BRM Reviews the 1/31/2013 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- AWESOME SEGMENT. Kaz & Daniels were great, as always. I popped for Magnus. Tenay, on the other hand, did the exact opposite. Magnus was just great here. This was one of those moments that makes you ask “why the hell is this company not pushing this guy?!”

MAGNUS vs. DEVON- 4.75/10
The hot crowd makes me give this a lot more than the 4.25 or so that it deserved. The DQ finish was not only annoying, but having it happen the way they did (with Magnus still actually kicking the asses of two Aces & Eights guys on his own) wasn’t good either. I am usually fine with doing this the way that they did, but with a group that has been booked to look as weak as Aces & Eights has, it just exacerbates an already bad situation.

BULLY, STING, & BROOKE BACKSTAGE- yet again they make us waiting on Hulk Hogan to be the focus of the segment, rather than the real issue. The only possible kayfabe reason for Hogan not telling anyone his decision is that he is being a dick to Bubba for no reason.

JOSEPH PARK & THE ROBBIES SEGMENT- GREAT! The stuff with Robbie E and Rob Terry was just great. I also loved Joseph’s physical reaction to Robbie poking him. Chris Parks is just an absolutely amazing actor!

JOSEPH PARK vs. ROBBIE E. (w/Robbie T.)- 4/10
The standard Joseph Park fun.

HULK HOGAN ARRIVES AT THE ARENA- So this big important show in a foreign company is already a third of the way over, and the boss is just showing up. I don’t know if the rumors about Hulk’s legit work either are true, but his kayfabe work ethic certain seems to reflect it.

ARIES & ROODE SEGMENT WITH HERNANDEZ & CHAVO- Chavo says that you need to be established as a tag team in order to have a shot at the tag team titles. I guess Chavo just doesn’t know his history. How often have we seen random pairings get a shot at (or even win) the tag team titles?

CHAVO GUERRERO JR. (w/Hernandez) vs. AUSTIN ARIES (w/Bobby Roode)-5/10
I think we all knew exactly what would happen in this match, but the match wasn’t actually bad at all.

KURT, JOE, GARRETT , & WES BACKSTAGE- I’m not really sure why Kurt was telling Joe not to interfere in his match. He is a babyface and so is Joe. I did enjoy Joe verbally bitchslapping Garrett, though.

BULLY, STING, & HOGAN SEGMENT IN THE RING- I found the set-up for this (with Bully getting the people to chant Sting’s name to get him out, then Sting getting the people to chant Hogan’s name to get him to come out) to be really f*cking annoying.
I also absolutely hated this segment because it completely and totally poops on kayfabe. It really feels like TNA Wrestling LLC, the kayfabe corporation, only operates and takes care of any sort of official business while Impact is on the air. There were 167 hours between Bubba’s plea to be reinstated and this segment. Why the hell didn’t Hogan reinstate Bubba then? The only explanation other than criminally negligent laziness is that Hulk wasn’t sure if he was going to or not until this very night, and if Hulk had any trouble at all deciding whether or not to reinstate Bully after the events of the wedding episode, then he is a f*cking moron.
So which is it, TNA? Is the guy in charge of your company ridiculously lazy? Or just an unbelievable idiot?

TNA WILL BE TAKING IMPACT ON THE ROAD A HELL OF A LOT- YAY! No more f*cking Impact Zone every damn week!

JAMES STORM & VELVET SKY vs. JESSIE GODDERZ & TARA- 2/10
The champ gets pinned in under five minutes. Storm should have gotten the pin on Jessie instead. Props to Taz for crapping all over Tenay sh*tty attempt to segue from this match to the Superbowl.

SOMEONE HAS JUMPED JOE BACKSTAGE- okay

ANDERSON PROMO- Anderson says that he is joining Aces & Eights because they have shown him more brotherhood in the last few weeks than anyone else has in his entire time in TNA. I really don’t like this. Anderson has prided himself on being an “asshole.” He hasn’t cared for friendship before. He has no friends, he knows why, and he has been proud of it. This really just doesn’t feel right for him.

STEEL CAGE MATCH: Mr. Anderson vs. Kurt Angle (w/Wes Brisco)- 7/10

THE AFTERMATH- DUD!
So after hearing the leader of Aces & Eights say that “anonymity is power” for weeks… we have two members of Aces & Eights reveal their identities for no reason at all.

A decent episode of Impact with a moronic ending.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
Tenay says that Taz had better get used to Hogan & Bully being family because we are going to get tons of awesome main events when TNA takes Impact on the road in the future. This might well be the single worst segue ever.

[cero2k]

BULLY, STING, & BROOKE BACKSTAGE- yet again they make us waiting on Hulk Hogan to be the focus of the segment, rather than the real issue. The only possible kayfabe reason for Hogan not telling anyone his decision is that he is being a dick to Bubba for no reason.

well, he HAS been boning his daughter

Chavo says that you need to be established as a tag team in order to have a shot at the tag team titles.

says the guy with only ONE legit tag team in his whole career. not to mention he is currently the champ along with his random pairing of a tag team

[Big Red Machine]

BULLY, STING, & BROOKE BACKSTAGE- yet again they make us waiting on Hulk Hogan to be the focus of the segment, rather than the real issue. The only possible kayfabe reason for Hogan not telling anyone his decision is that he is being a dick to Bubba for no reason.

well, he HAS been boning his daughter

Yes, but Hulk got over that during the wedding episode when he decided to show up at the wedding.

[cero2k]

BULLY, STING, & BROOKE BACKSTAGE- yet again they make us waiting on Hulk Hogan to be the focus of the segment, rather than the real issue. The only possible kayfabe reason for Hogan not telling anyone his decision is that he is being a dick to Bubba for no reason.

well, he HAS been boning his daughter

Yes, but Hulk got over that during the wedding episode when he decided to show up at the wedding.

we don't know he got over that, i don't think that's something you simply get over with. He did it for Brooke, and sucked it up, but that doesn't mean he likes Ray all of the sudden

[Big Red Machine]

well, he HAS been boning his daughter

Yes, but Hulk got over that during the wedding episode when he decided to show up at the wedding.

we don't know he got over that, i don't think that's something you simply get over with. He did it for Brooke, and sucked it up, but that doesn't mean he likes Ray all of the sudden

I'm not saying that Hulk has to like him. I'm saying that there is no way that Hogan can possibly not see that Bully cares for Brooke, that Hulk was wrong to suspend him (he even said that he let family issues get in the way of business), and that he should have reinstated him ASAP once he realized his mistake instead of waiting a freakin' week. It was a blatant example of creating needless drama with an obvious conclusion. To make matters worse, the obvious conclusion combines with the poor execution of the promos- especially on Hulk's part, but in some cases Sting & Bully, too (although that felt to me like it was more the fault of their roles in the angle than the fault of the wrestlers themselves)- to make this actively boring, and doing so in a way that pisses all over kayfabe to boot.

[KILLdozer]

Why WOULDN'T Wes and Garrett reveal themselves to BLATANTLY throw it right in Kurt's face?!? Is it REALLY that hard to grasp?

anonymity or not,come on man, you're better than this. :p

Somethin I found REALLY stupid though you didn't mention was " I'll be there. What's "I'll be there." mean?"

WTF ELSE COULD ILL BE THERE MEAN RAY OTHER THAN HE WILL BE THERE.

Also I really can't see any other purpose of this whole Ray and Brooke/HH thing other than just a setup for Ray to turn heel again...He obviously needs something big to go back to that point and I think he's Aces and Eights...All will tie into more of the Hogan trust thing.

[KILLdozer]

To add to my above, I also thought it was about Hogan turnin again ,but now, obviously not...So other than what I stated there I have no idea why you would just throw those two together for seemingly nothing.

[Big Red Machine]

Why WOULDN'T Wes and Garrett reveal themselves to BLATANTLY throw it right in Kurt's face?!? Is it REALLY that hard to grasp?

anonymity or not,come on man, you're better than this. :p

If they say that anonymity is important, I damn well expect it to be important. When Doc and Knox lost their masks, they had to earn their way back into the group. We know that Aces & Eights have some sort of secret plan. Pissing Kurt Angle off probably doesn't really matter in the long term to accomplishing the goals of the secret plan.

Also I really can't see any other purpose of this whole Ray and Brooke/HH thing other than just a setup for Ray to turn heel again...He obviously needs something big to go back to that point and I think he's Aces and Eights...All will tie into more of the Hogan trust thing.

I hear a lot of people saying this, but I don't think so. I just can't see what it would possibly gain Aces & Eights to have Bully marry Brooke. If they wanted to kidnap her, they could have done it the week when Bully proposed (when he rescued her from them). Unless their end goal involves killing Hogan and his kids so Bully can inherit all of his money, I don't see what it gains them that they couldn't have already had earlier.

[Big Red Machine]

To add to my above, I also thought it was about Hogan turnin again ,but now, obviously not...So other than what I stated there I have no idea why you would just throw those two together for seemingly nothing.

To turn and solidify Bully as a babyface.

[KILLdozer]

To add to my above, I also thought it was about Hogan turnin again ,but now, obviously not...So other than what I stated there I have no idea why you would just throw those two together for seemingly nothing.

To turn and solidify Bully as a babyface.

Ok but why this utterly moronic and ridiculous way? MUCH better ways...He was fine just fighting alone Sting against Aces n 8's anyways,plus he had already turned before he fell so deeply and madly in love with Brooke anyways. As I stated above, I just can't for the life grasp what this whole thing is supposed to be, but maybe that's a good thing for once....Maybe.

[KILLdozer]

Also I really can't see any other purpose of this whole Ray and Brooke/HH thing other than just a setup for Ray to turn heel again...He obviously needs something big to go back to that point and I think he's Aces and Eights...All will tie into more of the Hogan trust thing.

I hear a lot of people saying this, but I don't think so. I just can't see what it would possibly gain Aces & Eights to have Bully marry Brooke. If they wanted to kidnap her, they could have done it the week when Bully proposed (when he rescued her from them). Unless their end goal involves killing Hogan and his kids so Bully can inherit all of his money, I don't see what it gains them that they couldn't have already had earlier.[/quote]

Trust. Heartbreak...Getting on the good side of Hogan to help gain whatever they're after....Just to be general scumbags to make the turn that much more hurtful...I may be grasping here but I don't know really know what else to say. I've even heard someone say Brooke's aces n 8's too, I don't think they were serious,but I really have no idea with this angle anymore.

[Big Red Machine]

To add to my above, I also thought it was about Hogan turnin again ,but now, obviously not...So other than what I stated there I have no idea why you would just throw those two together for seemingly nothing.

To turn and solidify Bully as a babyface.

Ok but why this utterly moronic and ridiculous way? MUCH better ways...He was fine just fighting alone Sting against Aces n 8's anyways,plus he had already turned before he fell so deeply and madly in love with Brooke anyways. As I stated above, I just can't for the life grasp what this whole thing is supposed to be, but maybe that's a good thing for once....Maybe.

Yes, but Hogan didn't trust him. It is just a little bit of an extra story. It makes sense that people would be wary of him during his turn. I agree that they dragged it out too long, but the concept itself certainly has merit.

[Big Red Machine]

Trust. Heartbreak...Getting on the good side of Hogan to help gain whatever they're after....Just to be general scumbags to make the turn that much more hurtful...I may be grasping here but I don't know really know what else to say. I've even heard someone say Brooke's aces n 8's too, I don't think they were serious,but I really have no idea with this angle anymore.

If they were going to turn Bully, they would have done it at the wedding.

[KILLdozer]

Trust. Heartbreak...Getting on the good side of Hogan to help gain whatever they're after....Just to be general scumbags to make the turn that much more hurtful...I may be grasping here but I don't know really know what else to say. I've even heard someone say Brooke's aces n 8's too, I don't think they were serious,but I really have no idea with this angle anymore.

If they were going to turn Bully, they would have done it at the wedding.

You or I might have....But who knows. It does no good to turn him then if the wedding is part of and or a requirement of the plan.

[Big Bad Booty Daddy]

I'm surprised you didn't pick up on Taz's WWE comment bout beating Angle in "The Garden"

[Big Red Machine]

I'm surprised you didn't pick up on Taz's WWE comment bout beating Angle in "The Garden"

I did. I just didn't think it was noteworthy.