BRM Reviews the 6/21/2016 Impact

[Big Red Machine]

OPENING SEGMENT- started off good but went downhill
Drew calls Ethan out for costing him the title last week with that errant chairshot. Ethan accepts responsibility for his actions and apologizes. Drew thinks Ethan might have done it on purpose. They talk about how important the title is, etc. etc. Drew winds up offending Ethan so he rescinds his apology and they argued more and got ready to fight. It was a lot better than I’m making it sound.

During this, Drew claimed he went all over the world every weekend defending the TNA World Heavyweight Title. Why haven’t they ever mentioned this before? If your intent for this angle coming out of Slammiversary was to make us wonder if Drew really hasn’t been at 100% like Ethan said last week and this week, then Drew running all over the world to defend the title is the sort of thing you should mention in the build-up to Slammiversary.
The only other thing I didn’t like was that once again Drew declared that he was out here to fight someone… and then he continued having a conversation with that person for five minutes (and it was actually Ethan who said the “do you want to fight? Then let’s fight right now!” line that started what at first looked like it was going to be physicality).

Anyway, they are about to fight but then Lashley comes out and cuts a promo in which he rehashed things they had said before and also said that he wanted to see them fight. Well if he wants to see them fight then why did he come out here and interrupt them when they were about to fight. Also, his promo was exactly the sort of thing that would make two people not fight each other because he is rubbing it in their faces that them fighting is good for him.
The babyfaces then decided that they wanted to fight over who would face Lashley. Instead Lashley revealed that he had talked to TNA Management and got the following match booked for tonight: Drew & Ethan vs. Lashley & Eli Drake: if Drew and Ethan win, they got “a title shot” (not sure if this means a triple threat match or one each), but if they lose, then Drake gets a title shot while Drew and Ethan either can’t challenge for the title again or just have to go to the back of the line (Lashley’s statements seemed to imply both).
Then Eli Drake came out and cut a promo explaining to everyone that Ethan and Drew wouldn’t be able to get along, and thus he and Bobby would have an advantage. It seems to me that saying that will only put that at the forefront of their minds and thus make them take extra precautions to not let their issues cost them this match.

Don’t get me wrong: I like the idea of this match a lot (although using Drake instead of… well… basically any other credible wrestler on the roster seems like a mistake to me, as this will almost have to result in Drake getting pinned, either in tonight’s match or by Lashley when he gets his title match [although I guess you could pin Lashley tonight, but I wouldn’t], and Drake is best utilized right now by developing a feud that will elevate both him and the King of the Mountain Title. Bram would have been a better fit for this spot, or even James Storm)… but the way they got to it seems so convoluted. I think it would have been a lot better to follow the “standard” formula here and have Drew and Ethan wind up in a shoving match and then have your babyface authority figure come out and negotiate this match (maybe have Lashley be responsible for finding his own partner so you can get him in a backstage segment later to build it up and also to make him teaming with a babyface [all of the guys who both aren’t doing anything right now and are high enough on the card to not feel out of place in a main event are babyfaces] feel less forced). This was once situation where the standard (perhaps at this point even clichéd) “WWE style” would have been the right thing to do.
(It would also eliminate the awkwardness of why this match wasn’t announced and why Drew and Ethan weren’t informed of it if Lashley had already negotiated it [it’s either that or we are supposed to believe that he negotiated this deal in the four or so minutes between when Ethan and Drew started to talk about the title and when he came out to cut his promo]).

Anyway, that match is next!

IF DREW & ETHAN WIN THEY GET A WORLD TITLE SHOT; IF DRAKE & LASHLEY WIN THEN DRAKE GETS A WORLD TITLE SHOT AND ETHAN & DREW CAN’T GET ONE (at least for a while): Bobby Lashley & Eli Drake vs. Ethan Carter III & Drew Galloway- 5.5/10
Drew and Ethan had no problems working together at all. Then they did a spot at the end where Drew was the legal man and not Ethan so Drew was a dick and shoved Ethan, resulting in Ethan getting hit with a spear. Then Drew took out Lashley and pinned Drake (who had been laid out with Ethan’s finisher), so Drew and Ethan worked together perfectly fine and won the match. So they spent all of this time building up Drew and Ethan being really angry at each other and then they just work together perfectly fine in this match? That seems like a waste.
Also, Drake felt like a total jobber here. I get that he is not at the level of the other three, but sticking him in this match- as the opener- and having him do a job in ten minutes really rubbed that in instead of doing something to bring Drake up to their level.

DECAY BACKSTAGE- bad.
Rosemary is now talking in the plural. The other two want to know who this mysterious person is that Rosemary said she sensed much darkness in last week. Or, rather, Abyss wants to know if this person is “beautiful” and Steve wants to know if they are “deranged.” These two have pretty much been turned into one-note characters. Rosemary says that she always does what is best for the ground, and says that if they want to know who it is so badly, they will go get an answer right now.

DREW & LASHLEY BACKSTAGE- pointless and stupid. Lashley threatened to… give Ethan the first title shot. Oh no! Whatever will Drew do?

WHO IS THE MYSTERY PERSON DECAY IS INTERESTED IN- it’s Bram. He doesn’t want to join them because he is a loner. He calls them freaks. Rosemary spits mist into his eyes and they beat him up. If I never see Decay again, I will be perfectly happy.
Also… this is not what Bram needs. He doesn’t need another feud about “darkness” and “violence.” He’s been doing that since the day he set foot in TNA over two years ago and it hasn’t gotten him anywhere above the midcard. He needs to be put into a situation where his character can develop beyond just being dark and brooding.

LASHLEY & ETHAN BACKSTAGE- same as the Drew segment, but worse. It’s not just that Lashley is threatening to make them wait a long time. He says one of them will get a title shot next week.

MARTI BELLE vs. JADE- 4.75/10
They are just throwing this out there with no hype at all! Here’s an idea: how about instead of these dumb segments with Lashley, Drew, and Ethan, we do something to hype up this grudge match?
They did a good job for the time they had and told a nice little story that culminate in Marti using her “baton” weapon thing to knock Jade out and steel the win.

MIKE & MARIA INTERVIEWED BY A CAMERAMAN- pointless.
They tell us that they are going to go out to the ring and call Dixie out.

BOBBY LASHLEY & DIXIE CARTER BACKSTAGE- Dixie tells Lashley that he will defend the title in next week’s main event against BOTH Ethan and Drew in a triple threat match… making those segments not only stupid but also COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT.

MIKE & MARIA HAVE AN IN-RING SEGMENT WITH DIXIE CARTER & BILLY CORGAN-
Maria claims that Dixie slapping her was an “unprovoked” “assault.” Dixie says Maria is being ridiculous but does the professional thing and apologizes for letting Maria get to her. Maria isn’t satisfied and demands that Dixie step down. Dixie says Maria is nuts. Bennett threatens to sue Dixie for so much money that it will “bring everything you are trying to do to a screeching halt.” You may insert your own joke about TNA’s financials here.
Corgan says that Mike and Maria have a point and says that he thinks Dixie should take a leave of absence for a week. Dixie treats this as a personal betrayal, but she apparently agrees to go.
Bennett says he wants a title shot. Here was Corgan’s response:
“Miracle, I’m not sure what you’re asking me for. We already have a main event next week.”
YOU DUMB F*CK! Just give him his match the week after!

Apparently Billy isn’t the only dumb f*ck because Bennett explains that Destination X is coming up so he wants to win the X-Division Title and use Option C. WHY?! If you’re Bennett why would you not just ask for a shot at the world title some other time? Why make yourself have to go through a tough match to get what you want when you could just ask for the title shot a different week and get it?!

Corgan tells him “you’ve got to earn your spot. You’ve got to earn Destination X.” Then Corgan pitches the following to Bennett: Bennett vs. Eddie Edwards for the X-Division Title… WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT BENNETT WAS ASKING FOR! So why the hell did Billy need to go off on his f*cking “you’ve got to earn Destination X” tangent?
Also, the match is right now. Props to Eddie for giving Corgan the big “what the hell?” look when they passed each other on the ramp.

TNA X-DIVISION TITLE MATCH: Eddie Edwards(c) vs. Mike Bennett (w/Maria Kanellis Bennett)- 6/10
They did a pointless comedy spot where Bennett tried to prove he could do X-Division stuff by trying a springboard move but he purposely botched it. Other than that and the finish the match was good for the time it got. The finish was Bennett winning via illegal leverage on a roll-up, but it was one of those stupid “illegal leverage” spots where the physics doesn’t make any sense. It also required the referee to count from a position where he couldn’t have possibly seen Eddie’s shoulders so as not to see the cheating.
As they pointed out several times, Bennett is not an X-Division guy. That is not a problem in and of itself, but the storyline here- that Bennett wants a world title shot so he has to go and win the X-Division Title in order to do that. Having a non-X-Division guy decide that he wants to win the world title so he plans to win the X-Division Title in order to get a title shot really exposes the problem with “Option C” (other than the name, I mean): This reduces the X-Division Title to essentially being the old ROH #1 Contendership Trophy. It’s just a means to an end instead of being something that is important in and of itself.

ROBBIE E. SNOOPS THROUGH HIS PARTNER’S BAG- he is perfectly willing to steal Jesse’s food. What an asshole. He then starts futzing around with the iPad from which Jesse has hacked into the security feed with. He snoops around some and sees Jesse talking to Raquel outside. They seem friendly, which means that Raquel does not have any friends who watch Impact to tell her that Bro-Mans hacked the security cameras to spy on her getting undressed last week. Also, apparently TNA has not only done nothing to punish Robbie and Jesse for this, but they didn’t even bother to let Raquel know that she was being peeped on.

We are then shown that camera shot. They are talking about something that “Robbie can’t know.” Robbie gets angry and shoves the iPad. Just then, Jesse walks in the door. Yes. Just then. Despite us just having seen him be somewhere else a scant few seconds ago. Robbie looks at Jesse angrily and storms off. I have no idea how anyone could possibly give a sh*t about any of this.

BRAXTON SUTTER vs. BALAM-
So they are debuting this “Balam” guy… and he doesn’t even get an entrance. Hell… we didn’t even get to see him on screen for more than ten seconds before Spud comes out and demands that he replace Balam in this match. Balam just does what Spud says, giving up his debut on national television. Why not just book Sutter vs. Spud in the first place?

BRAXTON SUTTER vs. ROCKSTAR SPUD- 4/10
Another very short match. The people are definitely getting behind Sutter. After the match Spud pretended to respect Sutter but then kicked him in the nuts and whipped him once with his belt and spit on him. This got some good heat.

SIENNA VIDEO PACKAGE- this is the first real screen time she has gotten since winning the title. Apparently her next goal will be “to destroy Gail Kim.”

In the middle of telling us things to illustrate how crazy “Broken” Matt Hardy is, Josh decided to let us know that Urban Dictionary now has a definition for “Brother Nero.”


SIX SIDES OF STEEL: Matt Hardy vs. Jeff Hardy- 7.75/10
This time you can’t escape the cage to win. And just to REALLY piss off everyone who bought Slammiversary to see their Full Metal Mayhem match, they through a bunch of weapons (including a table, ladder, and chair) into the cage for this free match on TV nine days later.
Matt tried to bite Jeff’s knee… through his jeans. That was stupid.
They had a really great weapons match, although that spot at the end was so stupid. Why would you set a table up OVER Matt if you are trying to jump on him? That would not only hurt Jeff, but also break his fall so he isn’t going as fast when he hits Matt!


Another frustrating episode of Impact. The wrestlers all did very well with the time they were given, but once again there was nowhere near enough time spent on wrestling and way too much padding/pointless segments. Eddie Edwards losing the X-Division Title to Mike Bennett does not give me hope for the future creative direction of this company. It’s just such a clumsy way to give Bennett a title shot and all it does is hurt the X-Division Title.

STUPID ANNOUNCER QUOTES:
1 & 2. Josh talked about “Eddie Edwards and what he has accomplished as X-Division Champion.” He also said that Eddie was “on a roll since becoming the X-Division Champion.”
HE HASN’T EVEN HAD THE BELT FOR TWO WEEKS! He’s only defended it once! I’m a big fan of Eddie’s, but as of right now he hasn’t done sh*t with that belt! He’s won ONE MATCH. That’s it. That’s not being “on a roll.” That’s not a major accomplishment. It’s just one title defense!