BRM Reviews the 2/3/2011 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- Awesome. Both Bischoff, and especially Steiner were great.

Okay, now I’m confused about the legal stuff. Hulk Hogan is a contracted employee of TNA… so how can Dixie’s judge (who is in Dallas, and thus should have no jurisdiction at all regarding the sale of a Florida and Tennessee-based company which took place in Florida) stop Hogan from showing up. And if the judge can do it to Hogan… why not do it to Bischoff, too?

INK INC. vs. GUNNAR & MURPHY- 4/10.

CHRISTY HEMME REPORT- Dull. If the report was pre-taped… why waste time showing us the report? JUST TELL US WHAT HAPPENED! If we really need to see Christy’s smile (read as: “breasts”), we can see it (them) when she is interviewing someone in a segment that actually helps the show.

EY & THE ANNOUNCERS- MORONIC WASTE OF TIME!

JARRETTS VIDEO PACKAGE- EVEN STUPIDER WASTE OF TIME!

BUBBA & POPE vs. JOE & DEVON- DUD! Joe & Pope run off… leaving Bubba and Devon to brawl. Bubba gets heat by spitting in the faces of Devon’s kids. Or he WOULD have gotten heat if the crowd had any idea who they were. Us live viewers at home didn’t know either until Taz told us too late. As for Bubba spitting on them… eh. So what? It’s disrespectful… but that’s not going to do it in this particular feud. This feud needs violence.

It will be Bubba vs. Devon in a Street Fight, and Joe vs. Pope at Against All Odds- FINALLY! A some matches announced for the PPV IN TEN DAYS!

Maybe this is just me nitpicking, but did it come off as stupid to anyone else when they made sure that the bisexual was the one to bring up sexual orientation, and that the black guy was one to bring up color? To me, that doesn’t prove the point as well.

X-DIVISION #1 CONTENDERS MATCH QUALIFIER- Jay Lethal vs. Jeremy Buck vs. Doug Williams- 4.75/10.

HARDY-ANDERSON VIDEO PACKAGE- We saw all of this footage at the top of the broadcast! So why are you showing it to us AGAIN? Either here… or there. NOT BOTH! BOTH is a WASTE OF TIME!

HARDY-ANDERSON SEGMENT- pretty good.

JARRETTS VIDEO PACKAGE #2- ALSO A WASTE OF TIME! The daughters were definitely reading off of cue cards.

TAPED-FIST MATCH: Mickie James vs. Sarita- 5/10. Apparently this is a No DQ’s match that must be won by KO. They should pick a name that actually EXPLAINS THAT! Or at least explains it at some point before three minutes into the match!
Melissa and Wesna, they are not. This was definitely limited by the constraints of the stip. I think everyone would have preferred to see these two in a regular match, rather than some dumb gimmick match with no build and that doesn’t make sense to have between these two… and yet somehow… THIS is the MOTN so far.
After the match, Madison KOs Mickie with the loaded glove. Again.

HARDY-BISCHOFF SEGMENT- PERFECT!

TNA IN EUROPE VIDEO PACKAGE- Apparently Dixie had to answer questions from some of Europe’s top business journalists. I wonder if one of them was: How can you call yourself a businessperson when you are too dumb TO READ SOMETHING BEFORE SIGNING IT!?

JARRETTS VIDEO PACKAGE #3- AN EVEN BIGGER AND STUPIDER WASTE OF TIME. And the fact that this was the payoff to the previous stupidity makes this three times as stupid as it already is because it is the cause of the other two stupid wastes of time!


TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Mr. Anderson(c) vs. Jeff Hardy-7/10
WHY THE HELL IS JACKSON JAMES THE REFEREE? He has a track record of blowing calls that no other official would ever blow (see: Hardy vs. Morgan at Turning Point) and is by far the LEAST EXPERIENCED referee TNA has! So why is he refereeing a WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH?
Okay… THAT was a well-executed turn

AJ & BISCHOFF PROMOS- PERFECT!

THE TURN- Yes, it was perfectly executed. Yes, it made the guys that the fans most want to cheer into babyfaces… but this turn was a bad idea right now, and here’s why:

Heels:
Jarrett
Terry
Matt
Jeff
Gunnar
Murphy
Gen. Me
Pope
Bubba
Abyss
Robbie E.

Faces:
RVD
Kurt
Crimson
Steiner
AJ
Anderson
Morgan
Joe
MCMG
Red
Beer Money
Kaz
Flair
Lethal
Doug Williams
Okada
Ink Inc.
Kendrick
EY
OJ

Almost EVERY main event or upper-midcard guy is a babyface. There need to be some MAJOR turns here.

The March 3rd hype bothers me a lot, because, for the second time, they are hyping an episode of Impact, rather than the PPV ten days later. Also, this is the SECOND TIME they have hyped an episode of Impact by promising that we will get a final decision from the judge in the Hogan-Dixie court case. If the last time they promised us this (you know… TONIGHT), they didn’t deliver what they promised… why should we believe that they will do it this time?

Stupid Announcer Quotes:
1. Tenay- “Kurt Angle says ‘Eric Bischoff… YOU’RE WRONG! THEY ARE HERE!”- WE JUST HEARD HIM SAY THIS NO LESS THAT FIVE SECONDS AGO! SHUT THE F*CK UP, TENAY!

2. Taz- “He actually has relations, to Jack Dempsey, the boxer from the 20s and 30s… he’s related to this guy somehow, like a long-distant relative”- Thank you, Taz, for that extremely relevant piece of information, but allow me to one up you: He is also related to Kurt Angle through their common long-distant grandparents: Adam and Eve. And also to Ken Griffey Jr., Pablo Picasso, and Margret Thatcher.

3. Taz- “Look at Douglas Williams. Trying to get the win. That’s smart. Win this match and advance.”- you are just full of insight today, aren’t you, Taz?

[Lynas]

3. Taz- “Look at Douglas Williams. Trying to get the win. That’s smart. Win this match and advance.”- you are just full of insight today, aren’t you, Taz?

Yes. Taz. What's the point of being in the ring if that person doesn't want to win!? what's the point of being there if you're trying to get the loss!?


F*CK TAZ.

[KILLdozer]

i agree the promos between bischoff and aj were great,,especially being non PG,,so much more refreshing from John cenas constant im gonna kick your butt blah blah poop and pee foolishness

[cero2k]

i don't know what to make of the whole Okada thing, i really really really hope they don't try to do some stupid green hornet thing between Joe and Okada........BTW....WHY ISN'T OKADA WRESTLING WHILE GUNNER AND MURPHY ARE!!!??

[Big Red Machine]

i don't know what to make of the whole Okada thing, i really really really hope they don't try to do some stupid green hornet thing between Joe and Okada.

Normally in this situation I would warn you not to give Russo any ideas... but if they actually did this, I would mark out like Scooby Doo does for a Scooby Snack!