BRM Reviews the 12/8/2016 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING VIDEO PACKAGE- the music they used here needs to never be used again.

GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP SEGMENT- not so good
Fans are chanting “you deserve it!” at Moose for winning the Stupid Rules Title.
1. That chant is overused as is, but this is the final nail in the coffin.
2. I like Moose as much as the next guy (and I’ll venture to say that I’ve been watching him for longer than most people in the Impact Zone have been), but I don’t think he is at the point in his career where he “deserves” some sort of title.
3. If you are the sort of person who thinks Moose “deserves” a title at this point in his career, then surely you would think he deserves a better title than this one.

Moose’s promo was standard babyface stuff. I don’t think Moose is quite as limited as a babyface as Eddie Edwards is, but they often play around in similar space, and having two babyface singles champions doing the same thing is not the best idea.

Drew Galloway comes out and cuts a good promo. The he offers to “have a match of the year” with Moose, asking “should we burn this bitch to the ground?”
Must… resist… urge… to make… joke… about… Joan of Arc.

Then Aron Rex came out and said he wants his rematch right now. Also, he said the phrase “rexual harassment.” This is the sort of line that is so bad that it really should have been edited off of the show.

TNA GRAND CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH: Moose(c) vs. Aron Rex- 3/10
This angle with Aron Rex buries TNA as a kayfabe company so completely, and yet the morons in charge don’t even come close to realizing it. It’s been over a month at this point. Does no one in TNA even watch the show? Because that’s the only explanation for why no referee has checked Rex’s knuckles before a match yet (and that assumes that company policy isn’t to check the wrestlers for weapons at the start of every match, which it should be, and which it is in every other promotion). And even then, has Josh not gone to a referee or a company official with his complaints? Or has he said “I’m pretty sure one of our wrestlers is cheating” and the company said “not out problem?”
The story of this match was that Rex used his rings to hit Moose early and dominate the first two rounds… but then Moose just won anyway with the spear.

EDDIE EDWARDS PROMO- not so good.

DREW GALLOAY PROMO- a good promo, but it comes across way too much like he is doing it Evolve gimmick in TNA now.

AIDEN O’SHEA vs. MANDREWS- 4/10
The match told its story well (for the time it got), but the booking…
Mandrews just turned heel last week… and now they put him in a match where he’s basically the underdog babyface so he spends most of the match getting his ass kicked by a guy completely unrelated to the guy he turned on.

DOUBLE STRAP MATCH: Al Snow & Mahabali Shera vs. The Tribual- 2/10
So instead of doing this the good way, they’re doing it the lame way where you have to touch the corners of the ring.
Look… they did what they set out to do in a competent manner… but it was in no way interesting or exciting. It’s a f*cking “touch all of the corners” strap match, and it’s almost 2017. This should not be happening.

WE WATCH MATT HARDY HAVE A PREMONITION- also, he makes annoying noises. He winds up shouting “apocalypto!” a lot. Or, here’s an alternative explanation: Reby was going down on him this whole time, and that was Broken Matt Hardy having an orgasm. I’m not which explanation I prefer.

EC III PROMO- was okay until Eli Drake showed up so Ethan could be a jackass to him. Eli still found a way to dis Ethan, which made me happy. I assume Ethan is about to lose this match when Eli conks him with that microphone, and he 100% deserves it.

MATT HARDY ANNOUNCES THAT TOTAL NON-STOP DELETION WILL BE NEXT WEEK- annoying
They’ve got Maxel out here dressed like a tool. He’ll apparently be making his Impact debut next week. I guess pro wrestling in North Carolina is unregulated. Even if he wins, Owen Steen (Owen Owens?) will still have him beaten for youngest victor in a professional wresting match.
Gregory Shane Helms comes out to say that his guys will be there. Matt Hardy makes fun of Greg’s old gimmicks. Then Rosemary shows up to announce that Decay will be there. Maxel showed no fear of this woman who tried to kidnap him a few months ago. All three Decay-members’ promos annoyed me. I want them all to go away forever.

DCC PROMO- they, too, are going to be in Total Non-Stop Deletion.

ALLIE, MARIA, & LAUREL IN THE RING- Finally, something I (sort of) care about.
Maria says that Allie can’t wrestle, but Allie reveals that she has been getting secret wrestling training… “FROM BRAXTON SUTTER!” (which she shouted in Laurel’s face. That was great!)

ALLIE (w/Braxton Sutter) vs. LAUREL VAN NESS (w/Maria Kanellis)- 4/10
They wrestled for a bit, with Braxton coaching Allie, until Mike Bennett came down to take him out. Allie won. If Braxton Sutter actually had a finisher yet (and he’s been in the company for six months already, LOL) she could have used that. This was fine for what it was. Allie almost punched Maria after the match.

ALLIE & BRAXTON IN THE PARKING LOT- good segment.
Huh. I guess Braxton must have fought Bennett off during the commercial. Sutter tells Allie she “can do anything” so she kisses Sutter in a fit of impulse. Trust me: it worked a lot better than it sounds like it would have worked from reading my review.

They already have a video package ready for Total Non-Stop Deletion, complete with images of events that haven't happened yet.

TNA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE MATCH: Eddie Edwards(c) vs. Ethan Carter III- 7.25/10
I think it’s time that we all accept that Ethan just doesn’t work well with smaller guys. His best matches have come with the likes of Bennett and Galloway but when you stick him in there against a guy like Eddie Edwards- or everyone he worked with in Evolve, for that matter- he’s just not that good. Ethan works a very WWE style, and it doesn’t mesh will with guys whose strengths are technical.
The match went just under twenty minutes, which is quite long for a TNA match (probably one of the longest on Impact all year, or maybe even in the last two years). Unfortunately, this is TNA, so they have to give us some sort of sh*tty double-finish instead of putting the champion over clean. Are we really still going nuts with this "protect EC III at all costs" bullsh*t?

A decent show from TNA. There was a lot of crap, but it was crap of the “easy to sit through” variety instead of the “makes me so mad I want to throw things” variety, and the main event and the Allie stuff were both very good.