BRM Reviews WWE WrestleMania XXXIX: Saturday (SOTYC!)

[Big Red Machine]

WWE WrestleMania XXXIX: Saturday (4/1/2023)- Inglewood, CA


I really like the entrance set this year.

SNOOP DOGG & THE MIZ WASTE TIME- I wonder if Snoop’s cousin is around. That would be newsworthy.

WWE UNITED STATES TITLE MATCH: Austin Theory(c) vs. John Cena- 7/10
This was about a minimum acceptable WrestleMania opener. Theory bit Cena a lot. Could Cena really not have lost cleanly?

BRAUN STROWMAN & RICOCHET vs. THE STREET PROFITS vs. ALPHA ACADEMY vs. THE VIKING RAIDERS (w/Valhalla)- 7.75/10
The Viking Raiders look like cosplayers. Titus O’Neil was on guest commentary for this match. This was a fun, action-packed move-fest. I popped huge when Gable hit the Chaos Theory on Strowman. I popped even bigger for Dawkins cutting off the Choo-Choo Train, and successively bigger for everything that happened from that point until the finish about five moves later.

UP-UP-DOWN-DOWN WWE 2K23 PLUG- irritating
Pete Dunne being there felt completely against his gimmick, and that blondes dress was so puffy it felt like she was doing a Little Po Peep Cosplay but forgot her hood (she didn’t forget her sheep. Not having them is part of the cosplay).

SETH ROLLINS vs. LOGAN PAUL (w/the Prime Energy Mascot)- 8.25/10
Paul got a fancy entrance and managed to be a total heel during it. There is no way that mascot isn’t taking a bump, right? For those wondering, the Prime Energy Bottle ranks far below both Stomper and the Honor Cow.
For Seth’s entrance, they got a fancy conductor to direct the fans, and they actually obeyed his commands.
Seth looks like the world’s most ostentatious supervillain, and I don’t know how they could possibly think people will want to cheer for him. It was like a collaboration between Dalton Castle and Jeff Jarrett.
Seth’s mid-section got worked over. Logan Paul is very good. Not just athletically, but he has good instincts for his mannerisms as well. The mascot was some friend of Paul’s named KSI. Rollins pulled him onto the table to take Paul’s Frog Splash. Their timing on that could have been better.
Logan Paul got to kick out of a Pedigree. That shocked me. Seth won cleanly.

DAMAGE CTRL vs. TRISH STRATUS, BECKY LYNCH, & LITA- 6.75/10
I think I sat on a button and accidentally turned my TV to black and white. Oh. Wait. It’s just a stupid entrance effect.
Wy are there grown adults wearing those embarrassing wanna-be gangsta plastic giant gold chains with the WrestleMania logo on them?
The heels got heat on both Becky and Lita. Trish and Lita both looked good. The assisted Stratusphere to outside onto Io and Bayley was an awesome spot. The match dragged a bit, but it was never close to getting bad.

REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. DOMIniK MYSTERIO- 7.5/10
Bad Bunny did Spanish guest commentary for this match. What if this is the set-up to an angle between Snoop Dog and Bad Bunny?
Dominik arriving in the police van had me cracking up. Him wearing the mask got so much heat. Snoop Dogg drove Rey into the building… to Eddie Guerrero’s music, doing an Eddie Guerrero entrance. Maybe I’m thinking too hard, but considering Eddie’s last storyline (which started at the last Mania in LA), I read an “I’m not really your dad” artistic message onto this, which goes against the idea of the storyline. I’m probably reading too much into that.
Also, for some reason, there is a cereal mascot. It ranks below the Prime Energy Bottle (and, therefore, well below both Stomper and the Honor Cow).
That spanking spot was tremendous… and then Dom goes to the outside and gets all the heat right back by throwing Aliyah’s drink in her face, and then blindsiding Rey when Rey went to stop her from coming over the barricade. I want to find whoever came up with that sequence and give them a big, giant hug.
There was a lot of good stuff in here and a lot of Eddie Guerrero references. They also did the most perfect Alley-Oop spot I’ve ever seen. Legado del Fantasma showed up to counter Judgement Day, and Bad Bunny stopped Dominik from using a steel chain that Damian Priest had left for him. Rey got win, and Dominik left with Judgement Day, which was the right call. Let the happy reunion be its own story that you take time telling.

WWE SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S TITLE MATCH: Charlotte Flair(c) vs. Rhea Ripley- 9.5/10
Cole tried to push that this is a special moment because it’s the first time at WrestleMania that not only do we have female wrestlers, but also a referee and a ring announcer. Once you get down to the ring announcer, who could possibly care?
That DDT out of the Riptide was f*cking tremendous. Charlotte took a German Suplex right on her face. It was terrifying. Oh my G-d those f*cking forearms. I can’t even begin to collect my thoughts for this match any more than I have here. Suffice it to say that these two set out to prove that everyone who said they shouldn’t have gone on last was wrong, and in any other year, they would have succeeded.

Dammit, Charlotte, wait until you’re backstage to start smiling about how awesome your match was!

BYRON SAXTON INTERVIEWS AUSTIN THEORY- fine

PAT MCAFEE vs. THE MIZ- DUD!
This was your buffer match, complete with impromptu talking segment to set it up. Apparently Snoop Dogg has booking power. It was short, boring, and I stopped caring once the football player got involved to help McAfee. Fans need to stay on their side of the guardrail.

WWE UNIFIED TAG TEAM TITLE MATCH: The Usos(c) vs. Kevin Owens & Sami Zayn- a PERFECT 10/10!
Michael Cole uttered the name “El Generico.”
This match was just a wonderful cacophony of action and emotions. I loved that it both started and then ended with Sami and Jey. It just felt right. The crowd emotionally supercharged and so were the wrestlers, and everything just came together perfectly. This was wonderful, and was easily the best babyface payoff we’ve gotten at WrestleMania since Daniel Bryan won the world title at WrestleMania XXX.


This was an absolutely tremendous show, up there with the best Manias of all time. It’s certainly the only one that can match the one-two punch of WrestleMania X-Seven, and that show is my default answer for all-time best WrestleMania. This felt like a TakeOver show, with the Miz stuff being an unwanted main-roster interlude.