feels important, though.

AJ has just disappeared, RVD is feuding with the same people, Jeff is in the same place he was before, Aries' & Roode's relationship has only changed slightly, Tara is still doing the same thing... the show really doesn't feel any different.

[KILLdozer]

You're both just hipsters hating on TNA. lol.

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

Great read Reds!!

1) Brisco sucks and his "dont you know who i am speech" actually made me cringe!!! IF you wanna live off your dads reputation nosh Mcmahon off and join WWE. (Thats a JOKE, before anyone crys about it)

2) I know what you mean about Bischoff. I too feel he looks out of place. Lets face it he's boring to watch and i think is only in A&8s cause they dont know what todo with him or Brisco.

3) I enjoy your Tenay comments. I always fail topick up on them but lets face it nothing he says will ever beat Sid's "I have half the brain you do" or Owen's "thats why i kicked your leg right from under your leg".

4) RVD seems to fight the same guys every week due to lack of other X-Division guys

5) I heard a rumour Jeff Hardy couldnt get a visa cause of his criminal record, hence why they wrote him out of the storylines. Altho i think its poor having a world champion and actually not have him on your UK Tour. But hey TNA have let us Brits down b4 so why change anything.


id like to finish and im proberly wrong, but i have a massive thing in the back of my head that makes me think that the final guy whos still masked in A&8s is gonna be revealed as Bully Ray. im proberly wrong but i still fell the whole Bully Ray/Brooke crap will go sour and he'll turn on Hogan. I dont know what it is but i still feel he'll be revealed as the final member.

[cero2k]

id like to finish and im proberly wrong, but i have a massive thing in the back of my head that makes me think that the final guy whos still masked in A&8s is gonna be revealed as Bully Ray. im proberly wrong but i still fell the whole Bully Ray/Brooke crap will go sour and he'll turn on Hogan. I dont know what it is but i still feel he'll be revealed as the final member.

I've been hearing this a lot lately, and I hope that if they go with it, Brooke turns too as Ray's Ol' Lady.

[Big Red Machine]

face it he's boring to watch and i think is only in A&8s cause they dont know what todo with him or Brisco.

3) I enjoy your Tenay comments. I always fail topick up on them but lets face it nothing he says will ever beat Sid's "I have half the brain you do" or Owen's "thats why i kicked your leg right from under your leg".

Sid misspoke. That I can forgive. I don't jump on announcers for misspeaking. I jump on them for actively saying things that don't make sense/are stupid/go against the storyline.

id like to finish and im proberly wrong, but i have a massive thing in the back of my head that makes me think that the final guy whos still masked in A&8s is gonna be revealed as Bully Ray. im proberly wrong but i still fell the whole Bully Ray/Brooke crap will go sour and he'll turn on Hogan. I dont know what it is but i still feel he'll be revealed as the final member.

I seem to be the only person in the world who doesn't think this. I'm pretty sure the fat still-masked guy in Aces & Eights is D'Lo Brown though.

[Big Red Machine]

id like to finish and im proberly wrong, but i have a massive thing in the back of my head that makes me think that the final guy whos still masked in A&8s is gonna be revealed as Bully Ray. im proberly wrong but i still fell the whole Bully Ray/Brooke crap will go sour and he'll turn on Hogan. I dont know what it is but i still feel he'll be revealed as the final member.

I've been hearing this a lot lately, and I hope that if they go with it, Brooke turns too as Ray's Ol' Lady.

If that happens I get to call shenanigans because I'm pretty sure I booked something remarkably a few years ago similar with Hunter & Steph being the leaders Nexus.

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

YEAH i agree it is still D-LO. However i do feel it will turn out NOT to be D-LO