BRM Reviews the 8/18/2016 Impact (going in the wrong direction)

[Big Red Machine]

ARON REX & LASHLEY HAVE A BACKSTAGE STARE-DOWN- what was the point of this when you could have just showed us the end of last week’s show. Also, we wouldn’t have wasted a good minute or so just watching Lashley’s back as he walked.

JAMES STORM CALLS OUT BRIAN HEBNER FOR F*CKING UP LAST WEEK- bad
It turns out Hebner didn’t f*ck up at all. The timekeeper decided to ring the bell on his own. Although… should Hebner really have need to escort JB out of the ring? He’s been doing this long enough to know how and when to get out on his own. And shouldn’t he have snapped into action upon hearing the bell ring? Or maybe getting JB out of the ring was him snapping into action. Either way, this is stupid. Why we are doing an angle that makes the ring announcer, timekeeper, and the referee all look incompetent and taints the victory of your dominant world champion?
Storm demands that Brian Hebner right his wrong and give him a rematch against Lashley right now. Since when does Hebner have booking power? If he wanted a rematch, why didn’t James Storm talk to Billy Corgan or Dixie Carter at any point during the past week?
Ah. Here comes Corgan now. He says “James, I not sure what you want me do to.” Have you not been listening? He wants you to book a rematch, dumbass! Corgan says that the referee’s decision is final, and that is true… but that doesn’t mean that you can’t book a rematch!
Corgan says that “games are won and lost in the fourth quarter, not the first.” THAT’S NOT HOW WRESTLING WORKS, YOU IDIOT! Wrestling doesn’t have a set time limit that the match goes no matter what happens. If someone pins someone in three seconds, then that’s it: the match is over.
Storm says he wants a rematch and the fans want to see one, too (and they chant to indicate this). That’s another point: shouldn’t Storm at the very least be entitled to a rematch for his King of the Mountain Title? Bram got one just a few months ago, and we’ve seen a contractually obligated rematch happen in every single division in the past two months (aside from the Knockouts’ Division, where the fact that Jade hasn’t gotten the rematch she is entitled to has been a major plot point).
Corgan accuses Storm of “begging.” He’s not begging, you idiot! That’s f*cking DEMANDING!
Corgan goes on to tell James “maybe you just can’t win the big one.” Well that was a stupid thing to say when you consider that Storm already has won the big one! In fact, they’ve built that fact up in the build-up to last week’s match, and the controversial visual pinfall that Storm got that is at issue here is a direct reference to way he won the TNA World Heavyweight Title the first time! How dumb is Corgan?!
Storm gets (understandably) angry. He pulls out toolbox from under the ring and empties it out. He then threatens to tear the ring down. Security finally shows up for once, because I guess the ring is more valuable to TNA than the lives of their fans or their wrestlers. Storm knockouts out a security guy with a beer bottle. Corgan continues to be an idiot. Unfortunately Storm merely decides to let him off with a warning that he’d better not see him again or else he’ll kick his ass. Corgan then suspends James Storm indefinitely. So the whole point of this angle, which makes the referee, the timekeeper, and Jeremy Borash all look impotent, taints Lashley’s title reign, makes Storm look kind of stupid and makes Corgan look like both a completely moron and an incompetent authority figure is… to take a popular babyface star off of TV with a kayfabe suspension and possible heel turn. Good idea, TNA. This is much smarter than just booking a completely clean world title match main event.

MOOSE & THE BENNETS BACKSTAGE- a few thoughts coming out of this:
1. Why the hell didn’t ROH let Moose talk more? I remember his only real promo in ROH being pretty good, and he was pretty good here, too.
2. Maria didn’t actually do anything in this segment, which makes me think that it was her and/or Bennett who had the idea of having her standing there in this segment, because TNA seems to have completely forgotten than they are married and they should be hanging around together backstage.
3. I cannot believe they are going to split this unit up and turn Moose face already (they did the stolen pin last week and Bennett told Moose to do “whatever the hell I say, whenever the hell I say it,” and Moose’s facial expression made it clear that he didn’t like being talked to in this manner). What a stupid f*cking idea.

JAMES STORM IS ESCORTED OUT OF THE BUILDING- Storm yells at the cameraman. That made me happy. Also… what happened to Storm’s pick-up truck? Why is he driving a car?

EDDIE EDWARDS vs. MOOSE (w/Mike Bennett)- 5.75/10
In case you think I’m reading into things about the Moose-Bennett break-up, the announcers pointed out that they used Bennett’s music instead of Moose’s and that Moose was surprised by this.
Look… I like Eddie Edwards a lot. Probably more than most people. But did Eddie REALLY need to get a visual pinfall on Moose here? Was that really the best thing to do here? It doesn’t really do anything for Eddie, and all it does is hurt Moose.

MARIA, ALLIE, & JADE BACKSTAGE- I don’t understand why an argument is even happening here. Anyway… Maria decides that Jade needs extra motivation, so she says that if Jade loses tonight, she will never get her rematch.

GAIL KIM PROMO- was going fine up until she said that the title wasn’t as important to her as getting her hands on Maria, and that she would go through the whole locker room to get to Maria. When was it ever said that Gail would get a match with Maria if she beat the whole division? Also, giving Gail an alternate goal here seems to set the stage for her losing in a way that pretty much telegraphs this result.

LOSER DOESN’T GET A TITLE SHOT (or something like that): Gail Kim vs. Jade- 6.25/10
A good match ending in a pointless DQ when Sienna attacks Gail. This gives Gail the win, which is exactly what Maria didn’t want. Sienna then attacks Jade, too. Maria comes out and says that Gail is a “failure” and thus will never get a title shot. Um… is Maria stupid? Gail just won by DQ. What the heck is going on? Did Sienna botch her interference by attacking the wrong woman? Because Sienna attacking Jade to cause a DQ is the finish that seems like it would make the most sense here (Maria gets to screw Gail out of her title shot and you build heat between Jade and Maria because Jade doesn’t want a cheap win).

LASHLEY BACKSTAGE WITH SOME X-DIVISION GUYS- there is Zema Ion with a new, even uglier haircut, Braxton Sutter, and some dude I don’t even recognize. Apparently Lashley’s “big announcement” will affect them. Also, they are all apparently wrestling each other tonight. Zema Ion suggest that their match should be a #1 contendership match, as if such things were decided by mutual agreement among the wrestlers instead of by management.

DJ ZEMA ION vs. ROCKSTAR SPUD vs. BRAXTON SUTTER vs. MANDREWS- 6/10
Oh yeah. Rockstar Spud vs. Braxton Sutter is a feud that is currently happening. Sutter starts to beat the sh*t out of Spud, but for some reason the other two pull him off as if this was some sort of post-match attack or something. Then they just shrug and they all start to beat the crap out of Spud. That was f*cking stupid. And as we know, nothing says “this match should be a #1 contendership match” quite like pointless comedy spots.
They have a spotty match. DJZ wins, because it makes perfect sense to have Lashley face the guy he already beat instead of a guy who he hasn’t beaten yet.

THE CAMERAMAN INTERVIEWS EC III- he says he’s going to go answer Drew’s challenge next. Why even have this segment instead of giving another minute to the in-ring action?


DIXIE & CORGAN DISCUSS JAMES STORM- what the f*ck is going on?!
This started off with Dixie hurrying after Corgan and exasperatedly shouting “Billy! What was that out there with Storm?!” It feels like this should have aired right after the first commercial break and not almost an hour after everything went down.
Corgan gives the standard “you saw what he did out there” answer… and then Dixie just randomly pivots direction, saying “I think this deal with Lashley- him holding all of these titles- it has everybody on edge.” WHAT?! How do you figure that? First of all, if you would have bothered to listen to James Storm, you’d know that isn’t why he’s pissed off. And as for Billy (or anyone else for that matter), why should Lashley having three titles affect him in any way at all? It’s not like he’s threatening to leave the promotion with the belts or somehow disrespect the belts or anything like that. He’s just walking around with his titles, being Lashley. He’s acting no differently from when he only had one title, except that he has more belts to carry around now. Why should this affect anyone at all?
I have no idea what the problem is, but whatever it is, Dixie says that it’s imperative that they deal with Lashley right now.

ETHAN, DREW, & ARON SEGMENT- hated it
The Ethan and Drew part of this was fine. With Rex… it feels like he is intruding on their storyline. Yes, I know he wants the TNA World Heavyweight Title, too, but it really feels like he doesn’t belong in their segment. There are many other ways they could have maneuvered Rex into the title picture. It didn’t help that he came out here and essentially pulled the focus away from the feud and gave this sort of “zoom out” big picture promo starting off by talking about how great TNA is and how everyone is watching and TNA is the ‘real’ pro wrestling that everyone grew up on and how big this match would be. Then he says that he wants to ensure that their match was a clean and decisive, winner, so he talked to TNA management and got himself assigned as the Special Guest Referee. Okay…
1. There were, like, two seconds AT MOST between the time Ethan accepted Drew’s challenge and the time Rex’s music started. That is not enough time to possibly have a conversation with TNA Management okaying this (especially seeing as how Dixie and Corgan are probably talking with Lashley right now).
2. More importantly, they want to have a “clear-cut” and decisive winner… so their solution is going to be to assign a special guest referee? When has that ever made things better? (Please read my rant on that from this http://54.88.31.224/thewrestlingrevolut ... =9&t=14444 Impact for a more detailed discussion on why this is a very bad thing).
3. Have babyface Ethan and babyface Drew ever had a disputed finish against each other before? Because if they have, I don’t remember it.

ELI DRAKE & LASHLEY BACKSTAGE- Eli wants the King of the Mountain Title back. Also, there is more hype for Lashley’s announcement. Then Lashley bumped into Sienna and eyed her title. That made me laugh.

HARDYS SH*T- sh*t
Ladders are now obsolete, so they are planning on winning this ladder match without one. Somehow. They made annoying sounds. Also, they set the stage for Matt shoving Jeff off of a ladder at the finish to go get the contract himself, which I had thought we would be done with now that they’re both on the same broken page.

ELI DRAKE PROMO- he calls out Lashley, but gets Mahabali Shera instead. That’s a f*cking letdown. They insult each other, so we get a match.

MAHABALI SHERA vs. ELI DRAKE- 2/10

DIXIE & CORGAN MEET WITH LASHLEY- Lashley says he has all the power so he doesn’t have to clear anything with them first. His big announcement is next.

LASHLEY MAKES HIS BIG ANNOUNCEMENT- Lashley has lackeys to carry the X-Division and KOTM belts while he talks. He calls out Dixie and Corgan and mocks them. Lashley announces that he is going to unify the titles. Dixie correctly points out that Lashley can’t do that. Lashley ignores her. Corgan gets annoying and uppity, so Lashley takes the KOTM belt, buries it, and throws it down. He does the same to the X-Division Title. Dixie gets all “how dare you do this and disrespect the company and the titles.” Lashley gets annoyed with them, so he decides he is going home until BFG. Dixie and Corgan say he can’t do that, so Corgan books an “open invitational battle royale” next week with the winner getting a shot at the TNA World Heavyweight Title. So… did Lashley vacate the other two belts?
This was mostly pretty good. Well… what I really mean is that whenever Lashley was talking it was great, but the other two come off as completely unnatural. With Dixie I guess I’m used to it so it’s not as bad, but they both clearly come off as people who aren’t tough trying to act tough while reading dialogue that was written for them by someone else.

BILLY CORGAN INTERVIEW- a clarification on what happened to the titles. They’re vacant. Now if only we could get a clarification about Bram’s current status. We still don’t even know if he is alive.



LADDER MATCH FOR #1 CONTENDERSHIP TO THE TNA WORLD TAG TEAM TITLES: The Hardy Boyz vs. The Tribunal vs. Bro-Mans (w/Raquel) vs. The Helms Dynasty (w/Gregory Shane Helms)- 6.25/10
They keep pushing this match as “Ascension to Hell” but it’s no different than any other ladder match, so why add in the stupid name?
Do you remember how the Hardys declared ladders to be obsolete and said they weren’t going to use them in this match? Well the very first thing that happened in this match was Jeff sliding a ladder into the ring. Then we go to commercial, and when we come back, there is Jeff climbing a ladder.
This was pretty dull. The problem with it was all of the time spent on Matt Hardy biting people instead of guys doing ladder spots or trying to get the contract or trying to tell a story. It was also hurt by a complete and total lack of suspense.
Well… Matt didn’t turn on Jeff, but we did get the promised ending of “someone” (i.e. Matt) standing over Jeff and getting the contract to win the match.

Another bad episode of Impact. This episode is clear evidence that this company will screw up anything and everything. No one wants to see this bullsh*t with James Storm, and I’m sure that %99.9999 of TNA fans will agree with me when I saw that adding in Aron Rex as a guest referee has made them less excited for Ethan vs. Drew.


STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1. Pope doesn’t think Bennett should be at ringside because he doesn’t have a manager’s license.
Really, Pope? Really? And everyone else who comes out at ringside does? It would have made so much more sense to just say that Bennett’s track-record of interfering in matches should be should be barred from ringside, but Pope has to go and say the thing that opens up the giant can of worms.