BRM Reviews the 5/2/2011 waste of time called "Raw"

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING STUFF WITH THE ROCK-eh. There was a lot of stuff here that really bothered me. It seemed like patriotism as a fad. I know that WWE has won awards and stuff, but this all annoyed me. It came off like those stores that hang up American flags to be patriotic, but leave the flag out in the rain.

R-TRUTH ATTACKS JoMo- Good.

DIVAS MATCH- No Rating, but a PERFECT segment! The place went NUCKING FUTS for Kong! I love they have managed to have her very similar to what got her over in TNA, but also very different.

MIZ & RILEY BACKSTAGE- logic FAIL! If Riley couldn’t be at ringside last night because he was drafted to Smackdown, why the hell is he here now? Does anyone really buy that The Rock invited Alex Riley to his birthday party?

ROCK’S PARTY SEGMENT- dumb, unfunny waste of time. Unfortunately, I sense a lot of this type of crap coming up tonight.

WWE TITLE MATCH: John Cena(c) vs. The Miz (w/Alex Riley)- 6.25/10. Good match. I ate up all of the nearfalls. The finish was problematic. Never mind Miz not getting rid of the evidence when he had the chance (which we saw him do with the briefcase!), but when was the last time a referee reversed a decision without HARD EVIDENCE that someone was cheating. And it doesn’t even work in this case because the belt when flying when Riley raised Miz’s arm. Why didn’t the ref just assume that Riley had gotten the belt and brought it to The Miz?
If they wanted to have dissension between Riley and Miz, they should have had Riley try to interfere, but get seen, thus causing Miz to get DQed. This way Miz not only doesn’t really lose, but he doesn’t cheat (leaving open the possibility that he doesn’t need to cheat to beat Cena).

KOFI KINGSTON & REY MYSTERIO vs. DREW MCINTYRE & KOFI KINGSTON- 4.5/10. Nothing at all. The point of the draft is SHAKE UP THE MATCHUPS! And yet they just want to recycle Smackdown stuff on Raw.

ROCK SEGMENTS- WASTE OF TIME! Even the one with Cena.

Basically, the entirety of this week's Raw felt like a monstrous waste of time.

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Matthews- “All four of these superstars drafted over to Monday Night Raw, all set to compete here in tag team action. Alberto Del Rio, also a part of the draft coming over to Raw; scouting some of his new competition”- YOU JUST TOLD US that all of these guys came over to Raw from Smackdown last week… SO HOW THE F*CK IS IT “NEW” COMPETITION?!

2. J.R. to Del Rio “Rey Mysterio might be offended by you calling him a ‘chihuahua’”- JR, you have been working for the company since Del Rio has been hired. Please don’t go all Tenay on me and tell me that you don’t watch the show.