BRM Reviews the 9/29/2016 Impact (Road to Glory)

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- snore
JB brings out Ethan and Lashley, and only now did it hit me just how stupid this Lethal Lockdown match is. They are going to take a whole bunch of different feuds and stick them in a f*cking cage match with weapons… and then they are going to expect people to want to pay to see these same feuds in regular matches on Sunday. They’re shooting themselves in the foot.
They draft their teams in the most boring manner possible. Each team is required to have one woman. Team EC III is EC III, Aron Rex, Moose, and Gail Kim. Team Lashley will be Bobby Lashley, Mike Bennett, Drew Galloway, and, because Lashley is apparently a complete and total f*cking idiot, Maria. So basically it’s a bunch of guys we have been watching interact all summer, plus Gail and Maria. They could of tried to use this to elevate someone like Eli Drake or Trevor Lee, or tried to shake things up by throwing in a big name that hasn’t interacted with these guys recently like Jeff Hardy or Abyss, but no.
Lashley and Ethan exchange promos. I feel like I’ve already heard everything these two have to say to each other fifty times already. Ethan dares Lashley to face him alone as the first guy in for his team. Lashley agrees to it, which obviously means they are going to have him not do so, in order try to portray BOBBY LASHLEY as a cowardly heel. F*ck that sh*t.

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: DJ Zema Ion(c) vs. Eddie Edwards- 6.5/10
Pope and Josh told us how important this match was and how much they both want the title they are fighting for… and then immediately proceeded to ignore the title match to talk about Lethal Lockdown and recap the opening segment. DJZ retains in a good match. There was much mutual respect afterwards. Then Lee and Everett attacked them both and beat them up. So are we getting a tag match at BFG instead of the X-Division Title being on the line? Or are they going to do the same exact match they did at Slammiversary with the same lack of reasoning for why some of the guys are in there?

MARIA YELLS AT ALLIE BACKSTAGE AGAIN- Laurel showed up. Maria put over and used her to make Allie feel bad. I will admit to laughing at Allie going up onto her tip-toes when Maria put Laurel over for being taller than Allie.

JOSH MATHEWS SIT-DOWN INTERVIEW WITH MIKE BENNETT & MOOSE- good

MADISON RAYNE vs. LAUREL VAN NESS (w/Allie)- 3/10
A fine first win for Laurel. Allie did the post-match victory announcement, and she is such a f*ck-up that she screwed up Laurel’s completely phonetic, two-syllable last name. Sh*t like this kills any sympathy I have for Allie because if you are that much of a screw-up, then you deserve to get berated.

LASHLEY GIVES HIS TEAM A PEP-TALK- he promises the first post-BFG Title shot to which of them takes out Ethan.

DREW GALLOWAY WANTS TO TALK TO ARON REX- good
Drew tries to take credit for TNA’s “success” since he joined the company, which is like taking credit for the success of the Brady Bunch of after Cousin Oliver was added. I thought that Rex was quite good here and I liked the little angle they did with the Piledriver, assuming that this is used to take Rex out of the match and to set up a story for Sunday that will make me believe that the match actually has a good chance of ending in less than nine minutes.

DECAY PROMO- they keep hyping “The Great War” but I have no idea what that means. Is there going to be a tag title match? Are Reby and Rosemary going to be involved? Are we getting a real match or a new Final Deletion thing? WE HAVE NO IDEA. And that’s NOT GOOD because THAT DOESN’T SELL PPV BUYS.

ROSEMARY (w/Decay) vs. REBY HARDY (w/the Hardy Boyz)- 1/10
A dull match that went to a DQ. Then they all started brawling all over the place. Rosemary put Reby through a table. Shouldn’t you maybe save something like that for the PPV?

Josh told us they had cameras on the Hardys brawling with Steve and Abyss, but we had to cut away from it because it was apparently imperative that we see that f*cking COIN TOSS for Lethal Lockdown. The heel team won. Who could have seen that coming?

HARDYS & DECAY BRAWLING- Steve and Jeff tried to rip each gouge each other’s eyes out. Elsewhere, Matt kicked Abyss in the nuts and hit him with a ladder, then bit his ear hard enough to draw blood. Then we cut back to Steve and Jeff fighting again, but this time with highly inappropriate lobby music playing. Abyss electrocuted Matt while in the other half of the split screen Steve did… something to Jeff. Then they added Rosemary and the bottom of the screen and she menstruated out of her mouth. That was not something I needed to see.
Not only was this segment pointless brawling, but it was counter-productive brawling, as I saw them doing their brawling with their silly effects, so if that’s what the Great War at the PPV is, then I won’t be inclined to pay for it because I just saw it here for free.

MCKENZIE MITCHELL SIT-DOWN INTERVIEW WITH MARIA AND GAIL- meh.

TYRUS FINALLY SHOWS UP TO WORK AND GETS INTERVIEWED- apparently they’re doing that terrible “Bound For Gold” thing again this year. Eli Drake showed up and tried to hire Tyrus but Tyrus instead declared that he would beat Eli Drake up for free. Tyrus is a terrible businessman.

ETHAN GIVES HIS TEAM A PEP-TALK- Aron Rex is showing absolutely no ill-effects from the earlier piledriver, so what was even the point of doing it?

LETHAL LOCKDOWN MATCH FOR THE RIGHT TO PICK THE STIPULATION FOR THE BFG MAIN EVENT: Team Lashley (Bobby Lashley, Drew Galloway, Mike Bennett, & Maria Kanellis-Bennett vs. Team EC III (Ethan Carter III, Moose, Aron Rex, & Gail Kim)- 5.75/10
Yup. Lashley lied. They don’t have a roof for Lethal Lockdown anymore. It’s just weapons hanging on the walls of the cage, and the wrestlers are on the honor system to not use them until everyone is in the match.
They do stuff for a while and it’s fine. After all of the men are in the match it is Maria’s turn to enter, but she just stands outside. When Gail entered she chased Maria around and threw her in… except that obviously they’re not going to have the men hit the women with the weapons so they needed to get the women out of there, so they had Maria hide behind Bennett, then just run out of the cage (isn’t the door supposed to be locked!?) and Gail ran out after her. If this was what you are going to do, then why even have them in f*cking match?
Lashley chokes Ethan out, which all but guarantees that Ethan will win the belt at the PPV. Lashley wants the world title match at BFG to be No Holds Barred.

This shows was a huge waste. Instead of trying to set something up for the X-Divison or the tag team division or an undercard match for the Knockouts (Jade already feels like a nobody again), they just pushed the same five feuds they been pushing, adding an unnecessary stip to one match and giving us a bunch of talking segments in feuds we’ve already seen too many talking segments in. I’m not looking forward to BFG.

[NWK2000]

If they even have a BFG anyway

[Big Red Machine]

If they even have a BFG anyway

Yeah, LOL.