BRM Reviews the 7/12/2016 Impact (Disqualification X)

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Big Red Machine
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BRM Reviews the 7/12/2016 Impact (Disqualification X)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 13th, '16, 18:05

“THE DAY AFTER”- If this was just the visions we saw of Jeff’s dream and then Jeff waking up, I’d have been fine with it (for what it was. I’d still prefer that we not see inside people’s heads). I did not need to see “Broken” Matt Hardy thanking his friend the dilapidated boat. Matt names the boat “Scarsgard,” then asks Scarsgard for permissions to “indulge in your usage” in order to “bury the material remains of Brother Nero” (the Willow costume).
Vanguard 1 made a cameo to deliver Jeff’s shirt to Matt (the one he took off before doing the Swanton Bomb way back in the beginning of the match. Matt thanked him for him. His accent has now changed to something that sounds vaguely like it is from some part of the British Isles. Wait, no, now the old accent is back.
Shouldn’t deleting Brother Nero have unbroken Matt Hardy? And if the story is that Matt is really, truly, more damaged than we all thought, wouldn’t a better way to reveal this to us have been to hype up Matt Hardy’s big return to TV and we’d all expect regular Matt back but then he still shows up as “Broken” Matt?

The show opens with an unannounced X-Division ladder match. Only half of these guys are important enough to get entrances. Got to make sure we get that stupid little clip package and graphic about “the X-Division,” though. Also, apparently there will be a four way match for the Knockouts Title. I don’t think this was announced in any way, either. Also, apparently this ladder match is a #1 contendership match.

LADDER MATCH FOR #1 CONTENDERSHIP TO THE X-DIVISION TITLE: Mandrews vs. Braxton Sutter vs. Rockstar Spud vs. DJ Zema Ion vs. Trevor Lee (w/Gregory Shane Helms) vs. Andrew Everett (also w/Gregory Shane Helms)- 4.5/10
Zema Ion knocks Mandres down in the ring, but instead of trying to climb the already set-up ladder, he decides to do a big dive onto a bunch of guys on the outside… so of course when he cut back to the ring, Mandrews is half way up the ladder with no one else in sight. I would have popped if the match had ended right there, two minutes in, simply because I just saw this same dumb crap last week.
Spud and Mandrews look WAY too much alike. Unless the camera was zoomed in pretty close, I couldn’t tell them apart. Can someone at least get one of them a new color of tights?
DJZ wins a short, pointless spotfest. It doesn’t matter how many of these random, car crashes you have them win: it won’t help them come off like stars if that’s all you ever do with them.

POST-MATCH SEGMENT- DJZ cuts a very good promo. Then he gets jumped from behind by Bennett, who repeats his vow to “ruin Destination X” and adds to it that he will “burn TNA to the ground.” If you hadn’t figured it out already, Bennett causing a DQ is how they are going to get out of the Title vs. Title stip in the main event.

EC III PROMO- okay.

MCKENZIE MITCHELL INTERVIEWS DIXIE CARTER- They have hired a new interviewer. I think she’s pretty good. She’s got that “reporter voice” that you want for someone in this job, and she also certainly brings an energy with her. She’s like a less professionally dressed Renee Young.
They have her interview Dixie about TNA’s move to Thursdays. I like that they did this, but I hate that they did it here. To have Dixie give an interview right after Mike Bennett attacked a dude from behind and then repeated his vow to ruin tonight’s show and not have Dixie do anything about it makes her look completely out of touch. Like she isn’t even watching the damn show (and yet she still wants us to make sure we watch it when it moves to Thursday).
Also, Dixie announced that next week would start the “Bound For Glory Playoff.”

JB, EDDIE EDWARDS, & BOBBY LASHLEY IN THE RING- They cut promos on each other until Lashley jumps Eddie from behind. Davey Richards returns to make the save. Even with Davey’s return this still felt like pointless padding. If Davey can go, why the hell didn’t you have him win the #1 contendership match? That sets up possibilities that are MUCH more intriguing that DJZ vs. either Eddie or Lashley. And f Davey can’t go, why even waste his return in such a small spot?

CRAZZY STEVE & ABYSS BACKSTAGE- they’re apparently unhappy that Rosemary tried to seduce Bram. Were Rosemary and Steve some sort of couple or something? Anyway, Abyss says he’ll take Bram out tonight and then Decay will be back together and “everything will be beautiful.”

DUMB MATT HARDY SH*T- he appears to be charging people to come to the movie theater located in his house to watch The Final Deletion. Reby is dressed in a something resembling what I would imagine a Mexican noblewoman would wear in the mid-1800’s. She pulls out a book on shelf, then pushed the whole bookcase aside to reveal a secret entrance into Maxel’s room. She picks up baby Maxel, then slides down a fireman’s pole leading from Maxel’s room into the movie theater. They watch all of it. Maxel (and the other young child there) do not appear to comprehend anything they see, although after seeing Señor Benjamin knocked out, Maxel does seem to make the link between him and the xylophone he gave him for his birthday last week. After it ends, Matt invites them to watch “the public deletion of Brother Nero.” Matt shouts “ALL HAIL KING MAXEL!” and then everyone there starts chanting “DELETE!” over and over again. This is completely terrible and needs to stop right now.

Josh Mathews tells us to “wait til you see what happened at dinner last night in Cameron, North Carolina.” Remember when wrestling shows used to be about wrestling?

BRAM vs. ABYSS (w/Crazzy Steve)- 3.5/10
Bram won because Rosemary came out to check on him in the middle of the match. The referee allowed this. Abyss questioned Rosemary, which allowed Bram to knock Abyss into Steve and then get the roll-up win. Rosemary was not only fine with this, but also left with Bram. Is there anyone in the world who cares about any of these characters enough to give a sh*t if Rosemary ditches Decay for Bram?

TNA KNOCKOUTS TITLE MATCH: Sienna(c) vs. Jade vs. Gail Kim vs. Marti Belle- 4.5/10
No entrance for Marti, and we join Jade’s entrance in progress.
Sienna’s weak point is apparently her left breast. Every time Jade hit her there she sold it a lot more than she was selling Gail’s forearms to the head. Gail had Marti beat but Allie put Marti’s foot on the bottom rope. Gail got distracted by Allie, allowing Sienna to hit her with her crappy version of the POUNCE for the win. Big tactical mistake there by Gail, getting distracted instead of focusing on Sienna’s Achilles tit.

At this point I would like to express my appreciation for Josh Mathews for being able to call a pair of baseball slides without shouting “JUST LIKE JOSE ALTUVE AT THE ALL-STAR GAME!” or whatever such obnoxious tripe JBL would feel compelled to add on.

DINNER FROM CAMERON, NORTH CAROLINA- this sh*t is terrible.
Matt how has a vaguely stereotypical California surfer accent (think Toast from Histeria!). Reby asks him if he’d like something to eat. He replies by saying “My belly-box is broken. I need food.” He offends the maid by assuming she is Hispanic when she is really Armenian. He then asks Maxel to pass him the green beans. The Armenian maid tells him there aren’t any, so he demands that she prepare some green “post-haste” because “they are a delicacy.” He also warns her that “whatever you do, when you come back, do not bring mustard… because I strongly dislike mustard.” His regular goofy accent is back now.
Reby makes a toast. Then Matt has his personal scribe take down the message that he will delete Brother Nero forever on Impact or some such pointless sh*t.

LASHLEY PROMO- pointless.

IN-ARENA HARDYS SH*T- they’ve built the stip up for MONTHS but now they can’t keep it straight.
Reby shows up and introduces Matt. She is talking with his goofy diction now. Matt talks for a while before he asks Reby to introduce Brother Nero. She introduces him as follows:
“Now… hailing from a place even more desolate that Parts Unknown: the deepest, darkest depths of DELETION! The traitorous, obsolete, Brother Nero.” For some reason Jeff is subjecting himself to this. Reby is following him and yelling “OBSOLETE” at him. Josh tells us that apparently losing The Final Deletion means that he can’t have any entrance music ever again.
Jeff looks kind of sad. Matt declares that he has decided that Jeff’s TNA contract will be terminated. What the f*ck? That wasn’t part of the stips at all. Why is Matt allowed to do this?
So Jeff walks sadly up the ramp. Matt stops him and says that he knows Jeff is planning to “adduct a pseudonym” and go work for “the megalomaniac in New York: Mc-Ma-Hon, or “the new wrestling in Japan” or “the honorable wrestling,” but Matt won’t allow that, so he will keep Jeff here in TNA and “turn you into my mule.” You may insert your own Jeff Hardy drug trafficking joke here.
Matt’s reason for doing this is that “there is a lot of equity to be gained in you intellectual property, and I own every bit of it.” Well… if you already own all of it, what is there to be gained by keeping Jeff here? All we were told was that “the Hardy name” would be on the line. If you want to interpret that as anything with the Hardy name attached to it (like, for example, any songs Jeff put out under the name “Jeff Hardy”) I can go with that, but there is nothing that says that Matt will own all future intellectual property Jeff comes up with now that he is forced to go around calling himself “Willow” or “Just Jeff” or “Frank Magoo” or whatever name he chooses to go by now that he can no longer be “Jeff Hardy.” Apparently the new story is that Jeff is now Matt’s slave and Matt is going to bleed him dry financially.
The Final Deletion was a worthwhile thing have to sit through all of those dumb segments for. Now that it’s over, continuing these dumb segments is just detracting from its legacy.

MIKE & MARIA BUMP INTO DJ ZEMA ION BACKSTAGE- Zema wants a match with Bennett tonight. Bennett says okay.

DJ ZEMA ION vs. MIKE BENNETT (w/Maria Kanellis Bennett)- DUD!
Zema did some dives which we’ve already seen before on this show. Bennett tried to walk out but he was blocked by all of the X-Division wrestlers in what felt like a completely forced moment of “solidarity.” Maybe if we had actually seen any of them say something about Bennett’s supposed disrespect of the X-Division it would feel different. Bennett was on the outside for long enough to be counted out twice over but he didn’t get counted out. He was also too stupid to just hop the guardrail, so instead he got back in the ring, and pinned via roll-up. Bennett couldn’t beat a guy who already wrestled in a ladder match, Zema didn’t win clean. The X-Division guys all stood together even though it was impossible for me to buy Sutter standing next to the Helms Dynasty after their cost him a title shot a few weeks ago. This segment helped absolutely no one.
Bennett then cut a promo promising to “burn this company to the ground,” but that “he wouldn’t do it alone.”

BENNETT MAKES A PHONE CALL- he asks his unknown buddy to show up tonight so they can burn TNA to the ground.

ETHAN & DREW TRADE PROMOS AND THEN BRAWL- You’ll recall that a few weeks ago these two were suspended for having an unauthorized brawl. Well… now they’re doing it right in the middle of the ring and no one is coming out to separate them. The moment they get backstage of course there is an army waiting to break them up.

THE WOLVES BACKSTAGE- a real moment between friends.

TITLE VS. TITLE MATCH: Bobby Lashley(TNA World Heavyweight Champion) vs. Eddie Edwards(TNA X-Division Champion) (w/Davey Richards)- 7/10
A great match with a typical TNA ending. A poorly executed ref bump, babyfaces cheating (there was no reason for Davey to attack Lashley), then more interference. The news coming out of this is that Moose made his debut, under that name, using his own music (the one he did for ROH). The first punch he threw in TNA was blocked by Davey Richards, who then hit Moose several times before Moose took him down. Would it really have been so hard to just have him spear someone?
Moose takes out Eddie as well, then he gets face-to-face with Lashely. This allowed Bennett to hit Lashley with a low blow. Moose then hit Lashley with a discus Rainmaker that looked really lame. If Moose is the guy Bennett was talking about and he wasn’t at the arena yet, then he probably doesn’t work for TNA, so why did he come out from backstage and get full music.
We then cut to backstage where McKenzie ran over to Dixie to ask about all of this. She is angry because the fans deserve a winner (this time. There have been many other times when apparently didn’t). Next week we’re getting a rematch where there will be no interference… because it’s going to be a cage match. If only TNA hadn’t spent the last two and a half years doing interference in cage matches.

A very bad, very TNA show.
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

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cero2k
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/12/2016 Impact (Disqualification X)

Post by cero2k » Jul 13th, '16, 19:50

you need to stop buying Jim Cornette DVDs
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Big Red Machine
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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/12/2016 Impact (Disqualification X)

Post by Big Red Machine » Jul 13th, '16, 20:49

cero2k wrote:you need to stop buying Jim Cornette DVDs
I've only bought one recently and it hasn't even shown up yet. I disagree with Corny and JR on many issues. I just agree with them that my wrestling should be:
1. Based on wrestling
2. Not full of screwjobs and overbooking
3. Not stupid
Hold #712: ARM BAR!

Upcoming Reviews:
FIP in 2005
ROH Validation
PWG All-Star Weekend V: Night 2
DGUSA Open the Ultimate Gate 2013
ROH/CMLL Global Wars Espectacular: Day 3

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Re: BRM Reviews the 7/12/2016 Impact (Disqualification X)

Post by KILLdozer » Jul 13th, '16, 22:31

Stupid screwjobs ARE GONNA MAKE YOUR WRESTLING GREAT AGAIN!!!!
When they come, they'll come at what you love.

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