BRM Reviews the 8/4/2011 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Bubba starts off by telling us that Fortune and Immortal have been going back and forth against each other for months. THEY HAVE BARELY BEEN ON TV TOGETHER AT ANY POINT IN THE LAST TWO MONTHS! The stuff with Anderson and Bubba just seems so forced to me that it is annoying. Their points, while logical, just seem to come from out of nowhere. I guess what I am asking for is an explanation for why Bubba doesn’t like Anderson, and why Hogan and Bischoff haven’t put him in line yet. Fortune got a good pop when they came out, though.

MADISON RAYNE vs. MISS TESSMACHER- DUD! I blinked and I missed it. After the match, Madison is choking Tessmacher, so Mickie starts to take her sweet time to go help her, and luckily for Angelina Love, she just happened to be walking by the entrance tunnel while Mickie was about to walk down the ramp so she jumped her.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: AJ Styles vs. Brother Devon- 5/10. I don’t actually remember what it is that Daniels said to AJ, but I do remember being excited by it. Taz and Tenay should be reminding us what this is about. Anyway, they did good job with this. Daniels’ frustration is understandable, but he still comes off slightly like a dick.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: The Pope vs. Samoa Joe- 4.25/10. Change that. I’m marking it down to 4/10 for the moronic finish.

JOE PROMO- MAKES NO SENSE AT ALL! Joe thinks that they put him in this tournament… in which the winner will receive a World Title shot… in order to keep him away from the World Title?

BUBBA ON THE PHONE WITH HOGAN- good.

STREET FIGHT: HERNANDEZ (w/Mexican America) vs. Bobby Roode (w/James Storm)- 5.75/10
Why did the referee tell Rosita to get off the apron? It is a Street Fight! There are no DQ’s! Similarly, Hernandez using the ropes got no heat.

BUBBA APOLOGIZES TO ANDERSON- eh.

AUSTIN ARIES vs. ALEX SHELLEY- 6.25/10 A great rating for such a short match. Great aftermath, too.

EY SH*T- Just that. Sh*t. Funny at times (“that would never happen, because if you were my wife, you would never be annoyed”), but not what I want on my wrestling show.

KURT & JB SEGMENT- good hype for the PPV main event.

BOUND FOR GLORY SERIES MATCH: Scott Steiner & Gunner vs. Rob Van Dam & Crimson- 7/10. The aftermath was well done, too.

CONTRACT SIGNING- WHAT THE F*CK?! When viewed in isolation, this segment was amazing. But when you remember the last year and a half of Impact… it is ridiculous. Sting claims that he made a vow to the fans that he would bring the company back to Dixie. First of all, a court of law decided that Hulk Hogan is the rightful owner of the company now. Second of all, STING COULD HAVE SAVED THE COMPANY LAST YEAR… but instead he just ran around speaking cryptically and saying “Deception!” Then he yelled at Dixie for not believing him (completely ignoring the fact that he gave her absolutely no reason to trust him, and every reason not to), took his ball and went home! As for this “vow” of Sting’s… this is the sort of thing that should happen on TV! When was it?

Then there is the constant problem in this angle that they always talk up the fact that the TNA World Title gives you power… but never show it!

Thirdly, and most importantly… There is no way in hell that the Sting we saw this week is the same person that we have seen over the past two months. With no explanation whatsoever, he is back to normal all of a sudden! WTF
If “wrestling matters” then this shouldn’t have gone on after the main event!

Overall, this was a good go-home show for TNA, and Taz and Tenay managed to not say anything stupid.

[badnewzxl]

this is the most confusing review I've ever encountered; what was the point?

Hardcore Justice has a great card; everything else is shit. pointless.

[Big Red Machine]

this is the most confusing review I've ever encountered; what was the point?

Hardcore Justice has a great card; everything else is s**t. pointless.

I am saying that this show did its job as a go-home show. It hyped Hardcore Justice up well.

[badnewzxl]

^ I'm sorry, bro; I don't even remember typing that post. 100 proof bourbon...

[Big Red Machine]

^ I'm sorry, bro; I don't even remember typing that post. 100 proof bourbon...

Attention wrestlers: Do you all see how Badnewz takes responsibility for his drunk posting, rather than claiming he was hacked? You could all learn a lot from him.

[Verdun]

If I mock Kiel's orientation, you can be assured its because I was hacked.