BRM Reviews the 4/8/2020 Dyamite (some great video packages, but mostly sh*t)

[Big Red Machine]

JAKE “THE SNAKE” ROBERTS PROMO- AWESOME!

Chris Jericho is on commentary with Tony Schiavone tonight. Yeah! No Cody and his wrong opinions about Star Trek!

LANCE ARCHER vs. ALLAN ENGLES- squash
The jobber didn’t even get an entrance or even an “already in the ring” introduction. I’m okay with that first part but not the second, as it takes away from the sporting atmosphere. Archer murderized him.

DR. BRITT BAKER, DMD vs. HIKARU SHIDA- 6.75/10
The graphic told us that this is Shida’s “10th week as #1 title contender.” Well then why the f*ck is she booked against Dr. Baker instead of being booked against AEW Women’s Champion Nyla Rose? If the answer to that question is “Nyla can’t make it to the shows because she doesn’t want to travel due to COVID-19, then JUST SAY SO. That’s a perfectly reasonable explanation. But if you don’t give us an explanation, it makes your company look dumb for not doing the most obvious thing in the world and giving Shida the title shot that she has rightfully earned.
A bunch of babyface jobbers who I didn’t even recognize HELD BRITT BAKER IN PLACE OVER THE BARRICADE SO THAT SHIDA COULD HIT HER WITH A KNEE. On its own this would be bad enough because it’s a babyface cheating, but it was made even worse by the fact that the referee was looking right at it and didn’t call for a DQ due to this blatant interference.
Shida obliterated Britt’s nose, which bled all over the place. Britt was great with her facials, coming off as almost deranged in how much it fired her up. I don’t know if this was worked or not, but the only thing about the situation that didn’t come off well was Paul Turner giving Britt one of his gloves when she asked for it. He has those to make sure that he doesn’t get anyone’s blood on him. Why would he give it away!
They also did a spot playing off of that match where Britt purposely used the ropes to knock some of Yuka Sakazaki’s teeth out. Remember how that feud went nowhere?
Other than the annoying stuff, this was a good, hard-hitting match. I don’t know if the blood was an accident or not, but it really added to things. It brought back memories of (ironically) Adam Cole vs. Kyle O’Reilly from ROH Best in the World 2012: Hostage Crisis.

KENNY OMEGA & MICHAEL NAKAZAWA TRY TO COME UP WITH A TEAM NAME- bad
Nakazawa suggests that they be the Best Friends. Kenny says that someone already has that name but Nakazawa says “we’re really best friends and you’re an EVP, so you can make it happen.” Kenny agrees to think about it. I actually really liked that part, as it showed that- as has been hinted at before- Nakazwa has some bad qualities, but Kenny is able to compartmentalize those so long as they aren’t so bad. Here, Nakazawa basically had no respect for Best Friends’ intellectual property, and if this conversation had been taking place at catering and Best Friends were listening from a table away or even if this was happening as part of an interview and they were in the background because their interview was next, I would have liked it.
Instead, though, this took place in what I guess is Kenny’s trailer. For some unknown reason, Orange Cassidy was in the bathroom of Kenny’s trailer. He came out as soon as he heard this. Also, at that very moment, Best Friends were right outside the trailer and apparently could hear the whole conversation, so they butted in to tell Kenny off. Kenny did deserve to be told off for considering taking the name, but to have Best Friends just happening to be standing outside the door was ridiculous and makes them look like they were trying to eavesdrop on a strategy conversation, while having OC in the bathroom was both pointless and stupid. It served no purpose other than “ha! Orange Cassidy heard everything because he was in the bathroom,” apparently ignoring the fact that he seems to have broken into Kenny’s trailer to do so, because neither Kenny nor Nakazawa knew he was there.
Anyway, Chuck & Trent were so upset about this that they… put their name on the line with no prompting. Then they went out the door while Orange Cassidy went back into the bathroom because HAH! It’s funny because it’s a bathroom!

YOUNG BUCKS BOOK COMMERCIAL- great stuff. It’s rare that you get to hear from the author in their own words pitching you the book (in a commercial, I mean. You hear it on talk shows all the time).

AEW RANKINGS REPORT, WITH EXCALIBUR- I guess it’s nice to get this, but there was no logic or justification presented for any of this. How the f*ck are the Dark Order #1 and the Bucks #2 despite weeks of inactivity? Stuff like that was the problem with this, especially when they presented us with the records.

JON MOXLEY VS. JAKE HAGER VIDEO PACKAGE- awesome!
The only thing I didn’t like was Swagger’s coach claiming that he is the only person to do MMA and pro wrestling full time at the same time. Didn’t Lashley do that in the mid-2010s?

CODY VS. SPEARS VIDEO PACKAGE- great… minus Cody saying that “Spears has been turning on me since OVW,” like this has happened six or seven times, in which case Cody is a f*cking moron for ever trusting him again each time.

WINNER GETS THE BEST FRIENDS NAME: Best Friends(c) (w/Orange Cassidy) vs. Kenny Omega & Michael Nakazawa- 2/10
Spears was yelling for someone to “impress me,” reminding us that he is still looking for a tag team partner. He also yelled at AEW Senior Referee Aubrey Edwards to remove Nakazawa’s bottle of baby oil from the ring because it’s a foreign object. He’s completely correct about this, but Aubrey didn’t do so because I guess she doesn’t about the rules. Some Senior Referee she is. She would later let him oil up the ropes and not even tell him off.
Actually that whole spot was confusing. If, as Jericho said, the idea is to cause pain via friction, then wouldn’t oiling the ropes up make it less painful than just dragging him across the ropes? And if Jericho is wrong and it’s just to supposed to be a nut-shot thing, then what does the oil matter at all?
Aubrey also had no problem with Nakazawa spraying the oil all over the ring, and even in his opponent’s eyes. Then Orange Cassidy, WHO IS NOT A PARTICIPANT IN THE MATCH, just hopped into the ring and Aubrey didn’t do sh*t to stop him. He did a comedy spot with Nakazawa, then dove onto Kenny Omega. Aubrey was looking right at this and didn’t call for the DQ. Some referee she is.
Anyway, after spending a long time showing me that I shouldn’t take this seriously, they then want me to care about who wins and they start doing serious wrestling. F*ck off. You can be goofs, or you can ask me to care about who wins and who loses. You can’t switch back and forth within the match.
So yeah. This was a dumb match, despite there being some cool spots. Throw in the fact that the stipulation ensures that everyone knew who was going to win and thus removing all suspense, and you’ve got a match that felt was a giant waste of my time. Then, despite the previous tense confrontation and all of this cheating by both sided, all five guys had a big hug. F*ck off.
Also… does the goofball with the baby oil really need to be kicking out of Piledriver? Really?

BRODIE LEE VIDEO- Dumb
It’s another Vince thing. This time it was the “when you walk through the airport” speech. We get it. You’re angry at Vince and you want to prove you’re better than him. Well knock off this stupid Billionaire Ted bullsh*t and actually BE BETTER THAN VINCE. The only thing these segments are doing proving that the powers that be at AEW are just as petty as Vince.
And, because I’m me, I have to point out that Brodie at the two guys in their henchmen uniforms and masks for not being dressed like stars as compared to the guy in the nice shirt, tie, and mask, was utterly ridiculous because if you saw those people out in public, no one would notice their clothes because EVERYONE WOULD BE STARING AT THE MASKS, and the “everyone would be staring” part is exactly what the “when you walk through the airport” speech is about.
Also… the two dudes he was yelling at appeared to be in blackface under their masks.
Anyway, Brodie yells at the two dudes in their henchmen outfits and singles out the guy in the tie for praise. He tells Tie Guy that he has a special job for him and they walk into a door marked with the AEW logo while the other two look down, dejected.

DR. BRITT BAKER, DMD INTERVIEW- good heel stuff

JAKE HAGER VIDEO PACKAGE, PART 2- good, other than his wife’s audio seeming to be a bit out of sync.

MATT HARDY VIDEO PACKAGE- mostly terrible
There were one or two good bits in here, but whoever decided that it was the height of wit for Matt to deconstruct every compound noun or similar and say “the Y of an X” instead deserved to be flogged with what I’m sure Matt would call the “cat with nine tails.” Also, that was not a dumpster fire. That barely even qualified as a trashcan fire, so Matt misused the word literally, which bothers me because the whole joke was that he was using it correctly, except that he actually wasn’t, so it bothered me.
Matt challenged Jericho to face him at the Hardy Compound for an “Elite Deletion.”

“THE EXALTED ONE” BRODIE LEE vs. LEE JOHNSON- squash
On commentary, Jericho brought up all of the other red herrings that AEW had for us and said that no one in AEW thought that Brodie Lee could be the Exalted One, which makes me wonder why no one in AEW ever guessed it when a large chunk of the fanbase at least saw it as a possibility (especially once the Exalted One’s debut was announced for the show that was in Brodie’s home region of Upstate New York.

AEW TNT CHAMPIONSHIP TOURNAMENT QUARTERFINAL MATCH: Shawn Spears vs. Cody Rhodes (w/Brandi Rhodes)- 4.5/10
Cody hit Spears with the weight belt right in front of the referee. She yelled at him for it, but didn’t DQ him. Either it’s illegal and he should be DQed for using a foreign object, or it’s not illegal and Aubrey should shut the f*ck up. Those are the only two options.
So yeah. Aubrey yells at Cody for that, but doesn’t call for the bell when one of the “fans” (as Tony called theme very time other than the first time, when he told us they were wrestlers in for the tapings) GRABBED SPEARS’ ARMS BEHIND HIS BACK AND HELD HIM STILL AND PREVENTED HIM FROM DEFENDING HIMSELF WHILE CODY PUMMELED HIM. There was no DQ for this. How the f*ck did no one think this was a terrible idea.
Anyway, LESS THAN A MINUTE LATER, Spears goes to pull the turnbuckle cover off… and they want me to be angry at him for trying to cheat?
Brandi jumps up on the apron to yell at him, causing a distraction, which almost allows Cody to hit his finisher. Fortunately, Spears, the man who appears to be fighting Cody in the ring, Brandi and the fans outside of the ring, and also a biased referee, was able to avoid it. Cody wound up taking an FU over the top rope and through a table (which Cody brought out, by the way).
Anyway, all of that sh*t wasn’t a DQ and there were no count-outs before, but now that we want to make a false finish out of it, there are count-outs. Slaps are exchanged, finishers are reversed until Cody hits two CrossRhodes in a row… and Spears- barely a midcarder- kicks out, so that move is now dead. Cody then locks on a figure four and gets the pin when Spears is in so much pain that he can’t get his shoulders up. Our supposed hero needed help from a random jamoke at ringside to beat a midcarder, and got lucky the referee decided to ignore all of his cheating. Some hero he is.
Someone please explain to me why they couldn’t have just wrestled a regular match and Cody won cleanly without any stupid bullsh*t.

This was a bad episode of AEW. It had some great video packages and Jericho was entertaining, but, on the whole, you’d be doing yourself a favor by just shutting the show off after Jake’s promo and maybe finding the Moxley vs. Hager video package and the women’s match on YouTube.

[XIV]

Jake got the memo and his promo was a lot more about Lance Archer. To steal a quote from Bad Boys... "NOW THAT'S HOW YOU CUT A MANAGER PROMO, FROM NOW ON THAT'S HOW YOU CUT PROMOS".

They're doing better than WWE at the empty shows. Just having a smattering of people making noise makes all the difference.

Jericho on commentary is also REALLY helping this.